Hey everyone, so I didn't like how I ended this story so here's some more. Hope you all like it!
-CM-
Derek woke up to bright sunlight hitting his eyes, making him flinch and groan softly. Opening his eyes he glances at the clock and sees it's almost 12:30 in the afternoon. Jeeze, we sure slept in late, he thinks as he sits up slightly and rubs his eyes to try and wake up more. Glancing to his left he sees Spencer still peacefully sound asleep, all curled up in the many blankets on their bed. It had been a long night with both of them suffering nightmares. Morgan's had been about either Reid dying in the ambulance before he even made it to the hospital or about Reid's nurse killing him before Garcia could get Reid's gun out of his patient bag. When he woke from them he found himself panting and in a cold sweat, looking over at Reid to make sure he was, in fact, still alive and right besides him.
Reid's had been more quiet, more along the lines of a lot of moaning and murmuring to himself, tossing and turning. Most of the time Morgan would provide soothing words of comfort and that would be enough to make Reid calm down and go back to sleep. There were, however, sometimes where Morgan had to shake him awake and then comfort him as he cried softly. Morgan didn't ask Reid about his dreams; no, Morgan was more concerned about getting his man back to sleep so he could heal. He knew they would end up talking about them at some point. Reid wouldn't hold them to himself very long and Morgan wouldn't let him do that because they didn't keep secrets from each other.
Checking his phone Morgan was pleased to see no new notifications from anyone on the team. He was worried about Garcia, she had been too distraught in the hospital after shooting the man and on the plane home she had been very quiet as well, but right now Reid was his only focus. He gets out of bed, pulling his sheets up and tucking them closer to Spencer's body to keep him warm. Reid stirs at the movement but then leans his head into the blankets and sighs, falling back to sleep. Laughing quietly Morgan places a gentle kiss onto his man's forehead and walks out of the bedroom to the kitchen.
Reaching the kitchen Morgan heads straight for the coffee machine and turns it on. While the coffee brewed he debated with himself on what to make to eat: breakfast or lunch? Not knowing what to make for Reid, not knowing what he'd be able to swallow without much pain, he settled that he wanted something very easy since he was still so tired. Digging in the refrigerator he pulled out cheese and butter and started making himself a grilled cheese sandwich. As that was cooking Morgan couldn't help but let his thoughts wonder over the events that had occurred over the past few days. How close he came to loosing Reid. Not only once, but twice did he almost lose the most important person in his life. And both times he almost died it wasn't him who had saved him; no, doctors and Garcia had saved his boy. That guilt had been consuming him for a long time and he couldn't let it go.
"That's about to burn, you know." As deep in thought as he was it wasn't until he heard Spencer talk that he came back to his scenes. Jumping slightly Morgan looks into the pan and sees that his grilled cheese sandwich had become a burnt cheese sandwich. Cursing quietly he throws it into the garbage can and starts again.
"I didn't hear you get up," Morgan says to Reid as the young man sat down with his coffee mug in hand.
"I kind of woke myself up," he says quietly, looking down at the ground. "I had a nightmare and you weren't there to get me out of it, so when it ended I woke up with a scream held in the back of my throat. Then I smelled the coffee and knew you were awake."
Morgan sighs and closes his eyes. "I'm sorry baby," he says to Reid as he flips his sandwich. "I only woke up about a half an hour ago and you were still sound sleep; I didn't want to wake you up until I had to. Are you hungry?" Morgan takes his sandwich out of the pan and brings it over to the sink.
Silence for a few moments until Morgan hears Reid say, "Yea I'm hungry. I could eat."
Smiling as he walks over to his man he asks, "What are you in the mood for: breakfast or lunch?"
After some internal debate Reid says, "I think I'll just have chicken broth if we have it. I don't think I can swallow much right now," as he lies down on the couch, being extra careful not to jostle his neck.
Kneeling by his lover's head he moves some of his bangs out of his face. "How is the pain Spence?" he asks in a quiet voice. He smiles when Reid unconsciously leans into the touch.
"It's not as bad as it was when I first woke up," he says softly, just as Morgan had. "The pain is still there, will be for a while, but it's manageable. As long as I don't move it the wrong way I'll be fine. I'm still somehow really tired." As if to announce it further he yawns slightly.
Chuckling to himself Morgan can't help but smile even though he knew his Pretty Boy wasn't being fully honest with him. "Well how about I make you the chicken broth and then afterwards we hit the shower and spend the day relaxing in bed. Hotch gave both of us some time off."
Looking at his man Reid says, "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." Morgan leans in and places a gentle kiss on his lips before getting up and walking into the kitchen. He had a feeling Reid had some bottled up emotions and thoughts, just like he did, and he would make sure they each shared them with each other and soon.
-CM-
After they both finished eating they placed their dishes into the sink and then moved into the shower together. Morgan helped Reid wash his hair and his body so he didn't have to bend too much and hurt himself. When finished they got dressed in fresh pajamas and Morgan had Reid lie in bed while he got Clooney from their neighbors. Reid sat in bed, looking up at the ceiling, his mind running in a thousand different directions, thinking about what had happened to him and his team the past few days. Thinking back to when he was shot, his fears of not being able to say goodbye to Morgan, had him panicking so much that breathing was becoming difficult. He was no longer in his bedroom; he was back lying on the ground, head resting against the bumper of a police car, the smell of blood prominent and hearing gunshots everywhere. His hands started to clench and unclench unconsciously as his vision became hazy, breathing becoming more difficult and his neck began to throb.
So deep in the panic he hadn't heard Morgan come back into the apartment, didn't hear Clooney running down the hall to their bedroom or feel him jump onto their bed. Morgan rushed in to find the love of his life in a panic attack. Clooney was licking his Spencer's face but it didn't seem to be helping much. Morgan jumped on the bed and put his arms around Reid.
"Hey, c'mon Spence, I need you to calm down. You're right here in our bedroom, sitting on our bed. My arms are wrapped around yours, Reid; I'm right here. Clooney is right beside you. You're not where you think you are, I need you to come back to me." Morgan repeats this over for the next five minutes, rocking Reid slightly and rubbing his arm, knowing his physical touch will help bring him around. Slowly Reid calms down, his breathing returning to normal and the pain becoming the dominant feeling.
"Derekā¦" he says softly, unable to say anything else at the moment. Some of the panic is still there, but feeling Derek there with him makes it disappear. He tries to turn his neck to the right so he can face Derek but he twists it too much and a sharp stab of pain hits him. He gasps at the pain and can't help some of the tears that fall from his eyes.
Derek sees the tears and pulls Reid closer to him. "It's ok baby boy, it's ok. I'm right here with you. You're safe." They stay in the embrace a little bit longer, Clooney staying right by Reid when Morgan gets up real quick to grab medicine. Reid takes the pills willingly and after swallowing them they lie back down, Morgan still holding Reid close to him.
After a few minutes of silence Morgan is startled slightly when he hears Reid whisper, "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for Pretty Boy?" he asks, unable to make eye contact with him for he was hiding his face.
Sighing Reid says, "I'm sorry for scaring you. I never meant to get hit; I just wanted to get Blake out of danger. I heard you scream my name when I got hit, I could hear the panic in your voice. I even tried to respond back, but I couldn't. When Blake was with me, before the ambulance came, I wanted to ask her where you were, I wanted you with me but I felt so tired and talking was impossible." He feels something wet travel down his cheek and he's slightly embarrassed to find himself crying. He brushes them away quickly before continuing. "I almost let myself go. The pain was horrendous and with the amount of blood I lost I was really lightheaded, dizzy and couldn't focus on anything. A part of me told myself 'why fight the pain when you can slip into peaceful darkness forever?' That's when I heard you, and felt you grab my hand in the ambulance. You told me to stay with you and I knew I couldn't let you down; I couldn't leave you like how you lost your father. I'm sorry I almost did." His inner turmoil finished he lets the tears fall faster and starts to sob.
Morgan squeezes Reid closer to him and kisses the top of his head, rubbing his hand up and down Reid's back. At some point Reid shifted his position so his face was buried into Morgan's chest, and all Morgan did was continue to hold him close and let him cry, even letting some of his tears slip from his eyes.
When Reid seemed to be done Morgan whispered into his ear, "You have nothing to be sorry for Pretty Boy. You fought to stay alive and you're here; that's all that matters to me. Yes, you scared me, petrified me, when you were hit but you were determined to pull one of our team members, one of our friends, out of harms way to safety. That's courageous of you, something I'll always admire about you." He pulls Reid away slightly so they can face one another. He sees tears still lingering in his eyes and he wipes them away before continuing, looking directly into his mans eyes. "I was scared when you were going in and out in the ambulance and when the medic said your pressure was dropping. I kept talking to you, demanding you stay with me and not to leave me, not leave the team, not leave Henry or anyone else that matters to you. When we arrived at the hospital the medics and nurses had to physically pull me away from you; they only reason they did succeed in that was because I knew if you had a chance of survival it was with the doctors and not me."
He could feel himself getting chocked up so he stops talking for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Before he could speak, however, Reid speaks up. "You saved me Derek."
Morgan shakes his head before responding. "No, Spence, I didn't save you."
"Yes, you did," he argues back, sitting up slightly.
"NO," Morgan yells, pulling away from Reid and getting out of bed. He paces around the room while he talks. "No I didn't Spencer. Blake was the one who applied pressure on the wound to stop the blood flow. I wasn't there; instead I was chasing down our suspect when you needed me the most. The paramedics kept you alive until we got to the hospital. The doctors were the ones who fixed the blood vessels that got hit. Even Garcia saved you when the nurse tried to kill you. I wasn't there when you needed me; I wasn't there to protect you. I didn't save you and it kills me to know that because I swore I'd always be there to protect you, to keep you safe."
Unable to stand anymore Morgan sinks down to the ground and cries his heart out. These thoughts had been in his mind since first seeing Reid in the hospital and it felt good to finally release the pain he had been holding in. He hears Reid climb out of bed and kneel in front of him but he doesn't open his eyes, too ashamed of himself to look at his lover. He pulls away when he feels Reid's hand on his shoulder, not wanting any comfort right now. He deserved to feel as hurt as he did.
"Derek, listen to me and listen to me well," Reid starts off, ignoring the fact that Morgan wanted nothing to do with him at the moment. "You did save me. I know for a fact that it was you who pulled me behind the police car after I got shot. I may have been out of it but I know your touch. In the ambulance I heard your plea and I fought extremely hard to stay with you. Hearing your voice, feeling your touch, kept me wanting to live. After the surgery, when I was coming to, I heard your plea for me to wake up. Knowing you were right beside me, waiting for me, is what made me wake up. Hearing your voice is the best medicine I can have, better than anything the doctors could give me. I know you feel guilty about not being there when Garcia had to shoot the nurse, but you were out doing your job, hunting down a killer. You being there after I ripped out the IV lines, being there to comfort me when the pain got bad; you saved me from begging the nurses to give me the narcotics they usually administer." He grabs Morgan's face and pushes his chin up, making him look directly into his eyes. "You saved me from having to fight withdrawals on top of pain from the wound, and that's something I can't thank you enough for. I don't know what I'd do without you Derek." He moves forward and places a kiss on Morgan's lips, happy when he responds back.
They kiss for some time until the need for breath is demanding. They sit together on the floor for a few minutes before Reid uses his hand to wipe away Morgan's tears. Looking into each other's eyes they both see the love, passion, and sorrow they feel and can't help but be grateful that they remain intact, together, relatively healthy and with each other. Morgan gets up off the floor and pulls Reid with him and together they walk towards their bed, lying down on their respectable sides, cuddling close to one another. They kiss a few times before Reid lays his head on Morgan's chest, right over his heart so he can hear his heartbeat. They both say a quiet 'I love you' to each other before falling back to sleep, exhausted from releasing their inner demons. They quickly fall to sleep, knowing one another was safe and right next to them.
