Chapter Two: I Don't Believe You
Near. It was a both a blessing and a curse to see him again. He did things to me, that boy. He made me feel like there was finally something worth living for in the world, like I finally had somewhere where I belonged. Then, the sucker-punch deluge of memories hit me in the gut, making me miss days long gone. They were lovely memories, but the miserable one overlording them all made me want to run away, to hate Mello for bringing Near back into my life.
L is dead. L is dead. L. Is. Dead. The words echoed in my head, over and over, making me feel sick with their finality and provoking warm tears to fall from my eyes. I was running away from that horrible room, away from Near and Mello and everyone else, as though if I could run far enough and fast enough, I'd be able to escape this horrible reality and turn back time to be with L again. No matter what everyone else thought, I couldn't take over as L. I wasn't strong enough. I'd proved myself incapable of that much already.
I reached my room and threw myself into it, slamming the door behind me. I hid behind the door as though I thought it would keep Kira out. I knew it couldn't, but I hated being without my friends. Since he could take them away from me, already had in L's case, I knew I couldn't take the case. It would consume me even more throughly than the other one had.
I could tell Near and Mello were going to take the case. They had no other alternative; they were both far too loyal to L and his image to let his killer escape. I, however, couldn't take the case even if I wanted to, which I did. I had loved L like a father, but I couldn't risk losing myself again. Not even to find his murderer.
OMG. Near. Mello. What would happen to them? I broke off mid-sob, terrified at the thought of losing my best friend and my worst enemy. The tears came harder, faster. I longed for my dog, named Mycroft after Sherlock Holmes's brother, to come and comfort me. But he couldn't. He was at the vet's office. I wanted Near to come and hug me, tell me everything would be all right and that he wouldn't go, or for Mello to come in, punch me in the jaw, tell me to stop crying, get up off my butt, and fight back. They were the only things I had left to live for.
But even with the thought that they might die, I couldn't bring myself to follow Mello when he left the next day. I watched him leave through the front gates, Matt at his side, never to return. I already missed his kick-butt approach to life. I may have hated him, but he was a constant in my chaotic life. I guess it wasn't so much that I missed him so much as I missed his lifestyle.
Mello's leaving, however, brought to mind one certain event that must be coming soon. Near would be leaving soon. Near. The truth of the matter was he made me tired. I may have been young, but he made me feel like an old soul. He may not have moved fast, but he was one who moved unhaltingly in the direction he needed to, wheras I had the spirit, but I was held captive by the past. My past. It held me motionless as far as anyone else was concerned.
I couldn't handle it anymore. The pressure to do well, the pressure to live up to L. Because I couldn't. I wasn't L. I couldn't even take cases anymore. I was dead weight. The only reason I was still here was because L himself had taken a liking to me. And now L was dead. There was only one thing I could do to try to block out the pain of the world. It was something I'd picked up from Matt. I pressed a button on a small remote and heard my iPod come through the speakers cleverly concealed throughout my dorm.
I turned the music up as high as it could go. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wanted this to end. All I wanted to and could hear was the song.
I don't mind it
I don't mind at all
It's like
You're the swingset
And I'm the kid that falls
It's like
The way we fight
The times I cry
We come to blows
And every night
The passion's there
So it's gotta be right
Right?
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend to
Not love me at all
I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like
One of those bad dreams
When you can't wake up
Looks like
You've given up
You've had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
'Cause I just know
You'll come around
Right?
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend to
Not love me at all
Just don't stand there and watch me fall
'Cause I
'Cause I still don't mind at all
It's like
The way we fight
The times I cry
We come to blows
And every night
The passion's there
So it's gotta be right
Right?
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend to
Not love me at all
'Cause I don't believe you
I set the song to repeat, liking it, when something caught my eye. Something important and earth-shattering. It was the only thing that could have possibly convinced me not to stay at Whammy's anymore. Near was walking out of the gates, his back towards me. He had left without even saying goodbye.
I screamed, throwing the remote at the wall. My world had been pulled out from under me, and I had no idea what to do now. My worst fears had come true; I was well and truly alone. I heard a loud barking and frantic scrabbling at my door. Someone must've fetched Mycroft earlier, and now here he was, trying to come help me. He must've attracted attention, for I heard the door open and let the dog in. The Golden-Lab mix ran over to me and began comforting me, assuring me with his warmth that he was still here when everyone else had left.
I looked up, but whoever it had been was already gone. I noticed a small folded up piece of white sticking out of Mycroft's collar. I grabbed it and unfolded it, finding a note written in Near's crisp handwriting.
Sherlock-
I'm not one for words, especially words of comfort. You know this already, so I'm not really going to bother telling you everything is going to be okay because you and I both know it isn't and probably won't ever be. I hated to leave you, but if I didn't, I don't think it would ever be okay. Anyways, by the time you read this, I should have already left Whammy's for good. I'm not coming back. I'm not taking you with me. You don't want to solve cases anymore, and I just don't want to hurt you anymore, Sherlock. I can't stand it. I'm sorry.
-Near
The next day, I had resolved myself to never seeing Near or Mello, or even Whammy's for that matter, again. I told Roger I was leaving, and he did the only thing left that he could do for me. He got me in touch with a place that would offer me a job as a professional document and artifact translator.
I guess I lied. It'll be another chapter or two before Sherlock meets Kira. I needed to reveal why she was off on her own in the world and why Near was so surprised to see her again. I'm sorry for the confusion. (:P to all of you who thought you were going to find out Sherlock's real name in this chapter.)
An interesting fact is that Mycroft is actually a character in Sherlock Holmes- he's Sherlock's brother. I don't purposely twist details in reality, after all. I'll just say right here that I don't own him, or any other Sherlock Holmes characters.
The song whose lyrics are included in this chapter is "I Don't Believe You" by P!nk. I do not own the song or anything else to do with it either.
The plea for help for Sherlock's real name is still out there! I decided her last name will be (bleeped out for added suspence), but I still need help with her first name! Thanks to xxyangxx2006 for the recommendation "Mia". I like it, but I'm also open to suggestions!
Paths may be long or short, criss-crossing or solitary, but they will always take you where you need to go.
