Hey! I'm back with another addition for Losing Our Head! Make sure to keep an eye out for my other stories (they'll be updated soon ) Oh, check out my one-shot Lessons Worth Learning too.
Thanks again to my beta phoenixfirekitsune and all my great reviewers!: KyoHana, Anna Jaganshi, Enjeru, and Alexisminamino.
Warnings from first chapter still apply...
Chapter 3
"My father just knocked my mother up and left her for dead... the bastard," Hiei growled, his eyes glaring down at his plate of what looked to be some type of noodle, rice, and fish.
Kurama blinked away his haze and stared down at his own food which consisted of a sweet sauce covering a lightly spiced bird, "If you want... I could see if the scroll knows where he is. I would have to look it over and study it for a bit to see how it works but..."
His red eyes glared up, "I would kill him... plain and simple, and if Yukina ever finds out who her father is she'd hate me... it's why I spared her race..."
"Are you quite sure she doesn't wish the same? After all, she does have the same mother as you..."
Hiei's glare retreated and he shook his head, "She's not like me in the least... I kill, she heals. I murder, she spares..."
"Don't you think she's searched long enough? Just because you fear her being used against you as well as what she may think of your past... occupations, do you think it fair for her not to be able to make that decision herself?" he inquired while his fork played around with the food on his plate.
"Hn. I told her he's dead and to stop searching," he grunted before stuffing a noodle in his mouth and slurping the excess up, "It's for the best even if you don't agree. It keeps her alive if she doesn't have to go back to the Makai for me."
"That's horrible! What happens if she knows you are her brother? Don't you think you'd make her feel like she's an embarrassment to you?"
His fork dropped to his plate and gapped at Kurama, "She... knows? How does she know?! Tell me!"
The mostly amber eyes blinked widely but tried to remain calm, "I-it's not like many people have red eyes or basically the same height... Not to mention... Kuwabara and her are married and you're an uncle to one year old twins. One in which looks like a tiny Yukina only with small orange highlights and the other... has a small star burst of aquamarine surrounded be a shock of... black, both female and both having red eyes..."
The mentioned red eyes were fixed on his, they were nothing short of being in complete shock, "Married... to the fool? Kids? One looks like me?!"
Though no longer hungry the fox rose his fork to his lips and slowly took the food into his mouth to avoid having to answer any further.
"I guess we'll just have to go to the Ningenkai and see, ne?"
He nearly choked before he took a sip of the wine to calm himself, "Excuse me?... If you haven't noticed we're still recovering... just the same, I can't go back looking like... this..."
Hiei allowed his head to drop forward as he laughed, "More the reason to go to the Ningenkai. At least there we can walk around without having to worry about being killed. But you're right, you can't go like that... you reek, when's the last time you've had a bath?"
An embarrassed blush rose to his cheeks as he backed his chair up to stand, "You're right, though unlike you I haven't had the luxury of a decent bath for awhile..."
Seeing the mood was changing for the worse he stood as well, "Well then, we best get cleaned up. There's a small wooden box in the corner, grab that and I'll be right back."
We... as in together? I don't think I'm ready for this...
Images flashed past my eyes. Ones of my past life as Youko and his many romps and then... Hatanaka.
The brief image was of the man taking my ningen virginity. It was when I was seventeen and my youko side was starting to mature in this form. My rut came, I didn't know what to do with myself.
I was in the throws of... pleasing myself when he came in. My haze didn't allow me to see him until his hand wrapped itself over mine which in turn stopped me from gaining the release I desired...
From then on he took me as if he had the right to. Threatening to turn the tables on us if ever I was to tell anyone. Then again, who was I going to tell? Having a ningen force himself upon the wanton Youko Kurama was almost as believable as Shuichi smoking a joint.
I suppose this was the start of me feeling as if I had to be a servant to please anyone. It was also the point in which my hopes and dreams came crashing down upon my violated being.
My heart broke that day knowing... knowing... I couldn't give my greatest kept treasure to you, Hiei...
It's alright fox. I'll kill him when we go to the Ningenkai.
No, you can't! What about Shuichi, his son? He might not be the greatest father, but Shuichi needs someone.
You take care of him then. He may be ningen but he has a high spirit awareness, just like that baka Kuwabara.
I- I can't raise my brother. First off he'd be extremely bored in the Makai as well as a huge vulnerability for me if someone were to capture him. Just the same, it would look quite suspicious if both his father and him went missing–
We'll talk about this later.
Kurama was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't realized that Hiei had returned until he had jumped from the other's touch, "Sorry–"
"Let's go, Mukuro said she's only giving me two weeks leave so let's get this done as fast as we can."
"There's a hot spring below her castle?"
Hiei shrugged and dropped the items he had gathered, "It's been here for years, the castle was just built around it. Also, she's been meaning to put bathrooms to bring it up-to-date but has yet to find a sorceress of such capabilities."
With a nod the fox knelt just at the edge and opened the wooden box he'd found to contain oils and soaps among other things, "Any particular scent?"
His black hair tickled Kurama's ear as he looked over his mate's shoulder and into the box, "Usually I don't give a shit about that. The scent isn't able to resist the pull of my fast movements. So I guess it's your choice."
The fox's slim hand pulled down the fire demon's hair, sniffing it before letting it go, "Just accent your natural scent. You kind of smell... like a burnt marshmallow so..." Hiei watched the fingers search the contents before deciding on one, "Try this one, it's the scent of a regloria, it should bring out that touch of sweetness."
Amused the fire demon took the offered soap, "And you're going to choose roses, aren't you?"
With a sigh he shook his head, "My scent has changed. Though it will still be a type of rose, it won't be the ones you're use to. It's going to be that of the tiuago rose, it's a bit more... untamed then the sweet one you're use to."
"Oh?" he questioned, his eyes watching as the fox drew out a seed and squeezed from the mature leaves' oil that then dripped into an empty glass vial that the wooden box held. Lightly the scent wafted through the moist air before he leaned forward fully onto Kurama, "Smells like you."
A brief smile occupied his face as he nuzzled the cheek of the demon, "Like this form."
Hiei huffed through his nose before leaning back on his heels, "No, like you. You aren't classified as a form nor as a species because you're just you."
The fox merely nodded, though the thoughts Hiei was picking up from the fox told him that he was starting to believe.
Taking a quick look to make sure the door was locked, he strode towards the spring as his clothing dropped one by one to the ground.
"Are you going to join me or are you going to let that silver-red hair of yours remain filthy?" he saw that the fox was looking down at his own hands, a mild blush about his cheeks again.
"Kurama, you amaze me, you know?"
Finally his eyes drifted towards him though quickly detoured once he realized the fire demon was undressed and still above the slightly translucent water, "How so?"
"You remain like a blushing child even with the past you hold."
He felt the flicker of erratic youki coming off the hybrid at the comment and went to explain himself, "What I mean to say is that you're able to act as if this is your first time– Kuso, I mean..."
His youki evened out and he sighed out a soft chuckle, "It is my first time... with you and with someone who I know will always stick by my side, even through death."
"That's what I don't get," he stated once he slipped into the steaming, relaxing waters, "You always were one to look to the bright side of things. Why did you have the sudden change not too long ago?"
The mostly golden eyes now glanced up, "You know the answers to that. I'd rather try and forget about that bleak period, alright?"
"Fine. Are you going to join me?"
Slowly, his hands helped the worn material slid down off his shoulders to then pool at his side. Just the same, his baggy pants drifted down his pale legs, his tail allowing him to secure some of his dignity before he allowed the liquid to take over its job.
"So you were serious when you wished to visit your sister?"
Hiei had reclined along the side before he answered, "If she knows, then there's nothing more I can do but to hope it doesn't bring her destruction. I just wish I knew why I didn't know. I was in the Ningenkai but a month ago."
"I was quite surprised that you didn't know as well. With your scarce visits to the Ningenkai, I had thought you'd see her before seeking me out," Kurama admitted, combing a hand through his tail to untangle the knots.
"I was concerned about you. I knew the fool would keep her happy, and with the tiny link I have with her I can always tell when she's sad and then just go check on her. I didn't have that with you and you, well, started to withdraw from the rest of them and then even started to mislead me," he muttered before dipping his head beneath the water's surface and then appearing beside the fox.
Kurama was startled by the abrupt appearance of the apparition, and, as reaction, he splashed the other which caused an all out splash war between the two.
By the time both were finished, they were out of breath but content and laughing.
Hiei's bandaged hand rose and brushed the droplets off the red lashes before dragging it through the damp hair to insure there were no tangles, "No more tangles... or dirt. I didn't realize before how fur-like your hair actually was."
Tentatively, Kurama's own long fingered hand combed through the flattened dark mass, "I didn't know that your hair was so soft either or that it could actually be anything but spiky."
The demon allowed himself to turn into the gentle caress as the other studied how his hair now laid plastered to the side of his face, framing it down to his neck and in the back down to his shoulder, "When I flare my energy to dry myself it spirals from my feet up to my head, thus drying my hair too quickly for it to rebel against the placement."
"That's a nice little trick. Maybe I should let you style my hair, ne?" the fox chuckled, letting the strand slip from his hand.
There was a sinister smirk upon Hiei's face before he dunked his mate's head below the water's surface and darted off.
Kurama coughed and sputtered before he finally regained his breath and glared around, "Hiei! That's not funny you brat!"
"Guess who?" came the snickered reply as hands clasped around the fox's eyes.
"I don't know..." Kurama drew out before his vines crept through his hair and tangled around Hiei's arms, "It wouldn't be a trapped Hiei, would it?"
"You know I can burn these off along with your hair," he warned.
"You can't harm me or my plants with your youki. I know that much about being mated," Kurama laughed and turned around, giving a light kiss to the demon's lips, before looking over to the clothes Hiei brought, "I'll release you though, if you get me a towel and whatever else you brought me to wear."
Instead of getting the low chuckle Kurama thought he would get, he received a frown, "Kurama... you're aware that there's a large scar atop of your head, right?"
His moment of happiness passed, bringing forth one of sorrow, "Quite... Um, may I please have a towel?"
"How did you get it?"
His vines retreated from the demon's hands and he pulled away, "I... I'd rather not discuss this, Hiei."
"Well you're not getting a towel until we do, so talk," he stated rather indifferently as he sat, still bare, on the edge of the spring.
"Have you not been through your own torture? I never dabbled in your's. Why do mine matter?" the fox all but snapped.
Hiei rose a thin black brow at this, "Didn't you? Why do you think I came to you so often in the night? Did you think the rain was the only reason? It was just a damn excuse. If I wanted I could have slept in a cave or even at the temple, but you kept me from reminiscing about my past. So why the fuck can't you just let me help you like you helped me?!"
"Can't you just give comfort then? I mean–"
"Whether you wish to accept it or not, you need more than just comfort. The creature that harmed you was someone who you once trusted which is why it's causing you such problems. With me, it was just bandits and raiders, most who I later killed. I also don't have many I trust, so I can't be harmed the way you have been. Plus, I lost my virginity when I was a little over ten so I didn't quite know what I had lost until years later," he shrugged, his eyes still trained on the other's back.
"It's not really what he did to me but what he did to my mother," he softly breathed while he hugged himself, "Even after the Forlorn Hope she, though out of true harm's way, was ill. Once a day she was required to inject herself with some solution that helped her white blood cell count. He always helped her and just the same he always made sure there was an air bubble..."
"How did he inject her?" he truly wondered.
"With a shot, it's a ningen tool but you're missing the point," the fox sighed, his head dropping to allow his damp bangs to hang over his eyes, "The air bubbles injected into her veins eventually were the cause of her death. I don't know why he did it and only a week later he told me to leave."
"Why did you just watch this happen?" he snarled which only caused Kurama to grip tighter at himself, "She... didn't believe her own son?..."
Faintly he nodded, "Over time he convinced her that I was a lost cause because apparently all I did was work, eat, sleep, and sponge off of them."
A set of warm arms wrapped around his waist and he just stayed put as their owner laid his head upon his shoulder, "There's more."
Though it was more of a statement than a question, he nodded and shifted uncomfortably, "Y-yes, there is..." he sniffed and let out a shaky sigh, "She... walked in on us as I was... servicing him."
"And..." he murmured, holding his fox closer to him as he started to shake.
"I-it looked like I was forcing him to stay put because... Hiei... I-I don't want to finish–"
"Finish."
"Because... I held his hands against his sides so he wouldn't wrap his hands in my hair and... um... rush me," he concluded softly.
"What did she do after that point?" Hiei questioned patiently as he started to nuzzle the side of his neck.
The movement calmed him slowly and he tilted his head to give Hiei more access, "She fainted. When she awoke, she was a mess and wouldn't listen to reason. It was later simply resolved by me staying out of the house for as long as I could or remaining up in my locked room."
"And then,." he mumbled, his lips starting to suck at the neck's base.
"Mmm... He... started to take me during working hours and every night I'd go to a bar and either drown myself in liquor or..." he paused, his eyes widening at the feel of something against his backside, "or I'd go to this park where-where I found this cave and slept there."
"Is that it?" he asked, his teeth lightly nibbling at his ear.
"For the most part. H-Hiei...please s-stop?" his ears flattened and his lip was worried between his teeth.
Hiei relented after a final bite and lick, "Hn, all better?"
A twitch of a smile formed on his lips, "Are you sure you're really Hiei?"
"I guess I should be asking you if you're really Kurama then?" he replied, backing away from the other to lounge against the side again, "Ready?"
Like an abused child, Kurama rose from the water, trying to be as quick as he could to wrap the towel around himself.
"It's almost like you're ashamed of your body," Hiei decided to comment as he grabbed the left over towel, "Are there more marks that he left or are you just self-conscious of what has happened?"
"Ningens are very modest. I suppose it's just something I–"
"No," the demon shook his head, "You were secretive, even a bit aloof, but never were you this modest or shy. Are you just going to let that filthy creature hold you down for his own sick amusement and mockery? Honestly Kurama, I can understand not telling anyone but I can't comprehend why you allowed yourself to become so submissive."
The hybrid shivered but did no more as he collected his garb and started to pull it on.
His mate growled and the other was jerked to the side to stare at him when his hand tugged harshly on Kurama's wrist, "Are you listening to me?! Kami, how can I get through to you? I know he took advantage of you, I know he all but raped you, and I know you were continuously broken until all that remained were tiny slivers but you survived and what doesn't kill us should make us stronger!"
"What doesn't kill at first comes back to kill later. It's as you said, you can't escape death and all in all, it does make you weaker, not stronger. It's like a virus. You may be able to cure it, but you are weakened by that time and then the simplest of colds can cause great harm to you–"
"What about this venom? We barely feel it's effects now and because of your help and youki I might have just become immune to many, if not all, poisons. Just the same, as you mentioned, you're now tolerant to my flames, thus now your plants cannot die by fire alone."
"I know I can't be harmed by you, but I never said my plants couldn't be harmed by another's fire," he stated, his arm trying to twist away from the gripping hand, "Please let go, Hiei."
"I know what I say won't miraculously solve all your problems at once, but I'm not helping you in the slightest with what I'm doing, am I?" he asked though his hand refused to leave it's bearings, "I'm just making this worse, so, if you want, I can force Koenma to reverse our mating and then you'll never have to–"
"No!" the fox abruptly cut off, a light shade of pink spreading upon his cheeks before he just shook his head, "No, I wouldn't do that. If anything, Hiei, this is the one thing that went right in this life and I don't want it taken away. Also, you're not harming me further but... I don't know, Hiei. Just give me some time.I'm sorry that I can't be the mate you wish for, but maybe with time I can be."
Hiei sighed, his other hand rising to cup Kurama's face, "Let's try something else. Don't hold back and just do what your body tells you to."
"What do you mean?–" he quietly questioned before he was brought forward to meet with those warm, slightly chapped lips of his mate. He huffed lightly into the kiss before closing his eyes and kneeling to help out his mate's small height problem.
A pleasant, caring pressure was applied to his ears and he couldn't help the small moan that escaped his mouth, "Hiei... don't."
Instead of listening to his small pleas he pulled him forward into another mind blowing kiss.
Though the thin fingers clasped onto his shoulders, the force applied behind them was nothing more than a squeeze and so Hiei continued his ministrations. He lightly coaxed the long, slender tongue into his own mouth before gently applying pressure upon it with his own. His eyes, though heavy lidded, watched his fox for any signs of discomfort before shifting slightly and repositioning them both.
"Kurama.," he mumbled once he drew away from their heated kiss, "I want you to take me, please."
Their position finally became apparent and the words started to make sense again before he tensed and tried to pull away, "H-Hiei, please... don't–"
"You may not trust me, but I trust you, so please?" he actually begged, his fingers tangling in the silky silver-red hair.
Kurama squeezed his eyes shut and buried his head in Hiei's shoulder, "I trust you, it's myself I don't trust."
"How else are you going to learn to trust yourself then?"
"I don't know, but some other way–" he fought back a groan as his mate's pelvis rubbed against his own.
"Don't hold back just stop thinking."
He felt horrible for making his mate beg for his attention for the second time that day, but shook his head, "Hiei I-I'll hurt you. I don't want to do that–"
"You won't just take it slow. If you want, I can take control for now, but that wouldn't help you as much as being able to take control yourself."
His mostly golden eyes were fixed on the room's floor and some of Hiei's hair that lie there, "Hiei I don't think we're ready for this."
The demon's small hands brushed lightly down the expansion of his back, across the somewhat clothed waist, and then back up a few times, "I believe we are. W-we care about each other and we know about each other's problems for the most part and we were what ningen's called 'best friends' before this, right? Doesn't that count for something?"
He bit his lip again and sniffled, "M-most ningens would call that love Hiei."
"Love?" Hiei repeated, testing the foreign word, "The fool is always talking about that when it comes to Yukina. What does it actually mean?"
"It's hard to explain. It's kind of feels like being enveloped in a thick, comfortable blanket that you never want to leave. You never want to leave it because it brings comfort, warmth, and, above all, protection. It's almost something you have to have done to you for you to comprehend. Do you understand Hiei?" he sighed, his eyes drifting shut as the hand continued to stroke him.
"So that warmth I've been feeling is love?" he questioned, not really picking up on what it meant.
"It's possible. Hiei, haven't you ever experienced something like what I've told you before?"
Hiei's hand dropped from his back as he let out a breath, "I've been hated for what I was since birth. So no, no one has ever made me feel.the way you do," he nuzzled Kurama's neck before speaking again, "Not even Yukina. I get... I don't know, this dull kind of ache when I see her. It's not really painful but bothersome."
"So you feel guilt?" his fox offered.
There was a light lick against his throat before the other spoke, "Let's not talk about this right now. Please, take me?"
"Hiei," he spoke regretfully, "I don't think I'm ready just yet. Please stop it, please?"
The still wet, shoulder length hair lay flat against the floor when he laid his head back again, "Fine but you know sooner or later you're going to have to face this, right? I mean, your rut is going to come whether you wish it to or not and just the same..."
He was ready to just not comment at all, for it was the truth, but he felt something was left unsaid when Hiei just let his sentence drift off, "Just the same you'll go through your rut. I know, Hiei, and when that happens–"
"No, Kurama. I don't go into a rut. Being of Koorime descent, I go into heat," he huffed and lifted himself up, but not before removing Kurama from him. "There's a difference. Mukuro told me that with rutting you just feel the need to hump everything in sight. However, when one goes into heat you get this feeling that's very uncomfortable, almost like being too warm and for some reason pleasure seems to overwhelm that feeling for awhile."
His silver ears seem to rise with curiosity, "Heat you say? Doesn't that mean you can... well..."
"Conceive? Carry a brat? Yeah, I guess," he shrugged before flaring his energy, which in turn dried him instantly, "But only when I'm in heat. I think that's how it works at least."
Kurama gathered the rest of his clothing and looked at it, "Hiei..."
The quick fire demon looked down after belting his pants, "Hn?"
"This shirt is just a roll of material, shire too. Is there anything?–"
"Well, you don't have to wear a shirt, it's not like you have breasts," he grinned, "But no, that's all I could find. I was lucky to even find those pants. It's not easy to find clothing that shifts to allow a hole for your tail you know."
Gently he nodded and started the annoying process of trying to make a shirt without actually sewing.
Hiei watched with mild interest when he was done with his own dressing before going up behind the other and helping him tie the ends, "I never doubted that you'd be able to use it. Kind of looks like gypsy clothing."
"I suppose it does, being that they did wear clothing like this. However, in the future I'd rather not were this flimsy materia,." he mumbled.
"Why? Are you cold?" he grinned as his hand ran through the long, soft hair. The heat radiating off it caused the fox's to puff up and dry upon contact.
"N-no, but I'd rather be decent–"
"You're covering yourself for the most part plus you're torso is pretty damn decent if I do say so myself."
"Hiei, stop that!" he latched onto the hand as it started to drift down his chest, "I mean... We're going to Ningenkai right?"
"Hn," he grunted before nodding, "Yes, get up."
Please reveiw after these teasers! Thanks!:
"Well if you had locked your door we wouldn't have had this problem... nine minutes Shuichi"
"Did you think you could escape?! Huh? What about that little 'promise' you made? You do realize what you've just done, don't you?"
I remember telling him I was his. After that point my vision grew dark and his hands gripping at my waist was the last thing I recall...
