Song: I Hate Myself for Loving you
Artist: Joan Jett and the Black Hearts

Everytime Lovino did something stupid—from illegal things and beyond—Ludwig forgave him for everything. It wasn't like the German could help it, but even when he wanted to stay mad, he didn't find it as easy to stay mad as he was be to be with other people. Just a simple glance into Lovino's twinkling eyes and Ludwig melted under his gaze. The Italian just had that effect on him—and no matter how hard he tried to pull away, Lovino lured him back. He felt like a puppy. A kicked puppy.

Ludwig was no longer sure lovino loved him, as he had at the start of their relationship, and he absolutely hated the feeling of being unloved. it was like Lovino just didn't care anymore. Between the late night parties, if just didn't feel the same. Oh, but when it did...

When those moments wen Lovino came home and just tackled the German in a passionate kiss, no matter how angry he was, Ludwig always found himself kissing back. The night would be spent in splendid bliss as Lovino pulled Ludwig in, and the morning, all the love and passion of the night before was gone. it would just disappear into an unknown void, and Lovino would go back to his usual routine of doing who-knows-what while Ludwig tried to continue his daily life—his pride and heart practically in shambles.

It felt—and somewhere deep inside Ludwig knew this wasn't just a feeling, it was what was actually happening—like Lovino was just using him. When he couldn't get his hands on someone that could please him, there was always Ludwig waiting on him. It was infuriating to know Lovino was capable of pulling his act together; yet the Italian did nothing and continued with his crude behavior.

And if Lovino was aware of how much he had been hurting Ludwig, he didn't show any indication that he cared. But, Ludwig knew that Lovino wasn't that oblivious, and he was well aware of the consiquences of his actions.

Just for once Ludwig wanted to switch the tables and leave Lovino waiting on him—just for the spite of it. But he was well aware he couldn't bear to see Lovino look so crushed. Plus, there was no way to be sure that Lovinow would even care what Ludwig did any longer. Base on what Ludwig had witnessed, it would seem like a no.

Now that he thought about it, it became more obvious that he should just walk away. But that didn't seem possible. Ludwig felt chained and trapped. The blond wasn't sure that he would even be able to walk away if he was suddenly free. If felt more as if he'd run back.

Ludwig was a strong person—strong spirit, strong body, strong mind, strong— but Lovino made him feel the opposite of what he was. And- and- and... he hated himself for loving Lovino.


A/N - Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. My writing sucks balls. Hate it.