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Chapter Three: Routine

Kendall quickly fell into a routine. Monday through Friday he'd wake up and sneak a peak out his curtains at Logan. Sometimes he's catch Logan changing, sometimes he didn't. He would curse himself for being happy when he did. After getting ready for the day, he'd eat breakfast with Katie then drive her to school. while walking to his locker, if he saw Logan, he would push the other boy into something. During first period, he would try to annoy Logan in various ways. Such as, throwing balls of paper at him, or putting Post-It notes with cruel sayings on his back. In gym class, his mood would immediately brighten. He and Logan would usually come up with some excuse to not play whatever sport, and would pass the class just talking. During lunch, he would watch Logan and Pete sadly. He'd usually skip out of lunch early and go to the bathroom to cut himself. Once home, he would goof off with Katie, eat the dinner his mom prepared, attempt to do his homework, and bitch with either Jett or Wayne about school online. Before showering, if the mood called for it-and it always did-he would pleasure himself. After that, two cuts for thinking of any guy, four for thinking of Logan. Finally, he'd shower and go to bed.

Kendall always grew bored of routine, but was terrified that doing something different would fuck his world up.

So he walked into school on Friday, ready to go through his routine. He was disappointed to see Logan leaning against his locker talking to Pete. As he was at his locker, he listened to their conversation.

"But I wanna have a horror movie marathon tonight," Logan whined.

"Babe-"

"Don't call me that."

Pete sighed. "Why do you always insist on watching pointless, no substance movies?"

"Why do you always want to watch lame dramas?"

"They're Academy Award winning films!"

"Who gives a flying fuck? They're boring as sin! At least the movies I like are entertaining!"

Pete went to touch Logan's face, but Logan leaned away from the touch. Pete frowned. "How about we watch some of my movies, and some of yours?"

"Whatever."

The bell rang. Pete kissed Logan's forehead and said, "See you later."

"Yeah." Logan watched Pete walk away before looking at the green eyes that had been staring at him. "What?" he asked Kendall.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Shut the fuck up," Logan snapped, then made his way to class.

During class, Kendall kept poking Logan with a pen. It did not help Logan's mood. He was still seething over his kind of fight with Pete, and the smug attitude Kendall gave him after.

Logan turned around, pulled the pen out of Kendall's hand, and chucked it at Kendall's face. "Stop that!"

"Ow! What the fuck?"

"Mr. Mitchell! Mr. Knight!"

They both turned to their teacher and yelled, "What?"

She gasped at them. "Detention! After school! For disrupting class and disrespecting your teacher!"

"But I have to drive my little sister home after school," Kendall told her.

"Well, you'll just have to make other arrangements." She went back to her lesson.

Kendall started to panic. His mother was going to be so disappointed in him. For getting detention. For not being able to take care of his sister. He hated seeing that disappointed look in his mom's eyes, or hearing the disappointed tone in her voice. He feared that it made her regret ever having him, that she wished he didn't exist. He needed to calm himself down.

Kendall raised his hand. "May I go to the bathroom?" he asked, voice cracking slightly.

"No," his teacher said.

"Please?" Kendall begged.

Logan turned around and looked at him with worried eyes.

"No," his teacher repeated.

"Fuck it," Kendall mumbled. He grabbed his backpack and stormed out of the classroom. He ran to the nearest bathroom, and locked himself in the last stall in the row. He got out his blade, lifted his shirt, and made a cut on his left side. And it was a pretty deep one. The sight pleased Kendall. He felt better instantly.

Watching the blood form, and begin to fall slowed his breathing. The crazy thoughts and worries went away.

When the bell rang, he grabbed some toilet paper, cleaned the blood, and applied pressure to the cut. He got a band aid out of his bag, pulled the toilet paper away, and quickly put the band aid on. He threw the toilet paper in the toilet, flushed, and stepped out of the stall. Straight into Logan.

"Are you OK?" Logan asked. "You looked like you were about to have an anxiety attack in class."

"I'm fine."

Logan grabbed his arm. "Kendall-"

"Don't touch me!" Kendall pushed Logan, making his lower back collide with the sink counter.

Kendall walked off, ignoring Logan's calls.

...

Logan was sure to get to gym class early. He wanted to make sure Kendall was alright. He had looked so upset in History. Logan wanted to know why, and had this strange desire to make Kendall feel better.

Kendall reached their little gym locker area right after the bell rang. "Logan. You're already here." He opened his locker.

"Yeah. Um. Sorry about throwing your pen at you."

Kendall shrugged as he put on his sweatpants. "It's whatever. I deserved it."

"But I got you detention."

"Don't worry about it, Logan."

Logan watched curiously as Kendall put his gym shirt on over the shirt he was already wearing. Then he removed the shirt from under his gym shirt. Logan found that weird. "Um. You figure out how to get Katie home?"

"Yeah. I called my mom. Katie'll hang out at a friend's house until I can get there."

"Oh. Good. It's basketball today."

"Lame. Let's just go sit and not even bother."

Logan smiled. "OK."

When they sat, Kendall asked, "What was with you and Pete this morning?"

Logan groaned. "My parents aren't home tonight, so we're gonna have a movie marathon at my house. I wanna watch horror movies, he wants to watch lame dramas. We always fight about shit like that."

"What do you mean?"

"We constantly argue about the little things."

"Isn't that better than arguing about the big things?"

"No. The little things are the important things. They matter more than the big things. They make a more significant impact on the relationship."

Kendall nodded. "I get that."

"You know what really pisses me off?"

"What?"

"No matter how many times I tell him not to, he keeps calling me babe."

"God. I hate when people say that to each other. Baby too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Like, what does someone want to be compared to an infant or a pig?"

"Yes! And pretty much every couple does it. Like, come up with something original."

"Exactly!"

"Wow," Logan said. "Something we agree on."

Kendall laughed. "It was bound to happen. So. Does your fight with Pete mean he won't be getting any tonight?"

It was Logan's turn to laugh. "Maybe. It depends on whether or not he tries to boot all of my movies out of the marathon."

"Horror movies are better than dramas."

Logan smiled. "Thank you! How come we never hang out?"

"Because you're gay and people will think we're dating?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Only idiots like your friends would think that."

"You calling me an idiot?"

"No. You're just too worried about what others think. If you just let go and be yourself, you'd be happy."

"I'm happy," Kendall whispered.

Logan moved closer and put an arm around Kendall. "No, you're not," he said softly.

Kendall turned his head. His face was now inches away from Logan's. Their noses were almost touching. His heart started to beat faster. "What makes you say that?"

"Your green eyes. They're always so sad."

"You had to specify my eye color?"

Logan grinned. "Yeah."

Kendall bit his lip then asked, "Why?"

"I like green eyes," Logan told him.

"But Pete has blue eyes."

"And I don't like Pete's eyes."

"Well. You only like mine because they're green."

"Yours are my favorite shade of green."

Kendall was about to lean forward, ready to kiss Logan, when the bell rang. He and Logan both snapped out of the trance they were in. They slid away from each other.

"What was that?" Logan asked.

"Can we not talk about it?"

"OK." Logan saw the fear in Kendall's eyes, and figured it was best not to push the subject.

...

Logan got a text during lunch from James, telling him to go to the bathroom. Logan went, and Pete followed. They entered the bathroom and gasped. Carlos sat on the sink counter, bruised and bloody. Logan could tell he was trying not to cry.

"What the hell happened?" Logan asked.

"Jett and Wayne," Carlos told him.

Logan shared a look with James and said, "Pete, stay with Carlos."

He and James left the bathroom and went back to the cafeteria. As they made their way to the two douche bags, Logan grabbed a lunch tray.

When they reached the table, Logan smacked Wayne in the face with the tray. James grabbed Jett by the hair and threw him to the ground. Logan slammed Wayne's face into the table. James kicked Jett repeatedly in the stomach.

"What the fuck?" Kendall screamed. This was not part of the routine. His whole day seemed to be falling apart. First he got detention, then he had that moment with Logan, and now this.

Kendall saw that Wayne was about to hit Logan. He couldn't let that happen. So, he kicked Logan in the side, successfully knocking him onto the floor. "You help Jett," he told Wayne.

Wayne nodded then jumped over the table. tackling James.

Logan kicked Kendall's chair out from under him. He ended up falling on top of Logan. He pinned Logan down and whispered, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Your two friends beat the shit out of Carlos. Did you have any part in that?"

"Have I ever hit anyone besides you?"

"No..."

Someone pulled Kendall off of Logan. A teacher. He, Logan, James, Jett, and Wayne were all taken to the principal's office.

"I told you Kendall isn't a nice guy," James whispered to Logan as they waited their turn to get punished.

"He didn't do that to Carlos," Logan said.

"He fucking kicked you."

"Because Wayne was about to punch me."

"You're really reaching, Logan."

Kendall walked out of the principal's office looking sickly. It seemed like he was having issues breathing. Logan found himself just wanting to give Kendall a hug.

"Mr. Diamond," the principal said. James got up and went into his office.

Logan grabbed Kendall's wrist before he could walk away. "You OK?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered quietly.

"You don't look it."

Kendall pulled his hand away from Logan's. "I'm fine. You're gonna get more detention."

"How long?"

"I got a week. You might get more for starting the fight."

Logan nodded. "Thanks for the warning."

"Whatever," Kendall said and left.

...

Logan got out of detention-which he had for a month-and found a text from his mom. He was instructed to go to the Knight home.

He knocked on the door and. Mrs. Knight answered. "Come in."

Logan followed her into the living room. His mom was sitting on the couch with a nervous Kendall. Logan sat down next to Kendall after his mother stood.

"What's wrong with you two?" Mrs. Mitchell asked.

"What do you mean?" Logan wanted to know.

"You boys used to be such good friends. Now you get into fights constantly. And what was with today, Logan?"

"Wayne and Jett beat up Carlos," Logan told his mom.

"Oh my goodness. Why?"

"Because he's gay! Which is why Kendall is such a douche to me."

Mrs. Knight sighed, "Kendall."

"We want you two to spend more time together," Mrs. Mitchell said. "Rekindle the great friendship you once had."

"But then people will think I'm a fag!" Kendall cried.

"Kendall Donald Knight! Don't you dare talk like your father!" Mrs. Knight yelled. "God. Sometimes I wish I never married that man."

Kendall stood up. "And I bet you wish I was never born too! God! Why don't I just die and make your life better!" He stomped off and went to his room, slamming the door.

"I'm sorry he said that, Logan," Mrs. Knight said.

"It's OK," Logan assured. "I don't let words bother me. I'm kinda concerned about Kendall right now. He's been acting... weird."

"I'll talk to him when he's cooled off," Mrs. Knight said.

Later, Logan was in his living room, watching a movie and cuddling with Pete. Since they were watching one of his choices, and Pete wouldn't mind him talking, he decided to speak. "I'm really worried about Kendall."

Pete sighed. "Do you always have to bring him up?"

Logan untangled himself from Pete. "But I think he might be suicidal."

Pete kissed Logan. "You're such a caring person. That's one of the things I like about you. But I'm sure Kendall's fine. Stop fretting." He kissed Logan again, immediately deepening the kiss.

Logan put his arms around Pete's neck as he laid down.

"Can I top this time?" Pete asked.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Sure."

While they were having sex, Logan imagined that it was a certain blonde inside of him. Green eyes staring at him lovingly. When he came, he had to stop himself from screaming Kendall's name instead of Pete's.