Part Two
Carol stopped counting the days since Sophia was found in the barn. It didn't do anything but draw out the pain, make her do stupid things like stare into space and blink back tears when she needed to be concentrating on the here and now, on the things she needed to learn to stay alive in this world. The things she needed to do to prove her worth. The things that would make her strong.
The night had drawn around them a little colder than they'd been used to, and so they'd sat around the fire, some of Daryl's hog spitting and bursting now and again until the meat smelled so good that mouths watered and belly's growled, though as usual lately, Daryl wasn't around to hear any of it. He was still camping further up the property, far enough away from them all that they could easily forget he was a part of them, and sometimes Carol thought maybe they had, though she never did.
She figured he'd be having a hell of a time with his hands all bandaged and she blushed at the things he might need help with. She caught herself feeling guilty about thinking on such things a couple of times, and then forced herself to banish it from her mind. She had no reason to feel guilt when thinking about a man. Daryl wasn't married—she wasn't committing a sin by thinking lusty thoughts about a married man like Rick. And she herself was married no longer—this new world had seen to that. It was a new sensation, having that freedom to look at other human beings without fear of being judged for it—being punished—but it was still a new and frightening prospect to think of herself as a woman attracted to a man, and she was sure the others would be quick to question the kind of man who'd managed to catch her eye.
Once they'd all eaten, Carol gathered together a plate of food for Daryl and started the short trek to his tent. It seemed a longer journey in the dark, somehow. Each step taken carefully so as not to trip or fall on uneven ground, and halfway there she realised that the darkness brought an eerie quiet that seemed to echo down deep in her bones, making her shiver with apprehension. It wasn't safe for him to be out here alone, she knew that, and it worried her that it was more important for him to draw that line of distinction between him and them when it could mean a walker sneaking up on him in his tent. Like what happened to Ed.
She didn't want what happened to Ed to happen to Daryl. Just the thought of it made something inside of her collapse and crumble. Wither awfully with a grief that she just didn't think she was able to withstand. Losing any of them would hurt—it always did—but losing Daryl seemed to amount to a shock that her body wouldn't be able to process. She'd lost her daughter, and she wasn't losing him, no matter how hard he fought to get away from them.
"Took ya long enough."
She didn't even jump anymore, not when his voice caught her out of nowhere. It was almost like she expected it to reach out to her, in all its tones and timbres. Whether he was shouting at her in displaced rage, or calling her names, comforting her with beautiful stories as he brought her flowers, or the gentle, naïve tones behind an apology, she was familiar with them all by now and contrary to what he might hope, every single one made her smile.
"Why, Daryl, I thought all that hog wrasslin' made your hands useless, not your legs. You could have come on over at any time." She was grinning as she made a place for herself beside him crouching down next to the fire, staring at it with such an inspired expression of dislike that Carol arched a brow inquisitively. He refused to answer, but she quickly saw what was needed, and, using a long stick to poke the dying embers of the fire around the fresh piece of wood he'd recently managed to nudge on top, she saved them from the cold and he was forced to sit back beside her and huff in irritation.
"Hershel's got my hands wrapped up so tight I can't even pick up a damn fork." The revelation was startling, but it excited Carol as well. She figured if she was going to be shouted at she may as well get the process started, but in the back of her head, she hoped so hard that he'd allow her to help him that it hurt.
"I forgot to bring a fork." She hadn't. She'd intentionally left the utensils behind, foolishly hoping she'd get to watch him lick his fingers or that he'd lick hers if she managed to convince him to let her help.
He held up his puffy paws and threw her one of those awkward little smiles out of the corner of his mouth before studying the dirt like it had all the answers in the world. She'd cut the meat into strips and without even asking, she held a piece of the still warm meat out to him, just to see what he would do. She felt the jolt from her fingers catapult through every single nerve in her body until it settled down low in the pit of her stomach, starting a crazy burn that just sat there, vibrating. His lips, cool and wet, captured the meat and she sat completely mesmerised as he started to chew. She didn't even notice when he stopped, not even when he licked his lips and darted a look down at the plate. He waited to see if she was going to offer him more, staring straight back at her and Carol was lost behind the erratic thumping of her crazy heartbeat.
"You got anymore?" The huskiness of his voice joined the expanding warmth as she jerked back into the moment, quickly plucking up a piece of Hershel's garden tomato, the juice from it coating her fingers. He captured the whole piece in his mouth, his tongue darting out quickly to lick her finger before he seemed to gather himself together, realising what he was doing. The rest of his meal passed with him being much more careful to not quite touch her and Carol was disappointed, but it didn't crush her enough to make her forget what she'd already felt at his touch. She hung onto it, knowing she wasn't done yet, and as he sat back to enjoy a full belly and the warmth of the fire, she brought out the peaches.
"How about desert?" she offered, holding out a ripe, juicy peach. She knew they were juicy, the rest of the group having laughed through their own selection of the fruit before everyone decided they'd had enough.
"Hell, yeah." He swooped in and took a bite before she'd even moved the ripe fruit closer to his mouth, and then he was so close to her, juice running down from his mouth to his chin, the sight so tantalising she was drifting closer to lick up those stray lines of juice before she was even aware of what she was doing. The firelight splashed on his face, his backward fright finally registering with her enough that she stopped her forward movement and used her finger to capture the escaped juice instead. Before he could steal the juice from her digits, though, she stuck her fingers into her own mouth and sucked them clean. She thought little of it, except that the urge to taste something that had fallen from his mouth was too strong to ignore. His eyes went wide, almost panicked, and Carol figured she'd better step back a bit before she had him running from his own campsite.
"So…" Starting conversations with Daryl wasn't something that someone ever really tried to do. He either came in on one already started or he said what he had to say and left. Carol was persistent, and devious much of the time when she really wanted something, but this time she'd shocked herself with how forward she was acting and she was a little unsure what to do now that her purpose in feeding him was pretty much dealt with.
"They happen to get my crossbow when they picked up dinner?"
He spoke to her in a gruff manner, but Carol ignored it and rolled her eyes. "No, Daryl. They left it there. Of course they brought it back. It's safe in Dale's RV. You want me to go back now and get it?"
He looked unsure and she could understand that. She'd never seen Daryl without his weapon strapped across his back, or swinging toward a threat. Finally he shook his head, though it was slow and hesitant and she went to stand up and head back anyway. If he was that miserable without it, she'd go and bring it back to him. It could be her second or third good deed for the day. She wasn't counting.
He launched to his feet after her and stood in her way. "It's fine," shot out of his mouth so fast she nearly tricked herself into thinking he wanted her to stay in as desperate a way as she wanted to sit back down and forget there was another campsite just across the way with her figurative name on it. "Don't matter none right now. Can't use the damn thing anyway."
"Okay." Carol dropped back to the ground, not taking the chance that he was just telling her not to come back with the crossbow, rather than staying at all. "I was going to go into the woods a bit to pick berries tomorrow. Hershel told me where to go to find some. You want to come with me? You can be the look out while I do all the hand stuff, like picking. I might even let you taste a few."
The fire sparked in his eyes as he watched her, finally dropping back down beside her when he realised she'd just stare up at him instead of getting back up to go.
"Yeah, guess I can do that. Maybe should bring T, too. Can't really do much if we come across walkers." She could read the defeat in the slump of his body, the way he seemed to fold into himself at the implication he would be useless if a situation arose where he'd need to be a warrior. Carol shuffled a little closer, taking a chance and allowed her arm to rest against his. Her sweater prevented her from feeling his actual flesh, but the suggestion was enough to reignite the interest her body had banked earlier.
"I don't think we need to bring T," Carol said, refusing to let him sabotage the time she had alone with him just because he was feeling a bit down in the dumps. "Besides, you have a knife. If there's a walker, maybe it will be my turn to save you."
The statement was so funny she almost laughed, but Daryl just searched her with such a serious expression in his blue eyes that Carol suddenly felt a surge of confidence, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that if the need arose, she'd kill without a second thought to protect him. At last he jerked his head in a single nod, turned back to the fire, and shuffled a tiny bit closer.
