Ok, I'm back, terribly sorry for the wait, but now…let us return to our beloved Sevvie, who was just about to sneak out of school and destroy the diary…

Chapter Three:

Giving Up and Conspiracies

Dear Diary,

I couldn't do it. You're just too special for that. Plus, I think I'm getting paranoid. I attempted to not write in you for about another month, and I began to start muttering things under my breath like, 'That's right, diary,' or 'I know, diary,' and now the FFFF have given me a nickname of their own: Schizo-Sevvie. They think it's the most hilarious thing ever, diary, and now so does half the school. Everyone besides us Slytherins think they are the funniest and greatest people to ever come to Hogwarts.

Honestly though, they're nothing special. All Potter ever does is complain, he complains about not being able to play Quidditch (apparently, he thinks he's really good. I bet he's horrible at it, but knows he's safe to brag since he can't try out this year.), he complains about not learning much yet, especially in Transfiguration (I thought that at first, but now that he does I'm perfectly fine with the curriculum, diary.), he complains about not being able to see the House-Elfs (But really diary, who wants to look at a bunch of filthy creatures anyway?), and a whole bunch of unimportant things. He's a disgrace to the Pureblood race. Yes, diary, I know it rhymes; it's the most hilarious thing ever. I'm planning to say it to him the next time he complains about something stupid.

Black's even worse as far as disgraces go. A whole family in mostly Slytherin and a few Ravenclaws, and he's sorted into Gryffindor, tut, tut, tut. The shocking thing is he's proud of it. Every time he passes one of his family members or other relations he wears this cocky grin because he knows they hate him. Girls think he's the most gorgeous thing on the face of the planet. I don't get it, he's not handsome, I mean, I'm better looking than him! Oh, sorry diary, just a grease smudge, I'll clean it up later. Anyways, Bellatrix once caught a girl giggling at him, and she smacked her across the face. Rightfully so, I say.

Lupin just seems to watch, and let, things happen. Sometimes he joins in with their pranks, but he mostly watches. It's annoying; I think he's trying to be friends with Lily! I bet Potter put him up to it. I told Lily that Potter liked her, but she said it didn't matter because Potter is immature. I'm glad she's got some sense. Anyway, Lupin is kind of suspicious, diary, he has these scars on his face and arms, and he's been gone twice already in two months. He still manages to catch up, but I think the teachers give him good grades because he's 'sickly'.

Pettigrew, the fourth one, diary, is pathetic. He basically tags along with the other three and cheers them on whenever they do something stupid. He'll probably be a cheerleader when he grows up, since his grades are really low. How do I know this diary? Well, Pettigrew has this annoying, squeaky voice that anyone with ears can pick up easily in a crowd. He's sort of like my alarm bell, in that sense; whenever I hear his voice, I know the other three are not far away. Anyhow, I don't know why or how he was sorted into Gryffindor, probably because he didn't fit any of the other houses; he's certainly stupid enough to be in Gryffindor. But he's not what they call 'brave'; if he came before the Dark Lord. he'd probably wet his pants.

Thinking of ways to arrange that,

Sev, not Schizo-Sevvie

Dear Diary,

I'm so embarrassed, diary. The FFFF played yet another prank on me, and it's the worst one yet. They hung me by my belt in the corridor to Gryffindor Tower all because I was walking with Lily. Thank goodness she got mad; I thought for a minute she was going to laugh at me then start snogging Potter. Wait, where did that come from? Lily doesn't like Potter, does she?

But, back to the story. She told them to put me down, so they did; and let me tell you, diary, it hurt. And the worst thing was a crowd was there and they all got a good look at my face-plant on the floor! And Lily was there the whole time! I need to start hanging out with my Snake members more, for protection.

Oh that's right, diary! You don't know about Snake, do you? Or the Dark Lord, for that matter. From this day forth, you are sworn into secrecy. You should feel privileged, diary, not many people know about the Dark Lord, except a select group of Slytherins. Snake stands for Slytherins Not Against Killing Excess. It basically means we are supporting the Dark Lord who will one day rise up and take control of the world, getting rid of muggles, blood traitors, half-breeds, and Mudbloods. Some half bloods that believe in blood purity (such as myself) will be pardoned, and I'm sure if Lily repents for the sin of having muggle parents she will be allowed to live. I haven't told her yet, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled. And think diary, the FFFF will be long dead or being tortured (Bellatrix has called dibs on Black, and I get Potter), Lily's idiot sister will be dead and Lily will have long forgotten her, and the two of us can be married by the Dark Lord himself who shall be supreme ruler of the land. I am definite that the Dark Lord will be pleased to have her in his service; Lily has proved to be very talented and smart. If only she were a Ravenclaw.

Dreaming of the time when Lily will be Lily Snape,

Sev

Dear Diary,

Ugh, I'm sitting in the library right now, diary, and Lupin's over across the room. He spends a bit of his time in here, at least two times every week or so, but that is definitely too much for me. This was my secret hideout from the FFFF, and now it's ruined cause he saw me looking up a book about advanced potions I was going to use as reference for my essay. He tried to offer his help, (Yeah right, diary, I'm sure he was just waiting for the perfect moment to do something terrible to me) but I made sure he backed off. He's looking at me a little funny now, he better not know Legimency. That would such a great skill, diary; I really want to learn how to use it. That way, I could find out horrible stuff about Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, and I'd be able to know if Lily liked me back.

Anyways, this potion's essay is actually kind of hard. Stupid Slughorn. He's the Potion's Master and Head of Slytherin House, but really he's pretty much a bumbling, food obsessed moron who's wrapped around Dumbledore's finger. Pretty much everybody here is like that, except us Slytherins. Are we the only sane people here? Take the Grounds Keeper for example, diary. His name's Hagrid and he's clearly some percentage of giant. He goes wandering carelessly into the Forbidden Forest, even at night, and apparently has a habit of breeding and caring for dangerous creatures. Who would hire someone like that? Oh wait, Dumbledore would. Dumbledore seems to think he knows everything and that he can solve everyone's problems, but really diary, if he could, why doesn't he run for Minister of Magic? He's even been offered the post several times but refused!

It's because Dumbledore's a big phony, diary. He really isn't anything special or great, and he's certainly not smart. He sits up at the staff table with this goofy smile on his face and greets everyone with a, "Oh hello. How has your morning been?" or, "Have you tried the muffins? They're quite delicious." and other stupid stuff. He's never said anything smart, he wasn't even a Ravenclaw so he obviously isn't wise (he was a Gryffindor; figures, diary), he made us sing a stupid little song at the Start of Term Feast, and he has a fixation on lemon drops and other candy. Obviously, this is some sort of conspiracy set up by the Gryffindors in an attempt to control the school by using Dumbledore as their puppet. And if he messes up they can just kill him off and get someone else. It wouldn't be suspicious looking; the old fool's probably going to die any day now from old age or a heart attack from eating so many stupid little candies.

Figuring out ways to uncover the Dumbledore Conspiracy,

Sev

Is Snape right about Dumbledore? Has everything we've known up to this point about the HP series been a lie? Wait and see!

Yeah, sorry about the slow updates. I'll try and update faster next time, but enjoy the chapter! These are actually really fun to write cause all I have to do is whine and complain the whole time. Though I feel a pang in my heart whenever I say something bad about the Marauders (some of my fave characters), but it's still fun. Please review!

Also, check out a story written by Dobby's Imaginary Sock and I, The Hogwarts Dragon Murder Case, as we attempt to write something that is not mainly humorous.