I thought of this idea while I was at the dentist's office, having the hell drilled out of my teeth. So yeah, I know we've covered the whole dental catastrophe thing, what with Hunny's cavity, but we never took the opportunity to discover what the Ouran gang would do at a real dentist's office. So, enjoy.

Oh, and for those of you seeking closure on my Kyoya's Unspectacled Day babble, he ended up having a terrible day, tripping and falling a grand total of 17 times. The gala? Well, let's just say that it was a success in that Kyoya knows all his opponent's strategies. However, since he was unable to see the speaker's faces, he now must spend hours, if not days, matching up strategies to companies. Poor Kyoya.

Dental Déjà Vu

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A dreary day. Not a single patch of blue could be glimpsed through the clouds' pallid shade of gray, and the sun's meager warmth was tepid at best. A chill wind rustled through the trees, bringing with it the earthy scent of rain and an early winter. The entire area surrounding the Ohtori's mansion was almost eerily still. Not even a single sparrow pecked at the lush lawns of the gardens, or at the gravelly dirt of the driveways. No sign of life disturbed the quiescence of the new day. Utter isolation. Perfect.

The memories of last Sunday's disastrous gala still reeked in Kyoya's memory, like stale Brussels sprouts and caviar. He decided that the only way to completely erase those memories from his mind was to replace them with pleasant ones. And what better way to do that than to sleep all day this Sunday?

He stretched and tugged the covers up to his chin. He'd get up for lunch and dinner, maybe. Depending on what the menu was.

And then the phone rang.

Kyoya snarled softly, and further cocooned himself inside his bed, squeezing his pillow over his ears. Rancorous thoughts raced through his head, ending with how fun it would be to banish whoever it was that invented the evil known as cell phones. He curled up into a tight ball, like a cantankerous cat, steeling himself against the phone's incessant ringing.

Finally, the phone gave one more exasperated chime, then settled into silence once again.

Kyoya smirked beneath his pillow, eyes still firmly shut. Stubbornness trumps technology once again! He cheered silently.

Then, just as Kyoya was about to drift back into the sweet oblivion that was slumber, another voice roused him.

"Kyoya-san! Stop sulking! Someone is on the telephone for you!"

Kyoya immediately recognized it as the voice of Chinsei, head of the Ohtori household staff, and a second mother of sorts.

"I am not sulking, Chinsei," Kyoya corrected her in as respectful a drawl as his mood allowed.

"Then stop moping," Chinsei replied. "There is someone on the phone for you, and they are not giving up until you answer. I've tried hanging up at least four times!"

That probably wasn't a lie, Kyoya decided. He was still debating over whether or not to open the door, when it was nudged open with a slight click, light footsteps padded up the stair case, and the phone slid over to him on the slick hardwood floor.

Kyoya stretched a hand out from under the covers and grabbed the phone. "Thanks," he said shortly.

Chinsei winked, then exited the room quietly.

Kyoya braced himself for the worst, then raised the phone to his ear. "What?"

"Kyoya, we need one of your dentists here, STAT!"

The gears in Kyoya's brain whirred. Mori would never call him for something as stupid as that. The voice, although an octave higher than normal because of rage and panic, was still not high enough to be Hunny's. It was too nasal to be Tamaki, and too loud to be Haruhi. Therefore, it must be one of the twins. Judging by the pitch and frantic intonation, Kyoya was going with Hikaru.

"Hikaru, did someone knock all your teeth out?"

"What?" Hikaru asked, taken aback. "Er, no."

"Then why do you need a dentist, of all things?" Kyoya tried his best to keep the annoyance out of his voice, but he sounded strained nonetheless.

"Some crackpot just told me that Kaoru and I both have cavities!" Hikaru's voice escalated another octave or two. "It's IMPOSSIBLE!!!" he shrieked.

Kyoya groaned. "Whatever. I'll send someone over. Don't call me again."

He hung up the phone with a decisive click, gave Chinsei orders to have a dentist sent over to the Hitachiin estate, then promptly cocooned himself in bed and fell back to sleep, snoring softly.

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"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid both of you have cavities," the doctor said carefully, yanking off his plastic gloves with an ominous snap.

"That's IMPOSSIBLE!!" Hikaru bellowed, leaping up from his seat in the dentist's chair. He lunged towards the poor fool who'd misdiagnosed him.

"Hikaru," Kaoru began, catching his twin in mid-leap. "That's the 52nd dentist who's told us that we've got holes in our teeth. Don't you think that maybe he's right?"

"NO." Hikaru scowled darkly at the dentist, who shuddered a bit under his gaze.

"If you want," the dentist said haltingly, "I can take care of those cavities for you boys right now, so you don't have to schedule another appointment."

Kaoru nodded. "Sounds good," he replied. Turning to Hikaru, he said, "I'll go in first, so I can tell you what to expect." He got up to follow the dentist to another chair.

"NO!!" Hikaru grabbed his brother and clasped Kaoru's hand. "Don't you remember what happened to Hunny??! Don't be a hero!!"

Kaoru smiled reassuringly. "Hunny needed a root canal. This is just a simple filling, really!" He gently pushed Hikaru off of him. "I'll be back soon, I promise!"

"You'd better!" Hikaru called after him, as he was escorted back to the waiting room to imagine better what tortures they were putting his twin through.

-----------------------

Where is he?? Why doesn't he cry out?? Hikaru thought to himself over and over again. He crossed and uncrossed his legs for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, checked his watch, ran his fingers through his ginger hair, and leapt up to begin pacing again. It's dangerously quiet!! He thought furiously.

It never crossed Hikaru's mind that Kaoru might not be experiencing too much pain.

He had no idea why the smooth jazz was so infuriating, but Hikaru was suddenly consumed by the overwhelming urge to destroy something.

And the walls! They were so sterile, so white and so clean!!! The little motif of dancing teeth encircling the tops of the walls closest to the ceiling made Hikaru vaguely nauseous. If he had to stay in there any longer, he'd go stark raving mad.

At last, Kaoru came through the door and into the waiting room.

"KAORUUU!!!!" Hikaru tackled his twin and embraced him in a viselike hug. "Are you all right?! They didn't hurt you that much, did they?!" He clenched his twin like he never wanted to let go.

Kaoru patted Hikaru's head and let his twin snuggle him for a moment before trying to pry him off.

"Seriously, Hikaru," Kaoru said as he stroked his ginger hair consolingly. "You won't feel a thing after they numb you."

Hikaru stared up at Kaoru imploringly.

Kaoru sighed. "Would you like me to follow you in there and hold your hand?"

Hikaru opened his mouth and was just about to answer "yes," when he caught sight of one of the receptionists giggling, apparently experiencing a massive moe attack. Deep down, he was flattered, but his host charm was currently turned off, and he was so not in the mood to endure any moe from anyone.

Glaring at the bubble-headed receptionists, Hikaru shook his head, puffed up his chest, tucked his shoulders back, gritted his teeth, lifted his chin, and once he couldn't think of any more mental preparations to do, followed the dentist down the long hallway.

During the minute or so that it took to walk down the hallway, Hikaru concluded that whichever sadistic person had built this place made the hallway long in order to prolong the gut-wrenching dread that everyone was bound to feel at a dentist's office. Brooding over this, he was led to a pristine pleather chair. The mint green harbinger of doom was surrounded by a sparkling array of dentist's tools. Their pointy tips glistened in the unnaturally bright lights.

Hikaru gulped.

The dentist gestured at the seat, and Hikaru cautiously lowered himself into it. He settled back into the chair, making a futile attempt to get comfortable.

The dentist smiled cheerily, showing Hikaru perfectly symmetrical pearly whites.

Those can't be natural, Hikaru thought with a shudder.

"Nice weather we're having, eh?" The dentist commented conversationally as his gripped Hikaru's chin and swiped at his cheek with a q-tip covered in something that tasted like rancid cherries soaked in polluted seawater.

"Yes," Hikaru replied, trying not to gag on whatever had just been put in his mouth. He was feeling reasonably calm, deciding that he could handle bad tastes. Besides, it couldn't get much worse than rancid, seawater cherries. Then, he caught a glimpse of what the dentist was preparing on the table next to him. He panicked.

Luckily, the dentist didn't notice Hikaru breaking out in a cold sweat. "Perfect weather for eating burgers, don't you think?" he commented. "Personally, I love McDonald's."

"Yeah, yeah," he stammered, trying to keep up the conversation while thinking of an escape plan. "The weather is quite McDonald's in Oakland today!"

The dentist gave him a strange look, considered something, then added extra morphine to his needle.

"Hikaru, my name is Dr. Yuvi Wakamaru." Dr. Wakamaru's smile widened, and Hikaru wondered vaguely if or when his cheeks would begin to tear. "You don't have a problem with needles by any chance, do you?" Dr. Wakamaru reached for something on his tray and held up an evilly glinting silver injection needle.

The monstrous thing looked like it contained enough fluid to knock out an obese elephant. Hikaru was a mere two minutes away from hysteria.

"On second thought, could you put me under a general anesthetic?" Hikaru asked, eyeing the needle and desperately planning an escape route.

Dr. Wakamaru stared at him. "We usually don't do that for fillings . . ." he replied, his voice trailing off.

"Oh," Hikaru squeaked. "Well, I was just asking. Not like I'm scared of that needle or anything," he scoffed, trying to appear differential.

"Well, okay," Dr, Wakamaru replied doubtfully. "Just a little pinch to get us started," He warned, before reaching for Hikaru's jaw with one gloved hand.

Hikaru opened his mouth, closed his eyes, and braced himself. He figured if he couldn't see the needle, it wouldn't exist. But despite everything, he could still sense the needle approaching the inside of his cheek. He cringed, gripping the armrests of the chair until his nails began to tear into the foam cushioning.

Piiiinchh. STAB.

"YEAAARGH!!!!" Hikaru flinched and rocketed off of the chair.

Scared half to death, Dr. Yuvi fumbled the needle and tossed it over the side of the cubicle, narrowly avoiding impaling a hapless nurse.

"What?? What?" He gasped, clutching his chest.

"That HURT!" He cried indignantly, rubbing his cheek.

"Yes, well," Dr. Wakamaru floundered. "I did say that there was going to be a pinch."

"THAT WASN'T A PINCH!" Hikaru roared.

Dr. Wakamaru gestured frantically back to the chair. "Please sit back down! The rest of the procedure won't be as bad, cross my heart."

Hikaru glared at him angrily. "Fine. But if you're lying to me, just remember that I've got a whole fleet of lawyers just itching to sue the pants off of you."

Dr. Wakamaru whimpered internally, wondering if maybe this was to be his punishment for some unremembered sin he'd committed in a past life. If that was the case, he'd very much rather have karma reincarnate him as a dung beetle than bungle this filling.

He nodded at Hikaru, gave him a pained smile, then retreated into his office for a cup of very strong, very black, coffee.

Hikaru sat back down in the chair, which somehow managed to be slick and sticky at the same time, in all the wrong places. He was determined not to chicken out, and show that stupid dentist that no one messes with the Hitachiins. But at the same time, he was filled with a disturbing urge to leap out that window.

Hikaru entertained both fantasies. One, coming out of the room alive and grinning. Two, leaping out the window and never returning.

His pride and ego delighted in the first fantasy, and he sat as comfortably as was humanly possible in the chair for all of five minutes. Then, his sense of self-preservation won out. He crept stealthily to the window, then peered cautiously down the hall to see if the dentist was watching.

He wasn't. In fact, Dr. Wakamaru was cowering in the employee break room, trying very hard to quell the shaking that had taken over his whole body. If he tried to fill a cavity like that, he'd probably end up drilling a hole straight through the roof of Hikaru's mouth.

Satisfied, Hikaru slid the window open. His trembling hands almost knocked over a pot of red petunias, but he dove and caught them before they hit the ground and gave him away.

Momentary danger averted, Hikaru nimbly hoisted himself up onto the windowsill. He could feel the wintry breeze nip at his face. Freedom was his!

"Hikaru, what do you think you're doing?"

Hikaru started, whacked his head on the raised half of the window, and almost fell headlong into the daffodil patch that lined the outside of the building.

Scrambling to get himself back inside and cursing karma, Hikaru replied: "Just getting a whiff of those lovely daffodils."

Kaoru cocked his head. "And you were climbing out the window because those daffodils were just so seductive?"

Hikaru stuck out his tongue. "You know I've got a low tolerance for pain."

Kaoru nodded, solemnly this time. "Which is why I'm here. I'm going to tell Dr. Yuvi that you need his special anesthetic. Why don't you sit back down in the chair?"

Hikaru slid onto the chair suspiciously. "I know that look. What are you planning?"

"I'm not planning a thing!" Kaoru smirked deviously. "Really." He took Hikaru's hand and patted it consolingly.

And in one fluid motion, Kaoru whipped out a pair of handcuffs, clapped one on Hikaru's wrist and one to the armrest of the chair.

Hikaru's jaw dropped. "You wouldn't dare."

Kaoru smiled sweetly. "I knew you were going to try to escape, so I brought these. Don't worry, I've got the key on a chain around my neck. You'll thank me once you realize how much more painful it would be to have the tooth rot and then be pulled out."

Before Hikaru could throttle Kaoru, Dr. Yuvi returned.

Visibly perked up by the coffee, Dr. Yuvi grinned. "Shall we move on?"

Hikaru's heart sank into his left ankle. His queasy stomach dropped into his right.

Taking no notice of this, Dr. Yuvi grabbed a drill from the white porcelain stand. He clicked it on, and its shrill whirring filled the air.

Hikaru passed out.

Thus, Hikaru's cavity was filled.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" The receptionist asked, infuriatingly chirpy.

Hikaru glared at her, wishing some form of divine wrath would smite her and all that inhabited this decrepit excuse for a healthcare facility. "No." He replied begrudgingly.

"Here's a balloon," she added, completely unfazed. "And a sticker."

Hikaru peeled the sticker and stuck it over her mouth, much to Kaoru's amusement.

"You still mad at me?" Kaoru teased, as they walked out of the building.

"Yes."

"Why?" Kaoru snickered. "You wanted to be unconscious for the filling, and that's what happened when you fainted dead away."

"I didn't faint. I swooned, thanks to you."

Kaoru's answering chuckle was lost in the flash of lightning and crack of thunder that filled the sky.

The sun had finally relinquished its feeble hold on the day, and the sky let loose another snarl of thunder. Rain began to come down in torrents, finely matching Hikaru's mood. This mood would carry over into the next embarrassing vignette, which would also greatly improve Hikaru's mood.

Somewhere not quite so far away, Tamaki was settling down with a bowl of popcorn, to watch a scary movie marathon with Shima and Antoinette.