INT. LESTRADE'S OFFICE – MORNING

SHERLOCK

So, sleeping on the job? I

Didn't think you'd be the

Type.

LESTRADE

Well, I'm not technically on duty. My wife kicked me

out. This is my home now. I got home at about four

last night. She shut the door on me and locked

herself in with a burly French postman.

SHERLOCK

I already know. You smell nice. Perfume. Expensive.

Obviously French. You don't wear perfume. You just

rely on manly body odour and charm. Probably why your

marriage failed. Try being shallow next time. There

are letters on your desk sent to your home address but

they're here in your office. You said your wife kicked

you out at four. These letters are from today and the

postman doesn't usually come that early in the morning

unless he's very, very eager. Now, if we look back at

all of your wife's other affairs we can clearly see

that-

LESTRADE

Let's move on. Let's try not to get distracted here.

About the case- ooh, you're wearing an expensive suit.

And you've got a leather suit case. That's not you.

What's that all about?

SHERLOCK

It's a disguise. I'm going to go do some disguise-y

things later and I'll probably break a few laws. That's

why I need you.

LESTRADE

To help you break the law?

SHERLOCK

No. To make breaking the law a bit more legal.

LESTRADE

What have you got in mind? No surprises, because

My job's gonna be on the line here.

SHERLOCK

Well, I was planning on burning down a hospital.

LESTRADE

What?

SHERLOCK
By hospital, I mean medical clinic. And by

Medical clinic I mean disused medical clinic.

Lestrade still looks at him, confused and probably slightly worried for his mental health. Slightly.

SHERLOCK

-for animals.

LESTRADE

Why do you want to do that?

SHERLOCK

Because I've made lunch arrangements

With an old acquaintance. Previous

Experience tells me it'll end with fire.

It always has.

EXT. DISUSED VETERINARY CLINIC – MIDDAY

The small building sits in the middle of a newly built industrial estate. Some of its windows are smashed. It is 70s in design. It is blocky, grey and made of concrete.

Lestrade parks his car on the gravel beside the building and he and Sherlock get out.

They wait.

LESTRADE

So who is your friend?

SHERLOCK

John.

A man, BARRY THE ARSONIST, appears at the doorway of the vet clinic. He holds his hand up. He's holding some take-away food.

BARRY

I brought lunch!

LESTRADE

(to Sherlock)

That isn't John.

SHERLOCK

Well, he isn't my friend.

LESTRADE

But-

SHERLOCK

I believe the word I used was "acquaintance".

His name's Barry The Arsonist. That's his real

Name. Legally changed it in 2001 because of his

Great love of fire.

LESTRADE

Why are we seeing him? What has this got to do with

The case?

SHERLOCK

He sent me a very interesting text earlier today.

LESTRADE

Would I be needing to arrest him later today?

SHERLOCK

You should. But you mustn't. He's a very useful

Snitch. He also does barbeques for half the original

price now. He's also survived at least twenty five

assassination attempts.

LESTRADE

That's extraordinary!

SHERLOCK

I know. His barbeque services were originally free!