Three months into my punishment I decide to take a long weekend and visit my mother. I haven't seen her much lately, just for a spot of tea once or twice a month. Dr. Bale has assigned me two more cases because she believes that I am more compassionate now. I'm not really, but I can see that all the doctors faces are overcome with strain, they have been working nonstop since the end of the war and could honestly really use my help. My guilt that I feel for Astoria is seeping into all these other areas of my life. She makes me feel all of these emotions that I'd honestly rather live without. Remy continues to annoy me each day, and I'd kill anyone who mentioned it, but I'm growing fond of him as well. I don't know what's happening to me. I leave Remy to look after Astoria while I'm gone. He's very excited because apparently he loves solving mysteries, and Astoria is the perfect one. I warily tell him not to actually touch her and say my good byes. Remy is bouncing a little too eagerly by her side for my taste but I choose to leave him with her anyway. Astoria might like his silly chattering, she must be getting bored of me by now.
The October sky makes the beach look absolutely stunning. My mother's cottage by the sea is small. It really doesn't fit her in my opinion. She's the type of woman that commands power just from her presence. She's the woman you see managing her mansion and hosting fancy dinner parties while make it look simple with her easy grace. And while she's never been the nurturing type, I have never doubted her love for me. She's been different since father was imprisoned. Aunt Andromeda says it's because she sees what life Lucius set me up for and was disgusted at this. And although she'd never say it aloud, she knows now that Lucius was a terrible husband and father. Despite this, she still is very much in love with him and their relationship has never been better. I don't ask about Lucius and Narcissa doesn't offer any information on the matter. I intend to keep it this way. She may be in love with him, but I sure as hell am not. I knock on the wooden hesitantly. I wanted to surprise my mother but now I am doubting that idea What if she's not even here? When I start turning around to leave, questioning my so-called intelligence, the door is opened.
"Darling! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" My mother is delighted and greets me with a warm hug. I stiffly hug her back. My mom is not a hugger.
I rub the back of my neck as I make my way inside behind her. "Uh, yeah, I wanted to surprise you. I hope it's alright if I stay for the weekend?" My mom chuckles at my awkwardness. Again, my mom is not the smiling or laughing type, or at least she's never been before. I barely recognize the woman before me. She looks like my mother but I've never seen my mom look so happy before. I guess the world really does keep turning.
"Of course! Stay as long as you like! Come in, come in. We can have tea and you can tell me all about your time at the hospital." She smiles warmly and sweeps me into a parlor to the right of the door. She acts as if volunteering at the hospital is a choice of mine instead of a punishment for torturing people. I choose not to burst her bubble. Her house elf, Dazzy, brings tea and bows qucikly, nose to the ground, before leaving.
I start in on my time at the hospital. I tell her about my patients and Dr. Bale. I mention Remy and the little girl who likes to accompany me on my morning rounds. I try to keep my face the same throughout my monologue, but I must've given something away.
"So tell me about this girl you have a crush on. I can see it in your eyes, is it a nurse? a friend? What aren't you telling me Draco?" My mother smiles into her teacup, mischief in her eyes. "Am I to expect a wedding soon? It really does get boring around here, what would you say to maroon and-"
I sigh before cutting her off. "First of all. Hell no to maroon, what am I a bloody Gryffindor? And secondly, I am not dating anybody nor do I have a crush on anybody, I don't know what you're talking about." I sip my tea and try not to show emotion. I can't have a crush on someone I've never properly met, right?
"Mhm, whatever you say Draco, so tell me more about this Remy kid…" My mother drops the subject but I can tell this is not the last I will hear about it. We continue our tea in amiable conversation until the late afternoon.
"Well dear me, look at the time! I am to meet the neighbor in ten minutes! We have plans to visit a local gardening store together. I can cancel if you want…" My mom stands and starts to collect her things. The offer to cancel is just her pureblood politeness, I can tell she really does not want to cancel. "Don't worry about it mum, I'll unpack and have a shower and when you get back we can have dinner or something." she smiles gratefully and hurries out the door. I look around the cottage, taking my own tour and seeing how my mother lives.
The shower was just what I needed. I used the hot water to distract me from the stress of the past few weeks. As much as I loved being around Astoria, she made me sick with guilt, some days I spend at home just staring into my fire and thinking about how much of a terrible person I am. I shake those thoughts from my head and focus on the hot shower and the thought of dinner. After I shower my mother still isn't home so I decide to make my way to the beach. Slipping off my shoes, I step into the cool sand. There are only a few other people on the beach but I pay them no mind. I walk and walk along the shoreline, thinking of nothing else except the chilly ocean breeze and damp sand beneath my toes. It doesn't take long for Astoria to seep into my thoughts yet again, but instead of the usual guilt that follows her in my mind, I am simply thinking of what she would be doing right now, if she were here with me. Her long blonde hair would probably be up in a bun with wisps surrounding her face and moving in the wind. She'd probably have a large sweater on and get closer to the water. Her nose would be slightly red from the cold and cheeks delicately flushed. I wonder again what her voice sounds like, it is probably light and airy. She seems so delicate in every sense of the word, though I have no idea what her personality is even like. She could be a cruel and horrible person who wanted the Dark Lord to rule for all I know.
I decide then that there is no way I can have a crush on Astoria. I have no idea who she is. I may like the idea of her and what her getting better stands for, but I do not actually like her. I enjoy speaking to her, but who knows if she'll even want to hear me talk when, or if, she wakes up. I simply care for my patient and want to see her get better, nothing more. I return to the cottage and my mother is already there.
"Are you ready to go darling? I thought we could go to a muggle restaurant that I have grown fond of." Again I am amazed at my mother's transformation, but I don't say anything and just nod and we walk down the boardwalk. We pass many people along the way and my mother seems to know everyone. Narcissa Malfoy, forever the perfect socialite, even in a muggle community.
The waiter seats us, gives us our menus, and brings us water. As I browse my menu I feel eyes on me, as I look around I realize it's only my mother "What?" I snap irritably. I hate when she looks at me like that.
"Oh, nothing. I just haven't seen you in a while. And you just look different. I don't know what's different, but something is. I haven't seen you this happy since you were 14. Just wondering where that came from." she muses and continues to stare at me.
I sigh and try to ignore her speech. "Maybe, I look different because I don't feel the stress of being a bloody death eater anymore mother, have you ever thought about that?" I fail at ignoring her speech, obviously.
"Yes, well that could be it. But it's not." What the heck? Is my mother all knowing? I find motherly intuition extremely annoying.
"But it is. So can we just drop it already?" The waiter returns before my mother can scold me for my sass. As he leaves with our menus, my mother levels me with her signature glare. Our interruption unfortunately didn't affect her.
"Now listen to me Draco Cygnus Malfoy. I understand you are obviously in denial about something but that is no reason to speak to me like this. You are different. You can lie or make excuses all you want, but I raised you Draco, I am not dumb. So I will leave it alone until you are ready to talk about it, but rest assured, you will talk about it sometime in the future with me. Got it?" I give her a quick yes ma'am. "Good. Now how is the company doing? I heard that profits were low this month…" our conversation continues and I feel warmth and gratitude toward my mother. She loves me more than anyone in the world, and she may not say it all the time, but her actions show it more than anything.
The next day at lunch, my mother brings up the subject I had successfully avoided for five blissful months.
"You're father has been asking about you." She says casually, as if she was commenting on the weather. "I don't tell him much, I know you like your privacy and if you wanted him to know everything you'd tell him yourself… He misses you though, he wants you to visit." She peers at me, trying to decipher my face. I know it's not betraying my emotions because i don't feel any. It's not surprising. After years of being hurt by my father and his actions. He can't hurt me anymore.
"I would rather not talk about him mother." I say curtly.
"We have to speak about it at some point Draco. I would like to know how you're feeling. He is your father after all." She pats my hand like I'm going to start crying over dear old dad.
"He is nothing to me anymore mother. And I won't talk to you about it because I feel nothing on the matter. He is a bad man and he got what he deserved. He is out of my life for good. And I would like to keep it that way." I storm out of the cottage before she can retort.
It's a few hours later when I decide to make my way back to the cottage. The ocean helped calm my brain and settle my nerves. Unfortunately, during my time of reflection I must have walked a few miles. It was going to be a long journey back. The night is beautiful, I can see all the constellations in the sky, even the one I as named for. I've never thought about what I wanted to name my kids when I eventually have them, but I seem to think about it more and more as I have gotten earlier. I suppose it never crossed my mind before because I was young…also I never thought I'd actually grow old. Now that it is a possibility, the thought of having children someday is terrifying. Will they hate me for the things I've done?
"Ey! Sexy Albino! over hereeee!" I hear a girl's slurred speech up on on the sand. I try to ignore her. "Hey where are ya goin? Come baaack." She jogs to catch up with me. "Wha' are you so upset abou'? she giggles stupidly. I stop my pace, hoping against hope that she will recognize and be scared and run away, I am not in the mood.
Unfortunately, the muggle girl has no idea who I am. "Wanna come back to our beach house? We're havin a par-tay!" she laughs again, spraying me with spit. ugh.
"No thank you. I am kind of in a rush back home." I try to leave again but she grabs my arm.
"Oh no! do ya have a wife or somefing?" I immediately think of Astoria. ugh what the fuck is wrong with me? I've never even met the girl. Anger and something else flares up in my chest as I walk briskly away from the drunkie. My fast pace has kicked her off my trail after a minute or so. Thank Merlin.
Finally back at the cottage, it is well past midnight. My mother is still awake and waiting for me in the living area. She says nothing.
"I'm sorry I ran away like that. Maybe we can revisit the subject in a few years, but I can't. Not right now."
My mom's eyes swim with tears, she looks at me with a grim face. "He may not have a few years."
