Chapter One
"C-Carver? Oh Maker, are you alright? Mama? Come quickly, Carver's hurt...She must be outside..."
Hawke peered through the sweat and blood cloying her face and eyes wildly at her pristine sister as their much larger brother leaned heavily against her, one arm tossed over her shoulder and grunting softly in pain before snapping a quick command for the girl to move. She all but dragged him into the kitchen, with no help from his twin who seemed rooted to the spot, staring at them with a deep impenetrable horror, and swept the table clear with the leather greaves on her arm, sending plates and cups clattering to the floor to smash on the hard, battered floorboards. Kodi was trailing along behind them, equally as exhausted and flopped down in front of the fireplace, whimpering softly as he licked his own wounds.
"M-Marea, t-those were the b-best plates – "
"I don' care about the fucking plates, Bethany, go and get Mother, tell her to bring the needle and thread," she snarled, legs shaking under the strain of running with her brother's weight and hoisted him off of her shoulders.
Somehow she managed to roll Carver onto the table, even in her blind panic careful not to get his filthy boots on the polished wood even when he was bleeding all over the room, and quickly tore at the crushed plating on his chest, cutting away the buckles with her dagger distantly hearing Bethany run out of the kitchen, ashen faced. She didn't have time to feel guilty about how she'd spoken to her sister, she needed to stem the blood flow; the retreat had been a disaster, men falling all around them and despite her nimbler frame she'd stayed with the great lumbering beast that was Carver, deflecting as many of the subtler attacks as she could, her hand tightly clasped in his so they weren't separated and both cutting down any 'Spawn that happened to get in their way, her faithful Mabari defending their flank as they fled.
A Genlock archer had got a lucky shot through the gap between Carver's regulation plate and mail, just beneath his ribs and had sent him hurtling into her; the only reason she hadn't fallen was because she'd extended her hand to stop herself and found the ruff of Kodi's blood slick coat. Marea hadn't let them stop. Perhaps now thinking back she should have let them take things slower, but the dread and terror from seeing her comrades being torn down around her and seeing the blood dripping down the dented armour on her brother sent her mind into overdrive and her fight or flight adrenaline fluttering through her veins. They'd paused for a couple of hours when she felt they'd fled far enough north to be just ahead of the Hoard; it had been then she had to steel herself to remove the arrow.
They'd been lucky that it hadn't been tipped with poison, but it was still a hunting arrow, the jagged teeth would have dug into his skin making removal tricky; to just pull it out would probably break the shaft and leave the lethal tip inside and if they were really unfortunate she would tear the delicate flesh and damage his insides...So she'd done the only thing she could in the absence of healers; she'd cut the Blighted thing out herself.
The incisions had been messy and uneven from the limited space she had to work in (she hadn't wanted to take off his armour and mail), and Carver had sworn and gritted his teeth throughout the whole experience as her shaky fingers finally eased the arrow from his side. Both of them were pale by the time she was finished, Carver from pain and blood loss and she from shock and nausea; Hawke had barely had the sense to thrust a couple of elfroot leaves into the gaping cut and pour a poultice and salve over the reddened flesh before stemming the worst of the blood with a wad of bandages from the pouches around her waist, wrapping the few she had left around his plate to keep it in place.
She'd staggered away to empty her stomach into the bushes when she was finished, her hands sliding off of her legs, slick with the gore from Carver's wound; she didn't stop even when her body had nothing left to reject. The dry heaves kept coming, wracking her body until she was on her knees, bent double from the exertion before they turned into heavy sobs, nails digging into the earth beneath her. And then she stopped just as suddenly has she had started. Several seconds passed where she didn't, couldn't, move from her position on the ground before Marea finally had the strength to push herself to her feet.
Another five seconds were spent wiping her eyes on her arm, only serving to spread the blood over her cheeks, mingling with the crusting muddy red from the night before. When she turned around Carver had been waiting for her, barely able to lift the large blade he usually wielded so easily and leaning heavily on Kodi. She'd taken that burden as well, he would have killed her if she'd tried to leave it, and had strapped it over the blades on her back before allowing him to lean on her for the last few miles to home.
If Carver had seen her momentary loss of control he hadn't said a word about it and she was grateful for that, but the effort of their forced jog had broken whatever little skin she'd managed to fix. And then they'd gotten home, and all Bethany had thought to do was stand and gawp.
She was a mage, Papa had taught her, couldn't she mend him?
The next thing to be cut away was Carver's shirt and a fresh wave of panic flooded her senses when his eyes slowly slid shut, dexterous fingers reaching forward to fist his hair a little harder than she needed to. "Don't you dare go to sleep, Carver, you might not wake up again."
"Then stop fucking prodding it you raging Ogre!" he ground out curtly, glowering up at his older sibling as she removed the bandages she wedged inside the wound, closely followed by what was left for the festering elfroot leaves.
"I don't know if you've noticed, Carver, but you're bleeding to death, if I don't poke and prod it you'll d – "
"Carver!"
Ah, and here was their mother to fuss over him. She wanted to somewhat sulkily add that she was fine not to worry, despite the numerous cuts and incisions she'd had to ignore over the last twenty-four hours (not to mention the painful lump on her head that had only just stopped bleeding from the pommel of a Hurlock's sword when she'd try to sneak away from the large group of 'Spawn to locate her brother when their betrayal had been realised, the only reason she hadn't been finished there was because Kodi bodily launched himself at the thing) but there was no point in such childish behaviour...Carver was in pain and she needed to get this gaping hole in him stitched up before it got infected.
"Oh Maker...My baby, what happened to – "
"Bethany can you heal this?" Marea asked sharply, cutting across their mother's hysterics clinically, already setting up the thread through the eye of the curved needle. It was a wicked thing, and the sharp pull of coarse thread running through flesh was something that both warrior and rogue had experienced too many times before since their father had died and his healing spells with him.
The mage cowering behind Leandra seemed shocked that her sister had asked her when the blonde knew that she couldn't and Bethany quietly shook her head, pouting out her lower lip. She didn't like the way Marea nodded shortly as if she'd confirmed something for her and then moved to retrieve the strong bottle of whisky old Barlin had got Carver for his name day the year previous from the shelf and took a long draught.
"Something to wet your throat, Brother?"
Carver couldn't help the grimacing smile when the bottle was extended to him and he gratefully took a swig, enjoying the burn before bracing himself for what was to come. "Do it."
The next half an hour was agonizing for all concerned, and their mother had left halfway through with Bethany when the nausea had her swooning leaving Carver and Hawke to grind out soft, unmeant insults to each other, ranging from calling the former an infant who couldn't stand a little pain to Carver accusing Marea of having the fingers of an inexperienced cutthroat when the thread rasped a little harder than usual. She'd tried to keep the stitches small for his benefit.
"I'm sure Peaches will love how it makes you more of the battle hardened hero," she teased him when she was finally finished, sitting back to admire her work before rooting around the cupboards for an elfroot potion.
"Shut up you ungrateful wench I could have just left you out there you know," Carver snapped, his ears pinking at the comment, reluctantly sitting up and placing his muddy boots on the seat of one of the chairs.
Snorting Hawke flicked her thick braid over her shoulder and strode back to the table, forcing the bottle into his open hand, "You leave me? And here I thought I was the one doing the rescuing?"
"Dream on, Sister. We both know I took that arrow for you; you should be thanking me."
Despite the jovial words Marea's eyes suddenly turned very serious and for once Carver wondered if maybe he'd crossed his bounds. However the blonde woman instead rested her hand gently on his shoulder and offered him a grim smile, the affection in her gaze suddenly stifling, "Thank you, Carver. I...I don't think I would have made it out of there without you – you gave me something to keep going for."
Shifting awkwardly Carver passed the potion between his hands, struggling to think of something to say. For all of his bitching and moaning he loved his sister; they had been there for each other when their parent's hadn't been; it was strange to think he had a better bond with her than with his own twin. The truth stung. "Don't be stupid, you would have torn your way through that field whether I was there or not."
"Perhaps," she mumbled quietly, as if more to herself than to him before she slipped back into her usual, beaming self. The transition was...unnerving. "Take the potion, it'll numb the pain and heal most of it up by morning."
"We're going to have to leave aren't we?"
Nodding her head solemnly Marea replied, "I'm afraid so. Tell mother and Bethany they need to be packed by sunrise, we can't wait any longer than that and tell mother that she can only take food and the bare essentials; that means leaving all of her best pots to the Darkspawn."
"Are you mad? I'm not telling her that, why can't you?" Carver asked grumpily and watched as the blonde threw him a sheepish grin, picking up the needle and thread before retrieving the lantern from by the door, fiddling with the tinder to light the wick.
"Because she's less likely to attack an invalid like you," Hawke teased and barely ducked in time to miss the heavy shoulder padding he'd launched at her head. "Don't overexert yourself as well; I don't want you to ruin my stitch work. And mother said I was awful at tapestries."
Grumbling quietly under his breath at his ill fortune Carver followed his sister as she made her way to the door that would lead her out into the village and with a frown he forced himself to his feet, uncorking the bottle. "Where are you going?"
Turning to look round at her sibling Marea offered him a small smile and tapped one of the bloody cuts along her left arm, "To get cleaned up and patch up my own wounds, not all of us are blessed with older sister's willing to sew up their brother's so their insides stay in when they're foolish enough to get themselves shot."
"You don't want me to help do you?"
Her gaze softening at the honest offer, lacking his usual bite, the blonde shook her head and inclined her head towards the door their mother and Bethany had disappeared through. "I'm alright, just get them packed up...Oh, and Carver? Never put yourself between danger and me again, if anyone's going to get their arse killed by Darkspawn or Giant Spiders or anything else that decides to have a shot at us it'll be me."
"Oh really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in her direction as she tapped her fingers against the doorframe and chewed her lip nervously, careful not to ingest any of the blood for fear of it being tainted. Kodi, from his place by the hearth hopped to his feet and padded towards his mistress, short tail wagging softly as he licked her knee, "And what gives you the right to decide that?"
"Because," Hawke said quietly and Carver had to strain to hear what his sister said next. "I'm the one people won't miss."
And without another word the blonde was gone leaving her brother to silently curse his mother and the irreparable damage she'd done.
The river was all but deserted by the time Marea got to the pebbled shores, and the sun had dipped beneath the tree line making her glad for the little pool of light her lantern gave. With Kodi as her only company she set about sewing each cut, starting with the one on her thigh, the long, deep incision she'd received in a moment of carelessness; she didn't wince as she manipulated her skin back together and stripped her leathers once she'd finished. She washed away the grime with a cold precision and gently brushed her fingers over the smaller nicks; they'd heal soon enough and didn't need her attention so she washed her hair and face, staring down at her reflection for a moment to trace her nose, her cheeks and then lock her eyes with the woman looking back at her.
She was nothing like her sister, and she was ashamed to admit that the month she and Carver had spent together away from her mother and Bethany had been one of the best she had had in a very long time. She'd been free. Roughing braiding her hair Hawke scratched behind Kodi's ears as he looked off behind them, guarding her dignity as she slid her foul smelling shirt back onto her frame, tearing the left sleeve off at the shoulder and twisted so she could stitch the wound.
It was awkward and the stitches were large and unseemly, but it was the best she could do at the angle.
However, thick, warm fingers stilled her own and the blonde watched silently as Carver gently eased the needle from her grasp and held her shoulder still as he continued the work for her, being infinitely tender and cleaning up the mess she had made. They remained in passive silence as he continued his job, careful not to tug too hard, where as he could cope with the rough texture of the twine Marea's skin was far too soft to stand up to the same attention.
"Sorry..." he mumbled as she hissed though her teeth at a particularly hard tug and he finished quickly, cutting the thread away with her dagger before flopping down next to her, staring out over the waters.
Then after a moment he encroached on the silence, "You would be missed you know."
"No I wouldn't," she said softly and offered the younger man a small smile. It didn't hurt as much as it used to; it was simply a fact now, she was resigned to it. "Mother would still have her strapping young boy and her perfect little girl; the only one who would bat an eyelid would be Kodi here. I'm...expendable."
"Not to me you're not...I'd go mad if you left me alone with Mother, you know I can't stand her fussing; you're the only one who treats me like – "
"Like the Wild's scum you really are?" Hawke chuckled and winced when she was pulled into a one armed hug, however she quietly relaxed into the embrace and wrapped her own arms around his waist, careful not to brush the newly finished stitching there.
"You're a right little bitch sometimes you know that, Marea? Do you have to ruin every moment with your barbs and so-called wit?"
"Of course," she teased and rested her chin on his shoulder, giggling as he dug his fingers into the soft skin beneath her arm. "You would be worried if I was serious for once...but for the record, Carver, I would miss you most of all. Because you're the only one who sees me and just...accepts."
Silence spread itself thickly between them once more as she shivered and shifted into her brother's warmth; it was nice to sit like this, and she couldn't help but wonder if his sudden affection had come from his near death experience...or if it was simply because he knew she needed comfort after the horror of the last few days...Whatever the reason she was glad he was here, like this; protecting her.
"It's all going to change now isn't it?"
Carver started at the open and vulnerable edge that had entered her voice and gently brushed the tips of his fingers through her hair, frowning slightly. "Yes...But just so you know, Sister. I don't look at you and think you're ugly like mother says sometimes; I look at you and I see a beautiful, fierce woman that will prove a challenge for any man. And Maker knows I'll be there every step of the way to stop them getting near you. Bethany's pretty, sure, but she's naive. You have this strength around you sometimes that just makes you glow, don't ever forget that."
"Marker, Carver...W-Where did my spoilt brat of a brother go?"
"Bet you didn't think I could be serious too, did you?"
Bastard was going to make her cry. His face was swimming in front of her and she bought her fist down on his thigh. Hard.
"Andraste's tits, Marea! What the fuck was that for?" he all but bellowed, pushing her away to cradle his now throbbing leg.
"Ah, there he is, I thought this sensible fool had taken you over for a second there," she said with a sly smile, revelling in the irritation between them instead of the awkward moment from before.
To her utter amazement her brother pulled her back in for another embrace with a soft chuckle and ruffled her hair, prompting a short jab to his good ribs with her elbow. "Andraste's flaming arse, Sister. Don't ever change."
"You too, Carver...You too."
Maker that thing was huge.
Marea barely had the chance to leap out of the way as the Ogre changed them, forcing Aveline back and Bethany (she'd finally decided to start pulling her weight instead of acting like the Orlesian wall flower their mother wanted her to be) dancing off to the left. As she pushed herself to her feet she could see the unholy thing lowering its horned head again to charge at them again, its black eyes locked on her, and from her peripheral vision she could see Carver readying to leap to her defence.
"No, Carver! Stay with mother, keep her safe," she bellowed and swiped her weapons from the dirt before rolling from beneath the beasts feet, slicing at its ankles as it passed. Her efforts were rewarded by a wind removing kick that sent her flying a good five feet backwards. It made its way towards her once more, and Maker she didn't know what she'd done to offend it but it was pissed.
There wasn't time for her to get out of the way this time. She was...she was actually going to die. After all of that talk last night, it was actually going to happen.
"You soulless bastard!"
Her brother's battle cry sent ice shooting through her veins and Hawke could only watch as Carver ran at the Ogre, diverting its attention from her momentarily. And then everything happened in slow motion.
The beast wrapped its hand around her brother's chest, crushing his arms and lifted him into the air, swiping away Kodi's furious attempts to make the Ogre drop his second Master...and slammed him down into the ground. At a particularly sharp bite from the Mabari at its feet the beast dropped Carver's lifeless form and Marea could only watch as Leandra ran the length of the battlefield to cradle her boy.
And he wasn't moving.
"No!"
She hadn't even realised the inhuman scream of rage, and grief had come from her own torn throat but it didn't matter because she was launching blow after blow at the creature, staggering it, and herself, with the sheer speed and force of her blades movement. She disappeared behind a cloud of smoke as it made a grab for her and snuck behind it, embedding her blades in the soft tissue behind its knees, relishing the roar of pain it made as she charged it with all her might.
It was on its knees when she finally dealt the final blow, headless to the battle going on around her, of Bethany launching a fireball into a group of Hurlocks, or of Aveline battering another group into submission; she was too focused on her prey, and the kill she was about to make. Bellowing her own wordless battle cry the eldest Hawke child jumped, sliding one blade into the things throat and then the other. She was slick with blood as it collapsed back onto the ground, dead limbs twitching. But she didn't stop.
She kept driving the daggers into its throat, skull, chest, anywhere her blades made contact she pierced, over and over until...
"Hawke!"
Turning to look at the red head's concerned face Marea slowly came to her senses, pulling her daggers one last time from the Ogre's jugular and sheathed them, turning suddenly to lurch into a sprint to her brother's body. Bethany was knelt by his prone side, sobbing quietly while their mother desperately tried to shake the life into him.
Carver...Her sarcastic little brother...Whom she had loved and loved her because of their link in loneliness. She wouldn't hear him call her a fat Orlesian's bitch and she would never call him an insufferable Wild's toad again...He was gone.
At it tore at her heart that he hadn't listened to her. This should have been her...And he would have gathered up the group without them needing to mourn, and he would have bid her a solemn farewell. But this – this was wrong.
"C-Carver...Baby, wake up, the fighting's over now, we need to leave..."
"I'm sorry mistress, your son is gone."
Marea closed her eyes at the wave of nausea that threatened to usurp her carefully made mask, but it was cracking; she could feel the fissures.
"No! These things will not take Carver. I won't let them!"
"Mother, please. We have to go, we can mourn him when we're safe he wouldn't want us t – "
The short, sharp slap across her right cheek stunned her into silence and Hawke squeezed her eyes shut. This was a nightmare, this wasn't real, the Blight had never happened, Papa was still alive and she was in her bed, and Carver would run in to demand a duel from her and drag her from sleep, and it would dissolve into a fist fight because she would want five more minutes...The tears she told herself weren't there spilled over and she kept her head turned from where the force of her mother's blow had pushed it.
"Don't you speak to me of grief," Leandra hissed, ignoring the way Aveline suddenly shifted behind her eldest as if ready to pull her into defensive position. "This is your fault! How could you let him charge off like that...Your little brother...My little boy."
"Please, mother we can't stay here," Bethany pleaded as Marea silently pushed herself up to her feet, backing away from the scene silently, breathing her goodbyes and shrugging off the red head's comforting hand. "Carver wouldn't want his death to be in vain..."
"Allow me to condemn your boy's soul to the Maker," Wesley mumbled and raised his hand, the Chantry dogma spilling from his lips.
Hawke couldn't help the way her blood boiled.
"Bullshit," she whispered softly, just loudly enough for Aveline to hear before turning away and unsheathing her blades, "Bullshit...The Maker isn't listening. He never listens."
"We need to get moving before they regroup..."
The tortured, dark smile Marea turned to give them sent shivers running through their group before she slowly advanced towards the Darkspawn charging towards them.
"Too late."
