Created December 2013 - I don't own these characters or the words made famous by the TV show, Bones. Love them anyway. All the rest that follows is my feeble attempt to keep time in between broadcasts and Razztaztic, Threesquares, and Covalent Bond postings.
A/N: 1/25/2014 - Sorry for the delay! This is the Prehistoric Sea Creature Part of the story that bugs me, hence my dilly-dallying. Alas, last night's episode (Master in the Slop) helped me to flush out a vignette that I could live with. No spoilers tho. Read with no fear!
This is part one of two chapters to be posted tonight. Gotta hurry! We haven't even gotten to Xmas on this one, and the Superbowl's next week. Go Broncos!
"Seeley Joseph Booth! So help me God, if you and your brother don't put down those toys! You boys need to go wash up for dinner…." Hank growled from the kitchen.
Pops, why are you only yelling at me?" Seeley whined. His eyes remained on the screen as his face angled back towards his grandfather's voice. "Jared's playing too!" he protested.
"You are the oldest, Seeley! I expect you to set a good example for your brother and your little friend. Put the toys down. Now!" he warned.
Seeley groaned. This had been the second warning from Pops. He knew better than to risk a third. He wanted dessert. He had seen his mother's apple pie recipe on the counter, and he could smell the cinnamon.
Seeley ended his guy's life, turning with agitation toward his little brother.
"I know you don't want me to put those toys down for you…"
"C'mon, Jar we gotta go wash up." Seeley snatched the controller from his brother's hand.
"Hey!" Jared protested, shoving his brother. "I'm in the middle of a life! Give it back!"
Shoving back, Seeley warned "No! Pops says 'C'mon'! I'm not getting in trouble for you, you jerk!"
Jared tackled his brother on the sofa with Spaghetti Monster arms. "You're a jerk!"
"No, you're a jerk!" Seeley grunted, dropping both controllers and scooping up his little brother in a headlock. He turned and pulled the two of them to the floor.
"You're both jerks." A bitter, grumpy voice whispered on the opposite sofa, watching the flailing Booth limbs before him. "It was my turn to play, anyway" he pouted. Then, realizing that the Booth Boys had stopped playing, he hopped over the tussle to reset the game to start a single-player game. He grinned at his good fortune.
Finally! My turn!
Seeley and Jared continued their wrestle for supremacy on the floor.
"Ow! My nuts!" Squealed Jared. His jeans obviously did not give with him in his attempt to escape his brother's contortion.
"Ha! Serves you right, dummy!" Seeley snorted, rolling Jared out of his grip with a good shove. He sat up, first on his knees to catch his breath before leaning forward to stand up. Jared took the opportunity to kick the back of Seeley's knee causing him to collapse back to the floor.
"Whoa!" Seeley wailed, even more annoyed by his laughing friend on the sofa. "Oh you like that? You want to be next?" he menaced, scaring the kid back to his game with a more sober focus. To his brother, he threatened "I'm gonna pummel you" as he pulled him by the legs back toward him.
Having noticed Hank's approach, Jared yelped "Pops! Help! He's trying to kill me!"
"Nice try, Champ! I saw you kick your brother. You instigated him and now he gets your biscuit!" snapped Hank. "And he gets both of your desserts!" he snarled, pointing to the kid on the sofa.
"BOOM!" reverberated through the room as the kid's round came to an end.
All eyes focused on a very surprised Lance Sweets.
"But Pops…" both grandsons wailed, both still trying to catch their breath.
"No back talk! The decision has been made!" Hank snapped. "Jared, I heard Baby Doc call his turn and you still cut in front of him. And you, Joseph…"
Seeley hung his head. He hated when Pops called him 'Joseph', because either the word "shame", "disappointed" or "break your grandmother's heart" was soon to follow.
"Your little friend brings a toy for all you boys to play with and you don't defend him when your brother's being a knucklehead?" He sighed. "I guess there's no use being disappointed, I suppose I just didn't raise you right…"
There it was: disappointed.
"I certainly am thankful for Rebecca and Temperance's influences on my great grandchildren. They may stand a chance at good manners…"
Ouch! That was a new one.
"I'm glad your grandmother's not here to see such behavior, because it would have killed her! Shameful!"
"Sorry Pops." Seeley and Jared mumbled in unison.
"No, I'm sorry! Apparently the Christmas spirit has been lost on you both!" he fussed.
To Sweets, Hank instructed "Son, go wash up and then come help me get the drinks from the kitchen. I'll fix you one of those Sidecars you like so much!" To his grandsons, he huffed a "Hmph!" and turned back toward the kitchen.
"Temperance!" he barked. "No dessert for my grandsons! Both helpings go to the Baby Doctor.…"
Smiling to himself, Sweets turned off console and the television and started toward the kitchen.
...But not before encountering two very displeased siblings. He was unable to restrain his Cheshire grin. "What?!" He protested. "You got in trouble with Pops! It's not my fault!"
"That's 'Hank' to you Shrinky." Jared sneered. "We will get you, Lance."
In disbelief, Sweets looked fruitlessly at Booth for support. "But I – "
"You got us in trouble Sweets, and now I can't have pie! Bones has been practicing for weeks, she's perfected my mom's recipe! I hope you're happy with yourself!" Booth growled. "You've got night duty with Christine tonight!" he threatened, shoving a finger in Sweets' face. "And you have dishes and garbage for the rest of your stay!"
Sweets' shoulders fell. "Fine!" he sighed, lumbering toward the kitchen.
The brothers cut a conspiratorial look other a look. Sweets will pay.
But escaping their view, a broad grin spread over the Baby Doctor's face.
Pops called me 'Son!'
"So how was the Nerd Ball last night? Did all you Poindexters go wild and turn your pocket protectors into flasks?" Caroline teased Brennan as she passed the bowl of her homemade buttermilk biscuits across the table to Hank.
Jared bit his lip, watching the exchange, silently suffering his biscuit punishment with the anguish of Tantalus. Caroline's biscuits were legendary and Booth had been none too restrained in demonstration of how good both his biscuits were.
Brennan knotted her forehead as she processed Caroline's question. "It was a holiday party, Caroline. A 'ball' is defined as a formal gathering for the intent of social dancing. And while dancing was a component of the evening, it was not the primary objective. The primary objective, of course, was to recognize year-end holidays observed by various cultures – Winter Solstice, Christmas, Kwaanza, Boxing Day…" she rattled.
"I notice that you didn't correct my use of the term 'nerd', Dr. Brennan." Caroline interrupted.
The table of folks snickered at Caroline's quip, all except for Brennan.
"Well, I find that 'nerd' quite accurately defines the majority of people in attendance. By definition, a nerd is someone who may be perceived to be exceptionally, if not overly, intellectual; obsessive about unpopular topics... And often, nerds are perceived to be socially impaired. In consideration of how one may choose to characterize a plurality of employees at the Jeffersonian, I believe that 'nerd' is an appropriate term." She reasoned.
"...It was a Nerd Holiday party." Brennan laughed softly. "Nerdstockings!" she giggled, feeling very jovial as a result of the cocktails that Hank had been mixing all evening. "Get it? Nerd, plus stock, which – since the Woodstock festival in 1968 - has become a colloquial suffix to denote the gathering of people. But instead of stock, I said stock-ing instead, thus creating a pun related to the Christmas tradition of hanging hosiery from a fireplace mantle…" her laughter became more substantial.
"Nerd – stock – ing!" she cackled uncontrollably.
"Oh Dear Lord, I short-circuited the genius." Caroline mumbled.
Hank chuckled at his granddaughter. He adored her occasional child-like logic. Padme and Sweets chuckled politely.
"Good one Dr. Brennan." Sweets offered. Jared rolled his eyes and began to make kissing noises at Sweets.
"Leave Lance alone, Babe!" Padme scolded. Jared cooled, but almost immediately, his hostility toward Sweets was refueled as he watched Christine's slobbery gnawing of one of Caroline's biscuits. The biscuits he couldn't have.
Brennan began to recover, but not before adding "...which can be very dangerous, by the way. Placing stockings over a mantle, I mean. We will not do that in this house, especially given Booth's recent history with fire." She blurted before reigniting her laughing fit.
Booth protested. "Hey! I did not burn down the church!" Turning to Pops, he queried, "What are you putting in those drinks, Pops?"
Perhaps it was because he was Caroline's designated driver for the evening, or his agitation that he hadn't touched his wife since last night, but Booth was annoyed by how very un-sober several folks around the table appeared – Padme, Caroline and his wife all seemed to be very - pleasant. With Christine duty for the evening, Sweets had stopped at one drink and Hank couldn't drink given the medication that he took. Jared was not drinking at all. To Booth, Jared was just his normal annoying self.
"So, I made that last batch a little strong…" Hank defended. "But I did it in honor of our lovely guest for the evening!" he winked at Caroline, who returned a wink right back. Catching the exchange, Booth grinned at the good-natured, innocent flirting that continued between the pair.
At Pops' request, Booth had invited Caroline to join them for dinner. Hank had thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the sassy federal prosecutor at the kids' wedding, and had pestered her to visit him the next time he was in town. She may have been more than twenty years his junior, but Hank Booth - much like his son and grandsons - love the company of a feisty woman.
And, since it was Christmas Eve Eve, Caroline's family wouldn't be gathering until the next evening. As such, she was happy to accept a warm invitation to family dinner with her work family and Booth's flirt of a grandpère. Especially since That Mother of Theirs wasn't going to be around for the holidays – again.
"What's everyone drinking, Pops?" asked Sweets, still nursing his Sidecar.
"I made Hurricanes." Hank stated proudly.
Booth choked on his water. "What!? Pops, that's two different types of alcohol!"
"Five for my recipe, Shrimp! Vodka, two types of rum, gin and Amaretto" his eyes twinkled. "The ladies seem to like it well enough!" He argued.
"Henri Booth! You are shameless!" Caroline laughed. "Try to loosen me up with alcohol! I am way too much Creole girl for you to handle, Cher!"
"Too much to handle? Maybe." Hank reasoned. "But I'd sure have fun trying." He teased.
Booth interceded. "Okay, that's enough Archie and Veronica. Simmer down, now? Weren't we talking about the holiday party? Nerdstocking? Social dancing? Holiday cheer?"
"There was definitely some social dancing going on." Jared laughed. "Temperance, I had no idea how…creatively…you could dance." He teased.
Booth's body shook, holding back a laugh. He was so proud of his wife's achievements, but her dance moves were not on that list. Even before their last Buck and Wanda case, Booth had long since abandoned freestyle dancing with his wife in public. Unless Bones was wrapped around his body like a glove, it wasn't happening. At home with Christine and Parker: no problem. But in public, he'd sit on the sidelines and watch his whirling dervish dance with Angela and Cam.
And Sweets.
"And Lance…boy! You sure were keeping up with her." Jared goaded. "The two of you were flailing around like you were auditioning for a Moby video." He winked at his brother, who was trying desperately not to laugh out loud.
Sweets explained "Dr. Brennan has a unique dancing style. Very expressive."
Caroline raised her eyebrows at Sweets' characterization, recalling her unexpected surprise (read as: shock) at Brennan's bachelorette party bopping. "Expressive is the nicest way you could put, Dr. Sweets" she commented.
Shocked by the controversy, Brennan asserted "I am a good dancer!" She frowned, darting puppy dog eyes toward her partner. "Booth! We dance together all the time! Tell them that I'm a good dancer…" she implored.
Trapped, Booth cleared his throat. "Uh, well…we dance very well together, Bones. You are great at keeping a beat…" he encouraged. "To your own metronome" he whispered at a level that only Hank and Caroline (who were sitting on either side of Booth) could hear.
The couple chuckled heartily. Brennan eyed the trio suspiciously. Booth "raised his halo" as he did his best to maintain a straight face under the examining glare of his bride. He crafted "Uh, your grasp of dance is more sophisticated than most are used to, uh, given your study of various cultures." He impressed himself with his rationalization. "You're an acquired taste. Like tofu" he suggested hopefully.
"You hate tofu." She pouted, her cheeks pink with the warmth of Hank's concoction.
"But I love you." He offered his charm smile, confident that this would allay his inebriated wife.
To no avail. Brennan's eyebrow arched in disbelief. "You're handling me." She stated.
Booth could feel his grandfather and brother's smiles at his predicament. They all loved difficult women; both of them had been in Seeley's shoes. He sat back in his chair in his chair in defeat. "Fine! You dance like you're tripping on acid, Bones. You start off okay, but almost immediately lose all concept of rhythm and you need a three foot safety radius for your frickin' trance dancing! Ya happy?"
Padme could not hold back her laugh, which started Jared's giggling. Hank and Caroline chuckled while Sweets catalogued the interplay between the couple as he helped a fidgety Christine escape from her highchair prison.
Brennan smiled, satisfied to elicit the truth from her partner. "Thank you, Booth. I appreciate your honesty." Booth – expecting an argument - stared at her incredulously. "I have noticed that you refrain from dancing with me to certain music in public." She stated, offering Sweets a fresh bib to replace the one Christine currently wore. "I'm fine with it." She smiled. "At least Sweets will dance with me."
Jared's face lit up with a big grin as he stared at his de facto little brother. The kissing noises began again. Padme pinched him under the table.
"Hey! Once you get into it, it's a lot of fun. Very liberating." Sweets explained, somewhat uncomfortable under Jared's amused gaze. Jared had been teasing Sweets about his crushes on his brother and sister-in-law since last night's holiday party. The Brennan Crush was winning.
"Tangled up in Blue." Booth commented.
Brennan's gasped softly as her eyes flashed at her husband's remark.
Early in their romantic relationship, he characterized his chemical response to her (he absurdly referred to it as a "spell") using the Dylan song title as a metaphor. Initially, she laughed at this and the other "sweet nothings" that he shared with her – direct and immediate feedback and action was more her style. However, after countless lovemaking sessions seasoned with his prose, she had come to savor his nonsensical phrases.
Immediately, she recognized his hint and found that it was no longer just the drink that was causing her flush. The continually increasing number of houseguests had severely inhibited the couple's sex schedule, and Brennan found herself hypersensitive to the cues that he knew only she would pick up.
She stared at her husband like no one else was in the room. He smirked back at her, curious at his adorable genius's strategy for a table escape.
Their daughter came to their aid.
"Tweets!" Christine had been repeating over and over again as her tiny little legs emulated a jumping motion in Uncle Sweets lap. Her hands playfully smacked his cheeks in unison with her legs.
"It's time for your bath, Christine." her mother announced. "We should go before you disable Sweets from producing offspring." Brennan stood, reaching for her daughter.
As expected, Christine was quite displeased being separated from her human jungle gym. The table of guests chuckled, "oooohed", and "awwwwed" as a happy Christine pouted, and then wailed. "Tweets!" she howled, stretching in Brennan's arms back towards her favorite Uncle's arms.
Everyone except Jared, of course, who sat stewing at the exchange.
Not taking his eyes off his wife's ass as she ascended the stairs with their fussy brood, Booth teased his brother. "Don't be jealous, Jar. Uncle Sweets here has banked a ton of hours babysitting Christine. He's her favorite chew toy."
"She's very at ease with you." Padme observed.
Embarrassed, Sweets shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well. I earned my nanny stripes when I was living here, so…"
Jared sat forward, mouth agape. "Wait, what? You lived here?"
Caroline responded. "Yes, he did. Sweets lived with here for four months, four days and seven hours after he broke up with his Dr. Brennan-doppelganger girlfriend."
Everyone stared at Caroline's very-specific timeline.
"What? There was a pool. I won! You win seven hundred bucks and see if you don't remember the details!" she huffed.
Still surprised by the Sweets' reveal, Jared stared at his brother. "You took him in? What happened to doing things on your own…being a man? Protecting your fortress of solitude?"
Jared, Sweets, Pops, Padme, and a grinning Caroline awaited Booth's response. All of them knew how fond Booth was of his ward, but he would rather shadow Hodgins for the week than ever publicly admit such. Booth fidgeted in his seat, impatient with being put on the spot in his own home. With a quick glance at Sweets, Booth replied. "Well, he tried that and he did it wrong…he was living out of his office like an accountant during tax time or something! The kid needed a place to regroup, and obviously Bones and I have so much space…."
"I can't believe Superman let someone into his fortress of solitude." Jared teased.
Leaning over to Jared and Padme, Sweets shared. "Well, actually, he seems to prefer Captain America to –"
"Sweets!" Booth hissed. Hank and Caroline chuckled, both aware of Booth's undergarment preferences. Hank recalled from his brief stay with his grandson, and Caroline – well, let's just say that tub sex wasn't the only disclosure that Brennan made at her bachelorette party.
"Go!" he ordered his bachelor houseguest. "Go slice up the pie for your dessert. And you…" Booth turned to his brother. "You clear the table! Padme, Caroline? Can I get you ladies something else to drink?" he stood up from the table.
"Booooooth!" Brennan called from upstairs. "Have you seen Christine's iguana? She won't take a bath without it…."
Booth froze as he looked at his guests before answering his wife. He had planned on sneaking up the stairs after refilling everyone's drinks. The sound of Bones' call coupled with the promise of a few stolen moments alone with her excited him. He shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. "Uh, it's on the…"
"Why isn't it on the shelf with the rest of the bath toys?" Sweets inquired from the kitchen.
Irritated, Booth snapped "I moved them, okay? For uh, a thing!" to the stairs, he finished his reply "Bones, I moved it….You know what? I'll come up and show you where." He yelled before returning his voice back to normal, and towards his guests. "Uh, Pops – can you?"
"I'm on it Shrimp. I'll get the ladies their drink orders…"
Before Hank had finished his sentence, Booth had darted up the stairs.
"Might be awhile!" Booth called back. "Gonna help put Christine to bed, too!"
Caroline smiled conspiratorially at Padme. "I like that one. I've got to remember to write that one down! Putting the iguana in the tub. Heh!"
A/N:
Did you know: Caroline Julian spoke not a word during the Woman in White episode? I would have killed for a Marianne/Caroline interaction…
