I know that the tense changes in this chapter from the last two, but I hope it's consistent throughout the chapter itself. The tenses may randomly change between chapters...
I Missed Again
3. It Seems I was Waiting in Line...
Kakashi is sat in the Jounin lounge, his eye is on the book but his mind is wandering; since Sakura walked in through the door, he's been trying to read between the lines. There's that same detachment in her, he can see the grace and fluidity of movement earned by a Kuniochi's lifestyle, but there's a clumsiness somewhere in her shadow, as though there is something dragging on her. She's quick, pleasant and polite as always, her actions graceful and her voice easy, but the longer she stays, the clearer it becomes – she doesn't enjoy that Jounin touching her arm as he praises her for a job well done on the last mission. She keeps an emotional distance he would have thought uncharacteristic for Sakura.
But of course, he doesn't know her.
He watches carefully as she sits to fill out what's presumably paperwork, her expression is serious, but glazed – as though she isn't really there. Or that there isn't really anyone else around her; there is a task, she completes it. He subtly continues to watch but he can also see other eyes on her, some are those of youngsters – who only see her physical beauty – he doubts they see what he does. If he were to never see Sakura again or have her, on occasion, so personally involved with him (i.e. she's literally seen almost every square inch of him in the process of healing his numerous wounds) then he wouldn't have all that much trouble taking her to bed for a night. But he can't – she's close and far at the same time – even if she agreed to it, Kakashi doesn't like the distance he can see in her, there's that hollowness again... A young man walks up to her, forcing her attention off her work and onto him, her eyes are cold and movements mechanical.
Kakashi could almost twitch his fingers in time with her movements;
- Right Index finger: bend at second knuckle to get her mouth to smile
- Left pinkie: curl to blink the eyes
- Right two middle fingers: curl to get the head to turn sideways
- Left thumb and Right two middle fingers: curl simultaneously to tilt up the head a little...
She really does look like a puppet, but Kakashi is having a hard time telling if she is the puppet who lacked strings or the master who'd lost her mannequin – what happened? No nasty event had ever reached his ears which could explain her behaviour. The boy takes a seat at the table, Kakashi can see his profile and he's oblivious to her fake, ugly smile. She looks tired and Kakashi wonders how she can bare that look – he knows it well, he was tired at that age too, but he'd already put up with a lot. To his knowledge, Sakura – although her life had been by no means easy – she certainly hasn't been subjected to the worst by a very long shot. But then, what did he know? Sometimes even the smallest thing can be the trigger to send an individual spiralling into depression; is that what this looks like?
He can't be sure; she doesn't wear it well though, he does know that.
Could it just be over work? It's possible; Kakashi wonders how she looks alone, does she still smirk like a fake or does she allow her guard to drop and the 'smile' to fade into nothing? He surprises himself at how little he cares for what was actually wrong but rather, he just wanted to follow it – and Sakura. Will he be able to figure out what it is: whether she was a string-less puppet or mannequin-less master just by observing her? It will certainly keep him busy for the next few days. He isn't so cruel or uncaring as to wish her harm or not care enough to fix whatever may be wrong, but his intuition tells him that it isn't nearly so simple as, 'hello Sakura-chan, what's wrong?' Even if they had been incredibly close, he still doubts whether it would work. The insecurities she must have felt as a child over being weak and useless doubtlessly still weigh heavily and perhaps, if he were to so much as hint that he knew something may be wrong, she'd probably shut him out.
(And maybe give him a punch for good measure.)
Yes, he has no missions for the next week or so and he could do with something of a hobby. If tailing her gives him no clues to work with, then he'll have to get a little closer, but what 'Kakashi' would she respond to?
Serious and to the point?
Adult?
Goofy?
Sensei?
Helpless?
Oblivious?
Doting? (Though he reckons that it will probably seem too weird if he turns up out of the blue and acts like a loving friend)
Indifferent?
In all his years in the field and hiding behind a mask, Kakashi has learned very well how to read people; even if it took time, he could instantly spot what persona would get a response out of his target. Kakashi has a very large number of practiced personas to work on Sakura. Despite having "known" her for over a decade, still can't be certain which persona will crack open the façade and allow him a look into what she's really thinking and feeling. The prospect of a challenge such as this one, the Copy-Nin finds, is actually quite exciting – to unmask an actor in the middle of a performance without their knowledge.
He could have a lot of fun.
Something to occupy him, at least.
Anyway, shouldn't Tsunade have noticed by now that her young apprentice was a little... off?
And where is Naruto? He'd do almost anything for his dear Sakura-chan if he thought she wasn't happy.
It's all by the by: he has something to occupy him and if it turns out that Sakura really is unhappy, then he could be the loving sensei who figures it out and helps her.
Simple.
And even that boy currently (and rather rudely) draining her attention is proving useful – whilst someone holds her attention he can study her reactions.
Stimulus and response; the perfect way to study a specimen.
He really does hope that she'll get rid of that ugly, fake smile soon though, it's so unbecoming... What happened to that adorably unabashed gleeful smile of her mid-teens?
A real smile and a fake one are so easy to distinguish: one is beautiful and the other ugly. At least he won't have much trouble discerning when she is genuinely happy, then.
With his purpose in mind, he carefully flips a page to make it seem that he is still reading as he trained his attention on his once, long-ago pseudo-student.
