Well you probably guessed that Naomi would travel west to Bristol despite severe misgivings and a sense that digging up the past would be dangerous and threaten her peace of mind, but then doesn't your heart usually rule your dispassionate judgement? I sort of know where this is going but to me writing is exciting because like walking down the street – you never know quite what is going to happen!
The back gardens of the shabby terraced houses that bordered the railway line gave a poor impression of London to any first–time visitor Naomi thought. But she knew London well and almost felt it was her real home and that she was no longer living in Bristol with its provincial attitudes and difficult memories. She was just visiting wasn't she? Purely out of some kind of duty? Go, and run back to the safety of Goldsmiths and the anonymity that it afforded.
The train picked up speed and settled into a hypnotic rhythm that shifted Naomi's focus from the present to the last time she had travelled on this line. That fateful day so long ago after her Open Day visit – the day she had met Sophia Moore. What had happened* changed everything and touched so many people – yet she felt somehow distant from that now as though the move to London had left part of her behind. Would returning awaken those feelings of guilt? She had told herself to concentrate on the present and what lay ahead in Bristol and put the past in a box never to be opened.
In the seat opposite Beth finished texting and put her phone on the table.
When her mother had sent money for the train fare she had half decided to go on Megabus as usual. But then Beth said she was at a loose end, Dave being on a football trip, and the company of her best friend was more than welcome. Very rarely did she get a chance to be with Beth without some distraction or other and she decided to pursue something that had been on her mind for some time.
"So where's Dave playing this weekend then?"
"No idea, he just goes off and comes back with the usual hangover the next day and bruises on his legs. He rarely says anything about the trip – probably be boring stuff about their crap goalkeeper or something like that anyway. However last time something quite funny happened. Dave said he was in the shower after the game and he noticed this guy – new in the team- sort of looking at him. Well Dave said blokes never look at each other in the shower just chuck banter around. He said it really spooked him. I'm sure he isn't homophobic but he said the thought of looking at a guy like that or even touching him really made him feel sick. I was really interested – blokes don't often talk about things like that – Dave certainly doesn't – and I thought how we are so different from them."
"What do you mean, that you like looking at blokes in the shower!"
"Well I would do given the chance but they've plastered up the hole I made between the girls' changing room and the guys'."
Naomi's snort of laughter turned a few heads to look their way.
"No, seriously, I mean I don't feel like that about girls – it doesn't make me feel like Dave did when I look at naked girls, in fact I sort of supposed that he felt like me. It has never occurred to me that straight blokes are like that, yet straight girls aren't."
Oh really, thought Naomi. Not that she knew exactly what straight girls felt like – but her experience of what Katie had said to Emily in the past made her feel that something was not quite as she thought it was.
Looking back on this moment she was to wonder why train journeys had been times when normal life was suspended and unreal things happen. Things that alter the course of your life. Was it because you were still - and the real world was rushing by and couldn't affect you?
"Well, I am a bit biased being gay, I suppose," suggested Naomi with a broad grin. "Give me naked girls anytime! So anyway Beth how's it going with him then, you two look like a married couple whenever I see you together."
"I don't really know to be honest, he's my first real boyfriend – rural Norfolk was a bit of a desert you know and I suppose I went a bit mad in that first week."
"Err, yes you did slightly," said Naomi laughing at the memory.
" We sort of shag and then he goes off to do his lab. work comes back and we go at it again. To be honest Naomi it's all beginning to feel a bit empty – we don't really seem to ever really talk. When things aren't going well I don't seem to be able to communicate with him – he doesn't seem to want to listen – rather just give me suggestions as to what to do. I just want him to listen better."
Thoughts were racing through Naomi's mind when Beth broke in.
"And you, anyone new on the horizon? Have you got over that Russian girl yet – does she write to you at all?"
"Well it wasn't that serious and I've no intention of going to Leningrad to find out – her dad sounded well scary after stopping her tuition fees and all that."
"Yeah better off out of that one I suppose."
"Christ Naomi, we're a right pair aren't we – anyone eaves-dropping would want to slit their wrists wouldn't they!"
Naomi resumed her whirling thoughts. There's a gorgeous blonde in front of me who could well be bi or is she just a bit naïve and confused? There's me going to see my ex who's in a right state apparently and I'm on a train - that should be prompting me to be beware after that time with Sophia. Follow your head or your heart Naomi? What worked in the past?
The guard's announcement broke into her thoughts and she looked across at Beth.
*I wrote 'Telling the truth love on a train' (currently story no. 1136) to try to work out what really happened between Naomi and Sophia.
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