Chapter II: The Map
A/N: Bramble inspired by notbecauseofvictories on Tumblr for her Angel Coulby photo set. Special thanks to The Hobbit Movies on Google+ recommended by for transcripts for the films.
Betas are Wingdings and TriciaOakenshield.
BbBbBbBbBbBbBb
Professor Bramble Baggins was not fond of surprises. Having two in one day never boded well. First there was the rather handsome dwarf she had never seen in the Shire before. There was also Gandalf's (always unexpected) visit. She found it doubtful they were unconnected. Bramble might not have realized who the dwarf in her classroom was if not for the fact she was speaking about his people using his words. She was surprised she did not burst into flames from embarrassment. It was one thing to talk about people when they were not there, but quite another when they were sitting in the back of one's classroom looking majestic.
Thorin seemed to take it in stride as he carried some of her books. Bramble wondered amongst her many thoughts of why royalty would come all the way out to the middle-of-nowhere Indiana and if he would be offended if she asked him to sign her book with his report in it. She realized it might be a painful subject and the height of rudeness to ask.
Gandalf had already made himself comfortable in Bramble's chair when the Dwarf and the Hobbit walked in. The wizard was reading one of Bramble's books on Hobbit genealogy.
"You are in my spot," Bramble said. She placed her computer bag by her desk and began taking off her jacket and waistcoat. Bramble said to Thorin, "You can put the books down, sir, and take one of the guest seats. Close the door though. Ah, where are my manners, Gandalf. Good morning."
Gandalf got up at a leisurely pace. "What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or, perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?"
Bramble sighed. "The last one. Can I help you?"
"That remains to be seen," Gandalf said.
Bramble set out the tray of tea Gandalf had already prepared. She turned on some light instrumental music. "The walls have ears. Now Gandalf why oh why would you send the Thorin Oakenshield to my classroom?"
"Oh," Gandalf looked over at Thorin, "I did not realize he would be here today."
"Yes, which is why you set out three mugs of tea," Bramble said dryly.
Gandalf leaned forward and smiled. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."
Bramble barked out a laugh. "An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone in Indiana outside of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. They make you late for dinner. How do you take your tea, Mr. Oakenshield? Oh dear, that is a title, isn't it? How am I to address you?"
"Thorin will do," the Dwarf said, "Just milk. I would like to know what the wizard is doing here as well."
"Gandalf, two sugars and a dollop of milk?" Bramble said. Gandalf nodded that she was correct. The Hobbit finished fixing up her tea before sitting down.
"Well, when I mean adventure…" Gandalf said, "For once, I am bringing you something which does not necessitate you leaving your cozy office."
Bramble raised an eyebrow. "Truly?"
"Truly," Gandalf said.
"I need this map verified," Thorin said as he pulled a worn piece of paper out of the pocket of his leather jacket, "Your various expertise make you qualified to do so."
Bramble put aside her tea and began preparations to look at the document. She pulled out an empty tray, latex gloves, glasses attached with a magnifying glass on one eye, and flipped on her desk light. Professor Baggins carefully unfolded the paper. She tested the weight, held it up against the light for a moment, and finally sniffed the document.
"I am afraid I will have to get into your personal space, gentlemen, for just a moment," Bramble said. She quickly sniffed both Thorin (leather, clean earth, something which she would hazard to guess was a forge, etc.) and Gandalf (lemon, cheap soap, the pipe tobacco he was supposed to have quit smoking ages ago, etc.).
Professor Baggins sat down again and began examining the map. "Judging from the… smell of the document, I would say it was in Thorin's possession for enough time that it began to smell like him. Slight water damage at the edges long enough ago that it is dried. I would want to say this document is about 200 years old. I am going to state the most obvious reason for the date because of the reference to the Desolation of Smaug. Judging by the way the map is labeled, I assume this was written as a personal reference. It is more casual than a map for general use. I have no idea what the Dwarvish runes say, of course, but it does seem to have been written with care by a strong hand. I would guess there are moon runes on this. Besides the long shot of having the right date, probably your best bet to have this read would be to go to Rivendell. I have a feeling you wouldn't like that."
"I do not need those… elves' help. Is the map legitimate?" Thorin asked.
"I want to say yes, but I cannot read the runes. They could say something like, 'Priscilla likes Dwarves with big beards' or something just as ridiculous. I am assuming since you can read these runes, you think they say something of importance." Bramble looked up. "I would have to run other tests, but most forgers would not draw something as… amateurish as this. The labeling of the compass is a sign of a Dwarf or someone who knew the finer details of the culture. Obviously, the Lord of Silver Fountains would be such. If it is a fake, it is one of the best I have ever seen."
Thorin tried to take the map back but Bramble kept it away from him. "Let me get you a bag for this. I can't have such an old document just rattling around your pocket. My nerves couldn't take it."
The Dwarf huffed, but Bramble ignored him. She fetched a bag, carefully folded the map back-up, and placed it in the bag before handing it back to Thorin. "I would recommend gloves from now on. The map has aged well, but who knows how long it will hold up over rough conditions?"
"I will keep your advice in mind," Thorin said.
"Is that the only thing you came for?" Bramble asked.
"That is the only thing I need," Thorin said.
Gandalf kicked Thorin's leg. "What was that for, Gandalf?"
"Ask her. She will not betray your confidence. Bramble is a good, honest Hobbit and limits her gossip to who has a third breakfast," Gandalf said.
"That was one time!" Bramble protested.
Thorin looked up at the ceiling for a moment before focusing on Bramble. "How much will it take to keep you silent?"
"Um… did I mess anything up in my lecture?" Bramble said.
Thorin blinked rapidly. "What?"
"You asked how much it would take, that would be it. You are the first Dwarf I have talked to about something other than repairing tools," Bramble said.
"You want to know if your lecture was wrong?" Thorin said.
"Yes. It is my job to be as accurate as possible," Bramble said.
"You want to know if your lecture was wrong?" Thorin repeated.
"Yes. That's it," Bramble said.
Thorin shook his head and chuckled. "The only thing you had absolutely wrong was the female to male ratio of Dwarves. It is one to two, not one to four. It is difficult to conceive, thus why we have never had as large numbers compared to Men and Hobbits."
Bramble sighed and relaxed into her chair. "Oh, thank goodness. I was terribly worried."
"I am just glad you didn't say we sprung out of holes in the ground," Thorin said.
"Your question, master Dwarf," Bramble said.
Thorin leaned forward as did Bramble. He said in a low tone, "What would you advise if, hypothetically, someone wanted to exterminate the pest of a worm?"
Bramble tilted her head and closed her eyes. "Hmmm… birds eat a lot of worms, especially after storms, though I suspect you are discussing the other type of worm."
"Indeed."
"'Every worm has his weak spot', as my father used to say, though I am sure it was not from personal experience," Bramble said as she opened her eyes, "If you do not mind dying along with the dragon, stabbing him directly into a soft spot will work. Of course, the blood will kill you if any of it touches you. Black Arrows (which as far as I know no longer exist) would be your best choice when it comes to weapons. The best way to kill a dragon, however, would be to submerge it in water. Cold Drakes may be able to withstand snow, but all dragons, particularly Fire Drakes, are powerless in water. Drown a dragon and it will most certainly die. Fairy stories and folk tales may discuss other methods, but those are the only ones with historical precedent. I personally would like to see the effects of modern guns against dragon hide. A grenade launcher would at least distract the beast. No one has tried new methods since dragons first took over the Yukon."
Thorin nodded. "Thank you for your time, Professor Baggins. I will take my leave now."
Bramble stood up just as Thorin did. She held out her hand, "A pleasure to meet you, sir."
Thorin shook her hand. "A pleasure for me as well, professor."
Gandalf smiled at Bramble as Thorin left. "I think the two of you got along just splendidly."
Bramble had a goofy grin on her face and it was not just because her hand felt unusually warm. "Thorin Oakenshield. A real Dwarf from the real line of Durin. A map drawn possibly by Thrór. Quite the adventure and I will not be missing my dinner."
"Now, there is another matter I wish to discuss," Gandalf said.
"Good morning, Gandalf," Bramble said in a way that meant for the wizard to leave.
"To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took's daughter as if I were selling Tupperware at the door!"
"I don't want any more adventures. This is enough for me," Bramble said.
Gandalf huffed. "You've changed and not entirely for the better, Bramble Baggins."
"You're right. I have. I have realized adventures get you killed," Bramble said. She motioned to the papers piled on her desk. "I am an adult, Gandalf. I have duties here at the university. I have Bag-End to take care of. You know Lobelia will get her hands on it at any opportunity. I have already caught her stealing my spoons five times!"
Gandalf stood up. "Well that's decided."
Bramble relaxed. "Thank you."
"It will be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others." Gandalf walked out the door.
Bramble tried to chase after the wizard, but he had already left. "Inform the who? What? No. No. No! Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you."
BbBbBbBbBbBbBb
The next day was pleasant for Bramble. She rode her bicycle around campus and Hobbiton after her classes were completed. Bramble bought as many groceries as she could fit in her basket and attached baggage carrier. Hamfast had said the vegetables in her garden were coming in nicely and were doing well against pests.
Bramble had quite forgotten Gandalf's mention of "others" until she had sat down for a supper of homemade pizza while in her sweats and an old t-shirt when the doorbell rang. She grabbed her father's robe and wrapped it around herself as she opened the round door of home.
One of the most handsome men Bramble had ever seen stood at her door. She did not take too much notice his appearance as she focused on the AK-47 and the shotgun strapped to his back and the two handguns at his side.
The dwarf bowed and said, "Dwalin, at your service."
Bramble stared for a moment. "Nope." She slammed the door, locked it, and ran to hide under her bed.
BbBbBbBbBbBbBb
A/N: I saw someone once handle a 500 year old Torah with their bare hands and they were encouraging everyone who came by the booth to touch it. *shivers* I have never gotten over it.
The female to male ratio for Dwarves is entirely my doing so I can have several female Dwarves on this journey.
