Hey folks, thanks so much for the feedback so far; it's nice to know that other people enjoy something I really only did for my own entertainment.
This one's a little shorter, mainly because I'm getting more and more busy at work at the moment :( The good news, however, is that with every chapter I get a more solid idea of where this is going. So yeah, I've got that going for me. Nonetheless this chapter's probably the most dramatic I've written yet, and deals with some pretty heavy stuff with Joel, so with this story's pretty heavy focus on characterisation I can only hope I did a good job of getting across his feelings. Enjoy!
After Ellie had thoroughly inspected Tommy and Maria's house (including claiming their spare bedroom as her own and expressing her astonishment at their possession of a working refrigerator), she finally flopped down on the single, saggy green couch in the living room, and gave out a sigh. Eyebrows raised absently and lips pursed as she looked vacantly around the room, it seemed her enthusiasm at the idea of staying in such a luxurious house was short-lived.
Joel was more pleased than he let on to see her regain some of her youthful naivety and enthusiasm about the world again, if only briefly, and a pang of regret suddenly hit him. He knew he'd already done a great deal for her, yet he found himself guiltily wishing that he could do more. He wished he could take away all the hurt she'd been through, if only it meant she could regain some of that youthfulness once again. Her idle humming; ceaseless questions, even the damned whistling; anything to show there was still a remnant of her innocence left. But deep down, he knew full well that Ellie had changed; hardened. Joel smiled inwardly at the irony she's become calloused. She may have survived, but she would never be the same girl that nearly sliced his arm open when they'd first met back in Boston. And that saddened him greatly.
Maria, meanwhile, had again picked up on Ellie's demeanour, and asked her if she'd like to see how the horses were getting on. Ellie's eyes went wide as she jumped off the couch.
"You still have them?" She asked, excitedly.
"Sure", replied Maria. We have a whole stable. We've been breeding them, in fact".
"Do you mind?" Ellie asked, looking at Joel.
"Go ahead", Joel replied, pleased to see she seemed to have cheered up, if only temporarily. "Just stick close with Maria."
"I know", she replied, before leaving the house heading back down the way they came with Maria. Joel noticed with interest that she'd picked up her rucksack again before she left. Still not secure, he thought.
Suddenly he was left alone with Tommy, and let out a sigh as he looked around at the bland, faded pictures on the wall.
"Whatever happened to that nag you stole from us, anyway?" Came Tommy's voice, knocking him out of his reverie.
"Oh…it, uh, it died. Hunters. I'm sorry." Joel didn't mention how it happened, or what it resulted in. He wasn't going anywhere near that particular subject; at least not yet.
Tommy's eyes were full of questions, but he let it pass, deciding instead to take a seat on the couch.
"Shame. That was a good horse. One of our best, actually.", he said to the wall.
Joel took a seat next to his brother, wondering what to say, and how to say it.
"She's got good intuition, your good lady", he said.
"Hah, she sure has. Comes in handy sometimes; other times it just bites me in the ass."
"Knowing you; it's mostly the second."
There was another long silence, before Tommy finally started;
"The girl...she seems… distant."
"Yeah", Joel growled, scowling. He supposed now was as good a time as any. "It's…it's been a hell of a journey, Tommy. A hell of a journey. She –"
Joel was surprised to find his voice was actually catching in his throat. He paused and gave out a sigh; Tommy watching him patiently, and tried again. This time the words began to tumble out of him, suddenly desperate to make someone else understand;
"It's been hard. Real hard. Damn near impossible sometimes, in fact, but that girl's like nothing I've ever seen. We've both escaped death, too many times, but she is stronger than any of us ever gave her credit for." Joel's voice wavered as he carried on, knowing that he needed to tell this story, but knowing that he could be just about to set Tommy against him all over again.
"We went to the university. It was abandoned, brother. Empty." Tommy's mouth dropped open in shock, and tried to form a word but Joel silenced him. If he stopped now, he'd never be able to talk about it.
"We…ah…were ambushed. I fell. Two stories, straight onto a rebar. Damn well skewered me like a kebab."
"Jesus!" exclaimed Tommy, eyes wide in shock.
"I thought that was it. You just don't survive that kind of thing; you know that. But she did it, Tommy. She damned well did it. I have no idea how; I told her to run, but she came down those stairs like nothing I've seen, clearing out the hunters and helping me to my feet. I could barely walk, was damn well pissing blood but she still shot us a path through, and helped me all the way to the exit. Got us to the horse before I collapsed from blood loss. Could barely see never mind ride. But she didn't stop there, either. She somehow got us to safety, and treated my wound."
At this Joel lifted up his shirt to show Tommy the puckered, uneven scar. "God knows how she knew what to do, but she did it. Even Tess, my old smugglin' partner, would've been hard pushed to get us through that single handedly. Never in my life have I seen anything like it before; she fought tooth and nail, and she did it for me. She's just somethin' else."
Tommy's face was white. There were a few seconds of silence before Tommy finally managed; "And that's why she's been so distant? Jesus I'm not surprised Joel, she shouldn't have t-"
"That's not why."
"It's not? Then what is it?"
"We… carried on. And we found the fireflies.", Joel said, eyes boring a hole in the cold, weathered floorboards. He was going to skip winter.
Tommy looked like he was struggling to keep up, but managed to gain a glimmer of hope; "You did? So, what then? The cure?"
Tommy saw the look on Joel's face and was suddenly deadly serious. "What is it?"
"She was unconscious when we arrived. There was a flood…she can't swim. I was trying to do CPR when some damn Firefly knocked me out cold. When I came to, I was in the hospital. Marlene was there. I asked to see Ellie, but she said no. Said I 'didn't have to worry anymore', that 'they'd take it from here'".
Joel shook his head. "Turns out that was just some bullshit excuse. They were prepping her for surgery. Bastards hadn't even bothered to revive her, just pumped her full of drugs and carried her straight to the operating room."
"They wanted to kill her, Tommy. They were going to kill, no, murder a defenceless little girl, and dig out her brain. Like savages; no better than Hunters. Marlene gave the go ahead, said they needed to extract the fungus from her brain, and that was the only way they could have any chance of reverse engineering a cure."
Joel could see Tommy struggling in disbelief; muttering curses and shaking his head. He saved Tommy the bother of asking what happened next.
"I said no. And I stopped them."
"What do you mean, you said 'no'?" questioned Tommy, standing up, suddenly wary, distrust in his eyes.
This time, Joel didn't avert his gaze. He didn't need to justify himself to Tommy. He didn't need to justify himself to anyone. He stood up and looked his brother dead in the eyes. "I mean, I stopped them."
"They were going to kill her. Didn't even give her a choice; I wasn't about to let that happen."
"Joel….what did you do?"
With eyes made of stone, Joel stared at his brother. This time, his voice did not waver. This time, he did not fumble his words.
"I killed them, brother. I killed them all. Marlene, too. And I brought my baby girl home."
Tommy stumbled; physically floored by Joel's revelation. He grabbed the wooden mantelpiece for support as he gasped. Joel had, with the drop of a hat, condemned the human race, murdered everyone he'd fought with for years, as well as the woman who had mentored him and taken him in when he was still practically a boy. He whirled over and grabbed Joel's shirt, dragging and throwing him against the wall. His brother gave no fight. "Jesus Christ, Joel! What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you know what you've done? Why would you do that?"
Joel pried Tommy's hand off his shirt with a vice-like grip. "Because she's worth it. I did it because that one little girl is more important than handing her over to a group of terrorists on the brink of extinction, to maybe find a cure and maybe manufacture enough to stop the infection. I did it because she deserves more than that; because what you're doing here is more meaningful than any cure could be, and because she needs me more than the world needs a cure. I did it because I owe it to her."
Joel paused and finally broke eye contact.
"And because I need her."
"Yeah, real charming, except for the whole human race you've damned to die!" Tommy scoffed, as he paced agitatedly around the room. " Jesus. I can't believe this. And Ellie? What does she think of your newfound heart?"
"She doesn't know."
Tommy stopped pacing and looked at Joel again."Excuse me?"
Joel simply stared; not even an eyebrow raised.
"Oh, this just gets better!" Tommy shouted, shaking his head. "She doesn't know!"
"No," Joel said, changing suddenly from emotionless to aggressive. "And she won't know, not until I decide otherwise. Got that? Far as she's concerned there are dozens of others like her out there. As far as she's concerned, the Fireflies have given up looking for a cure."
"Hah, given up, sure, that's one way to look at it. And you really think she believes that?"
"It doesn't matter. The fact is she wants to believe it, at least for now."
At this, Joel finally let his demeanour soften; the hardest part of the conversation done. He walked from the wall and placed both his hands on Tommy's arms, looking into his eyes.
"I'm asking you, as my brother, to understand me. Put yourself in my shoes," Joel said, voice beginning to waver again, "I've travelled the breadth of this country and back, and faced more than I ever care to see for the rest of my life, however long that may be. I've protected that girl from things you can't even imagine. She has been through some deeply, deeply traumatising shit, and I've protected her through all of it. You can't possibly understand how important she is to me. Knowing that, could you do it? Could you honestly sacrifice an innocent young girl who has gone through what she has… who's saved your life more times than you can count? You know why you left the fireflies, brother. Could you give up someone like that for a half-hearted promise from a bunch of dying, self-centred terrorists?"
Tommy's eyes lost some of their fire at that, as he backed away.
"I…I don't know. But that doesn't make what you did right."
"Little brother; I know what I did wasn't right. I'm not askin' for forgiveness, and I don't need to absolve any goddamn guilt. I know what kind of person I am, and I couldn't care less about redemption." Joel thought back to Tess' last words to him. Guess what? We're shitty people, Joel, she'd said. And wasn't that the truth.
"That ship sailed a long time ago," he continued. "This is my burden to bear, sure as sure, and I'm happy to bear it for the rest of my life. I'm happy to take on anything if it gives Ellie peace. So I'm not askin' for forgiveness, and I couldn't care less about your approval. All I'm askin' is for you to put yourself in my shoes, see why I did what I did, and just help me protect her."
Tommy sighed, defeated. Joel knew he would be furious for a long time yet; but he also reckoned that Tommy knew firsthand how hard it was in this age to find love, and be able to feel affection for another human being. It was beyond rare; that's why he'd asked him to put himself in Joel's shoes. What would he have done if it was Maria? Would he have made the decision to sacrifice her, without her ever knowing what had happened? Joel could tell as soon as Tommy sighed that as much as Tommy despised himself for thinking it, he had to empathise.
Besides; Tommy had ran with the Fireflies; he knew exactly what Marlene was like. What were the chances of her sauntering up to each QZ and simply handing over the cure? No, there would've been demands, and sacrifices and arguments and more than likely, it would just start another war that no one could afford. Maybe humanity really was past the point of no return.
"This won't end well, you know", Tommy said, simply.
"I know", Joel replied, but I'll deal with that when I need to."
For now, Joel just wanted Ellie to take some time to stop and recover. It wasn't just him that had faced challenges; Joel knew all too well what haunted Ellie's mind when she went quiet. He'd heard the muttering in her sleep. He knew because he, too, still saw images of that burning restaurant in his head, in the quiet of the night. There wasn't a chance in hell he'd ever betray Ellie further by spilling that particular secret. That was one wound that was still too raw to touch. He'd told that lie for Ellie's own good, and if that meant she hated him for the rest of her life, if it meant that for now, she could have a little peace, it was worth it.
