Chapter three: The thrills of parenthood


For the next two months, Sherlock was constantly on his phone solving case after case. I almost suspected that he was on drugs, but then he'd have been completely insane. He was somewhat high, but that's because he was concentrating on the cases so much.

I did notice he was becoming totally oblivious to things going on around him because he was so engrossed in his work. The children and I took a backseat, while I didn't mind, our children did, Linda especially. She really wanted to bond with him, but, it was hard for her, especially with his constant mood swings. Sherlock Jr. on the other hand, he could have cared less! He got a thrill out of watching his dad act like a total nutter.

Things came to a head one day when I came back from grocery shopping with Scott and Alexander to find a rather unusual scene. Sherlock is sitting in his chair working on his laptop and his cell phone. Linda is on a chair behind him, putting in pink and purple claw hair clips. Mary is sitting in John's chair while John stands behind her. Both of them are watching this entire scene, contemplating what to do next. Sherlock Jr. had managed to find a bag of chips and was carefully eating them, watching his father in fascination.

"Hopkins, arrest Wilson." Sherlock orders. "Dimmock, look in the lymph nodes."

Wilson?! A female voice, leads me to believe that it's Hopkins he's skypeing.

Lymph nodes?! Dimmock asks, sounding positively stunned.

I groan as I realize that two people are seeing Sherlock with glittered clips in his hair and our daughter keeps adding more. "Sherlock." Mary tries to speak first. I'm at a loss at what to say or do at the moment.

Sherlock ignores her and address Dimmock. "Yes. You may have nothing but a limbless torso but there'll still be traces of ink left in the lymph nodes under the armpits. If your mystery corpse had tattoos, the signs will be there."

Bloody hell! Dimmock demands. Is that a guess?

I roll my eyes. That man hasn't gotten much smarter since 'the Blind Banker' as John dubbed that case. "I never guess." He declares before shutting off Dimmock's screen.

"Sherlock." Mary tries again.

So, he's the killer? Hopkins's catches Sherlock's attention again. The canary trainer?

"Of course he's the killer."

Didn't see that coming.

"Hm, naturally." He closes her screen and resumes work on his phone. He notices me standing there and bobs his head at me. "Hi Tammy. Shopping uneventful?"

"Very."

"Sherlock," John says tentatively. "you can't go on spinning plates like this."

" That's it!" Sherlock's mouth falls open and his eyes widen. "The place was spinning." He jumps up, runs his hands through his hair and freezes in place as his hands encounter the pink and purple barrettes. "Oh, God!" he starts shouting. "Linda!" Linda drops the nail polish that she has in her hand and stares at her father in shock as he shouts in her face. "You little minx! How dare you!?"

"William Scott Sherlock Holmes!" I snap as I stride towards him and give him a shove out of Linda's face. "That's enough. How dare you!" I step in front of Linda. "She's a child!"

"She's got to learn that she cannot do things like that." he snarled. "She made me look like an idiot!"

"You're doing a good impression of an idiot right now! Sherlock!" I shout at him. "For God's sake, she's only three!"

"Still," he growls out. "that is no excuse."

I shake my head and say. "She's your daughter. They probably saw her in the background and thought you were indulging her in some father-daughter time while working."

"Why would she even do this?" he demands as he pulls at pink one out, with a look of distaste. "She knows I hate it."

"She likes your hair."

"Why?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm not going to answer that stupidly obvious question."

"Well, why doesn't she play with your hair?"

"Mine's different and as I've told you, the children have been missing you, Linda especially. Sherlock, on the other hand, loves you but he somehow understands that you don't have time for him, but that is wrong. No child, should be neglected by their father."

"I am not neglecting them."

"Oh, the hell you are!" I bark. "When was the last time you told them a story?"

No answer from him, but Sherlock Jr. answered it. "Last week."

"Sherlock, you swore to me that you'd not neglect them."

"I don't have time, Tammy!" he barks at me. "There is a bit of a war going on!"

"And yet you still find the time to take a romp with me in the sheets instead of using that time for your children." He crosses his arms and glowers down at me. I mirror his actions. "You're breaking your promises to me again, Sherlock Holmes." he frowned in confusion. "You swore to me in, in your wedding vows that you'd be a patient and loving father to them."

"Oh, for God's sake Tammy!" he snaps. "I'm aware of that! but I have work to do and that must come first!"

I shake my head. "No, we all come first! Equal territory!"

At that moment, Linda starts crying and our heads go towards her. he sighs. "Can you quiet her?"

"Yes, I can," as much as it hurt me, I shake my head. "but, I won't."

He looks at me in shock as I walk over and head towards the kitchen door. "What?"

"Mary, John?" I ask. "Can you two accompany me for a moment, upstairs?"

Sherlock stares at me. "What are you doing?" I don't answer him. John and Mary follow me out of the room as Sherlock calls. "You can't leave me with a crying baby!"

"She," I bite out as I turn and face him. "is your daughter. You made her cry. You will start acting like her father and fix this problem." Scott and Alexander now start crying. "I'm leaving you with three crying babies now. Sherlock, be sure to help out your father a bit." He nods his head emphatically.

"Mommy!" Linda moves towards me and I shut the door, locking it behind me as Linda starts crying harder. I cover my mouth as Linda bangs on the door. "Don't leave me!"

I fight back tears as I hear Sherlock Jr. speaking. "It's ok Linda. Talk to daddy." He's quite the clever boy. I then hear Sherlock picking up Linda, causing her to cry more.

Mary takes me by the arm. "Come, you should leave them alone for a bit."

I nod and inhale deeply. "I know, but," I shake my head. "it's so hard."

"It's a good thing you're a strong person." She gives me a poke towards the stairs. "Let's go down to the café."

I sigh. "Alright."

As Sherlock sticks his head out with a still squalling Linda. "Tammy," he begs. "for God's sake, you can't leave me here!"

"Back in that room, now, William Sherlock Scott Holmes!" I shout. "Right now! I am leaving for two hours and you three better be reconciled when I return? Understood!" He freezes in shock, then steps backwards into the room. I groan and rub my head. "Oh, God, this hurts worse than a bullet. Why do things like this always hurt?"

"Because," John explains. "you love them both. It really is for the best."

I didn't enjoy any time in the café. I turned off my phone, so, I wouldn't get any messages from Sherlock. I wound up ordering a burger, shake and fries, all of which I wound up consuming. Mary and John talked baby names and I gave my input.

After an hour, I stood up. "Oh, I can't stand it! I've got to go check on them." I stand up and grab my purse. "I'll be back!"

Mary shakes her head. "Tammy, wait at least 20 more minutes."

I grab my purse. "I'm sorry, an hour has been long enough for me." I plop the money down at my place, head straight out the door and around the corner to go upstairs. I'm not sure what to expect when I walk in the room, but I'm certain it's a mess.

I push the door open and freeze as I take in the sight of the room. "What are you doing?"

Sherlock looks up from where he's rocking the twins in their swings. "I'm having Linda help me with the case so she can understand what I'm doing." He looks up at me. "Did you know that her IQ is off the charts?" He turns the computer screen towards me and my mouth drops as I can't believe he's got her look at someone who was shot in the head. "She noticed a red thread among all the blood and brains."

"Must be the killers." Sherlock Jr. states proudly.

My mouth vainly tries to force words to form, but they won't. I cannot help but sink onto the floor, face palming my hands on my knees. "Oh, for God's sake." I begin crying. "What am I going to do with you?"

I hear Sherlock approach me and he gets down on his hands and knees in front of me with a shake of his head and a smile on his face. "I've no idea, but," he takes my hands and kisses my knuckles. "why don't you keep me?"

I shake my head and begin smiling brighter. "Oh, you crazy man!"

Sherlock leans forward as Sherlock Jr. let's out a groan. "No more kissing."

Sherlock sighs and turns to his son. "Sherlock, just turn around so I can kiss your mother."

"Daddy," Linda asks. "where's this man's clothes?" Sherlock and I jump apart as he races for the laptop. Sure enough, Linda had started browsing through all the pictures on Sherlock's laptop. Sure enough, the man is practically naked as a jaybird, save for the jacket someone had the decency to drape around his man parts. She points to the man's guts, which are streaming out of a gash on his stomach. "And what are these?"

Sherlock hastily closes the picture and looks up at me sheepishly. "Still want to keep me?"


Two days later,


My phone rings and its Mary. "Hi Mary?"

Tammy? She sounds stressed. My water broke!

I inhale. "Alright, I'd say keep calm, but you're a nurse, so, you know what to do."

I can't get a hold of John or Sherlock.

I bit my lip and look around. "Uhh, Mary, I'm about 20 minutes away from the flat. I'll try getting a hold of them. shall I call 999 and send someone your way?"

No. I'll be fine. she inhales sharply. Just…get them here!

"I will! Bye." I look down at the kids and groan. "Right." I call Mrs. Hudson first, but she doesn't pick up so it goes straight to voice mail. "Hello, Mrs. Hudson. Mary's gone into labor and I need someone to look after the children. Can you please call me if you can supervise them?" I hang up and dial Sherlock. He doesn't pick up, so I leave him a message. "William Scott Sherlock Holmes, you and John better look at your phones, I'm not sure where you are, but, you two are in a whole lot of trouble if you two aren't with Mary by the time I get to John's flat!" I hang up just as Mrs. Hudson calls in. "Hello?"

Tammy! Naturally, she's excited. I just got your message. I'm almost home. I'm about 15 minutes away.

"So am I. can you watch the children?"

Yes, of course I can! This is so exciting!

I laugh lightly. "Isn't it just? I've got to go now, see you in a bit."

The poor taxi driver had to deal with me directing him through every shortcut I knew to get to baker street. I called Sherlock several times, but he must have had his phone off or something because he wasn't picking up and my voicemails were getting angrier by the second. When I got there, I had him wait until I came back out. as I opened the door just as I heard Sherlock and John talking.

"59 missed calls." John says tightly.

"We're in a lot of trouble." Sherlock declares. "I've got about 20 from Tammy."

"The hell you are Sherlock Holmes!" I snap as I come in with the kids. He and John hurry down the stairs, eyes wide. "Mary's in labor! Mrs. Hudson!" I shout! She opens the door and enters. "Ah, there you. thank you for coming on such short notice."

"No problem." She waves me out of the way. "Go on! you three! Hurry up!"

All three of us pile into the taxi, Sherlock and I bicker all the way there. John gives up on trying to get us to stop and turns his attentions to the poor taxi driver. Sherlock and I are still arguing when we arrive there, pay the taxi man and stop long enough to get Mary settled into john's car. John, is the only one calm enough to drive towards the hospital. Sherlock opts for back seat, so, he's out of my reach.

Poor Mary is in the back of John's car groaning. "Ow! Oh my God." She presses both of her hands against the roof. "Oh my God!"

John is still the epitome of calm as he glances in the rear view window. "Relax. It's got two syllables."

" I'm a nurse, darling." She reminds him in frustration. "I think I know what to do!"

" Come on then, come on." John mimics breathing, trying to get Mary to follow suit. "Re…lax.

She now begins squirming on the seat. "No, just drive! Please, God, just drive!" She pleads. "God, drive!"

"John, it's like trying to push a watermelon through." I remind him. "She is not going to relax."

"She needs to relax." She screams and Sherlock pauses from his texting to glance at Mary, freezing for a moment. "Sherlock." John says sternly. "Mary!"

" That's it, Mary." He stupidly decides to follow John's example. "Re-

"Don't you start." Mary savagely snarls out.

However, Sherlock can't stop himself from finishing the word. "lax." A split second later, Mary squashes Sherlock's face against the window.

I can't help but start laughing as Sherlock stays pinned there rather helplessly against the window. "John?" Mary says as she braces her second hand against Sherlock's head. "John, I think you have to pull over." She suddenly shifts back into a sitting position.

"Mary, Mary ...

"PULL OVER!" she screams at him.

Sherlock looks down towards Mary's legs and his mouth falls open in shock. "Oh my God!" his eyes widen in horror before turning to John and shouting. "Pull over John! Pull over now!"

Mary screams as John pulls the car to the curb. The moment John brakes, both men are out of the car. Sherlock stumbles out, slams the door and looks at me, eyes wide, shaking his head. "I did not need to see that." I start laughing at him. "I'm going to be mentally scarred for life after this. All that blood and the, the head!" He looks down at me. "And you call me morbid! Why are you laughing at this?"

I begin laughing as I bury my face in his chest. "Oh God, your face!"

"It was horrific."

I laugh. "I may forgive you for not answering your phone."

"Thrilling." He looks down at me. "Shouldn't you be helping John and Mary? After all, Mary did help you."

"I'm not a nurse, remember?" I wrap an arm around his waist. "Besides, the baby will be here in a few moments."

Sherlock groans. "And they're not even that small at that stage." He looks down at me. "Come to think of it, you had to push approximately-

"Sherlock," I laugh as I glance back in the seat, John is working on Mary. "I had to do this four times, remember? Two sets of twins." He makes a face and I decide to take advantage of this moment. "Do you now see why I don't want to get pregnant again for a while at least?"

"Fine." He sighs. "You win, I won't get you pregnant just yet. But, I still want you regularly, so, you'll have to find some kind of…birth control plan."

I smirk. "I've been on one for months."

His eyes bulge. "What? Moreover, I didn't know about it? how did you," the sound of a baby crying distracted us for a moment. "find…one?"

I pat him on the shoulder. "I've got a wonderful nurse and doctor who drop in all the time."

He groans. "Of course, Mary." He shakes his head. "God, how am I ever going to work with her again after this?"