Hallo there!
This chapter I am dedicating to all my lovely reviewers: Thank you guys for taking the time to let me know you like my story!
Someone asked me what Semper Fidelis meant, Semper Fidelis (or Semper Fi for short) is Latin for 'always faithful' and it is the motto of the US Marines.
I'm not all that happy with this chapter, something just seems a miss to me. Let me know what you think so that I could maybe fix it.
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CHAPTER THREE
Fitting in. Now there was a narrative Marissa didn't understand. At least not in New Port. How exactly did one fit into a place like New Port? When she first entered her new room in the Cohen's house she was certain that she was actually entering a hotel room. The room was furnished with expensive furniture, the bed had down pillows and a big bunch of flowers adorned a big chest of drawers. Marissa flopped down onto the bed and thought to herself, she might not fit in, but she was going to be 'not fitting in' in the lap of luxury.
It was five days after her arrival in New Port and she was somewhat comfortable in her new surroundings. Ryan's therapy had been going well, or as well as circumstances would allow. He was still very fresh from his surgery and thus his knee wasn't very flexible yet. His time was spent mostly in the poolhouse playing play station and much to Marissa's surprise, reading books.
Because Marissa didn't know any people she spent her two days cooped up in her room before the luxurious walls seemed to close in on her. Out of boredom and somewhat out of curiosity she made her way towards the poolhouse. She found Ryan playing a game which, she gathered, consisted of Ninja's killing each other.
"Ah Cooper, couldn't stay away, could you? Please, come inside, sit…" Ryan said in his normal smug way.
"You know Ryan, if you cut back on the double entendre's you might actually be a person who I can stomach to be around." Marissa said, sorry she even thought of having a conversation with Ryan.
"I'm sorry!" Ryan yelled to get her attention and when he saw he had it, added in a more uncertain voice, "Please don't go…"
Looking into his impossibly blue eyes, Marissa saw a vulnerability that wasn't there before. When Ryan saw that she wasn't convinced yet he added, "It's not fun to play Ninja on my own and Fred, the spider, isn't the best conversationalist. I promise I won't proposition you for at least the next two hours…" Flashing his cocky grin when he ended.
Weighing her options, Marissa decided that she would rather be bored with someone else than be bored on her own, even of it meant she had to endure Ryan's flirting. Volatile though it may be. "Fine…" Marissa relented, "Show me how this ninja game works so that I can kick your ass…"
Ever since that day, three days ago, Marissa and Ryan had developed some semblance of friendship. By no stretch of the imagination had Ryan stopped his flirting but Marissa had just learned to roll with the punches.
Marissa jumped when she heard Kirsten open the door to pool house. "We're having a few people over, as a sort of welcome home party… You are, of course, invited Marissa." Kirsten said.
"I don't know if that is such a good idea…" Marissa said. It was bad enough to have to deal with one spoiled little rich kid, a whole whack of them might be a little overbearing, Marissa thought.
"Come on Cooper. It won't be the same without my favorite girl there." Ryan said, causing Marissa's treacherous heart to skip a beat when she saw the he really did want her there.
"I suppose I can dazzle the Newpsies with my wit…"
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
This wasn't my best idea, Marissa thought to herself as she looked to the assembled group of people. Where she thought she was out of her depth before, she now felt like Alice stumbling down the rabbit hole. All the guests had arrived and amongst Ryan's closest friends she counted a senator's son who himself was a political protégé, a principal of a prestigious private school and a journalist for Time magazine. If ever there was impressing, and daunting, group of friends, this was it.
Glancing at Ryan she found him staring back at her as he was chatting with Luke, principal of Harbor High. Embarrassed that she had been caught out, she blushed and looked down, busying herself with the drink in her hand.
"He likes you, you know…" A voice behind Marissa remarked, turning she saw it was Summer in all her designer clothes glory.
"Who?" Marissa asked innocently.
Rolling her eyes Summer said, "Ryan, that's who. I know these things; he gets this look in his eyes when a girl strikes a cord with him."
"We're friends." Marissa said, "And even that is a stretch."
"You don't have to believe me. But I am right, you'll see." Summer said and nodded solemnly.
Marissa's gaze was once again drawn to Ryan, this time she saw him talking to a girl with short blonde hair and a petite frame. She saw her lead Ryan to a chair and their heads leaned towards each other as they talked intimately.
"Strange, isn't it?" Summer asked.
Confused, Marissa asked, "What?"
"How a guy like Ryan fits into a world like this."
Seeing a chance for her questions to be answered. "Yeah… I was wondering about that… How exactly does Ryan fit into this picture because due to a plethora of reasons I have guessed that Ryan isn't the Cohen's biological son…?"
Summer was looking at Marissa as if she was deciding whether the girl deserved to know the truth. Summer sighed and said, "Well, the Cliff's Notes version is: When Ryan was fifteen he stole a car and got busted for it, Sandy was his public defender and took Ryan in. Not long after that the Cohen's officially adopted Ryan." Summer frowned before she continued, "I've been friends with Ryan since he got here and only once had he spoken about his family. Originally he is from Chino; his mom is a drug addict and alcoholic while his dad was a criminal."
"Was?" Marissa asked, referring to Ryan's dad and Summer's use of the past tense.
"Yeah, he died about six months before Ryan came to New Port. From what I gather, he had a tough time growing up."
"That sucks…" Marissa truthfully answered, now having a better understanding of Ryan. "But it's also amazing, coming from circumstances like that and ending up where he is…"
They stood in comfortable silence, Marissa once again sneaking glances towards Ryan. She saw him still talking with the blonde girl and an inexplicable pang of jealousy shot through her heart, but she quickly dismissed it and replaced it with thoughts of her fiancé whom she hadn't spoken to in two days and for a strange reason, it didn't matter all that much.
"Who is Ryan talking to? I don't think I've met her yet…" Marissa coyly asked.
Summer looked at Marissa with a smirk and replied, "Okay, I'll play your game little Miss I-am-not-interested-in-Ryan… The girl Ryan is speaking to is Anna Stern, one of my best friends; she's the LA correspondent for Time magazine. She and Ryan used to date in high school and they broke up right before Ryan joined the Marines and Anna left for college… I never could get the right story about why they broke up. I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all this, Ryan would kill me if he knew. He has a lot of trust issues."
"Don't worry, I won't tell him…" Marissa said, trying to joke but doing a terrible job of hiding her interest.
"He has nightmares, you know, about what happened…" Summer said somberly, her gaze too falling on Ryan. "He won't tell anyone but I can tell that he's not sleeping. When he smiles, it doesn't reach his eyes. He won't talk about what happened when he was kidnapped… I was hoping, you see him everyday and he likes you, maybe you could try and talk to him?"
Dumbfounded, Marissa said, "You can't be serious! I told you, we aren't even friends, people who irritate each other, yes, but friends, no…"
"I know that. I also know that he likes you and all your protests aside, you like him. To me, that means he will listen to you… Think about it." Summer said before she was beckoned by Anna. "I'll see you around Marissa…"
Ryan had nightmares. Summer had just confirmed Marissa's suspicions that all was not well with Ryan. She stewed about whether she should talk to Ryan or not because she appreciated that it was a very touchy subject, and knowing Ryan, he wouldn't open up about it easily.
"Having fun?" A voice behind Marissa asked.
"Does everyone in New Port sneak up you!?" Marissa squeaked after Ryan startled her.
"I can hardly sneak up on anybody with these crutches. I saw you talking with Summer, what did you girls discuss? Probably me…" Ryan joked.
"Maybe we were, maybe we weren't. You will never know…" Marissa countered and walked away, swinging her hips seductively, sure that for once she one-upped Ryan at his own game…
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
"So Summer tells me you and Anna used to have a serious relationship…" Marissa asked as she was helping Ryan with his exercises.
"Did she now? I'll have to talk to her about spilling the beans of my past conquests to my future conquests…" Ryan said, trying to change the subject by flirting with her. Marissa had come to know this behavior by now and she was more than up to his challenge.
"In fact, she said that after Anna you haven't had a serious girlfriend."
Ryan finished his exercise and got up from the bed, leaning heavily on his crutches her frowned and asked, "I'm guessing there is a question in there somewhere?"
Smirking inwardly to herself, Marissa was satisfied that she had succeeded in rattling Ryan for the first time. "Yes, there is a question. Why did you and Anna break-up?"
"Not that it is any of your business but Anna wanted me to go to college and I wanted to join the Marines, she gave me an ultimatum and I picked the Marines over her."
Marissa was deflated to some extent, she wasn't hoping for some sordid love affair but she had hoped for something that showed that Ryan was human, that he felt something or cared for something because he had yet to show any emotion regarding his capture and subsequent escape. In fact, if it hadn't been for Summer, Marissa would've probably never known Ryan had nightmares about the time he was held captive.
"Yesterday was the first time I actually saw Anna since the day we broke up." Ryan continued, unprovoked. "It was surreal actually, all these emotions came flooding back to me. Back then, I loved her but she asked me to give up something that I loved just as much, or maybe more than her. She couldn't understand that I had to do something for myself, something I earned, not because someone took pity on me or because my parents had money but because I earned it fair and square. She wanted me to give up my dream and I would've, if she didn't make me choose, but by making me choose she lost me…"
"Why are you telling me this?" Marissa asked.
Turning to her and piercing her eyes with his Ryan said, "We're friends, aren't we."
Smiling to herself, she was glad he too saw their 'relationship' as more than just a working one. She wasn't too dim-witted to realize that she was vaguely attracted to Ryan and she would also be the first person to admit she found him intriguing. If he wanted to be friends she saw that as a sign that his banter was a show of friendliness and she would reciprocate like wise. Friendship could be a middle ground for them to interact on without being unfaithful to her fiancé…
"Yeah, we are friends…" Marissa said. Remembering her conversation with Summer the previous day, she saw this as a chance to speak to Ryan about his nightmares, because she understood if he was to have any closure he would have to open up about his experiences. "As a friend, can I ask you something?"
For once Ryan answered seriously. "Sure. Shoot."
"What happened while you were captured?"
She saw the myriad of emotions cross his eyes and his breathing become more shallow and fast. "Nothing happened. I don't want to talk about it."
"Please, Summer says you have nightmares and I think if you talked about it, it might help…" explained Marissa.
Angrily, Ryan responded, "Summer is quite the little do-gooder, isn't she!?"
Seeing that she might have gone too far, Marissa tried to placate Ryan by saying, "Ryan…" but she was interrupted by Ryan's shouting, "NO! You don't want to know what happened. I think you should leave!" Marissa paused, unsure of what to do next when Ryan's voiced thundered, "Get out! Now!"
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-
Lying in her bed, unable to sleep because of her fight with Ryan. She knew she might have gone too far but she was certain it had to be done. Someone had to talk to him about it and if it had to be her who bore the brunt of his anger, so be it. She was a tenacious person and his revelation that they were friends made her decision to push him further easier.
Sighing softly, Marissa got out of bed and look through the window, taking in the sea breeze and fresh air, marveling in the waves crashing on the beach. The sounds and the smells soothed her soul but she was still no closer to sleep. Her mother used to make her warm milk with cinnamon when she couldn't sleep, Marissa though to herself and the nostalgia made her long for just that drink.
When she entered the kitchen she was surprised to see Ryan there. Too tired to fight, Marissa said despondently, "I don't want to fight with you Ryan…"
Ryan glanced up from his coffee cup, looking very miserable. "Me either… You were right. And Summer was right. I get nightmares about what happened. I realize I have to talk about it eventually but it… It's just… How do you tell someone about the worst thing imaginable happening to me when it felt like… It felt like it happened to someone else, like it wasn't my reality, like I was outside of my body looking down on the events as they transpired."
Sitting down next to Ryan, Marissa placed her hand on top of Ryan's and said, "I know that it is hard and I can't even fathom what happened to you but talking to someone, a professional, is the only way you will be able to accept these things and to process what happened. It is important not only to your mental health, but also your physical health. Your rehab will go easier once you are mentally healthy…"
"You might be right." Ryan conceded. "I'll ask Summer's dad to recommend a good psychologist…"
"I'll make you one of my mother's patented sleeping aids. Worked like a charm when I was younger…" Marissa said, eliciting a smile from Ryan in reply.
"They just assumed I want to go back…" Ryan said randomly.
Puzzled, Marissa queried, "What? Who just assumed you wanted to go back where?"
"Sandy and Kirsten." Ryan explained, "They just assumed I want to go back to the Marines."
"So you don't want to go back?"
"I don't know… I really don't." Ryan said staidly. "When I was up in the air, I was in control. I was untouchable. Then I got shot and things changed, they, the people who held me captive, took away my control and I don't know if I can get it back. That's why Anna and I broke up, she took away my control. I don't want to go back and do my job half-assed. If that makes me a coward, so be it but if I go back, I want to be the best again, I want to have faith in myself. They just assumed I could go back and everything will be alright. I don't know if I can. I don't know id I can go back…"
Marissa saw past all the bravado Ryan had. She saw through the cocky, arrogant, self assured façade Ryan put up and saw a scared boy. Afraid to do something he loved for so long. Unthinking Marissa pulled Ryan into a hug and when he hugged her back, she melted into his body. She knew it was wrong, she shouldn't take comfort in his touch, she was supposed to give it but the way their bodies fit together, the way his hands on her bare arms sent shivers up her spine and the way his breath tickled her ear made her lose all her senses and her mind to boot. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of comfort and safety Ryan's hug offered.
Still wrapped up together, Ryan said, "I don't know what it is about you that makes me lower my guard. Usually I am an interesting person because I'm a rich guy who opted to forgo his wealth and join the Marines. When I talk to someone, I get in, I get out, say only enough too satisfy a person's superficial interest. But with you, you make we want to tell you everything, you make we want you to know me…"
Letting her go half-heartedly, Ryan uttered under his breath, "You have a fiancé. I shouldn't be doing this. I'm sorry…"
Watching his retreating back, Marissa realized that in that moment she couldn't give a damn about her fiancé and that he had been the furthest thing from her mind for a long time… She was in real danger for falling for a patient.
