On Crystal Sand
Chapter 3 - Put On a Sora-Face

When I said my mother didn't push and pry for information from me about the therapy session, there was a whole other reason as to why she kept quiet the first five minutes of the car ride. Through what I thought was my mother being sensibly reliable and deeming herself a worthy adversary, she somehow took the time to collect all the silence between us and made the biggest discomfort I felt today, and that was a huge accomplishment.

She still had her eyes focused on the road, and when she finally hit a red light, she soothed her grip on the steering wheel, but was still clearly tense. "So...are you and Sora still friends?"

I sarcastically laughed, taunting the subject of Sora. "Mom, if I were to change my relationship status from 'in a relationship' to 'single' on Facebook, would that answer your question?"

My mom grips the steering wheel a little harder again and shakes her head slowly, her red curls still finding their way on her shoulders. "You can't have a Facebook on Destiny Islands."

"I know," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "How am I supposed to say that in one week, we had my best friend buried, my boyfriend left me, and I have a huge base of haters?"

"Kairi, you are not alone," she tried convincing me. "You have me...Xion, Olet—"

"Nah..." I mumbled and turned to the rear-view mirror. "They hate me too."

"Oh," she replied and I could tell she wasn't trying to look at me anymore. Commence silence and the transition into a green light.

It wasn't that bad, sitting there passing at least three traffic lights quietly. More of a comfortable one, because I was now allowed to stick my head halfway out the window, something I'd love to do since I was younger. I rolled down the window and quickly let the breeze close my eyes. The wind lapped through my hair, tugging each strand of hair to come fly in the breeze. I didn't mind the stares from all the other drivers, but I just let it slide. Ah, how wonderful it felt. Just the feeling of sunlight pour onto my face made my eyes close in pleasure and to soak in the moment.

I suddenly steadily realized that it was the first time I did not think of Sora or Riku in a long time. This wasn't what I expected, since everything I did reminded me of the two—see, I just came back from therapy because of it, and I don't think these sessions will work, to be honest.

I think all these inside feelings were only given to me to blame for self-inflicting them to myself. If I were to stop talking to myself when I'm alone or stop worrying so much about Riku, I wouldn't need therapy. If I wanted to hurt myself every day my thinking about him, then wouldn't I just be a masochist, or perhaps, someone with extreme low esteem?

Maybe I did have some hidden psychological disorder. Would it even matter if I did? Could I not just be a normal human-being that could lean her head out to bathe in the sun and feel the wind race through her ears? In a world where things that weren't all that accepting of the wrong, I couldn't have been able to. I guess my goal now was to convince everyone that I was not, and never was, "psychologically disabled."

I couldn't stick my head out of the window for the rest of my life. At the next red light, some cynical old lady with a low sense of humor and a cross face yelled over at me from the next traffic lane for me to close my window up and stick my head back inside, even though I only hung out a part of my head to glance at the sun. I let into her demands and retreated into the car, afterwards turning the air conditioning on at full-blast.

"Hey, turn it off, it's not even that hot," my mother protested.

"Mom, I can't. I'm sorry," I replied and leaned back into my chair, reclining it a little. When the traffic light turned yellow on the other street, I peered out the window again, staring at the old woman. She sat, both her hands forcefully clasped onto the steering wheel and her eyes like spears, shooting them out at the street in front of me. She saw me staring, and she seemed to want to shoot a real spear at me. Old people that had angry childhoods tended to be unhappy adults, I observed.

That's why I did the best and worst thing I have ever done to disrespect someone. It was childish, but she really seemed to get her beans together if she wanted people to like her. That's why I took my palms and pressed them on my cheeks which were cheeky enough so I could press them together against my face. In my childish sense, I crossed my eyes together to mock her, something I could remember from something I'd seen before. I could tell that when I uncrossed my eyes, she was in a rage. She looked like she was ready to open her door and I quickly panicked.

"Mom!" I yelled. "Go! Go! Go!" I waved her on.

She pushed the pedal hard, unaware of my childish antics. The light wasn't even completely green when she was already past it and going at least fifty miles an hour. I turned back to look at that stern old lady, but all I saw was her own old model car slowly dwindle past traffic. I leaned back into my chair and sighed in relief.

"What did you do this time?" my mom interrogated. She didn't sound mad, but more of wanting to know what kind of prank I pulled.

Somehow, that whole episode made me forget that I had banned some words in my vocabulary. "A Sora face," I said freely, and my mother nodded, somewhat confused at my behavior. I just cracked a smile, but at the same time my expression became hard when I realized I'd lifted the ban on words.

It hadn't been more than ten minutes before I thought of both of them again. It had been so long since I'd seen a smile on both their faces. They had a habit to smile at the worst times, and keep a frown or confused look on their faces at the inverse. Why, I probably would never know.

My mother's speed decreased a bit to a more stable point, and I leaned even farther back into the chair. The sky was blinding with the big 'ol sun it hung above us with dwindling clouds swimming with the current. I watched the blinking lights of airplanes, not even bothering to pretend they were shooting stars, when I made a wish. Something that I knew was somewhere stuck in my heart where I couldn't pull it out for the therapist or anyone perhaps. The lights blinked around the fluff of clouds and later disappeared into them along the way. By that time, I had already wished for three things. Could I take them back someday; I'd love to wish for that.

One: I wish I'd never remember that face.

Two: I wish I could undo all the mistakes I've made in the past that have come with all the costly consequences.

Three: I wish that I never came to these islands.

V.

It is the eve of the first championship game the school basketball team had managed to snatch. After hard work and determination by both Sora and Riku, they had pulled the team into one of the first championships the school has ever landed.

"This is great!" another athlete from our school, Tidus, announced while pouring a drink for everyone he invited to celebrate their new challenge at his house. Of course, I was still on the cheering squad, so I was humbly invited, but I didn't call myself a full-fledged member. After all, I didn't even go to the practices every Thursday after school.

Tidus was a well-developed friend of Sora's that wasn't even on the basketball team, but more of their stage manager. He played baseball, but not on the team, and blitzball, on a team. From past experience, he seemed like a good guy, and I knew he had a soft spot for the captain of the cheer squad, Yuna. How he could like someone like her, I didn't know.

"Finally—" he said while taking a sip of his drink. "—Destiny High can finally have a champion on their shoulders. And for once—it's not me!"

Sora laughed along and warily sipped his own drink. "Don't get too cocky, Tidus, it might kill you..." he said mockingly. I took a swing of my own cup, and the contents not only made me want to throw the cup out, but I felt like I needed more of it. I was now debating whether or not I should ask Sora for anymore.

Meanwhile, Riku leaned over to me on the other side of the table where I was sitting and whispered to me. "

Hey," he said with a real suave face and a voice to match. "Wanna ditch this Popsicle stand?"

I shrugged and nodded my head. "Alright, as long as you don't plan to molest me, Riku," I teased.

He snickered, saying, "You want me to...?"

"You wish," I joked while I took Riku's hand and pulled him towards the patio outdoors. No one noticed when I pulled the back door open and breathed in fresh air. Tidus' house came with a cute little patio that opened into his backyard. It surprised me, because I saw all sorts of flowers on the patio and on the lawn. Tidus' dad wasn't home frequently (hence the house party) and Tidus didn't seem to be the flower-type guy.

"Tidus plants them," Riku told me while I stared at the near forest of life. "He told me that it reminded him of his mom."

My mouth formed a wide 'oh' shape and I walked closer towards the edge of the patio. Everyone knew who Tidus' mom was. She was once a regular member of the school committee, and everyone knew her as the woman that allowed non-gender discriminating lunch tables and convinced the school president social events and interaction with others. She was also well-known as a party animal herself, quoted from Tidus and his dad.

But a week before the championship and this house party, she disappeared from home. I remembered the time when Tidus came running frantically to almost every house on the block asking where she was—before he came to my own house.

When he showed up on my door step panting and exhausted, I couldn't just leave him by himself, so I let him stay over at my house that night. He still seemed pretty shaken, because he never imagined his mom leaving him and his dad. Also with the fact that Tidus' dad was away and Tidus was pretty reckless by himself, I gave him the spare bedroom for the night.

"He's still looking around for her?" I asked.

"Yeah. He can't really accept the fact that she isn't home on a daily basis. Not many people seem kept in the loop that she's missing."

I didn't ask anything after that. I just looked away from Riku and admired some of the flowers that I knew Tidus cherished. Even in the dim lighting, I spied the evident glimmer given off the leaves of each plant that told me that someone had just so recently watered and nurtured the plants.

I didn't hear Riku move at all, nor could I see his face, but I could hear his slowed and steady breath escaping his mouth. I found myself mimicking him secretly, breathing in and out my mouth, something I found surprisingly calming to do. It was hard to remember the pattern because even from the outside, I could hear Sora popping open another bottle of happy juice and spraying it around him; I could tell from the shouts and hollers.

"Maybe we should leave now..." I encouraged Riku, grabbing his arm and trying to tow him back inside the house to retrieve Sora. But Riku stuck himself to the ground, and being the less superior one, I let go of him, confused at Riku's sudden nature.

Before I could approach him, he spoke quickly, a different tempo from his slow and steady composure. "How can he celebrate like that...when there's a chance we could lose the championships in one second—one screw-up?"

"Riku, if you've gotten this far, I'm sure you can make it past this. Basketball—it's part of your nature...and—"

"You're right, I'm sorry," he hastily concluded. He sighed again and sort of pushed some of his hair aside from his face. Despite his calm face, I could tell he was still distressed. I wanted to tell him more, but I didn't think it was so necessary at the time. I let my sentence escape my thoughts.

"Let's get Sora before he gives body shots," I said, recalling some past events that could make anyone who knew Sora shudder. "Don't want him to get another nasty bruise."

It looked like Riku nodded, so I made my way back to the back door, not knowing that he hadn't moved from his spot at all. I almost forgot about him, until he finally whispered in a barely audible voice.

"Kairi," he said. I remembered that Riku was still standing behind me, and I didn't think he was whispering to himself, so I turned to face him again. I could still see his clear blue eyes reflect even the dim porch lighting to illuminate them further, into a deep and light jade color.

"Um...yes?" I answered slowly. Never had I truly seen Riku's eyes that color, or even stared this deep into his gaze. It didn't scare me that much, but I was amazed that I hadn't noticed it yet.

But that wasn't the most surprising thing that occurred that night.

"You and Sora..." he started, his eyes losing the sheen of emerald and dissolving into a clearer and pale blue. To my surprise, I didn't want it to suddenly disappear; I ran willingly towards him, where he took both of his arms and wrapped them around me. The warmth was enough to keep me sane, and I don't even remember most of the words he would mumble.

That was when I became fascinated with who Riku was. His eyes, his warmth, his everything captivated me. My infatuation with him brought me closer than I'd ever been to the edge, and I didn't want to back away at the second.

That's when I touched my lips to his.

This had to be the very first time I felt completely close to Riku. I felt that maybe he may have been more capable of a healthy relationship than Sora. It was an experience that was natural to me, and I trusted Riku now more than I had before.

But Riku wasn't moving at all. Not his hands, not his lips—he did remove his arms from around me—but he tried pushing me off of him. I stepped back quickly, a little bit of realization coming back to remind me that I couldn't just go around kissing people.

"Uh..." I tried saying, and Riku seemed at a loss of words as well. He developed strawberry-colored cheeks that he tried covering with his hands, while I just turned away from him. I felt bad that I cut off his sentence, and that I had surprised him.

After all, I shouldn't have kissed him.

- —- - - -

I knew wishing on a shooting star, or at least pretending to, would never work. "They don't even work in fairy tales," I told myself when I woke up. We were in my driveway, the car coming to a stationary stop, and my mom was already unbuckling her seatbelt. She tried reaching over to take my bag, but I beat her to it. I unbuckled mine and already had the door open when I took my bag and slung it over my left shoulder and slammed the door shut.

I reached into my pocket and pulled my keys out, not bothering to look at most of them, and took the one key that I needed and walked up the steps to the front door. I made a mental note to sweep the porch deck when I had the chance to and dry the chair cushions out in the sun. The key finally let me in, and I left the door open while I took a banana off the kitchen counter and jogged up the short flight of stairs.

"Kairi, do you want food?" I heard my mom try to yell to me from the bottom of the stairs. I yelled back a muffled reply that was similar to a "no" and closed my bedroom door before collapsing onto my bed. The nostalgia wall came to haunt me again at that very moment.

The banana lay unpeeled as I dropped it onto the floor. I pushed my bag off with my feet as well, and soon, my bed was empty, save for my sheets. From down on my bed, I could see this one photo of Sora, Riku, and I all doing the "Sora face." That was the first thing my eyes dawned upon.

"I shouldn't have memorized each and every picture's location, huh?" I muttered to myself. I watched as the Polaroid of three faces posed in a stupid expression did nothing but mock me slowly, so I just ended up looking away. More stills of pictures of myself and a bunch of others were in front of me, all with varying attires, expressions, lightning, and mood. No matter what, not all of them could please me, and the only solution I had besides tearing all them down were ignoring them. Not once in my life have I ever been requires to overlook over fifty memories from my life; I knew the only thing I could do about it was go along with it.

VI.

"Kairi, you're gonna help me…" Sora said frantically, tugging on his basketball uniform nervously. The loud-speaker's voice rang over the intercom paging for the last two members to "hurry onto the court already!"

Sora took my hand and literally dragged me towards the locker rooms. I let him, to be honest, but I didn't have the urge to see Riku right now. He'd probably have a fit on why I kissed him the night before. But one question begged to be answered since this morning—Why didn't he tell Sora?

"Well, Sora, I can walk!" I protested, but he refused to let go. His grip was kind of tight, and I had to fight not to disarm him from me. I didn't like to be dragged places, so I just complained furiously on the way there.

A clear-plated sign hung outside the locker room, with bold words stressing "TEAM AND COACH ONLY." I tried pointing the sign out to him, but he didn't notice; he kind of just grunted at it in disagreement and forced the door open. There were a bunch of lockers all around these couple of benches, one of which a towel hung off of. Riku was sitting there too, a towel hanging around his neck, and he looked frustrated.

"Riku!" Sora yelled, kind of stridently, so Riku couldn't even be able to not hear him. I stumbled behind him, and that was when Sora decided to let go of my wrists. I didn't rub them, but I did eye Sora suspiciously. He had a look of discontent that was misplaced on his face. His arms were crossed, and he spoke urgently.

"Riku," he said angrily. "I don't know what problems you're going through, but can you please pull it together for this game?"

"I don't know, Sora, with your confidence level I'm sure you can win this game all by yourself," Riku muttered under his breath. He wiped at his brow.

"What was that?" Sora yelled irritably. I could tell Sora was mad—and I mean mad. I kept myself quiet, but it hurt a little to watch Riku and Sora quarrel like that.

"You heard me, spike," Riku said, his eyes glowering at Sora. A dark smirk pasted itself on Riku's expression; something I didn't want to see.

"Why don't you shut up, silk," Sora countered, his usual animated fixture completely toppled over at this point.

"Hey, can you stop it, both of you?" I said amidst all the tension in the room. It took all the gut I had to come up with these words, and now that I had them, I might've just went on.

Sora and Riku finally gave their attention to me. "You know what you guys are holding up there?" I pointed towards the locker room door, knowing that beyond that was a gymnasium filled with waiting people. "A team. One that is supposed to stay together. Now I know you're not a team—you're a pair. Not only of teammates, but of friends. Now, stop quarreling and go out there. Now."

I finished my stern talk to face un wavered expressions from both of them. I could hear the hollers of discontent all the way from the gym that it made my blood boil with agitation. Ignoring Sora's annoyed pleas, I grabbed Riku by the wrist, kind of how Sora did to me, and lead him out the locker room. Luckily, we were alone, so I took that time to pull him out the hallway and into the hall leading to the gym. Riku put up a good struggle on the way, and I wouldn't be surprised if I had bruises after that.

I stopped on the corner where the doors would be for the gym. Riku pulled away, and I just watched as he cringed down to catch his breath. "You have a crazy grip, Kairi."

"What's up? This is the strangest I've ever seen you as. Why? I have no idea. You tell me."

Riku stopped rubbing his wrist. He went back to his original stance where he stood towering a bit over me. But despite his mature looks and attitude, only I was able to tell that something was deeply wrong with him. I didn't think he'd actually start talking to me again, but he actually did, and it wasn't all that I expected.

"I don't know how to face them. I've told you before. I don't know if I can perform under pressure. Basically..." Riku said, "...I don't think I should perform anymore."

"Are you telling me..." I slowly said. "You're quitting the team now because of stage fri—"

"Shh!" he said, placing his hand in front of my face. "It's ridiculous, and I don't even know how to deal with this."

I sighed in defeat as I heard the disappointment from the crowd in the gym grow louder, and calls for Sora and Riku grow in persistence. Now that I fully understood that Riku wouldn't let this go, I didn't know what I should've done: let him have his way, or force him into the crowd like he'd been before. Riku mostly paced around, hoping no one would come looking for us in the halls.

Thankfully, I didn't waste any time thinking of a strategy. "Listen, Riku," I said nonchalantly. "You're going to play today."

"What?" he said in disbelief. He totally thought I'd be on board with him ditching the championships. "Didn't you just hear me? I'm not going out there. No."

"Riku! You have to—" I said, but I came to realization that I didn't even have a reason. A part of me couldn't deny that I could force this upon him, but I knew I had to encourage him somehow.

Riku seemed even more frustrated now. "Kairi...I don't think you've noticed, but I'm freaking...losing it. I can't face anyone now, I can't deal with everything—how am I supposed to face everyone?"

"I don't know?—Like this?" I said. I squished my cheeks together in an idiotic position and crossed my eyes together, furious at the whole idea of it at first. But at this point I was frustrated myself. I began thinking it wasn't such a good idea to force him there, but something told me that he couldn't let his selfishness get to him. I'd seen him play, and he isn't the type to have stage fright.

I didn't even let him talk. "Look, Riku, you're going to go out there...play...and then go home," I explained. "Just...don't give up on everyone."

I didn't love just pouring my words out like that, but the fact that I also had to hurry out and be a cheerleader again and that someone was going to look for us again made me try to talk as fast as I could. That's when a loud bang came from the other corner of the hallway leading to the locker room. I heard a couple of punches to the floor and muffled breathing...like someone was...laughing...at me.

"SORA!" I remember yelling as I saw his figure collapsed in all-out laughter appear from behind the corner. "WHAT—WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

He kept laughing continuously before I even heard Riku start cracking up. "Why...WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING TOO?" I screamed towards Riku, a deep red blush continually creeping around my cheeks. They both were now doubled over in laughter, and I was in complete shock.

"That's the—" Sora finally said, still on the floor. "Funniest face—" He slowly got up. "—I've ever seen from you, Kairi!"

I was still speechless as Sora approached us breathless and covered in floor dirt. Riku was gripping at his sides in pain, almost ready to pass out. Sora pulled me into a close hug, and I could still feel him laughing while he held me close.

"Oh...you are hilarious, Kairi," he said while he helped Riku up. "That's forever the first time you acted a lot like me..."

Riku finally spoke up in a tone that sounded like he'd gotten over his stage fright. "Yeah. That's a classic 'Sora' face. I didn't—" he paused to cough, somehow making me more embarrassed as he spoke. "—expect that from you."

"Well..." I tried explaining. Both of them were grinning cheekily, and I could tell they both got a kick out of it. I didn't even think it'd be that funny.

"Don't," Sora interrupted. "You've said enough. I'll see you guys outside soon, right?"

I smiled again in what seemed like a long time and nodded my head. He waved to me and Riku with his eyes crossed in some sort of mock tribute before pushing open the gym door to greet the screaming and cheering people in the gym.

I heaved a long sigh, and I felt my entire body release a huge amount of a relief. "You okay now, Riku?" I asked, finally reassured that my job had been well done.

He nodded, a smile occupying his face. I hoped it would stay there longer; to become a permanent occurrence instead of something that we all hardly saw.

"Smile more," I found myself saying. "It looks good on you."

I should've said that more and more throughout his life, because I didn't know that maybe this was the last time I could've told him.

But that was when his lips touched mine.

And this time I found myself not doing anything at all.

Almost like I—

—was okay with it.

"You and Sora are great partners."

- —- - - -

Telling stories to myself helps me sleep at night, even if they're enough to cause a bad dream. As I whispered those words to myself, some in a lower tone, some in a guiltier mood, I imagined the stupid things I could've reversed during those times. And to think, that it was all that that ruined something as beautiful as a friendship.

It was unforgivable to have done that. Well, it was more actually stupid of a decision to do what I did in the first place. Which brings me back to the point that—It is all my fault.

This would be a lot to tell to my therapist.

- —- - - -

"Hi."

"..."

This isn't happening.

"...Kairi?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"Who is it?"

"...It's Sora."

"Hi, Kairi's mom."

"Hi, Sora! Want to stay for dinner?"

"Actually..."

"No, he can't, mom, please—"

"No, of course not, he can stay over for dinner."

"Actually, no, I already ate—"

"No, no, you're a part of the family, come in. I'll just be right back."

Actually, mom, he kind of left the family, if you haven't noticed.

"...Okay, Kairi's mom."

"No, no, I'd rather you just—what's in the bag?"

"Oh...a PlayStation 3."

"You're...giving me a PS3?"

"No, dimwit."

"..."

"I brought it, because we're going to watch the movie tonight."

"Ice-skating?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Didn't you check your e-mail?"

I was at therapy all day, dimwit.

"...No."

"Mr. Valentine's requesting pre-presentation tomorrow."

"...Damn."

"Let me in, I might catch a cold."

"Idiot, it's not even cold."

"Shut up, it's warmer here."


(Long story short...I got sick two days ago, lost two versions of this story therefore had to rewrite everything, came back from the west coast w/ jetlag, "welcome back to college parties," college stuff, and end-of-the-summer things to do.

Oh and I did not rush the last part. Kind of gives it a caught-off-guard surprise feel. Joy = Pokemon (;