*** More crazy, cracky, fun! Again the prompts are listed with their owners. Again the warning for SMUT! (well, more smut-lite this time...next chapter's the "don't read this at work!" smut) :) ***


Prompt:

Mary, Marshall, Stan; road trip, "don't make me turn this car around" - from rainbowwizard1

Mary heard the crinkle of plastic and knew he was opening one. She spun around as far as the seatbelt would allow in order to glare into the back seat.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "You can't eat all of those. Some are for me and Stan and you already had your share."

"Fingers out of the moonpies, Mann," Stan warned, squinting in the rearview mirror to eyeball his Inspector.

"C'mon," Marshall whined, coveted dessert half out of its package. "I'll buy more at the next stop and I'm hungry."

Mary unbuckled as Stan protested and recited regulations. "Give me that, moron." She knelt in the seat and grabbed at the package held in Marshall's hands.

Marshall grinned and leaned forward to grab an arm and her belt and haul her through the gap in the seats to tumble into the back. Mary yelped and wrestled to free herself as her partner pinned her behind the driver's seat.

"Okay, you two," Stan barked, trying to see what was going on. "Cut it out and get back in your seats. I didn't agree to this little joy ride for my health, you know."

"I'm going to eat that moonpie," Marshall teased, then pressed his hips into Mary's and ended the sentence in a whisper, "and then I'm going to nibble on you." He fulfilled the promise by nipping at her neck.

Mary laughed and tried to fend him off, cheeks flushed as she frantically tried to keep an eye on Stan. "Dammit, Marshall, get off me!" Trying to keep her voice menacing. Marshall's hands wandered with his mouth and Mary giggled some more.

"What the hell is going on back there?" Stan growled, the SUV swerving slightly as he again tried to see the occupants in the back. "Don't make me turn this car around and deposit your asses back in New Mexico."

Marshall kissed her hard and sat up with a pout, "Mary took the moonpie and tried to give me a hickey. Ow!" He rubbed his arm where she punched him, her expression promising further retribution later.

"Christ," Stan muttered, turning up the radio. "I'd rather road trip with two toddlers."


Prompt:

Mary, Peter; hairband, "we can't save them all" - from pyr_mtns

Mary stood and waited impatiently; the way she always waited. Foot tapping, eyes casting about, playing with the hairband on her wrist. She hated not knowing what was going on behind the scenes and glared at the door Peter had gone through nearly twenty minutes prior. The man could be very unreadable at times; able to keep a poker face better than most, and he new all the words and phrases that were ambiguous and misleading. She sometimes wondered if he was pulling the wool over her eyes.

Sighing, Mary finally settled into one of the little plastic chairs that were placed throughout the room. She didn't really want to think about the adjustments she'd have to make if this turned out badly. Little things that were annoying enough to make daily rote tasks difficult for a while; and then there was the money. It always came down to hitting her in the paycheck with that one. High maintenance. Even Peter agreed this time, and he was usually the person who encouraged patience and TLC in these cases.

Finally, the door opened and Peter emerged. Mary jumped up, reading his posture and expression in an instant. Gloom.

"Well?" she asked hesitantly, stomach feeling slightly unsettled.

Peter tilted his head slightly and gave her a tight lipped smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm sorry, Mary. They did what they could, but we can't save them all."

"So you're saying that's it? There's no hope she'll survive?"

"You can have what's left if you really want it," he suggested with a shrug and uncertain look.

Mary blew the hair out of her eyes and jammed her hands into her pockets. "No, that's alright. I'm sure you can put her to good use somehow."

Peter patted her shoulder briefly as they walked towards the showroom. "If you like the Mustang, I'm sure we can work out a payment plan that you'll be happy with."

"Don't use the words 'happy' and 'payment plan' in the same sentence, Peter. I'll have to shoot you."


Prompt:

Mary/Marshall; broken, blood, a kiss - from alittlebirdy13

"What the hell are you doing?" Marshall's voice carried up to her, a twinge of anxiety in his tone.

"Is this a trick question?" Mary drawled, keeping her eye focused on the task in front of her. The dead branch had been scraping against the roof for a week and it was making her crazy.

He watched her saw at the broken, dead tree limb as she perched precariously in the tree. Raising one finger as the multitude of safety failures became apparent, Marshall debated irritating her in any way. He could yell at her when she got down. If she got down. He didn't see a ladder.

"Um…how'd you get up there?"

"Climbed out the attic window there, walked across the roof and then jumped over to that big branch." She gestured with the hacksaw as she narrated the journey, then made a mad grab for a peripheral branch as her footing shifted. "Shit!"

Marshall danced nervously beneath the tree as she settled back down to her task. "Jesus," he mumbled, then louder for her ears, "Let me get the ladder so you can get down. I can finish that."

Mary was sweating with her efforts now. "I don't have a ladder, numbnuts, and by the time you go home to get yours I'll be done and drinking a beer. And why do you think you could do any better a job than me? And don't give me any crap about it being some sort of 'guy thing'."

He grumbled and muttered in frustration.

"What?" she called, glaring at him.

"Nothing. I was just wondering how you planned on getting down without a ladder."

Mary sawed through the branch finally and it let go of the tree with a snap. The tree shifted and she dropped the saw to catch herself as her feet lost purchase. Sliding, scraping and bouncing down the trunk, she cursed and yelled when she became airborne.

He got the wind knocked out of him as he broke her fall, the two of them landing on the ground in a tangled heap.

"There," she gasped, wiping a bit of blood off her eyebrow from a scratch. "I'm down."

Marshall moaned and Mary leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for the help. Want a beer?"


Prompt:

Mary, Marshall; maple leaf, blue jay, drunken Mounties - from roar526

"We. Cannot. Go. Into. Canada." Marshall held her face in his hands as he clearly stated each word, frustration etched into his face.

Mary slapped at his hands as she pulled her head away. The argument was wearing her out and every minute they spent bickering was another minute head start for Tony.

"Dammit, Marshall," she hissed, gesturing to the forest surrounding them. "We're in the middle of East Jesus, Montana. Who the hell is going to tell the authorities we crossed the border? The maple leafs? No wait, maybe the blue jays will flitter over to the nearest border patrol and tattle on us."

"The U.S. and Canada have the largest unprotected border in the world. There are no roaming border patrols," he lectured automatically. He felt like a thirteen year old sneaking out of the house. If they got caught across the border they could lose their badges.

"You are such a baby," she chastised. She increased her pace along the trail, finally slowing as she heard voices ahead.

Marshall reached out and pulled her down behind some bushes as the sounds grew near. "Stay down. It could be Mounties."

He shot her a glare when she started to giggle. "Right, idiot, drunken Mounties," Mary scoffed.

She shot out of the bushes and tackled Tony a few minutes later, Marshall following with furtive glances at his surroundings as the other man ran off. The struggling captive was dragged back along the path, protesting the whole way. Finally, Mary threw him on the ground at Marshall's feet.

"Consider him expedited," she panted, jerking her chin at the sign post on the side of the trail. Marshall looked at her quizzically.

"Arrest the bastard," she prodded, then turned to stomp away. "A hundred yards into another damn country and I have to do everything. Jesus."


Prompt:

Eleanor, Mary; hard hats, "you should be ashamed of yourself" - from roar526

Marshall thought they had been looking at that file for an awfully long time. Eleanor had called Mary into the conference room about fifteen minutes ago, and now the two of them were huddled in the far corner near the windows apparently in deep conversation. Something was…off.

He stood and moved quietly to stand just outside the half open door.

"Oh, my God," Eleanor muttered, craning her neck. "If he does that again I think I may have to go home and change."

Mary replied with a chuckle and elbowed the older woman, "Shhh! Jesus, Eleanor, you're as bad as I am. The file, the file." She rattled the open folder they ineffectively held in front of them.

"The one by the grill," Mary moaned. "If the rest of him is that…appetizing…I may have to turn into an arsonist." Eleanor snickered.

What the hell file are they looking at? Marshall snuck into the room to get a better look.

"Meat on the grill and meat on the roof," Eleanor said with a smile. "This heat wave is finally paying off."

"Hard hats and hard-" Mary swung around suddenly as the floor squeaked behind them. "Marshall! For God's sake, do I need to tie a bell on you? What the hell are you doing?"

Eleanor fumbled the file and cleared her throat while she tucked it under her arm. "I'll get that list for you, Mary. Just let me know where to email it."

Mary pushed Marshall aside as Eleanor brushed behind him, both women hot footing it back into the main office. Marshall watched them quizzically, then turned to stand in the spot he had found them. It only took a moment before realization dawned. The firefighters next door had found a new spot to BBQ. And they had invited the construction crew out front. His eyebrows rose. Amazing what you could see two stories up.

Marshall walked back into the office with a grin. Mary studiously filled out a form while Eleanor's fingers flew on her keyboard. He stood between their desks for a minute as they both ineffectively suppressed laughter.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," he drawled, lips twitching despite himself.


*** which is your favorite? Did you like them? Did you snort a food item through your olfactory passages? Yes! Please REVIEW! Stay tuned for one more :) ***