A/N: ... Okay oops. Sorry this story kinda got... uhh, left in the dust? So like, I know I said I was gonna do Freezerburn, and I've actually had a lot of that chapter sitting in a doc for ages, but I have two (2) valid reasons for posting this one before that one. FIRST, I've had the majority of this written since V4 ENDED and since it's doubtful I'll have the motivation to finish the Freezerburn one before V5 starts I at least wanted to get this chapter (my favorite and the one I'm most proud of) published. And SECOND, it's Bumbleby week on tumblr and the theme for today, Oct. 8, is Beeunion. So like, perfect timing, I guess! Without further ado, please enjoy 4.6k words of that good Bee angst.
(At this point Sun and Blake have both landed in Mistral and Ghira and Kali are on their way but haven't left Menagerie yet)
...
Their first meeting was something neither of them had intended to happen. Blake hadn't planned on seeing Yang again, at least, not so soon. Not until after she'd taken back the White Fang, and taken Adam off the map. Not until she'd made absolutely sure that he couldn't hurt Yang ever again. Maybe then she would've been ready, wouldn't have been so ashamed to stand under the scrutiny of that lavender gaze. But after she landed in Mistral they'd met by pure coincidence, bumping into each other in an alley outside the small grocer nearby the hotel room she had rented with Ghira's money, and Blake was trapped. Stumbling her way through raw emotions she wasn't equipped to handle and drowning in waves of guilt.
Blake had been making her way through the alley when her gaze had been caught by a brilliant, yellow motorbike propped on the side of the narrow throughway, and her mouth went dry before her mind could place where she'd seen it before. And that's when Yang appeared, striding into view, her arms laden with groceries, and Blake forgot how to breathe. Yang Xiao Long was markedly different. Each step she took was jangling, byproduct of all the zippers on her clothes. Her jacket, pants and belt-tails made her seem older, more mature than the flamboyant attire she wore at Beacon, but still so very Yang. But no, it wasn't her updated wardrobe that had struck Blake. It was the tighter set of her jaw, the guarded look in her normally open and kind eyes, how thin she had become, and the unfeeling yellow fingers of her right hand. Blake's heart sped up to a mile a minute, her stomach plummeted, and she found that she was frozen, she couldn't move an inch. And then Yang turned and caught sight of her, and she was pinned by those eyes that scrunched in confusion, then widened in recognition, then burned a bright, fiery red… Yang dropped the bags she was carrying, mouth hanging open. Aside from the fearsome glare of her eyes, she looked like she might cry. One tentative step towards Blake, and the faunus sucked in a sharp breath and started to back away, eyes wide and fearful, pulse pounding in her ears.
"No, Blake, don't run," Yang said, voice hoarse and stretched thin, "Not again." And Blake stopped, balancing on the balls of her feet, ready to take off at a moment's notice. Her eyes dropped to the ground, and her arms fell to her sides. Her ears were pressed so flat against her skull it almost hurt. She looked anywhere but Yang. She noticed Yang's boots as they cautiously edged closer to her, as if Yang was afraid she was some sort of vision, that she'd whisk away like smoke if she got too close.
"Stop," Blake murmured, "Yang, don't come any closer." Yang's boots halted on the pavement, crunching on loose gravel.
"Why?" This time she sounded angry, and Blake squeezed her eyes shut.
"Because… no, don't ask. It's better if I don't tell you." Blake muttered, bracing herself for impact. A strike across the jaw, or an angry outburst or something. Yang had every right to hit her, if she deemed Blake deserving of it.
"What kind of crap is that?!" There it was. No blow to the face, but something equally painful. At that, Blake could have slapped herself. She didn't get to feel that way. It was all her fault in the first place. She didn't dare meet Yang's eyes.
"Blake, you don't get to do this. That's not fair. You don't get to leave without a word- Blake, look at me!" She all but shouted, and Blake jumped, her eyes shooting upwards. Her eyes locked with Yang's, and she didn't think she could break eye contact if she tried. Yang's face was a roil of emotions. Her eyes were still red, but shining with unshed tears (of sadness or frustration, Blake couldn't tell), her mouth was knotted up into a thin line, and she was biting her lip to stop it from trembling. She took a shuddering breath before continuing.
"You don't get to do this," She repeated, "You left me without a word, before I'd even woken up, when I needed you the most. Do you know how it felt to wake up after that, completely alone? Do you know how I felt? You don't get to pull that and then not give me an explanation for it." The words tumbled out of her mouth messily, overlapping. As if she'd practiced them before, but never really believed she'd get a chance to say them. But she hadn't been alone, had she?
"Where… where was Weiss?" Blake gulped.
"Gone. Her dad came and forced her back to Atlas before I woke up." Yang said, her voice at a higher pitch than normal, as if she were straining to get the words out without completely falling apart.
"Ruby?" Blake's voice cracked, a bitter taste building at the back of her throat.
"She took off only a month after we got home," Yang said, and this time it was she who looked away, "Left with the rest of team JNPR. Made it here, to Mistal. I was only just able to come after them." The world felt as if it had been pulled out from under Blake's feet, a sensation of stomach-flipping vertigo. She wanted to throw up. Wanted to melt into a puddle of self-loathing and guilt, because it was all her fault, everything was her damn fault. Because she had left Yang completely and utterly alone, in her hour of greatest need, when she must have woken up in a whirl of pain and confusion, with nobody to hold her steady as her entire world came crashing down around her ears. A sickening memory flashed through her mind's eye, of the two of them standing in an empty classroom, talking of the woman who abandoned Yang before Yang even knew what she looked like. The magnitude of what she'd done yawned before her.
"I was alone. Why did you leave?" Yang asked again, more quietly this time. Blake licked her dry lips, and closed her eyes again under Yang's stare.
"I-I can't…" Blake shook her head, and she heard Yang turn and punch something.
"Dammit Blake!" She yelled, and took a step towards her, "Look, alright, look! I don't blame you! I don't blame you for this, okay?" Yang flexed the fingers of her right hand, "I never did, and I never will! Yeah, it sucked! It was the worst day of my life when I woke up and found out my arm was gone, I thought my life was ruined! I was broken! But even then… even then I never blamed you, not once! I know you feel guilty about what happened, that you blame yourself, but it wasn't your fault. You weren't the one who did this. I made my own choices that night, and there was nothing anyone could've done to stop me from jumping in there, alright? Nothing."
"But that's where you're wrong, Yang! It is my fault! It is absolutely my fault- no, just listen to me!" She cut Yang off before she could interrupt, "He wants me, can't you see? The only reason he was there that night is because he wants revenge! Because I left the White Fang. He wanted me, and because I was stupid enough to think I'd be safe at Beacon, I let you get close. I had people that were important to me, and he knew it. And when he came, you were in the way! You got hurt because I was there!" Blake's vision had gone blurry, and it took her a moment to realize it was because she was crying.
"You're wrong, Blake. Even if he hadn't shown up, there wasn't anything that anyone could've done to stop Cinder's plan from happening. The Fall would've happened no matter what! I could've very well lost an arm to a.. a Grimm or something!"
"You're missing the point-"
"No, you're missing the point! It was his fault I lost an arm, not yours. You weren't the one swinging the sword, were you? He came after you, sure, but I made my own choice to go find you. I chose to jump in! And I'd do it all over again if it meant saving you, got it? The only thing I blame you for is leaving, now give me an explanation!" Yang was suddenly very close to Blake, staring her down with eyes that were almost flickering between red and lilac, and were most certainly leaking tears. Blake gulped, her breath hitching.
"B-because… he threatened… h-he told me…" She sputtered to a stop.
"What did he tell you, Blake?" Yang said, voice quieting. Her face looked like glass, sharp and angled with anger but ready to shatter at a moment's notice.
"He told me… he promised me he'd d-destroy everything I loved… s-starting with y-you." Blake swallowed noisily and looked up at Yang, who looked like she'd been hit with a train.
"A-and he hurt you and… the only way I could keep you all safe, keep him from h-hurting you any more was to get away, get as far away as I could." Blake continued her explanation, cringing at how much her own words sounded like excuses, at how eager she was to explain herself now that she'd been given an opportunity. She'd failed yet again to protect Yang. Yang stepped away, closing her eyes. She shook her head slowly. There was a long pause. Blake sniffed.
"Sounds like you were just protecting yourself," Yang began, and Blake's stomach plummeted. Her decision to run had torn her apart, but she'd had to, if only Yang could understand.
"He still knew my face, it's not like he'd leave me alone if-"
"Don't you see? He only wants me! He'd go after me, he'd hurt me in the worst ways he could. A-and that's… that's hurting the people I care about. That's hurting you, if you were close. I needed to distance myself, get as far away from you as possible… Th-then if he came after me.. You and Weiss and Ruby… you wouldn't be there, you wouldn't be close to me. He can't touch what's not there. Don't you get it, Yang? You three are the most important people in the world to me! Team RWBY… I would never be able to live with myself if you died. Never. And I understand if you hate me because of it. You deserve to. I hope you hate me, if that's what it takes to keep you away from me." Blake said, voice shattering.
"That wasn't your choice to make." Yang said, so quietly that anybody else might've missed it.
"I understand why you did it," she turned away, shrugging her shoulders, "I might've done the same in your position. But that was my choice to make, and you should have been there… you promised us, your team, that you'd stop shouldering everything by yourself and… No, okay, I can't do this right now." Yang turned back, marching over to Blake to roughly shove something into her hands before turning to walk away. Blake gasped at her cold touch. It had been her metal hand, she realized.
"That's the address where we're staying, if you care." Yang said over her shoulder. As she bent down to pick up the groceries she'd dropped, Blake got her first real look at Yang's new arm. Her blood ran cold. She couldn't help it. Where there had once been flesh and blood, was only cold metal, black and yellow and so unnatural, a permanent reminder of the trials she'd endured. It was scuffed from use, even though the shine on the unmarked parts suggested it was a recent addition to Yang's life. And she'd already mastered it, Blake thought with wonder, as Yang deftly snatched the last bag off the ground. Without looking back at her, Yang swung her leg over her bike, and took off, zooming around the corner and out of sight. As soon as the buzz of Bumblebee's motor disappeared, Blake sank to the ground, eyes shut tight, hands over one set of ears, the other flattening against her head once more. And she sobbed. Mourned what she'd single-handedly taken from this girl, once so full of life and love.
...
It was nearly a full three days before Blake worked up the courage to visit the address Yang had given her. After she peeled herself off the ground in the alleyway and wiped her eyes, her first instinct was to run. Get as far from Mistral and Yang as possible. But a combination of Sun convincing her to go (he had found the piece of paper with the address on it, and waited patiently as Blake spilled out her story of the encounter), and the desperate look in Yang's eyes had propelled her to make her way through the darkening evening streets towards the boarding house where her team was staying.
Yang was holed up in the room she'd been sharing with Ruby, disassociating with the others. She hadn't told Ruby about running into Blake. She knew it wasn't fair, but she didn't think it was something she could get through a conversation about. She needed time to think, to sort out her feelings from the jumbled mess they had become at seeing Blake. She lay back in her bed with a sigh, grabbing for a book, but before she could reach it there was a knock on the door. Yang grunted in response, figuring it was Ruby.
It wasn't.
Blake stood in the doorway, unsure of what to say and Yang's tongue went dry.
"Well, don't just stand there." She finally managed. Blake took a step inside the room, hugging her arms to her body and looking miserably out of place. How had they let themselves become so estranged? So clinically distanced? Yang yearned to close the gap, but her jumbled emotions tripped over themselves, tangling her in a mess that she couldn't quite bring herself to unravel. She hated being angry at Blake, but she couldn't just brush it off, not when she had such a terrible, gaping hole in her heart. Blake's eyes flickered around the room, before coming to a screeching halt and dropping to Yang's right side, accompanied a tiny gasp. Yang followed Blake's gaze with her own, before remembering that her arm was halfway across the room where she'd casually tossed it onto the desk, and the last time Blake had seen her without it had been when she was bleeding out on the stone pavement of Beacon's courtyard.
"Oh, shoot, hang on-" Yang began, hastily sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
"No wait, you don't have to! Sorry!" Blake said hurriedly, cheeks flushing, "I'm sorry!"
"Look, Blake, if it makes you uncomfortable to see me like this, I can put the arm back on. No biggie." Yang frowned, feeling suddenly self-conscious. She had the abrupt urge to curl up into herself and hide away from the world. She didn't really blame Blake for her reaction. After all, Blake still blamed herself for Yang's loss, and seeing her with one arm must have dredged up bad memories. The kind she'd been running from. Still, Yang didn't like the feeling of pushing away her own comfort for the benefit of others. She'd been doing that for far too long, and if she'd figured anything out after sustaining her injury, it was that she needed to start prioritizing herself. But Yang had had enough of people staring at her for the better part of a year. If it would at least avert Blake's gaze, she'd put the damn thing back on.
"No," Blake shook her head, "Your comfort matters far more than mine. I shouldn't have reacted that way." Yang shrugged, and sank back onto the bed. She took a hard look at Blake, trying to come up with something to say. She hadn't taken the time to notice Blake's new outfit in the alley behind the store, but the long, white jacket jacket suited her. Even if the boots were, admittedly, a bit overkill. She looked ready to take on the high seas. The biggest difference, however, was the lack of the little black bow hiding away her feline ears. Yang hadn't taken the time to notice it was missing in the alley, and she marveled at how they were in almost constant motion, twitching backwards and forwards, catching every tiny sound.
They were both awkwardly skirting around the conversation they'd had three days prior, and Yang knew it. Blake kept looking away, nervously rubbing her right arm with her left, and biting her lip. She glanced back at Yang, and their eyes met for a split second before they both looked away. Blake cleared her throat.
"I… didn't ever realize you had freckles, Yang." Blake said, finally. Yang looked at her in surprise. Usually she was the one to break the silence.
"Oh… oh yeah. Well, I wasn't ever too fond of 'em… to tell the truth, I'd hide them under my makeup every morning at Beacon." Yang grinned sheepishly.
"You did not." Blake allowed the shadow of a smile to flit across her face. Their conversation was light and airy, without substance. A superficial facade. So painfully fake.
"You bet I did. And remember the night we fought Torchwick in that Atlesian Paladin? Yeah well, I got really bruised up. But I hid all that, too." Yang chuckled, noticing how Blake glanced across to the desk at the far end of the room, where her arm was lying, glinting in the last shafts of evening sunlight.
"Speaking of Atlas…"
"Yeah, it's Atlas tech," Yang nodded, "General Ironwood himself sent it to me. Top of the line, free of charge."
"That's.. Really kind of him." The last time the two of them had seen the general in person, he hadn't been as kind. Yang still felt a bitter taste in her mouth at the thought of her unfair disqualification from the Vytal Tournament.
"You can touch it, if you want." Yang said. Blake gulped, and walked over to the table, uncertainty eating away at her. She reached out with a reverence akin to that of being permitted to touch some priceless, ancient treasure, and placed her hand on the smooth surface of the forearm in wonder.
"It's… incredible." She said, turning to look at Yang, eyes gleaming with an emotion Yang couldn't place. Yang gave a weak smile, and nodded. She had just glanced down at Blake's midriff and noticed something out of place. Slowly, she got out of bed and approached her, tentatively reaching out her hand to brush away Blake's jacket, and exposed the scar lying beneath. It was ugly and jagged, a raised streak of white against Blake's otherwise perfect skin. Yang's throat was tight as she placed her left hand over it, something hot rising behind her eyes. She took a shuddering breath.
"Blake… I want you to know… while you blame yourself for this?" Yang nodded to her stump. "I blame myself for this. I should never have let him touch you." She traced a finger down the length of Blake's scar, before looking up to meet her eyes. Blake's brows had knitted together, and she seemed to be on the verge of tears.
"You are… an idiot, Yang Xiao Long. I got myself into that mess far before Beacon, and dragged you in with me." She sniffed, "You had no fault in this whatsoever." Yang closed her eyes and took a step away from Blake, her fingers lingering on the scar for just a moment longer before slipping away. Yang sighed, running her hand through her hair.
"What a mess we are," She murmured, and opened her eyes again. "So… he said… he'd destroy everything you love starting with... me?" Stifling tension immediately clouded the air, threatening to break and spill like water over the lip of a glass at any given moment. They had finally broached the keg of unease lying under the false pool of calm. Blake gulped, and slowly nodded.
"He… he saw something in my eyes that night, Yang. As soon as you came, he could tell. He knew immediately how much he could hurt me by hurting you. I love Ruby, and Weiss, and... you, more than I thought I could love anybody. But he could tell when he looked at me, that…" She trailed off, biting her lip so hard that she could taste blood. "That you… you were special." She finished, closing her eyes.
"What… what are you getting at?" Yang asked in confusion and wonder, her heart was beating so hard, she was sure Blake could hear it. She watched as Blake gulped again, and then opened her eyes, making level eye contact with Yang. She drew in a deep, steadying breath.
"Because I love you more than any other person on this planet, Yang. And he figured it out with just one glance, and wanted to destroy that."
"Oh." Yang said. She shifted from foot to foot, and the tension suddenly felt more suffocating than ever, and very, very awkward. She needed an escape. She felt like she was underwater, drowning under the immense weight of what had happened and what had been said. Blake's next words sounded nearly unintelligible.
"Yang… do you hate me?"
"What?"
"I asked if you hated me. You deserve to, I-I know you do… but I need to know. For peace of mind." Blake said in a calm voice. But her rushed breathing, flushed cheeks, and sorrowful eyes gave her away. Yang sighed deeply, and turned away. She paced over to the twin beds, lying side by side in the middle of the room, absentmindedly picking up a book lying on Ruby's bedside table, weighing it in her hand. She could hear her own heartbeat pumping in her ears. She bit her lip, trying to decide what to say.
"I won't lie, Blake. I wanted to hate you for so long. For months after the Fall, I lay in bed, stewing in my own anger, thinking about it all. But I came to a realization. No matter how hard I tried… I couldn't do it. Couldn't hate you. I don't think I'm capable of ever hating you. I mean, you say you love me. Didn't it ever occur to you… even once, that there was a reason, beyond me being your partner, that I threw myself into that fight? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I felt the same way you do? I was ready to lay down my life to save you. And… well these past three days all I could make out of my jumbled thought was just how happy I was to see you, alive and well and… as okay as anyone can be after going through what you have. So no, Blake. I don't hate you. I can't hate you." Yang finished, voice wavering. Blake was crying in earnest now. There were no sobs, but tears were flooding down her face.
"I just… thought that this time… I might've been worth it." Yang all but whispered. Blake felt her heart shatter.
"Yang… you are worth it. I need you to understand I was only doing what I thought was right. What I thought would keep you safe. Making the choice to run… it was the hardest decision of my life, and I realize now it may not have been the right one. But everything I did… everything I do... is for you. And I'm so sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention." Blake stepped forward, willing Yang to believe her words. She meant every one of them. Yang bit her lip.
"Everybody always leaves, Blake," She said, finally. "And my brain's telling me that you're lying. That you'll leave me again, just like everyone else, because that's what always happens. But… my heart says you're telling the truth. I want to believe you more than anything, so… so I will. I'll try with all my might to believe what you said is true, if you'll fight with me to prove to me that it is." Yang said, looking up and locking eyes with Blake. Blake closed the gap between them as much as she dared.
"I'll be with you every step of the way, Yang." She said, sincerity ringing from every word. She had felt what the absence of her team did to her, they all had, and she wouldn't allow it to happen again. Yang closed her eyes and gulped, fighting back tears. She nodded in understanding, before opening her eyes once more.
"But now… it's my turn to ask you something." Yang said, heat rushing up her neck, to her ears.
"Anything." Blake whispered.
"I… you just… you seem so uncomfortable around-" Yang muttered, looking at the floor.
"Yang," Blake said, her voice stronger, "I won't pretend that I don't feel guilty about your arm. I won't pretend that when I first came in, I wasn't a little shaken, but please. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met. Nothing could change that. Nothing can stop you from being you. And that new arm? It's a part of you. I think… it's amazing. And with or without it, you're amazing. I'm not uncomfortable around it, I'm not uncomfortable around you. It's just… I should have stopped him before…" She broke off before her voice broke completely. Yang kept her eyes trained at her feet, and nearly jumped when Blake's slim fingers slipped into her own, pulling her hand up where she could clasp it between both palms.
"I'm so sorry, Yang. For everything. Can you… ever forgive me?" Blake choked. Yang looked at her, the girl that she loved with all her heart. The girl that she'd do anything for, over and over again, even if it meant losing another arm. Even if it meant losing her life. The girl that had hurt her so deeply. The girl that had torn her own heart to shreds with her bare hands in an attempt to keep Yang safe. And her eyes softened.
"I forgive you, Blake Belladonna," She whispered, "I forgive you, but I'm not done being angry. We're not done healing, or rebuilding. We're not anywhere close." Blake closed her eyes and nodded.
"That's all I can ask for." She said, throat bobbing. She didn't deserve to embrace Yang, to touch her. But she couldn't help herself. She choked back a sob, and flew into her, wrapping her arms tightly around Yang's neck, feeling the tears flowing freely down her face. Blake stiffened slightly as she felt Yang's single arm creep tentatively around her own back and pull her in to deepen the hug, but then melted into her. Yang sighed into her hair, and it was as if she was releasing the weight of the world. Blake had never felt such immense guilt, she didn't deserve her. She should have stayed away, tried harder to keep her safe. Yang's arm should have served as a reminder of what happened anytime Blake got close to somebody. But then again, Blake was too selfish, and far too much of a coward.
...
A/N: Will I be posting more of these chapters? Maybe but doubtful, just because V5 starts in like six days and will render probably most of what I write here non-canon. But hell, I'll see if I can finish up that Freezerburn one because I do love that dynamic a WHOLE lot! If you enjoyed, please leave a review, they make my day!
