A/N - Hi guys! another update for you all. Thanks again for follows and reviews, it really inspires me to write. This chapter is from Piper's POV and I really hope it' s ok. Please excuse any mistakes as its 2AM right now. *Once again, I own nothing*
The morning after Alex's diagnosis, I wake up and properly appreciate my wife's beauty. Her alabaster skin almost glitters in the morning light streaming through the curtains, her perfectly defined cheekbones are lightly highlighted by a pink glow and the curve of her full lips look so inviting that I gently lean over and kiss her. It's so difficult to believe that someone who looks so healthy and perfect is slowly breaking inside, so I try and reassure myself that it was just an awful nightmare.
I lay there for several hours whilst slowly stroking her midnight coloured hair, desperately trying not to fall any deeper in love with her than I already am.
"Pipes," I hear her murmur in a sleep filled voice as she turns over to face me and slowly opens her eyes.
"Yes, sweetheart," I answer, amused at how grouchy she is when she wakes up.
"I know you've been watching me whilst I was sleeping. You do realise that's an imprisonable offence, right?" She raises her eyebrow and smirks at me. "Although," She brushes a piece of hair out of my face "I do think that you'd look awful sexy in one of those cute little orange outfits."
I burst into laughter, "Oh my god, if you must know I was watching you glitter." I quickly duck my head in embarrassment when I realise she has no idea what I mean by that.
"What the fuck, are you comparing me to… to… what's the fuckers name?" She frowns whilst clicking her fingers.
"Edward Cullen?" I ask her, feeling a drop in my stomach when I realise that it was in fact not a nightmare.
"Yes!" Her face lights up, "God, maybe having Alzheimer's isn't that bad if I get to erase that awful movie from my mind," She shudders, "Wait, so in this analogy that makes you Bella Swan?" She sits up and cocks her head to one side.
"I suppose so, asshole. I see you remember her name though," I pout in mock jealousy.
"You know me Piper, I've never been one to forget a pretty face," She says slyly whilst rubbing her hand up and down my chest.
"Fuck you!" I squeal as she climbs on top of me.
"Please do," she whispers in my ear.
We make passionate love all morning and I try to ignore how much I'll miss this.
Soon after getting up, we go to our local juice bar and get breakfast. Well, I say breakfast, according to Alex it was 'fucking vegan hippy food' but nevertheless she always stuck with it.
"I'll have one 'Green Powerhouse' please," Alex squints at the board, "And uh, what's the salad of the day?" She questions the young, very enthusiastic looking server.
"It's avocado and pepper," She answers in a broad Brooklyn accent.
Alex frowns, "The closest I've ever come to eating an avocado is guacamole, I don't even really know what it tastes like that." Alex looks at me, but I shrug. The colour of it has always been enough to put me off.
"Oh it's delicious! Very high in Vitamin E and Vitamin C which means it's super for you skin and reduces your risk of developing things like Alzheimer's!" The girl beams proudly as if she's just told us we've won $10,000,000.
"D'you know what, forget it." Alex storms outside the shop leaving the girl looking very confused.
"Was it something I said?" she asks me, completely dumfounded as to how her sunny disposition could be seen as offensive and slightly condescending.
"She's just having a bad day" I mumble whilst quickly leaving and wondering where the hell Alex would have gone to.
For the first time, I question whether I'm strong enough to deal with this.
After hours of aimlessly walking around, I return back to our apartment to find Alex drinking out of a bottle of Jack Daniels like its water.
"Don't even think about preaching, Piper. I'm done with your healthy shit. 'Oh, but it reduces your chances of developing Alzheimer's!'" Alex mocks the girl's accent.
"Alex she wasn't to know-" I start to say before she cuts me off.
"Bullshit. If I'd have gone in there with a bald head I bet my fucking ass she wouldn't have started waxing lyrical about magical vegetables that reduce the risk of cancer. Why should it be any different with me, huh? What, just because I'm not old and decrepit on the outside means I'm perfectly healthy inside too? Fucking stereotypes as usual. If you don't fit into a specific category or appearance then that obviously means you don't have any problems. I've heard it all before, 'Oh look at that rich bitch, she has no idea whether she's coming or going, never had anything to worry about in her life before because mummy and daddy have always been there.'" She waves her hand in the air. "They have no fucking idea that I came from complete poverty and shit, they just presume because I now have the appearance of a 'rich bitch'." She spits whilst over exaggerating air quotes with her fingers. "Just because my shitty genes and broken brain aren't physically visible for people to see, that automatically means I'm fine. Bullshit." She shouts and proceeds to take another great gulp of the whisky.
For once in my life, I have absolutely no idea what to say. Alex looks at me with glazed eyes.
"Piper just go. Go on, do what you do best and leave. I'm surprised you've lasted this long, to be honest. I'll probably forget you even existed in a few months, so just fuck off." She hiccups and wipes her mouth.
I open my mouth but no words come out. I turn on my heel and walk out the door and I am reminded of when I left her after her mother died suddenly all those years ago.
**This is for the best. This is for the best. This is for the best. If I repeat that to myself enough times then I might just believe it. Alex's pleas are still fresh in my ears and strong guilt is resounding through me. It's true, I could have been her 'friend' and helped support her, but to quote Alex "We have never been just friends". We are incapable of having a non-romantic relationship. All those times I considered leaving because she took me all over the world meaning I had to leave another job and make yet more excuses to my family, all those times I considered leaving because I couldn't stand her job anymore, all those times I considered leaving while she was out at yet another business meeting completely disappeared when she simply asked me not to go, to not give up on us. All doubts just evaporating from my mind because at the end of the day, I told myself, love conquers all. I was never forced to go anywhere, right? I always gave in and agreed to go with her, I always had a choice. She is what I pay attention to, who I pay attention to. Everything else is just background. Only this time, I had to seize the opportunity or else she would have convinced me to stay again, I try and reassure myself. I would never leave otherwise. In truth, it's what I'm best at, running away when the going gets tough. One time in kindergarten when I was just a young child, even though I was part of planning some convoluted and elaborate plan to try and escape from the building I ran away and hid in the toilet whilst the others where carrying it out. I could always be involved and in agreement with something, but as soon as shit got real I backed out. Piper Chapman's biggest fall down has always been a perpetual fear of the unknown consequences. So once again, I found myself running away from the consequences, choosing to ignore the fact that it wasn't actually Alex's fault but it was mine. She puts me in danger, She manipulates me into going everywhere with her, so why should I stay and support her, I think to myself? Well maybe because she's always tried to do the best by you and adores you, you sociopathic piece of shit, I argue with myself.
This time my biggest fall down was falling in love.
I convince myself that Alex will be fine, she always is, and I feel a glimmer of hope that I can now become independent and stop my complete addiction and need for her as I get on the plane back home.**
What never occurs, or has ever occurred, to me though, is that perhaps Alex needs me for a change. Selfishly I can't even begin to think about that, I continue thinking that Alex is the strong one and is more than capable of looking after herself, she is my wonder woman, my rock. I try and bury my feelings for her all over again, and even though I told myself that I had to do the right thing by her for once, I just can't. After all, she gave me the opportunity to walk out, she hasn't forced me into staying, in fact she was the one who told me to go. I keep on walking, unsure as to where I'm headed, but just knowing that I can't deal with watching the love of my life completely fall apart again.
This is for the best.
Fucking coward.
