Rehab
Title: Rehab
Pairings: 1X2, 3X4, 5X(haven't decided yet)
Warnings: SEX! (lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!
Summary: To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.
Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!
Author's note: I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic but I'm just wondering if I should continue or not. Some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others wont. I'm also looking for a Beta if anyone is up for it :) Please read and review I'd love to know what you think about it.
Chapter 3
This Chapter takes place after EW.
And all of a sudden
When you left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shot
That spun me around
And now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow
xXx
His skin is as soft as silk underneath my touch as I run my hands down his bare back to the base of his spine. I can feel his body shivering at my touch making me even more aroused and thus nearly completely forgetting where we are and why.
The war ended temporary one year ago (not that it gave us a rest, us pilots had a lot of issues and paper work to sort out) until 5 hours ago when Relena was captured. At the moment we're in the back of a small shuttle we'd stolen and on the way to colony X18999. With 6 hours to wait until we're even close enough to start the boarding procedures Duo kind of cornered me into the back end of the very small ship.
I can hear his moans as I take him, but this time it's slow - we have all the time in the world and I want to make it last. I plant my hands on the wall opposite me. The back of the shuttle is only big enough for two people to stand side by side. Duo always picks the wrong places for us to fuck. I can feel my breath getting quicker as I begin to speed up, that's when Duo's hands snap up and intertwine themselves with mine. His action stuns me for a second, he's always liked limited personal contact when we fuck. Normally it feels like I'm fucking an empty shell. Feeling his tight grip on my hands I realise what he is thinking – the war would hopefully be over soon. We don't really know what the outcome will be and if we will survive, but if we do - what will become of us?
xXx
He's gone.
He didn't even say goodbye.
Winner sighs happy as he rereads the note left in Relena's kitchen. He's left with her. Her being Hilde – gone to start over as he put it.
I feel like I can't breath. Winner and Barton look so happy – like they must know something I don't because I don't feel an inch of their happiness. I can feel my hands fisting into balls behind my back to hide my anger and repress the shooting pain rippling through my body.
"I always knew." Winner chuckles before shaking his head and depositing the note into his breast pocket. I see him turn to Barton with a twinkling look in his eyes. They've been fucking longer than Duo and myself. They tried to hide it but Quatre's openness just gave it away.
Feeling sick at the scene I turn to leave only to have Quatre tell me him and Barton are leaving tonight. Great, leaving me to Relena and her celebrations. WuFei had disappeared with Sally to sort out his new enrolment with the Preventers last night. I nod, my face blank, if I hadn't he probably would have thought I weren't listening.
I'm lucky enough to keep my composure until I reach my temporary bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I walk to the bed like a mechanical robot. Slowly and hesitantly I sit down on the edge. It's Boxing day, it's snowing and we have peace, but none of that seems important any more. Duo's gone, and now I don't know what to do – not that I knew what I was going to do in the first place, but now Duo's gone nothing feels right any more.
I feel so alone and out of place.
He didn't even say goodbye.
I can feel my heart pulsing in my chest as I flop to my side on the bed, my eyes staring emptily at the opposite wall.
As I lie there thinking about everything and nothing, I have a feeling that more time is passing than I realize. It's dark outside by the time there is a knock on my door. I don't get up to the first knock wishing whoever it is to go away.
"Heero?" It's Quatre. "Trowa and I are leaving now." I feel a fresh wave of new pain. My friends are leaving and I'm going to be all on my own. All alone at a dumbass politician party. Don't they realise they're pushing me into my worst nightmare alone, why won't they stay and help me? Don't they realise how much I'm dreading this?
Raising like a dead man from my place on the bed I mechanically move to the door again and open it slightly. The bright hallway light blinds me for a second.
"Heero are you OK?"
"I'm fine." I answer too quickly as I notice his worried face. Quatre's always bothered me how he likes to nose his way into people's business.
"Well..." He starts off a little hesitant before holding out his hand, "you'll have to come visit sometime Heero, we'll have a reunion soon. I'll get WuFei and Duo to come as well." His name sends a wave of torture through my body. I shake his hand before moving to Barton who eyes me for a second before shaking mine.
"Goodbye Yuy."
"Goodbye Barton." He nods his head in acknowledgement before the two turn and leave my life. If they'd turned around they would have seen my obvious pain spreading across my face as I realise I don't know if I'll actual see them again, while at the time feeling my frustration at not being able to express this to them.
By the time I've gotten ready for Relena's ball in the suit she'd personally brought me, the ballroom was full of smiling politicians.
2 Hours later I'm violently pushing open the patio door to Relena's office. Plunging outside I take a deep breath of fresh air while quickly taking in my surroundings. No one is in the garden, for the first time tonight I'm alone. Leaning against the wall of the large mansion I try to take in deep breaths of air to calm my nerves. Relena's plunged me into the deep end...to many people crowded into one ballroom. I'm not used to contact with many people which is why I started to panic, for the first time in my life I panicked and over some stupid politicians. They all seem to happy, the war only ended 2 days ago and I still can't get used to the feeling that it has.
I can feel my hands shaking violently as I slide down the wall to crouch in a ball at the bottom not caring if I'm about to get my brand new suit dirty. Bringing my knees to my chest I bend my head and rest my forehead on the tops of my knees. It's freeze outside but I can't feel it. I feel too numb to actually feel something real.
So this is peace? This is what I've been fighting for – a fresh start.
Inside I still feel my fear, my guilt, my pain. Maybe that's the difference between myself and the other's inside, they've never had to murder someone, they've never killed women even children, they've never broken up a family. I can still faintly hear the string orchestra playing a Christmas song from inside and it all seems to fake – all so wrong.
Suddenly, something inside me snaps. I feel so empty, so pathetic.
My fists ball in anger. All day I've been trying to think why Maxwell would leave and not say goodbye. What have I done to deserve this? What happened to us after the war? Maybe I miss read what he was saying. Maybe he's too ashamed of what we had to say goodbye. I don't think he realises what we had was everything to me. But I always knew we weren't supposed to have anything, apart from the fact that we were soldiers in the middle of the war, I never expected myself to actually survive. When Quatre first read the message for a second I almost followed him, but then I realised I wouldn't know what to do once I reached him. This thought angers me even more, proving how pathetic I really am.
Vigorously pulling down on the knot of my tie and undoing the top three buttons of my shirt I lean my head back to stare at the dark sky. This is the first chance I've had to actually admire the sky, the colonies almost destroy the angelic look of the twinkling stars. I wonder if Duo likes to gaze up at the sky.
The sudden loud bang of a firework going off makes me jump slightly. Taking in the beautiful colours of red, gold and sliver it silently reminds me of the war. With shuddering intakes I close my eyes. It angers me how weak I've become, how helpless I feel. I'm back to being just a boy again, and I feel so powerless. I don't know how to live like a normal person, I was hoping Maxwell was going to show me how. It's scary to think that now I'm just me, I have no real name, I have no real identity, to the world I officially do not exist. How is a person who only exists for war supposed to adjust to peace? I'd give anything to have a family – somewhere to go.
The fireworks continue as I sit on my own wondering what to do next when suddenly I notice someone approaching from within the mansion. Their shadow spilling across the patio as they get to the door.
"Heero." It's Relena and I mentally wince. "Heero what's wrong, what are you doing out here?"
Turning my head to see her I shrug my shoulders. She's looking at me in a weird sort of way, crossed between worry and a little bit of horror. I guess she doesn't like seeing me in this state.
"Let's get you back inside it's freezing." She says, vigorously rubbing her bare arms as she crouches by my side. Relena seems to think since I collapsed 2 days ago into her arms that she is now my protector – it's strange how things work out. "I'll take you to your room to rest, you'll feel fine tomorrow."
"I can't." I find the words slip past my lips before I realise it and what's worse my voice is so horse it sounds like I've been crying.
A frown comes to her face and something flashes in her eyes, "Why? Heero what's wrong? You're scaring me."
"I need to get away." I say, panic clearly showing in my voice and for some reason I can't control it. It's as if now the wars over I can't pretend everything alright any more. Quickly rising to my feet I turn to her. Her eyes are glazed over and she has a slight look of fear in her eyes.
"Relena, you're a strong person – you know how to move on." I begin unsure what I am about to say, "I just need to sort myself out, I can't just forget the war ever happened, I need time." The fear eases in her eyes and I think that she kind of understands what I'm saying. She nods her head and sniffs.
"Keep in touch Heero," she holds out her hand and I take it. "You are always welcome here."
"Thank you Relena." She smiles before turning to make her way back inside. Stopping by the door with one hand rested on the door frame she says, "I hope you find what you're looking for Heero, you of all the pilots deserve to have a life."
I open my mouth to speak not really knowing what I'm about to say but she leaves before I have the chance to reply. Relena Peacecraft has always amazed me with her will and strength. She is the perfect person to lead the world and colonies into total pacifism. That is the reason I helped keep her alive. The other's used to tease me about her, even Maxwell. It hurt when he talked about us as if we were in love. We are anything but that, I have nothing but respect for Relena for what she has done and what she is about to become – someone our age shouldn't be thrown into politics this early and the fact that she is more than willing to try amazes me. Maybe one day I'll be as strong as her.
Turning to enter the mansion, I go to pack my things before leaving. With nowhere to go and nothing to do, I feel even more empty than before. Maybe time will be good to me, maybe in time I will get used to being alone in peace.
TBC...
