Chapter 3: Borrowed time
'You lied to Peter, didn't you?' Cary asked. They had been silent for some time. The sound of sputtering candles mingled with their heavy breathing after another round of love making. Alicia shifted slightly and shook off Cary's arm.
'About loving him? Yes, I did,' she whispered. Not that she didn't still care, but she didn't love him anymore; not the way a wife was supposed to love her husband. That was what Peter had meant and they had both known it and she had lied. It was disconcerting how good she was getting at lying. Ever since she had started working again, she'd been getting a lot of practice.
Yet, apparently she was not good enough a liar to fool Cary. Somehow this was reassuring.
'Cary?'
'Yes?'
'I am sorry for the position at the firm. The manner in which I acquired it,' she said, sincerely. Cary didn't respond.
'This is no excuse, but I needed it. I felt as if I needed it and you had so much more going for you, but what I did wasn't... fair,' Alicia admitted.
'I would have done the same thing,' Cary assured her and when she raised a quizzical eyebrow at his admission, 'No, really. I would have. Plus, I liked working for the good guys. I didn't expect to and honestly much of the time we weren't a lot better than sleazy defence attorneys, but I had a good time.'
Outside it was so quiet. No honking horns, no sounds at all. It was as if the world had already ended and they simply hadn't been informed yet. She turned to rest on her side, her back to him. There were no worries about sagging, pale flesh. Perhaps because candlelight was much more forgiving than electric light, perhaps because she no longer cared. Perhaps because a trust was established between them that usually took years to form.
'You're making amends.'
He didn't ask her; he was stating it. Upon reflection, she guessed she was. Making amends with Peter and Kalinda and now Cary. Giving to the last, which was strange; since she had thought that having sex with Cary was a selfish thing to do. She hadn't wanted him, he hadn't wanted her; they were both taking. It was a tad confusing to find out that somewhere along the way they had started to want each other and started to give. At least, she had started to want him.
His nails raked over her naked back. Alicia sighed contentedly and opened the nightstand drawer. One of Peter's old watches was still ticking in there. She had always liked it. It had suited the younger, reliable and idealistic Peter she had fallen in love with. A million years ago, Peter had given it to her, knowing how much she liked it. The soothing soft ticking noise, the smooth feel of the slightly worn down steel clasp. Whenever she woke up in the middle of the night and didn't hear its regular marking of the passing of time, she would have the watchmaker put in a new battery.
The dials informed her it was a little past midnight. Gently, she closed the drawer and placed the watch on top of the nightstand.
'I've always liked you,' she told Cary.
'I've always liked your legs,' he whispered and lifted her hair to be able to kiss her neck. A delighted giggle escaped her lips and sweeping her hair aside she turned onto her right side.
'Be serious,' she scolded him, but he smiled. It was an undeniable boyish smile. Naughty and charming at the same time. She kissed him briefly and he draped her hair across her shoulder.
'I am serious. I liked your legs and your hips and your lips and your smooth skin. Your sharp intellect, your refusal to back down, your... hair. Take a shower with me. I want to see your hair curly and less under control,' he mumbled. His hot breath caressed her neck as he spoke into her hair.
'Less under control?' she laughed.
'We had sex twice. I doubt my hair is very much under control right now,' she protested, but when he reached for her hand she calmly took his. They fumbled their way into the bathroom. He stubbed his toe and swore. She administered to the temperature of the water, relieved when water came out and even more relieved when it heated up.
'I want you,' Cary said as they stepped into the shower. They kissed as warm water cascaded over their bodies. The darkness was strangely arousing and his words were needed. He wanted her too and not this other woman whom he hadn't been able to find.
'Alicia, I wanted you from the moment I saw you, but you were, you know, off limits,' Cary explained. Her hair felt heavy as he brushed strands of it out of her face. Off limits. She couldn't remember ever hearing anything sexier. He had respected her marriage. Certainly more than Peter had ever done and in the end also more than she had done.
'What about rivalry?' she suggested, while his hands drew her closer. They leaned against each other. She traced ever angle and curve of his body with her hands. In her mind, the contours of it were more firmly defined than Peter's familiar body or even Will's long fantasised over body.
'Oh no, that only made me want you more. Competition is hot,' he breathed. His hands kept kneading her shoulders and the slightest touch made her knees go weak.
(***)
When they finally got out of the shower, a wavering light illuminated the bathroom from the door leading into the bedroom. A few candles had burned up. There was just enough light for Alicia to see that her hair was a mess. It wasn't curly at all. It was frizzy. She nearly wept at the thought of having to brush it, but when she stood in front of the mirror, Cary snatched the hair brush from her hand. From behind her, Cary poked fun at how wrinkled they both looked and gently started brushing. It was a tedious and demanding job, yet he didn't stop until her hair was smooth again.
'Thanks,' she said, suddenly shy. Cary winked at her and pulled her into the bedroom. She had lost count of which round it was, but she didn't care. At the sight of him, glistening wet, she was instantly ready to go another ten rounds. She felt insatiable. She felt scandalous, like when she had decided to sleep with Will. But without the guilt. Just free to enjoy whatever Cary had to offer.
Afterwards, she smiled lazily and rolled over onto her back. Cary left the bedroom on a, as he called it, 'hunt for food.' She went around the room to light a new batch of tea lights and checked the watch. A little before half past three a.m. A knot tightened in her stomach at the thought that an hour was all they had left.
'Borrowed time running out, huh?' Cary guessed as he entered the room laden with snacks and caught her staring at the watch. Most of it was ice cream, which was probably already long melted, and cookies and cakes, but he'd also taken a few tomatoes, carrots and apples. Sitting on the bed, he gathered her to him and covered their legs with a thin blanket. It was a summer night, but it was still a bit chilly.
She took a huge bite out of an apple and he wolfed down three chocolate chip cookies. They ate in silence, Cary feeding her brownies and Alicia forcing him to nibble on a carrot. That turned into a Lady and the Vagabond moment, which ended in a kiss. The kissing led to touching and the touching led to sex.
With a panic no longer restricted to her stomach, but rapidly spreading to her chest, Alicia groped for the watch. It fell to the floor and as she lifted it she realised it had stopped ticking. It indicated a time of 4:30 a.m. and she sharply inhaled.
'Alicia? What's wrong?' Cary asked, concern lacing his voice. She showed him the watch and his bravura faded. The smile he levelled her way was less self-assured than before and she thought she could detect some actual trepidation in his eyes.
'Well, these were the best last hours of my life, ever,' he joked and he smiled genuinely and warmly at her, 'I couldn't have asked for a better person to spend them with. Really, Alicia.'
'Me neither,' she answered truthfully. They stared into each other's eyes and kissed softly. It was almost painful. The way they held on to each other after the kiss, as if they were afraid to let go. Which they were. Curiously, Alicia realised she was less afraid of letting go of life than of Cary. She thought about Zach and Grace, and Peter, about Will and Owen and her parents, about Eli and his daughter, about Diane, and about Kalinda. Wistfully, she ended her introspective thoughts and turned to Cary.
'Who have we borrowed the time from? Can't we have a little bit more? Just a few seconds?'
The end.
