Too close
I tried very hard to convince myself that he was just out, and he would be back soon,
like always.
But this time it was very hard for me to forget that night I saw him.
He was thinking, so hard about something, what could it have been? I wondered, while picking up twigs
for master jakens fire.
Why is he gone so much now?
He knows I'm growing older, like all human girls do, but that couldn't change his way of thinking about me,
could it?
I haven't been a bother, have I?
I've never asked for anything, and I've never complained, well mostly never.
Maybe he doesn't like the way I smell, I am a human, maybe since I've gotten older I'm repulsive towards him.
What ever the cause, I must stay on my toes, and follow jakens orders, I suppose I need to respect him again.
Oh though, jaken might think I'm just buttering him up for something, he always does..
And that thought, these feelings, they need to be put to rest, I love Lord Sesshomaru like a master, not anything els.
That's how its supposed to be,...right?
Why do I keep questioning myself, of course its right.
I chuckled to myself, as I walked back to camp, with an arm full of twigs and lumber I could carry.
"Aww yes, that will do nicely, set it down there rin" as jaken said as he laid back and rested his head on a rock
"Yes master jaken" I said sighing
"That will be all rin, you can go off and play, wait, aren't you getting a bit old to play?" he questioned her
"No, I don't think so master jaken"
"How old are you again rin?" he asked curiously
"I have forgotten Master jaken"
"Forgotten!?, well I suppose we need to ask Lord Sesshomaru when he gets back don't you think?"
"I don't see why, it doesn't matter does it?"
"Don't question me child"
"I thought you said I wasn't a child"
"I didn't! I said you were merely, ahhhh stop that!"
"Sorry master jaken, please forgive me" I said as I bowed my head
"Fine, go off and leave me be, we will talk about this when lord sesshomaru gets back"
"Yes, master jaken" I said leaving him at the camp
I almost got angry, what's the matter with me? But why the sudden interest in my age?
So what if I'm getting older, he's practically ancient! Ah, I shouldn't have thought that, that was
rude of me, lord sesshomaru, I wonder how old you are, hmm, I wish you would come back
early, wait what am I thinking!? sigh
as I walked deeper into the forest, I noticed a clearing, as I walked closer to it, I saw him
lord sesshomaru, lying down in the middle of a patch of green, green grass, it looked so soft
he looked peaceful, the most peaceful I had ever seen him, and again I stepped on a twig, he arose quickly
he glared in my direction, I bowed
"Sorry lord sesshomaru, I was only wandering around" I kept my head down to he couldn't see my embarrassment
"Rin, come here"
My head looked up quickly, could he have just told me to join him?
I walked over slowly, unsure what his idea was for me to join him
"Sit" he asked, he actually asked me
"Yes m'lord" I sat down very slowly, still very unsure
"How long?"
"How long what Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Don't act coy Rin"
I paused for a moment, did he know I was watching him? he must have smelt me
"Only for a few minutes Lord Sesshomaru"
"Thank you for being honest, Rin"
a slight gasp escaped me, I was shocked, he thanked me
"Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Yes, Rin?"
'Why,...why have you left me so many times?" I gasped, I forgot to say "us" oh no
"You?, I wasn't leaving you rin, I had to go, and I always come back, don't I?"
'Yes, but I was...we were scared you wouldn't come back."
"We?"
"Me and jaken"
"Ahh, of course, jaken was scared I would leave him.." he said sarcasticly
"I mean, Lord Sesshomaru!?" I said in a loud tone
it shocked him, but only for a second "Yes, rin?"
"I lied"
"Hmmm?" he cocked his head to the side, only for a second..
I breathed deep, should I tell him? No I can't he will hate me, minutes passed then it
blurted out
"I lied, about the dream, and why I was watching you.." I said in shame
I lied again to him, I hope he didn't sense it..
"I thought as much, you've been to anxious lately..its beginning to annoy me" he said
"I'm sorry Lord Sesshomaru" I bowed my head as low as it would go
"So, why were you watching me again?"
"I...I...I was scared, you'd leave me, and never come back, I was scared you'd begun to hate me,
or I repulsed you.." I said in such a sad tone
"Rin" he questioned
"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru?"
"How long have you felt this way?"
"For a few years...I guess.." I said as I lowered my head
"Yes, your...sixteen now?"
"I suppose, I have forgotten my lord"
"Yes, sixteen, I remember.."
"Oh, are you mad at me Lord Sesshomaru?"
"No, I'm..flattered, I suppose"
"So, does this mean, I can still stay with you?
"Havent you always? Such a foolish question"
"I was just wondering my lord"
"You seem to be doing that alot lately"
"Sorry Lord Sesshomaru" I bowed my head
As I looked up he was already heading back to camp I hurried quickly to catch up, following behind him
I still hadn't told him I loved him,
I still lied to him, but in some way I think he knew, that I lied, he just didn't know about what.
Thank goodness, maybe tomorrow will be much better than today was.
-To be continued
