Scene: BenchBeYoking's house
Time: Just after publishing chapter 1 last week.
BBY: Wow! Such a positive reception! People are actually enjoying this! Who would have guessed it, seriously, I thought this was going to fail horribly!
BBY: Oh wow, I better try and get chapter 2 out quick! Oh, but I don't want to rush things...I know! I'll publish a funny little chapter 1.5, it'll just be a joke about Lazarus doing something not plot related to cleanse the pallet and get my creative juces flowing, it'll be what? 2,000 words? Eh, that's a little short, let's go for 3,000 tops!
*One week passes.*
BBY: Okay! Wow! That took a little longer to get done then I thought, the ideas just kept coming for this side chapter, and OH GOD IT'S BEEN A WEEK, I'VE NOT POSTED OR RESPONDED TO ANYONE AND ALL I HAVE IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A FILLER EPISODE OH FUUUUGE BARS-"
...
So yeah, hi everyone! It's me! BenchBeYolking, I'm so sorry for not having a chapter 3, but uh, here's chapter 1.5! I've planned X.5 chapters to be little bits of side information, flashbacks/backstories or just ideas that don't fit into the main plot. It's all canonical of course, but I hope to structure them in a way where the main story can be enjoyed without them, meaning I don't have to worry about moving the plot forward and can just write whatever-the-hell I want. I hope you enjoy just as much as the last few chapters, I've tried to really flesh Lazarus out, but as always, I'll let the chapter do the talking.
Oh, and thank you to everyone who favored the story and left a review, I appreciate you wanting to read more and taking the time to tell me what you think, I'll work extra hard to live up to the expectations!
ENJOY!
Lazarus Poe stormed down the stairs, a bagel in one hand and his cell phone in the other. Dramatically bursting into the kitchen, grinding his teeth as he held up a single finger to silence Hanta before he could speak.
"What do you mean, you have to reject my costume design?" Lazarus spoke slowly, forcibly enunciating into each word while his leg shook. He lifted it up into the air to be slammed down, and then gently lowered it, "I submitted it, like you requested, months ago when I finalized my application, I don't have time to redesign my costume." Lazarus put an open palm to his forehead as he spoke, resisting the urge to yell.
"Sir," The seemingly uncaring voice of the customer service man droned, "upon further review of your design, we found several features of your costume that if included would have been a danger to your person." Lazarus groaned.
"You don't- yes, that was the point. My costume was designed, please listen this is the important part; To. Kill. Me." Lazarus felt a vain nearly burst as he had to explain the situation, again. Hanta looked up from his breakfast with a quizzical eye, Lazarus looked back and shrugged, waving his bagel-carrying hand to communicate that the call wasn't something to worry about.
"Sir? You want us to make an outfit, that will kill you?" The man half-repeated, half-questioned. Lazarus took a deep breath and smiled.
"Finally, some progress, yes I need you to design a mechanism in the costume that would, ya know, off me quickly." Lazarus took a bite out of his plain buttered bagel and continued, trying not to spill crumbs on the floor, "mhm, now, it doesn't have to be complex, the poison compound I recommended would be nice and painless." Lazarus finished his bagel, licking his fingers clean of butter.
"Mhm, that really hit the spot. Sorry, where was I? Right, but honestly, if you just gotta put a steel wire on a rip-cord in there and lop my head off like a thin-cut slice of bavarian meatloaf I'm sure I can make do." Lazarus reached over to grab a drink of Hanta's orange juice, Hanta quickly swatted the intruding hand away. Lazarus pretended to look hurt for a moment, then rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the silent customer service representative.
"Well, sir, uh, this isn't really my area of expertise. If you're willing to hold I'm sure I can connect you to someone-" Lazarus's nostrils flared at the man's words.
"No! You've tossed me around like a goddamn hot potato enough already, I've had this exact same conversation four times!" Lazarus felt the man on the other end recoil, pressing his advantage, he continued, "Look, this isn't your fault; I get that you're just doing your job. But it would really help me out, if you would just tell me why this whole thing has to be so needlessly complicated." Lazarus tried to keep his voice calm, but he couldn't help but inject a bit of venom and the end of the sentence.
The man on the other end paused, then spoke, "Look, kid, I'll level with you. You are never going to get approval for this costume as it stands." Before Lazarus could even ask, the man explained, "You don't have a quirk."
Lazarus blinked,his mind blanking as he tried to formulate a reply, "I'm pretty sure you're wrong about that."
The man sighed on the other line, "as far as our legal department is concerned kid, it doesn't matter what you or I have to say about it. According to the government Quirk Registers office, your quirk doesn't exist." Lazarus paused as he tried to process this new information.
Clearly noticing Lazarus had nothing to say, the man continued, "If you were a local, I'd give you a number to call and we could be done in ten minutes, if you had an American equivalent of a Quirk Registry, I could give you two numbers and you could call me back in an hour." The man paused again, "but you are an non-local with no former record of having a quirk, especially not one that could justify any kind of built in, as you put it in yourself in the design, 'self-decapitation' features. Surprisingly, our insurance tells us that if our products kill our customers; we can't really call it a feature." Lazarus bit his lip and coughed, he knew the man had a point.
"So, what can I do? There's gotta be something I can do? I have to get this mess cleared up!" Lazarus panic slowly turned inward as he spoke, he admired to himself he was desperate for any solution, no matter how far-fetched.
"There is one option…" the man on the other end spoke, perhaps more to himself then to Lazarus, but Lazarus wasn't going to miss any chance to set this right.
"What? What option!" Lazarus struggled not to scream into the phone, his anxiety urging him to action.
"You could try and go down to the Quirk Registry branch in Hosu city yourself, they'd be able to get you registered. A word of warning though, like any government facility, you better get ready to be buried in red tape-" Lazarus cut the man off joyfully.
"I already get wrapped in tape everyday, I'm sure I'll be fine. Thank you so much sir, have a good day!" Lazarus cheerily replied before hanging up his phone and walking towards his satchel bag. Lazarus noticed Hanta clearly had something to say.
"What's the big rush?" Hanta questioned, clearly taking note of Lazarus's erratic behavior.
"Need to go get permission from the government to lop my own head off." Lazarus summarized bluntly.
"Try to call if you're going to miss dinner." Hanta said back, looking down at his own breakfast. Lazarus nodded, double checking hastily that he had everything he needed still in his bag, satisfied that he hadn't missed anything, he waved to Hanta as he opened the door.
"Love you! Bye!" Lazarus called instinctively as he ran out to the front yard.
Lazarus paused for a moment as he realized what he had said, but shrugged, "...well, I guess we can all do with being told we're loved more often." He spoke to himself as he bolted down the street, towards the train.
Lazarus gazed up at the Quirk Registers Office; to call it massive would be an understatement. The building towered over the street below it, reaching up to the sky itself, covered in glass, casting brilliant dancing beams of light onto the ground and perfectly trimmed greenery. The street was impeccably clean with a single oak bench outside, basking underneath a tree which provided perfect shade. It was beautiful, it was awe inspiring.
"It's too perfect, too artificial." Lazarus muttered, not allowing himself to be swept away by the manufactured feelings the building was as he saw it trying to construct within him, he couldn't stand the dishonesty.
"Ah, I couldn't agree with you more." A woman replied, startling Lazarus out of his thoughts, he glanced over to her, not having noticed her before.
She had white hair, though she wasn't too old, probably just recently in her thirties. She was crouched behind the bench, with a half-eaten sandwich in her hands, all four of them. She had a tired, warm smile on her face, the kind of smile that said to Lazarus that she was a nice person, but was also clearly hiding from her responsibilities.
"It's all crap," She spoke between bites of sandwich, occasionally letting go with one or two hands to gesture, "If they put half the effort into having actual working infrastructure inside, instead of making the place to look like a postcard, people might actually use the building at times other than when they're utterly desperate," She finished off her sandwich, then smiled widely, "So you're one of the utterly desperate, huh?"
Lazarus grinned, then chuckled, "That obvious?"
The woman shook her head and put two hands on her hips, her second pair of arms melding back in with her shoulders, "I'd hate to say it, but you're going to get more done sitting out here with me then trying to brave the legal torture. If you're willing to wait, I'm sure I could give you-" Lazarus shook his head premtively.
"Thanks, but no thanks. I've gotta get this done as soon as possible, I've got no time to wait around." Lazarus began to walk towards the entryway, noticing her shrug slightly as he walked by.
"Hey, your funeral kid, I'll be out here when you give up!" She smiled as she sunk back behind the bench, disappearing from view. Lazarus smiled as he walked towards the door, opening it with a single grand swing of his arm, before stepping into the offices.
Lazarus immediately felt out of place, he knew on instinct this wasn't a place for people like him, everyone had this aura about them, they carried themselves differently, like every step they took shook the very core of the country itself, he recognized it as the kind of arrogance that only government officials could carry themselves with. Lazarus puffed out his chest and bravely pressed forward, careful not to impede the path of anyone crossing his way, as they seemed to make no effort to stay out of his. Lazarus let his eyes roam around the lobby room, the space was massive, mostly being bare hardwood floor, but with the occasional bit of carpet holding couches that appeared as if they had never been sat in. The aroma of the entire office was hard to place, it smelled of disinfectant, death and overpriced coffee. Lazarus took note of the wide ceiling, clearly there for accessibility more than aesthetics; the long hallways leading to the back, with office doors lining each side; and the two massive staircases leading to the upper floors of the building.
Lazarus, who admitted to himself he felt a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stimulus hitting his senses at once, managed to make it to the first open door he could find, a tiny office with the number zero on the door. Craving escape from the orderly chaos outside, Lazarus threw himself inside and closed the door behind him. He put his head against the door and took a few deep breaths, his pounding heart in his back pocket reminding him how much he hated crowds.
"...If you're willing to wait, I'm sure I could give you-"
Lazarus gritted his teeth and pushed the woman's kindly offer from his mind, he needed to get this done his way, quickly.
"If you're going to try anything I can have security here in four seconds." A voice piped up behind him, Lazarus turned in shock, his eyes drawn to the desk at the back corner of the spotless office, and a young lady with black hair and brown eyes, not even looking at him, as she spoke.
Lazarus immediately backpedaled, "Oh! Oh nononono, I didn't close the door for any suspicious reasons, I just needed to get away from the, you know, out there." Lazarus pointed towards the door, smiling half-heartedly.
The lady didn't respond to him, she had already gone back to her work. Lazarus coughed, which got him no response, before he continued.
"So, uh, I hope I'm not bothering you-" Lazarus tried to keep his voice cheerful despite the non-existent reaction he was getting.
"You are, I'm trying to read my email." She crisply replied, driving a (metaphorical) icicle though Lazarus's heart, defeating him instantly.
"Ah, well, I am sorry about that. I'll, not take any more of your time." Lazarus spoke, dejection covering his voice. The lady made no unusual moves, so Lazarus just pointed at the door.
"I'll see myself out, thank you very much for your time." Lazarus opened the door, wincing as the scent and noise from outside hit him again, he turned one last time, trying to smile, "Good luck with whatever you're working on!" However, before Lazarus could leave, he heard a tired sigh behind him.
"By All-Might's good graces, what are you? An abandoned puppy? Get back over here." The lady had stood up from her desk, yet her tone was no more energetic than before, yet she was waving him back over. Lazarus saw his chance, quickly closing the door behind him and bounding over to her.
The lady rubbed her temples, sighing, "Okay, let's start over, hi, I'm Chiba, what can I help you with today."
Lazarus practically lept over the desk in joy, "Hello! I'm Lazarus, I'm trying to get registered with the Registry! Oh, where are my manners, it's a pleasure to meet you Chiba!" Lazarus thrusted out his hand for a shake, to which Chiba looked down at passively, before looking up at his eyes.
"So you're a foreigner?" She spoke, catching Lazarus completely off guard, until he reevaluated his behavior.
Lazarus slowly retracted his hand, turning his outstretched hand into a finger gun and clicking his tongue as he laughed nervously, "That obvious, Chiba…-uh, wait, don't tell me…-sama?" Her completely apathetic gaze slowly chipping away at Lazarus's foolhardy confidence.
"Okay, well, Lazarus-kun, I'll try and set you on the right path." She spoke with that same bored tone as she leaned over her desk, hitting a few keys on her computer, "The form you need to fill out is the Q-0, which I can give you-" She begun, opening a drawer on her desk.
"Awesome!" Lazarus replied, already reaching out to receive the form. Instead, Chiba handed him a post-it note.
"...as I was saying, I can give it to you after you get the R-58. Go to that office to pick it up." Chiba finished, sitting back down and going back to her work. Lazarus stood quietly for a moment.
"Was there something else you needed?" Chiba spoke, sounding no differently than the first time he had walked in.
"No! Thank you! Have a good day!" Lazarus walked backwards towards the door, bowing once for good measure as he turned and threw open the door.
"Hey," Chiba spoke yet again, Lazarus turned to look at her, her passive eyes staring right at him, "Good luck." Lazarus smiled, and without another word, slipped out the door.
Instantly, Lazarus remembered why he was so desperate to get out of the lobby the first time, somehow, it had seemingly gotten busier and louder already. Lazarus tried to find a clear path to the other hallway, where the note said to go, but every square foot of the lobby seemed to be holding a human body. Lazarus wiggled his shoulders, before dropping one of them and raising his body onto the balls of his feet. Without another moment to think, Lazarus pushed himself into the swarming mass of bodies. He kept his gaze forward as he felt himself be jostled around, but his lack of sensitive nerves led him to be unaware if he was actually bumping into anyone. Lazarus felt his momentum halt as a massive hand was placed on his shoulder, Lazarus swore quietly as he turned around, coming face-to-chest with a mountain of a man.
"We have a no shoving policy here, sir." Mountain spoke, he was easily taller than seven feet, his voice carried such base that Lazarus swore he was receiving a decree from god, "I suggest you step outside for a breath of air, sir." Mountain asked politely, Lazarus appreciated to courtesy.
"Well, I've received my warning, and I can promise I won't shove any more-" Lazarus stopped as he felt himself being picked up by his collar, being raised to the irritated face of the man, "Ah, I see, not actually a request."
Lazarus hit the cold hard ground outside the building, "Please wait until you can follow the rules before coming back, sir." Mountain spoke as he slammed the door shut behind Lazarus. Lazarus laid there passively for a moment, simply observing the occasional uncaring person who stepped around his prone body to enter the office, clearly absorbed in their own problems.
"I told you so kid." A smug voice spoke, Lazarus followed it to it's source, seeing the same white haired woman smiling from behind the bench. Lazarus felt his temper flair, but quickly cooled it.
"Don't you have, you know, a job here?" Lazarus questioned, standing as he brushed himself off, she chuckled.
"Shouldn't you ask my name before you start trying to figure out what my job title is?" She grinned cockily, causing Lazarus to both have to cool his temper again, and admit he had really forgotten his manners today.
"I apologize," He spoke, alreading forcing his positive energy to bounce back, "I'm Lazarus, just Lazarus, you are?" He smiled as he forced his hands to interlock behind his back, preventing him from going for the handshake.
She smiled warmly, standing up from behind the bench, growing a second pair of arms to dust off her grey business suit, "I'm Aiko Aimi, It's a pleasure to meet you Lazarus-kun." Lazarus nodded, suddenly blanking on the correct honorific for a girl.
"The pleasure is all mine, uh, Aimi-Chan." Lazarus said with non-existent confidence in his choice.
Aiko paused, her face blank, before she began laughing uncontrollably. Dashing Lazarus's hope instantly.
"Uh, is it not Aimi-Chan?" Lazarus asked, already sure of the answer. Aiko wiped a stray tear from her eye as her laughter subsided.
"You are- actually, it's been far too long since anyone called me anything-Chan!" Aiko almost seemed to devolve into a giggling fit, before she relaxed and leaned over the bench.
"My offer still stands, I'm sure I can-" Lazarus put a hand up to stop her.
"Thanks, but I'm still going to have to take a raincheck, I can do this on my own." Lazarus found there was a little more force in the rejection then he had intended, but the meaning was the same either way. Aiko shrugged and smiled coyly.
"Good luck Lazarus-kun, you'll still need it!" She cryptically advised as she sunk back down into the unknown abyss behind the oak bench.
Lazarus straightened himself, brushed himself off again, and walked back through the massive doorway.
This time, Lazarus had a plan. As he entered, he did a quick scan from left to right, immediately seeing the Mountain, who had already clearly locked his eyes onto Lazarus.
"Thank you so much for escorting me outside Mountain-san, I'm perfectly good now, you won't get anymore shoving from me!" Lazarus smiled forcefully as he attempted to sound assuring.
"You're welcome. Also, my name isn't Mountain." Mountain replied, Lazarus nodded sagely.
"Then what should I call you?" Lazarus asked Mountain, already knowing that regardless of the response, the man would forever be Mountain inside Lazarus's heart.
"You seem rather attached to the name Mountain, so if you are unlucky enough to have to encounter me again, you may use that name if you see fit." Mountain spoke, surprising Lazarus.
"Oh, okay, well, I'm off to pick up some forms." Lazarus pursed his lips as he briskly walked away.
"No running in the halls, sir." Mountain immediately warned him, causing Lazarus to begin slowly strolling away instead.
This time, as Lazarus reached the crowd, he waited for someone who looked suitably important to walk by. After a moment a chubby man, with a button up shirt and a cell phone in each hand, walked by. Lazarus quickly stepped behind him, and shadowed his every footstep, riding the wake behind the man as he danced his way through the crowd he had clearly maneuvered many times before. Lazarus felt incredibly proud of himself as he effortlessly crossed the lobby, stepping out behind the man at the edge of the crowd, perfectly positioned near the hallway.
"Heh, who said I needed help." Lazarus chuckled as he knocked politely on the door.
"Come in." An irritated, but somehow familiar, voice spoke. Lazarus hesitated, then opened the door and stepped in, closing the door behind him. The office was a mess, papers littered the floor and were covered aggressively with push pins on the wall. Perhaps most surprisingly, Chiba sat behind the computer, furiously attacking the keyboard as she typed.
"Oh, hello Chiba-sama, if you also worked in this office, why didn't you just give me the form before?" Lazarus half-joked as he took a few steps towards her desk, Chiba looked up and Lazarus froze, her gaze had the intent to kill behind it.
"One, how the hell do you know my name; two, why the hell are you calling me sama; and three, what the hell do you want?" Chiba spat at him, causing Lazarus to take a defensive step backwards.
"Uh- well, didn't I just-" Lazarus stuttered, wilting under her death-glare, "I need a R-58 form? I guess I was talking to your twin sister." Lazarus smiled, causing the Chiba-lookalike to huff.
"I don't have any sisters, and I'm not the person to see for your R-58. I can give you a Q-23; which will let you gain access to the IDNRQ-100. The IDNRQ-100, also know as the Inquiry into Danger of Non-Registered Quirks, will let you request a R-1, which once you sign, then you can get an R-58. Any other questions, stupid?" She snarled at him, causing Lazarus to fearfully shake his head, why did people have to be so much more scary than death itself?
The Chiba-lookalike un-stabbed a yellow piece of paper from the corkboard beside her desk, covering a very beaten up motivational poster.
"Mew can do it?" Lazarus read aloud, causing the Chiba-lookalike to growl.
"Shut up, I don't judge what keeps you from getting through the day without kill yourself." The Chiba-lookalike leaned across the desk, enunciating each word heavily, Lazarus stared back blankly at her.
"Actually these forms are the only thing keeping me from getting through the day without killing myself." Lazarus answered honestly, causing the Chiba-lookalike to be taken aback.
"Wow, you must have a really sad life," She commented, her venom being reduced to only a little bit of bitterness, she pointed towards the door, handing Lazarus the yellow paper.
"Office down the hall on the other side, fourth one from the right, you can't miss it, get out." Without another word, she silently got back to her work, leaving Lazarus to scurry to the door and leave, already dreading crossing the lobby again.
Lazarus opened the door and stepped inside, fatigued from crossing the sea of people in the lobby. The office was covered wall-to-wall in motivational posters and hand-drawn art, another Chiba-lookalike was humming happily behind the desk. When she noticed Lazarus was there, she stood up and without saying a word, grabbed a green sheet from her desk and held it out to him.
Lazarus swiftly walked over to the desk and grabbed the IDNRQ-100. He waved nervously and walked backwards towards the door. She waved back and sat down, continuing to type away. Lazarus opened the door, and left without any further fanfare.
Lazarus half-opened, half-fell through the doorway, placing his hands on his knees for support as he took a couple deep breaths before looking around. This Chiba-lookalike was currently not working, instead, she was longingly staring at a framed photo on her desk.
"Have you ever been in love?" She asked, causing Lazarus to nearly leave the room without collecting what he needed.
"I need an...uh...R-1?" Lazarus slowly asked, unsure about this entire situation, he would have much rather she have been passive or angry, this was scaring him a hell of alot more than the previous three Chibas.
"Sure." She said, a wistful sigh escaping her lips as she put down the photo, which appeared to be of her and a cat, and lifted up a massive stack of papers, "This is your R-1 package. Once you fill it out, go get your R-58." Lazarus groaned.
"Hey," She said quietly, placing a gentle hand on his arm, "It's okay, I'm here for you. I love-"
"Nope." Lazarus said, scooping the pile of papers off the desk and quickly moving towards the doorway, stopping only for a moment to turn and look back at her, "Nope." Lazarus confirmed as he backed out the doorway and down the hall.
Lazarus collapsed into the tiny office, his body pushed it its mortal limits as he dragged himself on his hands and knees towards the now familiar desk at the other side of the room, as he clawed himself up into a standing position, looking at the irritated eyes of Chiba.
"Wrong goddamn office, stupid." Chiba spoke, quickly returning to her work, muttering under her breath as she did.
Lazarus slowly turned himself around leaning on the desk for support, before laying a gentle hand on the wall for guidance as he took his walk of shame out of the office. Near the doorway, Lazarus began to quietly sob.
Lazarus sat down next to Mountain, who had no reaction to the puffy-eyed boy sprawled across the edge of the lobby.
"Can I help you sir?" Mountain asked, with a tone that said he was contractually obligated to say that.
Lazarus said nothing at first, he simply followed the mountains gaze across the sea of people.
"...Death is hardly more bitter." Lazarus quoted, catching the larger man off guard.
"I've heard that before, is it from a TV show? A hero's talk?" Mountain asked, trying to place the comment.
"Dante's Inferno." Lazarus corrected him, physically feeling the resulting confusion from the other man, "I'm reasonably sure this place is one of the levels of hell described within the poem." Lazarus explained.
"You don't seem the type…" Mountain began, then hesitated, Lazarus looked at him and shrugged.
"What? Stupid people can enjoy poetry too you know." Lazarus casual spoke, moving into a cross legged position, "I try to be reasonably well versed in work relating to death and the afterlife."
Mountain seemed to be unsure of where the conversation was going, "Can I help you, for real." Lazarus noted how much more genuine those two extra words made the sentiment.
"I need some fresh air and I have no more energy to cross the lobby." Lazarus pointed at the door, "would you mind escorting me away?"
Mountain nodded, then smiled, it was a toothy smile, the kind that on a less massive body would have been disarming and friendly, "Sure, sir, I'd be more then willing." As Mountain spoke, Lazarus lifted his arms.
"I have no energy left in my legs, would you mind just tossing my limp body out there?" Lazarus asked as politely as he could, causing the man to raise a quizzical eyebrow.
"Really?" Mountain inquired. Lazarus starred back.
"The mind is strong but the flesh is weak." Lazarus said in the most matter of fact tone he could muster. Mountain chucked.
"And that is from..?" Mountain questioned, clearly humoured.
"Oh god I don't know, I'm not that smart. I've just heard it a couple times before." Lazarus smiled as Mountain grabbed him under the arms, "I owe you one!" Lazarus laughed as he was dragged across the lobby.
Lazarus laid on the ground outside the building, silently biding his time as he rolled himself down the stairs and dragged himself onto the bench.
"So...my offer still stands-" Aiko spoke quietly as she rose up from behind the bench.
"No." Lazarus growled, ending the conversation as Aiko sunk back behind the bench.
Lazarus burst into the office, holding every form he had, all signed, ready to be presented. Chiba looked up at him, clearly expecting him at this point.
"You here for the R-58?" Chiba asked, beating him to the punch.
Lazarus nodded as he put his stack of papers on the desk. Chiba browsed through them for a moment before she looked back up.
"Where's your Q-0?" Chiba asked, clearly unimpressed. Lazarus froze.
"Uh, I don't have it yet?" Lazarus replied, suddenly unsure what was going on.
"I can't give you your R-58 till you get your Q-0." Chiba quickly went back to her work.
"No." Lazarus said sharply, drawing Chiba's attention back to him, "I was told, by one of your damn twins-" Lazarus began, his voice shaking with barely contained rage.
"I don't have any twin-" Chiba moved to cut him off, but Lazarus quieted her with a glare.
"I was told this morning, that without my R-58, I can't get my Q-0, now you are telling me without my Q-0, I can't get my R-58. Someone is lying to me." Lazarus leaned across the desk, catching Chiba off guard.
Before Lazarus could do something he would regret, the door opened, and Chiba walked in. Lazarus's eyes darted between the two.
"Hahah!" Lazarus laughed, "I knew it! I KNEW IT! I'm NOT CRAZY!" Before Lazarus could say another word, the Chiba from the door walked over to the Chiba by the desk and tapped her on the forehead, instantly, the Chiba from the desk vanished.
"Hello Lazarus." Chiba said, sounding exhausted as she sat behind the desk, quickly speaking before Lazarus could, "I can fragment my emotions into separate personalities and bodies, but it leaves me tired, and a literal emotional shell of my former self." Lazarus slowly nodded, feeling embarrassed that he hadn't considered a quirk was behind it.
"So...do I need my Q-0 first or my R-58?" Lazarus hesitantly asked, Chiba shrugged.
"Turns out you need your Q-0 first, you interrupted me when I was reading my emails, it's a new change they just implemented this morning." Chiba opened a drawer and pulled out a bagged lunch, aggressively biting into an apple, "Sorry, but uh, I can get you your Q-0 and R-58, even though I'm on break." Lazarus took a deep breath of relief.
"Then I'm all registered with my quirk?" Lazarus's mood turned as he spoke, with Chiba slowly frowning at his words.
"No, now, now you get in line."
Lazarus stood, his legs numb from standing as he shuffled forward another person length down the massive line. He looked behind him, where no one was standing, then in front of him, where the line seemed to stretch on forever.
"I can't believe we have to get some old dude to sign on our Q-0's before we can get authenticated, why the hell is that necessary!" Lazarus complained to the person in front of him, a young businessman who shrugged uncomfortably.
"That's just the way it is, kid." The man said, clearly accepting the situation at face value.
Lazarus grimaced, "That's never a good reason for anything, tradition is meant to be killed; out with the old, in with the new." Lazarus noted if the man wasn't slightly uncomfortable before, he was now very uncomfortable as he turned back around and purposefully ignored Lazarus.
Lazarus shuffled forwards again, as he waited.
"Yep, that's how I got this job." Mountain finished as he stood beside Lazarus, finishing up the short story. Lazarus nodded, feeling a little upset the story hadn't distracted him for longer.
"Any other good ones?" Lazarus said as he shuffled forwards a little more, a little closer to his unreachable goal. Mountain stood silently for a moment.
"Nope, good luck kid." Mountain spoke as he turned and briskly retreated down the stairs to the lower levels of the building, Lazarus sighed.
Lazarus felt like crying as he finally saw it, the door at the end of his journey, he looked down the line, there were only four more people in front of him, he glanced behind him, at the other people boredly staring at their feet, or the wall, or anything but the line in front of them.
Suddenly, Lazarus felt someone bump into his side; however, before he could turn to apologize, a young man had stuffed himself in front of Lazarus. Lazarus's good mood instantly vanished.
"Hey! You!" Lazarus barked, he felt his eyes burn with rage as the man nonchalantly turned around, his greasy hair and unshaven scruff giving him the appearance that he had just rolled out of bed.
"I've been here, right, for two hours, you, you got here two minutes ago, so, why don't you go, to the goddamn, back of the line." Lazarus felt his anger bubble to the surface, his impatience mixing with his volatile emotions in a way that he knew would not end well.
"What'cu gonna do about it." The greasy man replied, yawning loudly as he turned back around, ignoring Lazarus. Lazarus began to laugh. He felt several members of the line turn to look at him.
"Oh, buddy, you messed with the wrong, hey! You know it's rude not to look at someone when they're-" Lazarus grabbed the man by the shoulder to spin him around, instantly, the man dropped to the ground. Lazarus stood there, confused for a moment, before the man smiled at him.
"Security!" The greasy man cried, and suddenly, Lazarus was wondering how many times he could kick this man before Mountain got here.
"Don't even think about it kid." Mountain said as Lazarus turned around to find the massive man already behind him, "You know we have a no shoving policy here, kid."
Lazarus put his hands to his head and tried to resist the urge to screech like a vulture, "This man cut in front of me, he bypassed the whole line!" Mountain frowned, then turned to the people behind Lazarus.
"Did any of you see this man cut in line?" Mountain asked, and Lazarus felt a little bit of his faith in humanity die as everyone shrugged and muttered to themselves, clearly not wanting to get involved, "Sorry kid, no one's vouching for you."
Lazarus took a deep breath, but Moutain put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"I believe you kid, but I wasn't here, and I got a job to do." Lazarus stared at his feet, keeping his anger just barely contained beneath the surface, "Please, I like you kid, don't make this hard for me to do." Lazarus said nothing as he slowly spread his arms out, allowing Mountain to move him like a forklift, carrying him down the stairs as the line moved on without him.
Lazarus sat on the bench outside, no longer feeling angry, or sad, or anything. He felt numb, the kind of numbness that drives people to burn down buildings and feel nothing.
"Boy, you really can't catch a break, can you?" Aiko spoke as she moved her torso over the top of the bench, her face a few inches away from Lazarus's ear.
"I don't want your help." Lazarus spoke, his teeth clenching together as anger replaced the previous numbness.
Aiko chuckled as she crawled over the bench to sit beside him, clearly ignoring his previous request, "I mean, I'm just saying, you could have avoided-" Lazarus stood and turned, suddenly ignited with rage.
"Every goddamn day, someone tries to help me! Every day since I was old enough to screw up it happens! I can't help it if I'm stupid, if I love poetry and philosophy but numbers and biology screw me over! You know what? I can handle it myself! Shocking right?" Lazarus moved away from the bench, his rant taking on a life of its own, "It's those eyes they give me, that you're give me! Right now! That sympathy, empathy, that 'that kid's had a rough life, I should throw him a bone' kinda look, I don't need it, I don't need you, I don't need anyone!" Lazarus felt like pulling out his hair, his emotions sweeping him away.
"Just because I've maybe got some trauma to work though, just because I'm a little more stupid than the average high schooler, and just because maybe I've failed again and again, none of that gives you the right to do it for me! How else am I going to improve myself if everyone does my damn job for me!" Lazarus felt a weight begin to lift off his chest, he admitted he was enjoying it.
"Damn you! Damn Sero! Damn my brother! Damn my sister! Damn my teachers! Damn my therapist! Damn-" Lazarus stopped himself, tears welling at the corner of his eyes, but he knew he wasn't finished yet.
"I need to do it myself! I need to prove to myself, no matter what they say! I can be good enough! I can't go to UA if I can't even fill out a stupid, goddamn Q-R-L-M-N-O-who-even-cares goverment piece of glorified toilet paper myself! So. No! Thank! You!" Lazarus roared. suddenly feeling physically, and emotionally drained as he stumbled back to the bench and sat down. Silence descended between the two of them. Aiko wide eyed at the sudden outburst.
"I, uh, guess I hit a nerve?" Aiko spoke meekly, clearly unsure on how to proceed. Lazarus sighed, rubbing his temples as he wiped his eyes.
"Sorry, damn it, I lost it! Sorry, sorry, sorry." Lazarus mumbled as he forced himself to stand, needing to get away.
"Hey, kid!" Aiko called, Lazarus hesitated, and slowly turned to look back at her. She had stood up and was slowly walking towards him. Aiko put a hand on each of his shoulders and pulled him in for an awkward hug. Lazarus at first had no idea how to react, but slowly, he put his arms around her and relaxed, after a moment, they both released the other and Aiko smiled sadly at him.
"I get it, I honestly do, trust me, government paperwork brings out the worst in humanity." Lazarus chuckled at Aiko's words.
"I believe in you kid, but no man's an island; there's nothing wrong with getting a helping hand. You might not believe this, but it's often not pity, it's often people liking the feeling they get when they help someone they like." Aiko finished, leaving Lazarus squirming slightly, unsure how to react. She smiled at him again.
"I'll be out here if you ever want to take me up on my offer, but if you need to do this, I'll be rooting for you Lazarus!" Aiko spoke, slowly returning to behind the bench and sinking behind it.
Lazarus couldn't stop the burning question he had from escaping his mouth, "Do you just, do no work here?" Aiko laughed.
"Whenever my pager goes off they need me, which means I can spend most of my day relaxing back here." Aiko held up an old-school black pager, illustrating her point, "No go kid! You got a task to do!" Lazarus grinned, turning as he bolted for the door, taking a moment to hype himself up as he threw open the door, and entered one more time.
Lazarus reached the top of the stairs, and grimaced at the new line. However, before he could move to take his place, he noticed a familiar face walking back towards him.
"Well, well, if it isn't the guy who attacked me." The greasy man spoke, smiling as he held his paperwork under one of his arms, seemingly happy with how his day had gone. Lazarus regarded him silently.
"What's the matter," the greasy man taunted, moving directly into Lazarus's personal space, clearly intent on getting a reaction out of Lazarus, who had no intentions of giving him one, "Aw? You pouting kid? Grow up, this is how the world works. People like me get ahead, people like you? Get stuck at the back." The man's condescending words almost succeeded in getting under Lazarus's skin, but Lazarus forced himself to smile.
"You are completely right, sir, people like you have different things happen to them." Lazarus reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cube, holding it in his palm as he took a step away from the man, "You know what I do to people like you? You know what's left of people like you?" The man Smirked.
"You threatening me little man? You really think I'm scared of you?" The man laughed, Lazarus just kept smiling, the man stopped laughing, clearly a little unnerved by Lazarus's unfailing smile.
Lazarus felt his smile grow a little wider and a little more genuine as he imposed his will onto the cube he was holding, his cube responded, and instantly turned transparent. Revealing to the man Lazarus's blood-red beating heart inside, still dutifully pumping away within the now glass-looking walls, "This, sir, is what's left of people like you."
Lazarus took every pleasure out of how the man paled instantly. The blood completely draining out of his face as his jaw seemingly unhinged and his knees buckled as he fell to the ground and screamed in terror. Lazarus turned the cube opaque again in the instant before the man's screeching attracted the attention of the line. Mountain was beside the man a second later.
"Sir, please don't scream like that, you'll scare the other people." Mountain spoke in a dull, patronizing tone that almost made Lazarus break character. The greasy man continued to sit on the floor, babbling incoherently as Mountain slowly picked him up and slung him over his shoulder.
"You obviously had nothing to do with this man's breakdown, right kid?" Mountain asked, causing Lazarus's creepy smile to shift into one of naive innocence.
"Oh no sir, I have no idea what happened." Lazarus moved to the back of the line, whistling as he waited patently for the line to advance, Mountain stood still for a moment, before rolling his eyes and moving down the stairs, still carrying the greasy man.
Lazarus tapped his foot, a slight grin still on his face, even so long after the incident. The line had moved forward significantly, Lazarus could see the end in sight. Lazarus tried not to let his impatience get the better of him, but his legs, which had been lovingly supporting him all day long, slowly began to give out underneath him. Lazarus tried to stretch, bending his knees while twisting his upper body; However, Lazarus felt himself bump into someone behind him as he twisted, and instantly turned to apologize.
"Sorry!" Both he and the boy he hit spoke at the same moment. Lazarus blinked.
"What are you, Canadian? Someone hits you and you apologize?" Lazarus spoke before he could filter his words, instantly regretting that he had snarked at someone who had just done nothing but apologize sincerely to him.
"Oh! Sorry! Wait! That's still apologizing, sorry- ah!" The boy began to shake, mumbling to himself as he bowed again and again, somehow becoming caught in a cycle of apologizing for apologizing. Lazarus suddenly felt terrible about inflicting this fate upon the boy.
"It's cool!" Lazarus stopped the boy dead in his tracks, "I'm sorry for saying you shouldn't apologize, not that you needed to apologize! But hey, it's not my business to tell you what to do and not to do. If-if you wanna apologize, damn it, you go ahead and apologize! And-and if you don't, you just, yeah, don't." Lazarus felt incredibly lame as he finished, his mouth failing him as he tried to speak faster than his brain could work in Japanese. The boy however, while confused, seemed to appreciate being let off the hook.
Lazarus looked the boy over, trying to figure out what could make a person so jumpy. Lazarus knew that others told him he looked a little older than his actual age, which made Lazarus, in his own opinion, terrible at guessing other people's ages. Though the boy looked a little young in the face to Lazarus, it was clear he was around Lazarus's age by the definition on his arms and legs, the kind of muscles that only started forming with the heavy training that body-builders, heavy labourers and pro-heroes-in-training did. The kid's green hair and freckles were really his only noticeable features besides his toned body. Lazarus also noticed the kid looked incredibly self-conscious, but that might have been because Lazarus was wordlessly staring directly at him with laser focus.
"There's nothing on your face, I'm just trying to psychoanalyze you." Lazarus justified himself, too tired at this point for pleasantries. Lazarus noticed his words did not appear to help the situation at all, as the green haired boy looked even more uncomfortable. As Lazarus replied what he had just said, he really couldn't blame him.
"Ah." The boy said, as he looked down at his feet and twiddled his thumbs. Lazarus frowned, he didn't really want to leave the situation so awkward.
"So! What brings you to the seventh circle of hell that the powers-that-be call the Quirk registrations office." Lazarus tried not to seem bipolar as he forced normal cheer back into his tone.
The boy laughed, "It's not that bad."
Lazarus was instantly reminded of the trials he'd had today and his tone instantly dropped, "It is." Lazarus winced at the bluntness of his words, though not as much as the boy seemed to as he once again seemed to go back to staring at his feet. Lazarus wondered how deep into this grave he could dig himself.
"Well, what are you doing here?" Lazarus kept his tone cool as he tried not to screw up the situation any further.
The boy looked back up, seemingly surprised Lazarus was still talking, Lazarus was a little surprised Lazarus was still talking too, "I'm here to re-register my quirk." The boy spoke, and Lazarus was relieved to finally find a non-awkward conversation topic.
"Oh yeah, me too buddy! Mind if I ask what your Quirk is?" Lazarus couldn't help but be a little overeager, his love of Quirks generating vast enthusiasm within him. The boy's eyes lit up, clearly just as happy to talk about quirks, then just as suddenly, panic flooded into the boy's eyes, "Oh! Uh, I have- well that is, uh, it's…super strength, kind of." The boy was gesturing all over the place, Lazarus just chuckled.
"Is that what you'll put on the official document, you do know we're supposed to update them for clarity, right? Did you already have 'maybe super strength' on the sheet?" Lazarus taunted the boy playfully, though the boy seemed to be quite serious.
"I uh, actually had myself registered as quirkless before, it's uh, a recent change." The boy spoke so quietly that Lazarus suddenly struggled to hear him, and even when Lazarus did hear him, he couldn't believe what he had heard.
"Wait wait wait, recent change? I mean, I grew up in a pretty weird neighborhood, but I've still never heard of anyone developing a quirk past like, six at the most, hell, it's incredibly rare after four. I've never heard of anyone-" Lazarus stopped himself short as the boy seemed incredibly panicked. Lazarus berated himself, he just couldn't shut his own mouth.
"Ahaha, that is, uh, what do I know right? I'm just some stupid guy and not some big shot quirk-y doctor, hahaha! Haha! Hahaha, haha, ha. Ha… Ha." Lazarus felt like running away at this point, but he had gone too far, both in the line and committing to this conversation to back out now.
"Uh, haha." The boy laughed, clearly out of politeness, before asking a question of his own, clearly trying to change the subject, "So, why are you here?"
Lazarus tried to choose his next words more carefully than he had the last few times he had been asked about his quirk, "I'm listed as quirkless, so I needed to come down here in person to get permission to uh, kill myself because I really can't do anything else at this point." Lazarus finished, staring directly at the boy in front of him, both of them equally horrified at how terrible Lazarus's choice of words was. The both stared wordlessly at each other, a painful silence descending between the two of them.
Suddenly deciding that it was rude to just stare, Lazarus smiled what he hoped was a seemingly warm smile and tried to strike up another final attempt at conversation, "So! Now that this can't get any worse, I should introduce myself, I'm Lazarus. Nice to meet you..?"
The boy perked up suddenly, smiling in a way that seemed to cute for someone who could be his male classmate and not his four year old baby cousin, "I'm Izuku Midoriya! Nice to meet you Lazarus-kun!" Lazarus nodded.
"The pleasure is all mine Izuku." Lazarus spoke casually, only stopping when he noticed Izuku shoot him a look that was somehow shocked, confused and apologetic all at the same time.
"Eheh? I'm sorry I must have misheard you." Izuku spoke carefully, seemingly trying not to offend Lazarus.
Lazarus tilted his head, trying to figure out what Izuku could have misheard. Then it hit him, much like what he thought Mr. Sero was going to do to him. He had forgot to use honorifics, for the upteenth time. Lazarus suddenly felt the long day of panic catch up to him as his mind blanked for the correct one to use.
"Uh, oh, right, heh, I said; The pleasure is all mine Izuku-...Izuku-Chan?" Lazarus spoke, the confidence draining from his voice with every new word that left it.
Izuku's completely unreadable expression gave Lazarus all the confirmation he needed that he had in fact, chosen poorly.
"Uh, crap, wait, don't tell me, oh, god you just used it too...uh...uh." Lazarus stuttered suddenly mimicking Izuku's earlier behavior as he snapped his fingers, trying to re-live through what Izuku had just said, "Izuku-kun! Izukun! Izukukunkun! Kun! Haha!" Lazarus cheered to himself pumping his fist dramatically at his ability to achieve the social basics of a place he had already been living in for several weeks.
"Next person in line please, next per- oh, it's you Lazarus, get your ass in there." The quirk-made copy of Chiba spoke. Lazarus turned realising that he was in fact the next person in line. Lazarus turned, his smile suddenly as bright as ever.
"Well, Izuku-kun-chan-san whatever, I want to say this hasn't been one of the worst social encounters of my life, but I shall not lie to your face. I'm going to go, and I'm going to replay this incredibly awkward series of events inside my own head for probably the next few weeks until I forget about it entirely." Lazarus laid a hand on an uncomfortable Izuku's shoulder, "I'm incredibly glad Japan is such a large place, because I can take solace in the fact I'll never have to ever see your face and consequently remember this event for the rest of my life. Speaking of which, you have a good life Izuku! Follow your dreams; chase happiness; find someone who loves you and cherish that person; and always remember that life is too short to half-ass it. Goodbye my sweet-sweet smiling prince." Lazarus took his hand off Izuku's shoulder and maintained an uncomfortable amount of eye contact as he committed to the fact that if he was going down in flames, he was going to make it spectacular.
"Chiba, close the door." Lazarus half-whispered, Chiba looked at him with disgust.
"Do it yourself damn it." She spat back, Lazarus still maintained eye contact with Izuku, already feeling the conversation going from memorably terrible to Izuku getting a restraining order against him.
"Please?" Lazarus whispered, Chiba groaned and stood up closing the door, allowing Lazarus to finally relax.
"Well," Lazarus spoke to himself, "I'm so glad that's over with. Thank god I'll never have to see him ever again." With that, Lazarus put the encounter out of his mind and turned around, revealing the stern faced man on the other side of the office, who had quietly observed Lazarus talking to himself like a madman.
"Papers please." The man spoke, his tone had an edge to it, like the angry Chiba outside, but with somehow more malice to it. Lazarus put down his stack of papers. Lazarus couldn't help but smile as the man went through them, putting aside the bits he would have to sign.
Lazarus looked around the office, it was a lot grander than the ones downstairs, with plush chairs, a sofa in the corner, tasteful paintings that were probably worth more than Lazarus was on the walls, and a variety of aesthetically pleasing objects on the desk. Lazarus looked over the desk, noticing one particular object that stood out to him. A silver dip pen, polished and sharpened, though there didn't appear to be any inkpots nearby to dip it in. Lazarus reached out to inspect it, but the man looked up almost too fast for Lazarus to follow.
"Touch it and I'll kick you out of here myself." The man spoke in a low tone, causing Lazarus to instantly jerk his hand away, the man seemed satisfied for a moment, then he pushed all the papers back to Lazarus.
"You're missing your Q-1." The man spoke, causing a deep pit to open in Lazarus's stomach.
"I, I wasn't told of any Q-1 forms, I have my Q-0 and-" Lazarus tried to remain calm as he explained, but the man cut him off.
"Tsk! Get with the program, Q-1 forms went out half an hour ago." The man already seemed done with Lazarus. Lazarus felt the pit begin to fill with overflowing need to overthrow the government.
"I was in the line for an hour, how was I supposed to get my Q-1?" Lazarus suddenly realized why the line had sudden begun to move so fast so quickly.
The man shrugged, "Not my problem, get your form and get back in line, there's about a three hour wait now." Lazarus made no move to leave the room, in fact, Lazarus was reasonable sure he wasn't going to leave the room without doing something stupid.
The man looked up and frowned, "What the hell are you still doing here?" Lazarus froze, trying to repress the urge to do something he'd regret. The man clearly took this for disrespect, "Look, it's not my problem your mommy didn't love you enough to get your quirk registered."
Lazarus suddenly felt something inside him break.
The man continued, unaware of how his words had affected Lazarus, "I can't do anything else for you now, so unless you're about to have a medical emergency, I got nothing else to say to you." The man stood up and picked up the phone, "Security, could you come remove someone from my office."
Lazarus slowly moved towards the desk, his eyes drained of any kind of emotion or reaction. He looked the man on the other side dead in the eyes as he raised his leg and slowly put his foot on the desk, his black sneakers transferring dirt and grass from outside onto the desk.
"The hell! Get your leg off of my desk!" The man shouted, Lazarus did not respond as he calmly rolled up his black pant leg, revealing his pale leg underneath. The man stopped yelling, clearly confused by what he probably assumed was a crazy kid.
Lazarus knew he only had a few more seconds before Mountain got here, he reached over and carefully picked up the beautifully crafted silver dip pen. The man started yelling again as Lazarus took a second to admire the craftsmanship, it was clearly hand made with care and bought for an ungodly sum of money.
"The hell kid? You'll never step foot in this office again! I'll get you banned for life, I'll!" Lazarus held up a single finger, silencing the man for a moment. Lazarus looked up from the pen, made direct eye contact with the man, and then quickly drove the pen directly through the side of his kneecap. The pen pierced through to the other side of his knee as it stuck out both ends, the wound bleeding all over the man's desk. The man froze in shock and terror, Lazarus didn't break eye contact.
"Oops. I've accidentally injured myself. Help. I am currently having a medical emergency." Lazarus spoke in total deadpan, ignoring the dull throbbing from his leg that told him he had hurt himself.
"Security!" The man screeched, falling out of his chair as he scurried away from Lazarus, Lazarus sighed as he heard the doors be thrown open behind him.
"Take me away boys!" Lazarus cried raising his arms out to the side and glancing upwards, striking a pose as he allowed Mountain to slip his arms easily underneath Lazarus's own and heave him out of the room, quickly carrying him away.
Lazarus limped away from the front door of the building, turning back to Mountain, who was standing in front of the door.
"Do...do you need me to call an ambulance?" Mountain asked, Lazarus smiled sadly, appreciating the concern, but waving it off.
"Nah, I may be officially quirkless, but I'm good, doesn't even hurt." Lazarus spoke, only slightly lying at the end.
Mountain nodded, then scratched the back of his head, "You know, it's probably a good idea if-" Lazarus nodded.
"Got it, avoid this place for awhile." Mountain smiled, seemingly happy that Lazarus wasn't causing a fuss.
"Cool, kid, you know what, keep the pen. Think of it as a souvenir." Mountain laughed, Lazarus couldn't help but laugh along, Mountain's deep baritone laugh was infectious.
"See ya around big guy, thanks for the rides!" Lazarus waved back as he limped his way down the stairs.
Mountain waved back, "Keep it real, kid-, Lazarus, good luck out there!" Mountain stood there for a moment longer, then gave a second, little wave, then closed the doors. Lazarus tried not to bleed on the nice pathway as he moved to sit down at the now familiar bench. He looked out at the setting sun, already knowing he'd have to phone Hanta to let him know he wouldn't be able to limp his way home in time for dinner.
Aiko walked around the bench and sat down beside him, she had a second left arm, carrying a small laptop underneath it. She smiled at him for a moment, then quickly frowned as she noticed the pen embedded in his knee. Aiko looked at Lazarus, who shrugged.
"So, the important thing is; I gave it the old college try." Lazarus summarized the day as simply as he could, "I may have failed, but damn it if I didn't give it my all. I can't be upset with myself for what I couldn't do." Lazarus smiled, Aiko continued to frown.
"Was sticking a pen into your leg 'giving it your all''? Because if so, I have great many worries." Aiko opened up the laptop and looked at Lazarus expectantly. Lazarus looked back and laughed a hollow laugh.
"Okay, so I lost my temper, but that bastard hit a nerve. Haha! Even you couldn't help me at this point." Lazarus groaned as he shook his head, accepting that he'd be rejected from U.A. before he could even participate in the practical.
"Try me." Aiko spoke simply, causing Lazarus to look at her.
"What?" Lazarus asked.
"You said even I couldn't help you at this point; try me, I'll see what I can do." Aiko used her two remaining hands to begin typing away on the computer. Lazarus snorted. Aiko cut him off before he could respond, "I'm not pitying you, I'm a selfish person, you know? I just like showing off to people."
Lazarus smiled and rolled his eyes, in truth, he admitted to himself he had accepted that he was being childish for not trying the easy route, and at this point, it was worth a shot, "Alright, I'll take you up."
Aiko looked at her computer, "Full name please."
Lazarus paused for a moment, "Legal or Preferred?"
Aiko responded instantly, "Legal only, please."
Lazarus shrugged, "Lazarus Lovecraft Poe." This caused Aiko to look up and raise an eyebrow at him, Lazarus chuckled, "My mom...had twisted taste in literature and my dad had an ironically fitting last name."
Aiko went back to typing, "Please summarize your quirk."
Lazarus grinned, "I can come back from the dead." Aiko glared at him from the corner of her eye.
"Perfect." Aiko spoke, "Now please summarize it seriously, as if you were taking this seriously."
Lazarus laughed, "How about this instead; Total regenerative ability starting from the heart, which is only triggered in the event of catastrophic physical trauma." Lazarus paused to allow Aiko time to process, "Serious enough?"
Aiko blinked a few times, then began typing, "Jeez, you were being serious? How the hell have you never registered a quirk like that before." Lazarus looked around and cocked his head.
"I guess we just do things differently in 'Merica." Lazarus ignored Aiko's eye roll. After a moment, Aiko closed her laptop.
"Okay, done." Aiko stood up and began to walk away, as Lazarus sat still, unsure of what had just happened.
"Done, what?" Lazarus asked, his face contorting as he stood, the pen shifting slightly. Aiko turned to face him and beamed.
"Congratulation Lazarus Poe! You are now in the digital database of Japanese Quirk users! Anyone who needs that information can get it online, like everyone gets everything nowadays." Aiko laughed as Lazarus felt his brain slowly curl into a ball and cry, which is also what he felt like doing.
"It was that easy." Lazarus spoke, fear creeping into his voice.
"It was that easy." Aiko confirmed.
"That easy." Lazarus spoke.
"That easy." Aiko confirmed.
"Easy?" Lazarus spoke.
"Easy." Aiko confirmed.
"Ah." Lazarus sat down again.
Aiko turned on her heels and walked back over giving lazarus a pat on the back, "There, there Lazarus. Take this as a learning experience, the best heroes always take the easy way out."
Lazarus looked up at her, "I'm pretty sure that's one-hundred percent false." She smiled again.
"It's true when it comes to paperwork. I'm off for the day! Good luck Lazarus!" She turned as if to leave, then paused, fishing around in her pocket for a moment before pulling out a tiny business card and handing it to Lazarus, winking playfully.
"Just call your good friend Aimi-Chan if you have any problems in the future alright? I'm in your corner kid!" She backed away and gave him a thumbs up. Lazarus smiled, feeling what little emotion he had left turn to thankfulness, tears welling for what felt like the millionth time in his eyes.
"Thank you." Lazarus had so much more he wanted to say, but he knew he'd screw it up if he tried to make it any more complicated than that.
As if sensing Lazarus's intentions, Aiko laughed one last time as she turned and walked away, waving the whole time.
Lazarus turned to leave himself, before being hit in the head by what felt like a crumpled up ball of paper. Lazarus looked up at where it had come from just in time to see a window closing on the second floor. Lazarus uncrumpled it to find 'Mountain' written in black marker alongside contact information. Lazarus laughed as he looked up and waved, hoping Mountain was still watching. Slipping the paper and the business card into his wallet, he pulled out his phone and began the long limp home.
It was dark by the time Lazarus made it back to the Sero's residence, Lazarus had pulled the pen out at some point and had wrapped his shirt around the wound. Meaning he had stuck to back alleyways as to not get hit with a ticket for public indecency. He wasn't sure if it was public indecency to walk around Japan without a shirt on, but he didn't really want to find out through trial and error.
Hanta was sitting by the table, clearly waiting for him to get back, Hanta looked him up and down, his brow deepening as he noticed the bloody shirt tied around Lazarus's knee. Hanta looked at Lazarus, an eyebrow raised, expecting an explanation.
"I've learned a valuable lesson about letting people help you, scared a man senseless, called a boy my sweet-sweet smile prince, drove an expensive hand-made dip pen through my knee, and made two new friends." Lazarus stopped to make sure he had covered everything, "Oh, and the government says it's okay with me killing myself."
Hanta looked down and sighed, "Good day then?"
Lazarus nodded sagely, "Very productive, I'm going to bed now to heal."
Hanta looked at Lazarus quizzically, "You're going to go… uh, regenerate?"
Lazarus shook his head, "I mean, yeah, but I'm not going to off myself." Lazarus continued when he noticed Hanta's remaining confusion, "I always regenerate at midnight if there's anything wrong with my body, it's why I don't have any scars. I don't just off myself every time I get a non-fatal wound, don't you know how high my death count would be if I did?"
Hanta just waved Lazarus to get going, Lazarus nodded at Hanta and limped his way past him, Hanta turned around just as Lazarus was about to leave, coughing to bring Lazarus's attention back. Lazarus glanced over his shoulder to see Hanta sitting there with a mischievous grin on his face.
"Goodnight Lazarus, I love you." Hanta playfully mocked Lazarus. Lazarus just smiled back with the same grin.
"Why are you mocking me?" Lazarus pretended to sound wounded, more wounded than his actual wound had made him sound, "I knew what I said this morning."
Hanta paused, then stuttered slightly, clearly unsure if Lazarus was toying with him or not. Lazarus smiled, genuine happiness overtaking him.
"Love you too Hanta, have a good night!" Without waiting for Hanta to come up with a proper response, Lazarus limped away as quickly as he could, he had dealt with enough today.
