I Swear
Ch 2: Attachment Is Overrated
Disclaimer: See Ch 1
Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby
Monday morning doesn't start out well. My fever has been running on and off all weekend. And while I'm desperately trying to avoid it, I know by lunch that it is time to make a trip to the hospital wing.
Madam Loraine, the schools healer, knows how sick I am so she doesn't ask any questions when I lay down on one of the beds while waiting for her to finish with another patient. When she comes over to me she sits down on the empty bed next to mine.
"I have to say, I was expecting to see you sooner this year, Lennix." Her voice is soft and pitying. I hate it but I do my best to ignore it. "What's going on today?"
"I can't shake this fever. Can you just give me something for it? I really don't want to miss potions today." It's a long shot. I know she won't break from protocol. And her protocol is to keep me here for twenty four hours and contact my parents. My stomach knots nervously before she even replies.
"You know your mother will kill me." They are good friends and have all worked together.
"She doesn't need this. Neither of them needs this. I don't want to worry them every time I spike a fever. It's normal. It happens all the time. It's almost over, can we just spare them as much pain as possible." It's a shot in the dark but I'll take it.
"We'll see how high the fever is then go from there, okay?" It's not a flat out no, I'll take it. "It's low for you, so I guess we can strike a deal. I'll give you something now. If the fever comes back anytime within the next three days, You have to come back and I have to contact your parents."
"I can live with that" I down the potion she hands me and am able to slip into potions right on time. I take my place next to Temperance but not before noticing that James is watching me curiously from across the room.
"Cutting it close, Miss Malfoy?"
"Sorry Professor Zambini." I smile innocently. He raises an eyebrow at me but shakes his head in amusement and begins his lesson.
"What is going on? It's not like you to almost be late for a class. You're always early." Temperance asks when we begin working on the assignment.
"I had a headache. I was in the hospital wing getting something for it. That's not a crime is it?" I smirk cutting up one ingredient.
"No, but you've also not come to Hogsmeade at all this year."
"There have only been two weekends so far. I've been there a hundred times. I'll go when I feel like it. Also not a crime"
"Then there is your choice in boyfriend. He's such a creeper. I didn't even know you liked him."
"Well I do, so can you please help with this and quit acting like my mother."
"Fine, but just know that I don't believe you one bit. And eventually I'll figure it out."
James and I spend the rest of the week finding random places to make out. We never talk about it. Just randomly pull each other into some secluded place. And publically we act cold towards each other like always.
I manage to keep Chance happy. I spend all of my free time with him and he is unaware of what is going on when he is not around. Just like James has no clue about the ever growing collection of bruises covering my body.
It's an exhausting balancing act, especially for someone like me.
I make a point of venturing into Hogsmeade the following weekend. I stay close to my family. Amanda and Tristan head straight for the three broomsticks. Gregory and Logan are deep in conversation while we wander through the snow. Lucas and James are both unusually quiet. Temperance keeps a watchful eye on Aston as we make our way through the crowded streets.
"No boyfriend today, Lennix?" Temperance raises an eyebrow.
"Nope" I answer shortly. The wind picks up and I wrap my cloak closer to my body. Lucas wraps an arm over my shoulder and I lean into the warmth of my brother's chest.
"Why not?" She presses.
"Is it now some sort of crime to spend time with family? I wanted to be will you today so I decided not to be with him."
"Why not just have him join us?"
"That wouldn't be a good idea." I catch the expression on James's face out of the corner of my eye and almost unsuccessfully manage not to smirk. That would go over so well.
"Why not?"
"Merlin, Temperance, you sound like my sisters. Everything is why, why, why with them." James rolls his eyes at her and I can't help but laugh. We catch each other's eyes for moment before looking away. Too long of a glance and we will be given away.
"Why is it that you care whether or not I am pestering her? Last time I checked the two of you haven't been friends in a long time." Temperance spins around stopping to stand directly in front of James.
"Lay off Temperance, you're worse than the reporters from the Prophet." Gregory interjects,
"That's good. One day, I'll be the best reporter they have." She smiles.
"Find someone else to investigate in the meantime then." I laugh picking up a ball of snow and throwing it at her.
"Hey!" She squeals and picks up another ball of snow. I manage to duck just in time and it hits Lucas square in the face.
That's all it takes for an all-out snowball war to begin.
When I return to my room at the end of the day, all I want is a hot shower and to curl up in bed. But when I step into my room I am shocked to learn that I am not alone.
"James! Bloody hell, you're going to give me a heart attack." I jump when I notice him sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fire.
"Wouldn't want to cause you an untimely death," He frowns waving his wand at me. I know what he has done. He is oddly fascinated by my true appearance. "You shouldn't hide this. It's one of the most tragically beautiful things ever."
"I'd scare all the children." I step closer to him, tossing my cloak and gloves onto the empty chair next to him.
"I'm pretty positive that my sisters would think it was cool." He stand and walks over to me.
"Why are you lurking in my room without my permission?" I change the subject. The real reason none of the children have seen me like this is because then my parents would have to explain. And explaining to young children that someone is dying is very difficult.
"Because I have been waiting all day to do this" He picks up a stand of blue hair and twirls it in his fingers as he presses his lips to mine.
"Oh really?" I deepen the kiss and all talking ceases. Somehow in the low glow of the fire we make our way to my bed.
Without ever really coming up for air we manage to pull each other's clothes off. When it does happen, I am grateful for the darkness that allows the bruises to hide in plain sight.
"Have you ever done this before?" James asks trying to catch his breath. From what I can see of his face he looks nervous.
"Have you?"
"No."
"Me neither."
"Do you want to? We can stop here."
"Yes and shut up." I pull his lips down to mine silencing his questions.
When morning dawns and sunlight spills across my room, I realize that James is still lying in bed next to me fast asleep. I manage to untangle myself from him and slip out of bed. I dress myself as quickly as possible while watching to make sure he doesn't wake up. Luckily he doesn't stir until I sit back down on the bed.
"You're wearing clothing." He notices pulling himself up to sit leaning against the pillows.
"You're not." I answer staying where I am. No matter how much I would love to repeat the previous night, I am not stupid. He can't see me naked now. He would actually be able to see me naked. And there are questions that would push our fun right into the serious category.
"Are you okay?" He shifts closer to me on the bed.
"I'm perfectly okay, just hungry. I was going to head down to the great hall and get some breakfast. I figure it is better that no one sees us together." I smile, hoping he is convinced by my reasoning for being dresses already.
"That's true. I should probably get back to my house before someone notices I'm not there." He kisses me on the forehead and runs a hand through my hair before pulling away.
Somewhere deep inside, something shifts and I am suddenly sad when his warmth leaves my side. I brush it off as the after effect of having sex.
Twice more in the next week, James and I managed to steal away to my room in the night. Every time, I find it harder to watch him leave.
During the days I find myself thinking about him more. And our usual jabs at each other no longer hold my interest. It's becoming harder to keep up the façade of hate when neither of us feels it anymore.
It's nearing the end of November and my many worlds are starting to overlap. My school work is getting sloppy and I keep falling asleep in class.
One day after my last class I head straight for my room. I am so tired all I want to do is sleep. I don't even make it halfway there when James pulls me aside in an empty corridor.
"They're thinking of contacting your parents." He warns.
"Who?"
"My mom, Hermione, Blaise, and Luna; I overheard them talking about it during lunch. They are beginning to notice something. Your grades are slipping and you're sleeping in class. Maybe you and I should stop hooking up for a while. You need to sleep and study." He looks genuinely concerned and my heart sips a nervous beat at his suggestion.
"More sleep isn't going to keep me awake more. My body is tired. No amount of sleep will fix that."
"You could use that time to study then." He suggests.
"But you are so much more fun." I smirk and lean up to kiss him. He deepens the kiss and momentarily we get lost in the moment.
I have to break away when my lungs run out of oxygen. When we pull away I strt coughing an can't seem to catch my breath.
"Lennix?" He sounds worried.
"I'm fine" I choke out before finally getting it together. "I'm going to go take a nap and study. I'll see you later, right?"
"Yes, I'll be around later." He sighs. "You are becoming quite the bad habit miss Malfoy."
"Same goes for you Mr. Potter."
I am smiling when I approach my room but it quickly fades away when I see Chance leaning against the wall. He looks angry.
"It seems you've been holding out on me love." He wraps his fingers around my arm pushing me up against the wall. "James Potter, really?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about." I lie.
"I hate being lied to. I always knew you were a little whore. If you'll put out for him, you should put out for me as well." He closes in on me. And presses his lips to mine. I fight the urge to be sick when he begins running his hand up my leg. That's it. I won't be the victim. I will not.
I thrust my knee into his genital as hard as I possibly can and he falls away from me onto the ground.
"Fuck off, asshole. I'm not your girlfriend. And I sure as hell won't be your whore." I quickly make my way into my room.
I feel gross just from having him touch me so I quickly peel my uniform off before heading into my bathroom.
I stand in the shower until the water runs cold before getting out and wrapping a towel around me. Once in my bedroom, I sit down on the bed with every intention of getting back up to get dressed in just a moment.
But my eyelids are heavier than I would like and I quickly fall into sleep.
I jump up startled when I hear the door to my room open and close.
"What the hell?" James is staring at me with a horrified expression on his face. It takes a few seconds for me to realize my towel had fallen when I jumped up.
"James…" I know he knows and that is dangerous. His face slowly moves from confusion to angry clarity and he turns around heading out of my room. "James!"
I throw on clothes as fast as I can and leave my room. He isn't in the corridor anymore and I know he has headed down to Slytherin house. I hurry through the castle. It is dangerous close to curfew.
I'm thankful when I reach Slytherin and know the password. No one bats an eye when I step into their common room. I've been here before. Logan is reading a book in the corner and when Tristan notices me and nudges him on the arm, he looks up.
"Did James come through here?" I ask them when I approach.
"Yea, he headed up to the dorms about two minutes ago. He looked pissed. Lennix, what did you do to him?" Logan looks disapproving but his expression changes as another younger boy comes running from their dorms looking horrified.
"They're going to kill each other!" He hurries over to Tristan.
"Who?"
"Potter and Henderson. Potter just walked up to him and punched him."
I don't wait for my brother or Tristan before I go running up the stairs. The sound of things being broken leads me to the correct room. I stop frozen in the doorway.
"What the bloody hell are you two doing?" Tristan yells when him and Logan appear behind me. "Break it up."
Neither of them listen and their fight is getting dangerous as they have now pulled out their wands.
"James!" He freezes at my voice. He hadn't realized that I am here.
"Go back to your room Lennix!" He doesn't even turn to look at me before composing himself. Luckily neither of them is aiming well and most of their spells hit the walls or furniture.
"Enough!" I nearly jump out of my skin when Blaise appears behind us.
Both boys stop and turn to face the professor. Each is sharing in identical bruises all over their faces. James is still shaking in anger and he doesn't even look at me.
"Every person in this room is coming with me."
Silently we all follow Blaise from Slytherin house up to the Headmistress's office.
"Lennix, Logan stay here." Blaise points to a bench outside of the office as he leads his son followed by James and Chance into the office.
"Why do I have a feeling that you have something to do with this?" Logan asks but I remain silent. I just stare at my bare feet realizing that I forgot to put any shoes on before leaving my room.
It is quite a while later when Tristan emerges leading Chance away from us and towards the hospital wing.
"You two can go in now." Tristan says before disappearing around the corner.
I'm not really shocked when I realize that both James's and our parents are standing in McGonagall's office.
"Since neither of the two that were fighting will tell us anything, I'm going to assume one of you knows what is going on." McGonagall looks tired and aggravate. I can't believe that neither James nor Chance has said anything.
"I have no clue what is going on. He showed up then she came looking for him." Of course Logan will sell me out.
"Miss Malfoy do you know why James would find it to be a good idea to attack another student?" When I remain silent she sighs. "You two do realize that attacking another student is grounds for expulsion. As of right now it appears as though Mr. Potter will be expelled."
"So I'll be tossed out but that piece of garbage will be allowed to stay here and abuse some other girl?!" James stands up knocking the chair over he is sitting in. Immediately he realizes that he has just told the room exactly what they were fishing for.
"What girl was Mr Henderson supposedly abusing Mr Potter?" McGonagall has no idea.
"Ow, Logan, what the hell?" I didn't notice him shift closer to me and grab my arm.
"That shouldn't hurt" His anger now mimics James. Slowly the entire room shifts from confusion to clarity. "Wait how did James know but Lucas and I didn't?"
I choose this moment to stare down at my bare feet. I know that if I look up into my mother's face, I will cry. I promised I wouldn't hurt her anymore and yet here we are.
"I saw him, earlier." James is lying and I know it but it's the only explanation either of us is willing to admit to. "Then I confronted her about it"
"Is this true?" I can hear the tears in my mother's voice. All I can do is nod. I hate this feeling.
"What happens now?" Azlyn has stepped to stand next to her son.
"Now, the ministry will step in and investigate. My Potter you will serve a month of detention. You're actions however noble, were gone about in the incorrect manor. I do not condone violence. You are all dismissed. Get some sleep."
"What'll happen to Henderson?" Logan asks.
"In the morning, he'll be expelled. And the ministry will take him away to investigate his memories. Then he'll likely head off to Azkaban."
"We should have kept you home." My father speaks for the first time once James has been led towards the hospital wing by his parents. "You would be safe there."
"I would still be dying there. The location doesn't matter. The outcome will be the same regardless."
"Lennix" Logan warns.
"I'm sorry. I'm just really tired, can I go now?" I take a deep breath and look up at my parents. My mother is staring over my head, lost in some dark memory. My father has one arm wrapped protectively around her waist. He is looking at me, concerned. I feel like he is also reliving something awful. "I'm fine. Go home. I'll see you for Christmas."
"Are you sure, maybe it's time." My mother brings herself back to present day and looks unsure of herself.
"I'm sure. I'd tell you if it was time. I promise." It's a lie. But it's for their benefit. I'd rather die here than have my mother watch me pass away. She has suffered too much.
"We should go home." My father shifts his concern from me to her. Something is going on between them. I know it. But I'm not asking if they are not telling.
We say our goodbyes and head our separate ways. Once finally in my bed I fall into sleep very quickly.
I avoid James until the following weekend. I have no desire to go to Hogsmeade so I don't even bother getting out of bed Saturday morning.
"Is this how it's going to be now?" James kicks off his shoes and climbs in bed next to me.
"I'm tired, James."
"And I've waited a week to have this conversation, so we are going to talk." He pulls the covers off of me and I am now fully awake.
"Damnit James" I go turn to him with every intention of shoving him off the bed, but I am frozen in place when I realize he is examining the healing bruises on my arms and legs.
"Do they hurt?"
"Not anymore"
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Then it was worth it." He lays down on the pillow beside me and pulls the blankets back over both of us. "I would have killed him if you hadn't followed me."
"Why?" I move my head onto his chest, the warmth radiating from his body is comforting. "It's not like you and I are dating."
"All I could think about is how unfair life is to you. You had no part in your own fate and you'll die long before your time. Then an ass like him comes along and he gets one hundred years. No, fuck that. You deserve to be here, he doesn't"
"That's the nicest thing you have ever said to me."
"Don't get used to it Malfoy." He laughs.
"I wouldn't dare, Potter."
"Now, since we are both here, I feel a bit overdressed."
"I do believe you are." The seriousness is now forgotten as we begin peeling away each other's clothes.
"This is the best way to spend the weekend."
"I wholeheartedly must agree with you."
"There you are." I'm standing in the forest face to face with the girl again.
"What do you want?" I don't understand why I am here again.
"Find your name etched in stone. It's the first step to change your fate; then a stone to raise the name. Be ready though to pay the price, to live a long a healthy life."
I wake startled and fall out of bed.
"Ow, fuck"
"Is this how you wake up in the morning?" James laughs peering over the bed. I can tell it is late afternoon by the light coming in from the window.
"No, it's not. I just had a weird dream."
"Tell me about it. It has to be good if you fell out of bed."
I explain the dream to him as he helps me up off the ground.
"I know it sounds stupid but I think it means something."
"It means there is a way to save your life." There is something in his eyes as he speaks an emotion that I am not sure of.
"I might be wrong."
"But what if you aren't? What if you could save yourself?"
"I don't know. I've never thought about it." I wrap myself back up in the blanket.
"We should at least try to figure out what she is talking about."
"Fine, but don't get attached to the idea of me being al magically healed or something. There isn't always a happy ending."
"I won't"
"Good"
