Chapter 3: Reasoning with the Doctor Never Goes Well...Especially for Coulson

"So that went well," Coulson said mildly, not turning from watching the supposed alien scrath the back of his head in the next room.

"That's a word for it," Natasha muttered darkly. "The guys either insane, extremely clever, or both."

"Seems so," Coulson agreed. "But I think we've almost got enough on the guy to make certain he isn't a threat."

"He does seem like the kind of guy to stumble into dangerous situations by accident," Romanov commented, almost to herself.

"I'll talk to him next," Coulson told her. "We'll keep him until Thor can make it back from Asgard. I'd like to have his opinion about this. The last time I talked to him about all this he hinted at knowing more than he was telling."

"I'll write down the notes on these interrogation sessions tonight. You'll have my profile and assessment in by tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good," Coulson said as he opened to door and made his way to the prisoner.


"Hello again," Coulson greeted the ruffled-looking alien. It seemed he had a nervous habit of running his hands through his hair repeatedly when stuck in interrogation cells. He couldn't really blame the guy.

"Oh," the Doctor said, looking around his shoulder to stare at Coulson with wide eyes. It seemed he hadn't expected to see anyone else so soon. "That was quick. Did somebody make the decision to let me go already?"

"Not just yet," Coulson said, a smile lurking just below the surface of his carefully constructed blank face.

"Ah," the Doctor said knowingly as Coulson sat down in the seat Romanov had recently vacated. "Here to question me some more?"

"Yes," Coulson said, setting his hands on the table in front of him. "My name is Agent Coulson. I heard your name is the Doctor."

"Yup," the Doctor said.

"You know why we picked you up," Coulson continued. "After all, we can't let you run around in the United States unchecked. That would be a major breach of security, and we'd all lose our jobs, especially in light of recent events."

"Oh, yes, the New York invasion," the Doctor said with a grimace. To be honest, he had kind of forgotten about that, and he really shouldn't have. He'd been meaning to check out that particular Earth event, after all it was the major event that brought together one of the greatest Earth Defense Forces in the history of mankind, but he'd been distracted by one thing or another, and hadn't gotten around to it just yet.

"Glad to know that everything turned out all right with that one though," the Doctor said to Coulson, remembering that the organization SHIELD had played a large part in forming and preserving the Avengers Initiative.

"Better than we'd hoped," Coulson said, nodding at the alien across from him. "Now, from what you've told Agent Romanov, you seem to be a friendly alien. However, we haven't been able to get any specifics from the British organizations Torchwood or UNIT, so that makes it difficult to determine the nature of your past interactions with Earth."

"I- uh, suppose it would like rather suspicious if you just saw me running about whenever there was an alien invasion...yeah," the Doctor said, squinting his eyes in the distance a little as he thought about how that might look to an outsider who didn't have access to all the details. "Er, well, just call up UNIT again and let them know that the Doctor says you can have accesst to all my files. If they kick up a fuss, just say 'buffalo.' They'll give you whatever you want then."

"Uh," Coulson said, completely and honestly bewildered for the first time in a long time. "Buffalo?"

"Yeah," the Doctor nodded. "Don't try that with Torchwood though. They aren't exactly fond of me...well, I'm not exactly fond of them either. Started out with a bit of a disagreement with Queen Victoria, it's been spiralling out of control since then, but if you must talk to someone from Torchwood, try Torchwood Three in Cardiff. Captain Jack Harkness would be your best bet. He's the most knowledgeable out of the lot of them."

"Right," Coulson said, not believing the kind of information this guy was giving them. Either he was completely crazy or the most valuable asset they had stumbled upon since Thor. "If that clears out then I suppose we'll have to let you go."

"That'd be great, yeah," the Doctor said with a rather charming grin. "Although I'd still like to know how you were able to track me down, y'know. Not just anyone can do that."

"He's a friend of ours," Coulson said.

"Alien?" the Doctor prompted.

"Yeah," Coulson said, thinking of the blond God of Thunder and then of his warning. "He warned me about you when he helped track you down."

"Warned you?" the Doctor repeated, raising one of his eyebrows. "About me? Why?"

"He said that few had the knowledge or power to do what you do. Travel through space and time that is," Coulson explained. "He said that the power belonged almost exclusively to the oldest civilization in the universe, but that their policies were that of strict non-interference. Because of that, you were most likely a renegade acting outside of their laws. So, therefore you were something we should be wary of."

"So," Coulson continued, "What I'd like to know is, is he right? You said earlier that you came from a planet that no longer exists."

The Doctor stared at Coulson quietly for some time. Coulson didn't show how unnerved he was by the blank stare he was getting from this particular man. After all, from what they'd seen so far, normally the Doctor was energy in motion, but now he was sitting very still. Almost unnatrually so.

"What I said earlier is true," the Doctor finally acknowledged. "My home doesn't exist anymore. However, I think I'd like to speak to your friend when I get a chance."

"So, you know what civilization he's talking about?"

"There can only be one," the Doctor said. "The Time Lords. Oldest cilivization in the universe, or at least just about. Very advanced, but very traditional."

"Right. Time Lords..." Coulson said. "That's a very...interesting title."

"Oh, pompous as hell," the Doctor scoffed. "Like I said, very traditional. Also very strict and very boring. But anyway, like I said, I'm not a threat to mankind. I think that was the most important bit out of all that."

"Glad to hear it," Coulson said, tapping his fingers on the table, and he made to get up. "We'll check you out with UNIT and Torchwood Three, and get back to you soon."

"Just remember," the Doctor said as Coulson rose and walked toward the door. "Buffalo and Captain Jack Harkness! Oh! And my shoes!"

"Buffalo and Captain Jack Harkness," Coulson repeated dutifully just as the door opened to let him outside. "We'll see about the shoes."

"Bugger."


"Have you already contacted UNIT and Torchwood Three?" Coulson asked when he walked back into the observation room.

"Yes," Romanov said as she worked on a SHIELD laptop. "UNIT was more than cooperative when we told them the passcode and then asked after the Doctor. Apparently the Doctor worked with them as a Scientific Advisor to help with hostile alien encounters through the 70s and into the 80s. After that, his contact with them looks to be nearly non-existent, but UNIT has him listed as a staff member from the 1970s onward. The Doctor worked with them again just recently in the mid-2000s."

"So, I'm guessing this guy is a lot older than he looks," Coulson said.

"That's one way of putting it," Romanov said dryly. "But look at the staff pictures they have for the Doctor."

Natasha opened up a new window in the UNIT files that SHIELD now had access to, and she showed Coulson the three different pictures UNIT had on file for the Doctor. One, the first, was of an older man who was about fifty. The man had curly, white hair and a very prominent nose, but it was his clothes that were his most striking features. He was dressed in a suit made entirely of red velvet and his shirt was frilled. The next man was a bit younger and had curly black hair poking out of a white panama hat. He was dressed in an off-white safari jacket, and a yellow, green and red pullover sweater decorated in question marks.

The final picture was taken in the last five years, and the Doctor they had now looked exactly as he had back when the picture was taken.

"What do you think this means?" Coulson asked Agent Romanov.

"There's no way to know for sure unless we ask," Romanov said. "Either this really is all him somehow, or 'Doctor' is some kind of title passed down from person to person. However, UNIT is pretty clear that anyone who calls themselves Doctor and flies around in a blue Police box is an ally to humanity."

"What about Torchwood?" Coulson asked.

"I have the number for Torchwood Three's Captain Jack Harkness here," Natasha said and she handed Coulson a slip of paper. "I think that we have more than enough here from UNIT to prove that he's definitely friendly, but it can't hurt to get a second opinion."

"Alright," Coulson said, looking at the number and punching it into his cellphone. "I'll just get a confirmation from this Captain Harkness, and we'll release the Doctor from the interrogation room."

"Should we keep him on site until Thor gets here?" Natasha asked.

"Probably," Coulson replied as the his phone rang. "Something tells me this Doctor fellow will want to meet Thor anyway."

Coulson put a finger over his lips when he heard someone on the other line pick up the phone.

"Hello," the voice of a young, male American could be heard from the speaker of Coulson's phone. "Torchwood Three, Cardiff division. How can I help you?"

"Am I speaking to a Captain Jack Harkness?"

"Speaking, who's this?"

"This is Agent Coulson of SHIELD, the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. We're holding a man called the Doctor here. We just wanted to confirm that he's a non-aggressive alien lifeform."

"WHAT?"

Coulson held the phone away from his ear at the sudden outburst from the other side.

"Captain Harkness?"

"Here," the Captain's voice came in a rush from the other side. "Sorry, dropped my phone. Did you just say that you're holding the Doctor over there? Like, a young, spiky-haired, pin-stripe suit wearing Doctor?"

"Uh, yes," Coulson said. He looked over at Natasha was raising her eyebrow at the sudden odd behavior, and Coulson just shrugged in response. "You know him?"

"Yeah, I know him! And, yeah, he's fine. Most non-aggressive alien life form out there. The ultimate pacifist, well, most of the time anyway. Just don't do anything to make him angry."

"What makes him angry?" Coulson asked out of curiosity.

"Takes a lot. You know, genocide, threatening kids, that kind of thing. Trust me, he's a nice guy," the Captain assured him. "Hey, how long are you going to have him there? Is there anyway I can-"

"Thank you for your help, Captain Harkness," Coulson quickly cut the other off before he could make any requests. "We'll be sure to return the favor if ever you need it."

"Hey, wait, I-"

Coulson quickly shut his phone.

"Well, I got basically the same response from Torchwood that we got from UNIT. I'll take him out of the interrogation room and into a temporary room. We'll get in contact with Director Fury and ask him where we can hold him and his things until Thor gets back."

"Yes, sir."


"Good news."

"You're letting me go?" the Doctor said hopefully when Coulson walked back into the room once again.

"Sort of," Coulson said as he stood in front of the open door with his hands on his hips. "Well, you're getting your shoes back at least."

Coulson gestured for one of the grunts to place the Doctor's off-white All-Star Converse (plus his bright red socks) in front of the Doctor.

"Yes!" the Doctor shouted gleefully as he pulled his socks and shoes on. He wiggled his toes once they were covered again, looking delighted. "Was it really necessary to take my shoes in the first place?"

"Best way to make it harder to escape. Most don't get far without a pair of shoes or they make stupid mistakes trying to get some."

"I suppose..." the Doctor grumbled.

"Uncuff him too," Coulson ordered and soon the Doctor was following the agent down the SHIELD base's hallways to his new temporary room.

"We talked to UNIT and Torchwood, and everything checks out like you said," Coulson told the Doctor. "There were a few discrepancies with your identity in UNIT though."

"Discrepancies?"

"Two out of the three photos for 'The Doctor' don't look like you," Coulson explained. "So, we were wondering, is 'Doctor' a title that's passed down or...?"

"Er, no," the Doctor said a little awkwardly. He looked mostly embarrassed at not predicting this complication. "They're me."

Coulson stopped walking to look at the Doctor, his face carefully blank and the Doctor was beginning to suspect that this was actually his shocked face. The Doctor just put his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels, not quite looking the agent in the eye.

"All of them?"

"Yep."

"How?"

"Er, I regenerate," the Doctor shrugged. "My race, when we're about to die, we have the option of regenerating. I'm basically the same person as the other two you saw, but with a completely new body and new personality."

"Right."

This was another thing that was going onto his 'too-weird-to-process-now-I'll-do-it-later' list. It had been growing at an alarming rate ever since SHIELD had started making contact with aliens. He suspected this was only the beginning.

"How many times can you regenerate?"

"503."

Coulson just stared again. The Doctor stopped rocking and his face split into an enormous grin.

"Just kidding," the Doctor assured the other. "I'm on my tenth regeneration, but I've got a few more to go before I'm up. I am getting a bit on in years..."

The Doctor looked strangely forlorn as he considered his increasing age.

"How old are you?"

"Blimey, you're nosy!" the Doctor said, but with a grin, so Coulson knew he hadn't offended the strange alien accross from him. "All these personal questions! How old are you?"

"I turned fifty in April," Coulson said with a hint of a smile on his face.

"Oh, wow, really?" the Doctor said, taking the time to properly look at the other. "You look good for a human your age."

"Thank you? I think?"

"You're welcome."

The two continued walking down the hallway again, but this time the atmosphere between them was a little more comfortable.


Unexpected longer chapter. Huh. Guess having a boring job is good for something.

Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying this as much as I am. And thank you for your fabulous reviews.

Oh, and Immortalis Cruor Elf? Stop asking me to update soon like that (y'know the "update soooooon" thing?). I got the message the first time, dude.