Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one.

AN: First off, many apologies for the long duration between updates. Second, I hope a double update helps.


"Rin Tohsaka, what a great surprise to see you here." the man in front of her was ignored, instead the black haired Magus kept her attention focused on the book in her hands as she found herself waiting outside the office of her sponsor at the Clocktower, one Waver Valet, one of the few Magus she regularly spoke with and generally like not just simply tolerate out of necessity.

"What do you want today, Gasper?" Vincent Gasper, an English Magus and one that had once been a constant thorn in Rin's side seven or so years ago after he decided he wanted to date her, despite her then very clear relationship with the rather efficient Enforcer Shirou Emiya. Something that didn't deter him from constantly pestering her for a date, something she continually declined, until Vincent, embarrassed by his constant rejections by what he saw as a lowly Eastern Magus, discovered she was on a date with Shirou and tried to crash it, something neither she nor Shirou reacted kindly to. To make a long story short, he was gone from the Association for close to a year and had at least stopped asking her for dates after he returned.

"I just want to know when you want to go out for dinner, I've he-" Vincent's words were interrupted by a loud sigh from Rin as she turned to face him, a look of irritation crossing her face as she glared at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'd prefer that idiot Emiya than you Gasper." Rin's words made Vincent grin for some reason, barely drawing her attention as her attention was back on her book as he reopened it.

"Well you don't have a choice now Tohsaka." Gasper stepped forward, a grin on his face before Rin leveled a glare at him and it quickly fell, fear leaking though as he remembered the last time Rin had glared at him he had been limping for close to a week.

"What are you talking about Gasper?" Rin, despite simply wishing to ignore him, couldn't help but ask. More curious than anything about Gasper's words, she could always call Shirou and see if they could meet up, if not as lovers than as friends, something infinitely preferable than doing anything with Gasper, despite the distance between them since he took his latest contract.

"What? Didn't you hear?" Gasper's grin returned wider than before and something that made Rin's eyes narrow.

"Hear what? Don't play games with me if you want to remain in good health Gasper." Rin closed her book in her hands, turning to the English Magus as she tucked the book under her arm.

"That idiot got himself killed." Gasper's words had the desired effect, Rin's glare immediately fell to be replaced by shock, her shock enough to take a step back.

'Shirou...'

"W-W-What?" Rin cursed herself for stuttering as Gasper took a step towards her.

"Yeah, I heard about it a few days ago." Gasper waved his hand off to the side, the information unimportant to him before he was suddenly grabbed by the front of his shirt and slammed against the wall, Tohsaka locking her eyes with his suddenly wide ones.

"Who did it?" Tohsaka was suddenly too calm, too collected as cold almost dead eyes bored into his own.

"I-I-I don't know, I just heard about it from a few Enforcers, the Einzberns wanted the body back, said something about a proper burial." Gasper shook as Rin pushed him away, turning away from him as her mind analyzed this new information, something that didn't add up.

"The Einzberns? What the hell would they want wi-THAT IMBECILE!" Rin's muttering was broken by her shout as without another word the black haired Magus stormed off, leaving a terrified Vincent Gasper behind her as the door she was waiting at opened up a moment later.

"Ah, good thing she's gone. I was worried she would kill you. Now, what do you want Gasper?" Waver Valet sighed in relief once his somewhat irate student stormed away from his office, instead focusing his attention on another of his students, this one while arrogant was at least manageable unlike Tohsaka if she was as angry as he thought she was. "And mind telling me what she was so angry about?"

'Hopefully its not what I think it was.'


In hindsight, driving around London wasn't his best idea. Everything he saw brought back memories of a life he no longer had, something he was both glad for and also...

"Nat...I'm sorry." Shirou allowed himself a small sigh before he decided to take another ride, hopefully old memories replacing ones that could only hurt him now.

It seemed to help, he quickly forgot about Nat in favor of his memories around London, most of them with Rin, something he could manage and, hopefully, not get lost in them too.

He only had so many good memories before he had to start delving into the bad ones and those would only make him angry, something he didn't need at the moment.

'Rin...' Out of everything, he remembered the last few days they spent together some of the best in his life. Right before he realized she was too good for him, that he was only holding her back from the greatness he knew she would achieve. A hopeless Third-Rate Magus like him would only hold her back so he had to push her away, it was the right thing to do despite how much it hurt him in the end. Despite the hollowness he felt when she was gone he knew he had made the right choice. Rin didn't need him to be great, she needed someone like her and if he didn't let her go than he would have been selfish, thinking his feelings were more important than Rin's future. How could he value his worthless feelings more than Rin's greatness? What type of monster was he then?

"Tch, whoever thought the hero gets the girl was a damn fool." Shirou would admit that he became very cynical in his time since leaving Rin and beginning his work as a Enforcer in earnest. "I wish I could meet them and teach them the truth."

Eventually, despite his aimless riding, he found himself back at the Hellsing Manor, sighing as the red and black portal he must have rode through closed behind him and Seras stepped up to him and not very gently slapped him on the back of his head. He had been through worse with Crow when they were in over their head when they first started working together so he hardly flinched, merely rubbing the back of his head in irritation for a moment.

'I'm pretty sure Nat...damn...' Shirou cursed his thoughts, he did not need to think about her when he was like this. It wouldn't do any good to dwell on the past...to remember the love he had for her...it was best...

'Who am I kidding? I can't forget her...'

"Promise me you won't forget me Shirou!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just promise me Shirou! Don' forget me, ever!"

"Alright."

"That's not good enough."

"Wha-AH! Let go of me Nat!"

"You have to say it!"

"Fine, fine! I promise to never forget you!"

"Thank you."

'I made her a promise in the end...it's a good thing I didn't promise to come back then.' Shirou muttered a few curses when he felt his eyes watering. 'No, not right now.' It was hopeless, he couldn't hold them back anymore and now he had to accept it.

'I'm never going to see her again.' A tear fell.

'I'll never get to hold her again.' Another tear joined the first.

'I'll never get to see her smile.' Another tear.

'I'll never get to hear her laughter.' More tears despite his desire to stop.

'I'll never see her again.' He couldn't stop them, he was too weak in the end.

"I've been trying to contact you for hours Sword Boy, what the hell were you doing?" Seras ignored Shirou's muttered curses in favor of an answer, one she wasn't getting anytime soon as despite his normal attitude Shirou did nothing despite his feelings of her clear, not wishing to deal with his new master at anytime, and his personality shift was something she quickly caught on to.

"Emiya, what's wrong with you?" Seras' tone changed, more gentle as he stepped off the bike.

A humorless chuckle escaped the former Magus' lips then, something that made Seras frown before she took a different approach.

"Emiya, let me help you." Seras wasn't her normal self to him now, her voice was far too soft as her hand gently pushed his head up. "Emiya..." He was crying, he couldn't look at her, his eyes on the ground as tears trailed down his face.

"Shirou..." Now wasn't the time to reprimand him it seemed, it was more about helping him and so she gently wrapped him up in her arms, his tears not stopping as he grabbed hold of her without thinking.

"I'll never see her again Master." Shirou would hate himself later, right now he simply needed to let it all out. He was angry and sad at the same time. "They took me away from her."

"Shhh, Shirou, it's going to be alright." Seras didn't think of herself as a cruel master, she wasn't going to push her Fledgling now, she would be here for him now.

"No...I failed Master, I fail so much."

"You haven't failed Shirou, just give it time and it'll stop hurting."

"I failed her Master."

"Who?" It wasn't the girl who haunted his dreams, no, it was something much different than that. It was a lie he deceived himself into believing.

"Natasha..."


'I should have expected this. The Einzberns want the body because that fool accepted a contract from them, they want his body as compensation since he broke it when he left their home. But why? He only has his Reality Marble and he's not stupid enough to reveal it to them, or at least leave any witnesses.'

"Please! Don't kill me!"

"Sorry about this, I can't have my secret getting out can I?"

"I-I pro-"

"Don't. Just don't try and get out of this. You shouldn't have followed us."

"Ple-"

"Sorry about that Rin, I can't really let anyone know about this like you said."

He had killed the Magus, Harold Thomas, a somewhat respected and older Magus around the Clock Tower to keep it a secret. After he had finished, she had told him how to make it looks like an experiment gone wrong since they didn't need anyone investigating the death back then, Shirou was Rin's "apprentice" in very loose terms and the risk of her being drawn into one of his messes was too great to risk word of his Reality Marble getting out.

'Perhaps it would have been better to wipe their memories despite the hassle.' Rin remembered the face of the his nephew, Oliver, and it was dead. Anytime she saw him then, he treated her coldly, as if he knew she had been there when his father died but that was impossible. They had covered their tracks too well for anyone to figure it out, especially now.

'I must be delusional because of all the time I've spent up.' She may be right, she had spent most of yesterday looking into what Shirou had done before his death, mainly some thing to do with the Einzberns that had him coming and going for several years, and the day of his death. Her research had been worth it as it seemed his partner, Crow, had gone missing roughly two weeks before his death. 'If my guess is right then I need to be wary around Oliver and his little gang. The four of them probably had something to do with this but I won't find it easily. Especially if Thorne is a part of his plan.' For most of today she had looked into his partner's, Crow, movements before they suddenly disappeared. A minor investigation had followed but nothing much than that, it was just another disappearing Enforcer to most people. 'Oliver probably had something to do with it, I just need to figure out how.'

The only problem with that was that Oliver wouldn't have acted personally despite his desire to kill Shirou, he would have contracted out the job and with everyone involved in it dead and the Clock Tower content to call the people involved a deranged cult that got the drop on an Enforcer, she didn't have much of a case against him. It also did't help Oliver was heir to the Thomas family, above the Tohsaka in standing, and had the backing of the Thorne family, a similar standing to the Thomas, through his long time friend and most likely co-conspirator Robert, not the heir but to many he was better than his dead brother, someone Shirou had killed once he had lost his mind. Helping him were the two Foley, the, to Rin at least, psychopathic bloodthristy older brother James and the remarkably smarter younger brother Alexander.

'Despite any of my feelings towards them, I have no chance of bringing them down without Shirou if I challenged them to a duel. Despite his only skills being Projection and Reinforcement, he was still a much better fighter than me, something caused by his experience as an Enforcer with the scars to prove it. Damn, I have no choice but to go about this the long way, something I don't have the patience for.' Rin sighed as she leaned back in her chair, looking around her apartment, several shelves nearby overflowing with books and notes after just two days of researching. 'Sometimes I wish we hadn't broken up, I could have talked some sense into him and not have to go through all this.'

Sitting up after only a moment, Rin spared a glance to the old framed picture across from her, something she should have taken down ages ago but never found it in her to do it.

"Shirou..." Sighing, Rin looked at the happy picture of the two of them at the beach, taken a few months after they had left Fuyuki after and had decided to take a break and Shirou had a rather easy contract in Brazil and had been glad to take her with him. "Why did you have to go and die?" Alone. Despite anything she felt towards him, both good and bad, she knew for a fact he had died alone, just like he had intended. He didn't want anyone to be hurt when he finally did die and had tried his best to push everyone away from him, sparing them the grief his most likely untimely death would bring. "You didn't deserve it." He was too stupidly kind to deserve dying alone. "I just wish..." I had met you sooner, he was able to help her so much despite everything that was wrong with him, the things that made him empty. Even when there relationship was strained, he came back for her when Sakura had died, Zouken unwilling to let her be happy in the end. He had taken her from them...he had ripped her and Sakura apart again, just like almost twenty years ago when he offered his house to take Sakura. "I'm sorry for everything I said Emiya."

"No, you're worse."

She had tried to help him for so long but he would never listen, he would never think of himself no matter what anyone told him. He didn't see himself as worth anything next to a life. Even when he had begun killing he didn't view himself any better, he actually viewed himself less and less with each life he took. He had tried his best to hide it from her when they were together but he was never good at lying or keeping any secrets, especially so when it involved her.

"I'm a murderer Rin...how can a Hero be a killer?" He had confided in her then, almost breaking down as he tried to understand how he could be a hero when all he did was kill, seemingly nothing but killing.

"No...you may be a killer but you're saving so many people Shirou. Just think of how many more people the Magus you do kill could hurt if you didn't." She had tried her best to help him but she never could, if she couldn't understand how he thought than there was no way her words could help him.

"A Hero is supposed to be able to save everyone...I'm nothing but trash Rin...nothing but filth." She couldn't help him in the end, she could never help him it seemed. Despite everything he would do her, she could never help him the same way, no matter what she tried to say he wouldn't change his thoughts on himself.

'Dammit Shirou.' Rin knocked down the picture, turning away from it despite it being down before she spotted something. It looked to be a flash drive with a small piece of paper tied to it.

Rin

Her name on it was enough for her to grab it of the back of the frame, her curiosity overriding her caution at finding it. She had looked behind the photo frame just a few days ago, and nothing was there...

"Emiya..." Rin smiled despite herself, she should have known he would pull something like this.

Shirou had paid her one last visit it seemed.

"Thank you."

You're welcome...Take care,

Shirou

Despite herself, Rin managed to laugh at Shirou's little prediction.

'You're still...or at least was the same Emiya I knew. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing to be honest.'


AN: Good? Bad?

Peace until the next chapter.