Chapter 3
Rodney was sat at his laptop, concentrating on the equations in front of him. Sheppard deciding to take advantage of this situation snuck up behind him, inched his face close to his ear and then-
"Major I know you're there" said Rodney suddenly and Sheppard jumped back and grabbed at his heart, "Jesus Rodney" he laughed, "You trying to kill me?"
Seems like you do that perfectly well by yourself.
Taken aback at that strange thought, Sheppard found himself staring blankly at Rodney.
What is he doing? "Look I'm sorry about earlier" mumbled Rodney.
"Don't worry about it" said Sheppard clapping him on the back, "I should have been able to help Jaro" he shook his head, "People can't always be helped"
Rodney nodded, "I know that. Its just that Zpm was our chance to-" he paused and mentally scolded himself. Hes going to think you are an insensitive jerk. Well you are, but home. That Zpm was a link to earth "Anyway we might have a chance to go back. Im going to beg Weir" He let a smile grace his lips.
"Rodney Mckay, beg?" questioned Sheppard.
"Oh like you haven't before" sniped Rodney.
"She might take some convincing" said Sheppard glancing at him and picking up a strange device off the table near Rodney.
"Don't touch that!" he exclaimed taking it off Sheppard and examining it to make sure it wasn't damaged. Why is a child in charge of this base?
Sheppard raised his eyebrows at that remark. SO Mckay thought he was a child. Nice.
"What you up to?" asked Sheppard leaning against the desk and looking at the tricky equations on the screen.
"Nothing that you would understand" he paused and sighed, "Just something Kavanagh asked me to look at it. Its wrong" he said looking at a long stream of numbers and waving a hand dismissively, "I just can't tell where its wrong" perhaps it's the variable, 4500 kj
"You don't know?" asked Sheppard and he cleared his throat, "Perhaps its something to …..do.. with the uh variables. Is it me or does that look wrong?" he asked pointing at the screen, smiling secretly inside when he saw the look of shock on Rodney's face. Priceless. Could a child do that?
"That's what I was thinking" said Rodney,
"Oh you were just thinking that?" asked Sheppard, "Ah come on. I've heard that one before"
Rodney looked flustered, "I was. I know why I was thinking that, how did you arrive at that?" He would have no idea its because of the power output and its relation to the drive shaft ancillaries. He smiled.
"Don't ask me" said Sheppard shrugging and he waited for the smug smile to form on Rodney's lips, "I mean what do I know, im just a flyboy, right?", he said picking up the object Rodney had taken off him again.
Rodney snatched it back. "Right" he said crossing his arms.
"I mean, I thought it added up like that because of the power output and the drive shaft ancillaries" he said looking at Rodney.
How in the hell? Don't let on you're shocked, be calm, collected…how? "Well it's a simple….thing really" said Rodney quietly. He rubbed at his face wearily. How did he know that?
"So you ready for our debriefing, its in an hour" said Sheppard checking his watch.
"Yeah" said Rodney He must have cheated. How can you cheat something like that?
"Oh stop obsessing"
"What?" asked Rodney looking at him strangely.
"I can…uh tell" said Sheppard, "You wanna know how I did that. Jeez what do you think I did, read your mind" he laughed but Rodney didn't look amused.
"What happened on that planet with Jaro?" asked Rodney because you were pretty angry at him and he didn't come back.
"We're back onto this?" he sighed "He got hit by some kind of weapon" said Sheppard eyes downcast. He was beginning to develop a slight headache at the base of his skull.
"And they ignored you?"
"I had killed them all" said Sheppard, reaching his hand up and rubbing at his eyes. He became distracted when he could hear other voices, other thoughts creeping into his mind.
"They weren't shooting at you though, were they, they were shooting at him"
Sheppard suddenly felt the pressure building behind his eyes, "I…….told you he couldn't be helped. You think im responsible. You saw him, he had a death wish." He rubbed at his eyes "We'll talk about this in the debriefing" he said.
Whats up with him now. Is he hiding something?
"The debriefing" said Sheppard bracing himself against the counter.
"Why not now?" Rodney pushed.
"Rodney?"
"I mean, yeah I can understand why you wouldn't talk to me. We insult each other, exchange banter, but face it we're not friends" He waited expectantly. Well I consider him a friend, but I doubt he would have a geek like me as a friend. No im more of a side kick. A pinky and the brain type scenario. If he would just talk to me.
He could hear more voices now, increasing in volume. "Rodney there's something I have to say?"
What now? He's going to say something insulting, you wait for it. You shouldn't have made out like you were desperate for a friend.
"You are my friend" said Sheppard but he realised that Rodney had turned away from him and was busy messing around on his laptop. He was probably trying to cover up for the massive insecurities he felt inside. "When Jaro died he…..did something and-"
Now he wants to talk. "You wanted to talk about this at the debriefing remember?" said Rodney turning back to his equation.
"Yeah" said Sheppard dejectedly. He looked for a moment at Rodneys back, waited for him to turn around but he didn't. Rodney was now deliberately being defensive. Sheppard swayed a little on his feet and bought a hand up to his neck. This was gone unnoticed by Rodney.
"Im going to have a lie down before the debriefing," he managed to croak. His good mood now beginning to fade with weariness.
In the middle of the day? "You do that" muttered Rodney staring at the computer screen.
"See you later"
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Sheppard let himself drop down onto his bed face first and closed his eyes feeling sleep drag at him. For a moment he felt as if he was floating, he felt peaceful, but he very slowly became aware of a rising noise. It sounded muted at first but very slowly the noise crescended and he could hear voices. Thoughts. Why doesn't he like me? Where are my quarters? I want to go through the wormhole? Home, I wish I was home, I love him but he could never know Sheppard rolled onto his side and put his hands to his ears, trying to push at the sound. He groaned and pulled the pillow over his head and cried out, "Shut up!" The noise suddenly and swiftly left him as quickly as it had come and he was left alone, the sound of his fast breathing as company.
The pain in his head had now receded to a dull thudding. He couldn't understand where that had come from. He had to concentrate to keep the voices from coming back and realised slowly that he was loosing control. If Rodney had just listened to him.
"Sheppard, you coming to this debriefing or what?" he heard Rodney's voice over the radio and he depressed it, "Ive still got like…" he checked his watch and was surprised to see that an hour had indeed passed, however he only felt as if five minutes had, "Im on my way" he said and got off his ass. A quick look in the mirror before he left revealed he looked tired and sweaty. He wiped his hands over his face, ran a hand through his hair and made his way to the debriefing room.
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Sheppard walked into the debriefing room and tried to avoid everyone's stares as he planted himself down next to Elizabeth. She looked at him and asked, "Are you okay?" and he muttered a yes without even looking up.
How dare he say I couldn't be in the airforce, how did he know I failed for that reason?. Is it in my file?
"Yes its in your file" said Sheppard rubbing at his head and looking up at Bates.
Bates looked shocked and said, "I didn't say anything Sir"
Sheppard swallowed hard and shook his head, "No?"
"No"
"Oh" said Sheppard leaning back in his chair and smiling nervously, "I thought you said, never mind"
Weir looked at him and smiled, "Okay, so you want to tell me exactly what happened with Jaro?" exactly as it happened.
"We walked towards this supposed temple, we were attacked by some aliens and he got shot and he died" said Sheppard. "I mean, I uh tried to help him but the wound was too bad" He realised that his summary had been too quick and now he was drawing attention, but he felt uncomfortable and it took all of his strength to push out the other voices.
He had been hit by their cacophony again on his way to the debriefing and had had to steady himself in the corridor to regain his composure. He realised that he was not able to handle this any longer and he had been foolish to think he could fool around with both his health and his friends thoughts.
Whats got into him? Sheppard looked at Rodney and then to Teyla he is acting very strange and then back to Weir he looks tired. Ill have to talk to Beckett.
"Please don't talk to Beckett" said Sheppard rubbing at his head again. The headache was coming back with a vengeance and he could feel the pain at the back of his skull again. Little flash bangs at the base of his neck which forced him to clench his jaw.
I didn't say anything. "I didn't say anything John what's going on?"
He ignored her, stared straight through her as he heard the voices swell in the background. He managed to look at her, his head now in so much pain he couldn't tell what was being said or thought. "Is he okay?" Hes ill "Maybe we should get Beckett?" how did he get that equation?
Sheppard put both hands on the table, palms facing down and strained to concentrate on his friends around him, but it was so hard to ignore the other noises in his head. His head felt so heavy and his eyes hurt from the pressure building behind them.
We will pray for their souls. Lunch will be served 12 tomorrow so I want you here on time. Son stop playing in the outer parts of the city. We've run out of gauze. I wonder if he likes me. That dress is hideous. My room is really small, maybe I can get a bigger one. The gateroom is so big. Ill never step through the gate again. I miss my daughter. Its my birthday, nobody remembered. You handle a gun in this fashion, ensure its cleaned,I left the oven on at home im sure of it. This place is so clinical. I wish people would stop telling me what to do an dhow to think. Is he okay? He's our leader and he's losing it, great!
"Stop!" shouted Sheppard shakily getting to his feet, "All of you just stop thinking" he felt his legs give and somebody's hand around his arm trying to keep him upright but he pushed them away. He felt liquid start to pour from his nose and bought a shaky hand up to wipe away the blood. "Shit" he muttered and another hand grabbed at his arm. Was he falling? He didn't know but the could hear there thoughts, endless thoughts and found himself swinging out to push them away.
Sheppard punched Bates in the face and then turned on his heel and walked out of the door.
"Get Beckett" said Weir touching Rodney on the arm and going over to Bates to see if he was okay.
Teyla ands Ford stood in front of her, "What can we do?"
"Go find him" said Weir looking up from the floor.
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Sheppard was walking down one of the corridors his hands up to his head massaging his temples, his nose dripping. He looked up through a strange aura in his vision and could see people looking at him as if he were insane. He felt hands touching his shoulder, but heard nothing but a cacophony of thoughts. Whats up with him? Is that major Sheppard? What's going on? Constant unrelenting.
Sheppard pushed them all away and found himself running towards one of the balconies. The door closed behind him and when he was sure that nobody was around he walked over to the balcony and tried to calm his breathing. He was sweating, his head hurt, and the rolling sensation in his stomach was beginning to swell. He closed his eyes, breathed in and out, tried to calm the noise in his head, but he only managed to mute it.. It was still there, boiling under the surface in the background. His stomach rolled again and he instinctively put his hand to it to try and quell the feelings inside. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, but it was too late and he threw up over the railing. He coughed and wiped at his mouth, his knuckled were white from gripping the railing so hard and he laughed as he heard Teyla and Ford and Weir as they all thought they knew where he was. Was he that predictable?
Sure enough the door opened and Weir was coming towards him, or was she thinking about approaching him. He didn't know anymore. He seemed to have lost his own thoughts amongst the others and looked at her with glassy eyes, "Please leave me alone" he said rubbing at his temple.
"John, you have to tell us what's going on"
"Is he okay?" he heard Rodney's voice somewhere.
"Please" he said loosing the sensation in his legs and realising he was now slumped on the floor, one hand still gripping the railing for dear life, "Please its quieter here" he said looking down. Another surge in his head and it was as if finding his own thoughts unlocked the others. "God" he moaned feeling his eyes water. Why had he thought he could control this?
He was beginning to lose consciousness, "Jus" Hands on his face lifted his head up and Elizabeth looked at him closely, "John?"
He swallowed against another wave of nausea, "I can hear everyone's thoughts. Jaro……….he gave me……he made it so I could hear thoughts"
"What?" she said disbelieving.
He tried to keep his eyes open.
"I" he felt the blackness take him before he could finish the sentence.
to be continued. please review, thanks for all the ones ive been getting so far
