Hallo! I just watched a movie with Scottish people in it, so now that little voice in my head has a Scottish accent! Yay! Enjoy this next update…

Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters, or "Monk" the TV show. Not that that has anything to do with the story…


How to Annoy Hermoine Granger

#1. Tell her that the library is closed.

Draco Malfoy's POV

It was just a regular day, when suddenly a thought struck me. That mudblood, Granger, had socked me in the nose the other day. Why not get back at her for it? I mean, I am a heartless dickhead. No one would ever suspect there was anything wrong with me if I messed with a girl. Especially a Muggle-born. So, I sat down in the Slytherin common room to think of a plan…

I quietly stood behind the corner on the end of the corridor near the History of Magic classroom. Hermoine would be coming around it soon. Just as I expected, thirty seconds later she came bustling through with her…well, you could call it a bookbag, but I bet it's her own personal weight-lifting set.

"Hello, Granger."

"Hello, idiot." She kept cool at the sight of me…unnatural for people in general.

"Where are you going?"

"To the library, of course." She pushed past me and continued walking, without the slightest hesitation.

"Oh, didn't you hear?" I exclaimed with my best pity-face-sneer, "The library is closed. Seems a pixie got in and…well, I suppose you wouldn't want to know what it did." Granger really bought it. She gave me a hard glare and a "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"The pixie, well, it went on all of the history section."

"That can't be…It simply can't be!" A shocked expression crossed her face, followed by denial.

"Well, it is."

"NO! NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! I HATE THIS! DAMN YOU! STUPID LIBRARY! DAMNED PIXIE!"

"Yeah. The library is closed. Deal with it."

"Okay, how about I just can look at the potions section of the library? Or Madam Pince can send some books out?"

"I don't think that's gonna happen, Granger," I was liking this more and more.

"Why does everything happen to me? I had a History assignment due tomorrow…Why me? WHY?"

"Calm down. It's just the library."

"NO! NO, NO, NO!"

"Are you okay?"

"No…no I'm not. The library is closed. How can I be okay? Why does everything bad happen to me?"

"Uhhh…"

"Why can't we just sit outside and read? Something? But...maybe the library is closed for a reason…I'll just have to live with it."

"Okay then…Bye." I turned around and started to walk away. Suddenly, I was knocked down by a whale. No, a…bookbag?

"I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME? DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!"

Harry's POV

All I saw was Hermoine sitting on the floor laughing her head off and Malfoy running away and screaming like a little girl. I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

"Sooo…What'cha doin'?" I cautiously approached my friend, who was still laughing like Malfoy had just run away screaming like a little girl…oh wait, he did.

"Malfoy-(giggle)-said that the library-(giggle)- was closed 'cuz a pixie-(snort)-peed on the books, but, there's a spell that-(giggle)-prevents non-human creatures from getting in the library." She paused to catch her breath. I was still hopelessly confused. "So, I knew he was just trying to annoy me. So I acted crazy, going through the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. So I started with denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, but then I skipped acceptance and looped back over to anger, then depression, then bargaining, then I accepted it. But when he left, I hit him in the head with my bookbag and went back to anger. That's when you showed up."

"Well, interesting story, Hermoine, but I really should be getting back to the common room. You know, where all the sane people are."


Wow. I just finished writing this at exactly 12:23 AM. I am so weird…

Haha! I got that "Five Stages of Grief" thing from the detective show, "Monk". I love that show. Not nearly as much as I love Big Time Rush. Ha. Not even close.

So, anybody guess when I'm publishing my new story? (About BTR)? Here's another hint...

"Pedal to the metal, baby hold me tight…Anything you want I can get that, girl. If you with that, girl."

Haters gonna hate, Rushers gonna ELEVATE!

If you don't really care about Big Time Rush, well, whatever. Then you're just like my good friend, (ahem) WatsWithUrGraceFace. Even though she is an anti-Rusher, we're still friends. I wonder why…haha! I'm pretty sure her pen-name will be changed, anyway. So whatever. Bye!