INT. LESTRADE'S OFFICE – MORNING
SHERLOCK
So, sleeping on the job? I
Didn't think you'd be the
Type.
LESTRADE
Well, I'm not technically on duty. My wife kicked me
out. This is my home now. I got home at about four
last night. She shut the door on me and locked
herself in with a burly French postman.
SHERLOCK
I already know. You smell nice. Perfume. Expensive.
Obviously French. You don't wear perfume. You just
rely on manly body odour and charm. Probably why your
marriage failed. Try being shallow next time. There
are letters on your desk sent to your home address but
they're here in your office. You said your wife kicked
you out at four. These letters are from today and the
postman doesn't usually come that early in the morning
unless he's very, very eager. Now, if we look back at
all of your wife's other affairs we can clearly see
that-
LESTRADE
Let's move on. Let's try not to get distracted here.
About the case- ooh, you're wearing an expensive suit.
And you've got a leather suit case. That's not you.
What's that all about?
SHERLOCK
It's a disguise. I'm going to go do some disguise-y
things later and I'll probably break a few laws. That's
why I need you.
LESTRADE
To help you break the law?
SHERLOCK
No. To make breaking the law a bit more legal.
LESTRADE
What have you got in mind? No surprises, because
My job's gonna be on the line here.
SHERLOCK
Well, I was planning on burning down a hospital.
LESTRADE
What?
SHERLOCK
By hospital, I mean medical clinic. And by
Medical clinic I mean disused medical clinic.
Lestrade still looks at him, confused and probably slightly worried for his mental health. Slightly.
SHERLOCK
-for animals.
LESTRADE
Why do you want to do that?
SHERLOCK
Because I've made lunch arrangements
With an old acquaintance. Previous
Experience tells me it'll end with fire.
It always has.
EXT. DISUSED VETERINARY CLINIC – MIDDAY
The small building sits in the middle of a newly built industrial estate. Some of its windows are smashed. It is 70s in design. It is blocky, grey and made of concrete.
Lestrade parks his car on the gravel beside the building and he and Sherlock get out.
They wait.
LESTRADE
So who is your friend?
SHERLOCK
John.
A man, BARRY THE ARSONIST, appears at the doorway of the vet clinic. He holds his hand up. He's holding some take-away food.
BARRY
I brought lunch!
LESTRADE
(to Sherlock)
That isn't John.
SHERLOCK
Well, he isn't my friend.
LESTRADE
But-
SHERLOCK
I believe the word I used was "acquaintance".
His name's Barry The Arsonist. That's his real
Name. Legally changed it in 2001 because of his
Great love of fire.
LESTRADE
Why are we seeing him? What has this got to do with
The case?
SHERLOCK
He sent me a very interesting text earlier today.
LESTRADE
Would I be needing to arrest him later today?
SHERLOCK
You should. But you mustn't. He's a very useful
Snitch. He also does barbeques for half the original
price now. He's also survived at least twenty five
assassination attempts.
LESTRADE
That's extraordinary!
SHERLOCK
I know. His barbeque services were originally free!
