Thank you seengot, Lifeless Heartless, and Ralenore for reviewing, glad to know you people can still read. Too much television is bad for the SOUL. That may or may not have been slightly related to Soul Eater. Anyway, enjoy this thrid chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own ZOMBIEPOWDER., because that would be weird if I was writing fanfictions about my own manga. O.o
WARNING: This contains foul language, suggested sexual themes, character bashing, and spoilers, although you'd think by now you would have read all four volumes.
-Doomed to Fail-
"Well that's not a very positive title chapter."
"Shut up Smith."
Now onto the actual story:
"Ok, let's assign everyone jobs after I take attendance" Gamma said, holding a clipboard with almost all the characters' names on it. Everyone groaned, they had to take perfect time out of their day to come and get assigned to some stupid idea of Gamma's, which was entirely doomed to fail. "Wolfina" he looked at her, "why isn't your brother Emilio here?"
"He's in a permanent state of sleep due to one of the Rings of the Dead, and didn't you already know that?"
"Well go get him and shove him in a hospital wheelchair and bring him here this istant!" Gamma yelled, ignoring her question completely. Wolfina sighed and jumped out the nearest window and, somehow, landed on her feet and started running towards the hospital, muttering quiet (and censored) obscenities along the way.
"Anyway" Gamma continued, "the jobs. Smith, you'll be the head artist, pick out some assistants and get out of my sight you Mary Sue."
C.T. Smith stood up along with some other people who were too unimportant to be named and left the hotel room, but not without firing a few rounds dangerously close to Gamma Akutabi's head first. I wonder if he was angry or just did that to prove that he could.
"Angellle will be advertising, so everyone knows to read our manga. She-"
"OH MY GOD YAY GAMMA I'M SO HAPPY YOU TRUSTED ME WITH A SUPER HARD POSITION, WHEN WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
"I'll think about when you're sixteen, I already told you that." Gamma sighed; she was really annoying.
"I knew it! You are a pedo, so that's why you let me tag along, you sick pervert-"
"SHUT UP ELWOOD!" Gamma felt close to snapping and breaking both of their necks. However, his medication prevented him from actually taking any form of action, along with the uneasy feeling that Smith's gun was still in range.
Gamma cleared his throat. "Elwood" he said, and looked over at the boy, who judging by his face was expecting some immature comment about his pedo comment. "You have a very important job."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
Elwood got excited. What could this job be? After all this time getting pushed around by these immature, psychotic criminals, there was something that he was going to be trusted for! "What is it, what is it?"
"You have to make our manga legal. Prefferably before we get the first volume out, but I don't really care. Wolfina said that we can't just kill whoever complains about our copyright infringement, and Smith said it'd keep you busy. So there you go." Gamma went back to his clipboard and started pointing at people.
Elwood just stood there, doing the cliche hanging jaw and WTF face. "You mean this isn't even legal?"
"Yup."
"You suck Gamma, you really suck."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
This was one of those hopeless battles that in an anime, lasts until the commercial break. Then you realize that was a filler conversation to meet the required amount of screentime and corporate profit and get really angry. Or at least, that's what Wolfina thinks. She even wrote an article about it.
---
Smith and his drinking buddies, who were also his assistants, were drawing outlines in the break room, mainly because it had a coffee machine and a big table. There were several bullet holes in the walls and one in a guy's head. He was sprawled over an office chair bleeding, but no one really seemed to take notice.
"I gots this page a-done" one guy slurred. He placed it on a pile of finished manga pages, which was crumpled and covered in ink.
Smith just hummed a perky tune as he inked, not really caring if the guys screwed up or not; Gamma would get bored and give up on this idea when he realizes how much work is actually required.
---
Wolfina was running down the street with her brother's wheelchair, thankfully with Emilio still in it. She used some rope for a seatbelt, and now she was getting weird looks from people walking by. She was also getting cat-calls and whistling from the perverts.
"Honestly, how is a catatonic teenager supposed to be of any use to that man?" she wondered out loud.
Suddenly, it hit her and Wolfina stopped. The realization of Gamma's secret motives, not the frisbee some stupid kid threw, although that did hit her too. Elwood was always telling her that Gamma was a pedophile, but never to what extent. A boy in a coma would be just freaking perfect for him, wouldn't it? So that's how they remove the Ring of the Dead from someone's brain, but that made her wonder if it only applied to virgins. Nevermind, she didn't need to think of that subject any further.
Wolfina kept taking downhill routes to get back to the apartment complex they were terrorizing, so that she didn't need to push and could just ride on the back. It wouldn't be for another hour of this method of transportation that she would remember that she was going downhill on the way to the hospital, so that she would actually need to go uphill.
---
Gamma was tired; bossing idiots around all day was suprisingly exhausting. Elwood kept complaining, Angelle was clinging to his leg for a good portion of the day, there were several fatalities, and Wolfina still hasn't come back. He was starting to wonder if he could pull this off and save their anime series.
He grabbed the clipboard and layed down on the bed, not wearing a shirt, and began flipping through all the jobs he assigned to people. There was a doodle of Godzilla eating Smith's head, another doodle of Angelle and Elwood strapped to a rocket, this one was in crayon, and one on the back of page with Wolfina's.... actually, let's not mention that picture.
One job had three badly-drawn stars next to it:
Gamma Akutabi will write the plots
"CRAP!" He completely forgot that he gave himself a job. Gamma quickly got up, still shirtless, and ran to the desk with some papers on it. He quickly began scribbling a storyline, but he pressed to hard and the lead broke.
"Stupid mechanical pencils." He clicked the top really fast and started to write again. Snap, went the lead. The pencil then found itself embedded in the wall and met its roommates, the chess pieces.
It was really tiring, coming up with original material that would excite readers and keep them following the story, which is why Gamma thought he did his best thinking shirtless. I believe this is called fanservice.
Around two in the morning, Gamma went back to the bed with a cramped hand and outlines for the next two chapters on his desk. Being sure to snuggle deep under the covers, he went through the day and its accomplishments. He ran out before he fell asleep, so he had to count sheep afterwards.
Smith was most likely asleep in the other room to his left, and he heard Elwood's and Wolfina's door across the hall slam earlier. It never occured to any of them that they didn't need to take up an entire floor in the apartment complex for such a small cast of characters.
He fell into dreams of murder and bunnies, and rested happily. It would be in the morning when he would panic, finding the storylines for ZOMBIEPOWDER. missing from his desk.
This chapter was really random. I'm not really sure what I wrote was even related to the plot. Then again, this is a crack fic, so I guess that's okay then. I'm really happy that people actually reviewed and that I managed to get to three chapters without stabbing someone. A for effort, right? TO BE CONTINUED, AND THERE WILL BE SPARKLES.
