Chad was twisting and turning that night, unable to get to sleep. It was ridiculous, it'd been an exhausting day, physically and emotionally draining. He should be sound asleep right now.
Yet, he couldn't get Troy's words out of his mind. He had a shot at Ryan. Jaime had mockingly said he was screwing things up. And Ryan all but said he used to have a crush on him.
Meaning, if Chad were to make a move, he'd be able to get together with Ryan.
He just didn't know if he truly wanted that, and it was starting to drive him crazy.
The fact that he'd spend half an hour that night thinking about kissing Ryan and what that would be like also didn't escape him, and it drove him mad in a whole other way.
First he thought he didn't want that at all. He liked being friends with Ryan, he didn't get why he'd risk that. But then he thought of all his friends that were in relationships now. Troy and Gabriella were nauseating at times, sure, but they also seemed so happy together. Zeke and Sharpay were a special case that never were going to last past high school, but right now, they seemed content as well.
On the other hand, if he were to 'make a move' on Ryan, it could also end disastrous like Jaime's date the week before, and he so did not want that. After a week of extreme moping she was only starting to get over it, and Chad would be worse off and lose a friend on top of it.
Chad groaned, and got out of bed, frustrated with nothing to do and his mind keeping him awake. He silently walked down the stairs, skipping the one stair that creaked so no one would wake up. He walked towards the kitchen, boiling some milk in order to make himself some hot chocolate, hoping that it would calm him down.
He was halfway through his cup and all the way through the package of mini-marshmallows when his Mom walked in, flicking on the lights Chad hadn't bothered with.
"Hey," she said softly, grabbing a cup and making herself a cup of hot chocolate as well. "What's keeping you up? I thought you went out celebrate your win of tonight, you should be dead to the world right now."
Chad nodded solemnly, staring down at his cup, letting a sigh escape.
"Come on Chad, talk to me. Is there a girl?" Chad ducked his head a bit, feeling a faint blush come up to his cheeks and trying his best to fight it away. He shouldn't be blushing, he shouldn't have a reason to blush. "Ooh, there is!" his Mom sang, sitting down next to him, legs crossed on the chair. "Come on, tell me!"
Chad let out a sigh. If you have no one to turn to, you turn to your parents, right? And Chad always had been able to talk to his Mom about anything. "I guess there's someone. A boy. At least, I think so." He added it as an afterthought.
"You think he's a boy?" Lena feigned sounding confused whilst teasing her son.
Chad didn't respond to the joke. He just kept staring at the table as he took a moment before whispering: "I think I might like him." Saying those words out loud were scary. It meant he was acknowledging it, which was the thing he'd been working on to not do.
"… And I'm guessing it's not about the fact that Ryan is a guy?" Chad's head snapped up at the name, his eyes wide and alarmed. "Oh honey, don't be silly, of course it's Ryan."
Chad looked back down at his cup, slightly embarrassed. "I just. I am not certain how I feel about him, I mean I know I like him, but I just don't know if I like him like that you know, but then Troy and Jaime said something and I just don't wanna ruin things but then if I compare it with how things were with Taylor this is so much more important and I just. Don't know how I feel. Or how I think how I feel. Or how I want to feel or what to do."
Lena let her son ramble, and after he was done, she sipped her cup of hot chocolate before replying. "You clearly care about what should happen should you do anything about it. I think you know how you feel about him."
Chad groaned and let his head fall onto the table. "But. I just. I don't know how much I like him."
"I know, honey, I know," Lena said as she was patting Chad's back.
"I don't wanna screw things up," Chad mumbled.
"Just try and prioritise things," his Mom suggested. "Is it worth keeping things from continuing with Ryan if it means being friends? Or would it be worth trying to become something more?"
"I don't know," Chad mumbled. "I really don't know."
Lena was still rubbing his back. "I know honey. Just try to get some sleep, okay?"
Chad nodded, with his head still against the table, sat up straight, downed his cup and got up to go off to bed.
"Thanks Mom," he said as he hugged her.
The next day was Saturday, and Chad managed to get his homework done for the entire week by lunchtime. After the conversation with his Mom, he managed to get some sleep, but not much. He was running on caffeine and motivation for doing homework was found as a way to keep his mind occupied.
This, of course, meant that by three in the afternoon, Chad was sitting in the couch, not paying attention to whatever show Mariana was watching, staring at his phone. Throughout the day, Ryan had texted a few times about random things, and Chad had kept the conversation going. It had been easy, but now, without anything else to focus on, the wave of emotions and doubt hit him again hard as he kept overanalysing new texts and rereading older messages.
Chad groaned as Mariana giggled to whatever the Disney princess did on the television screen. He sunk further into the couch, going through the texts from different contacts. He so did not want to deal with his mind today, and meeting up with someone to keep him distracted would be the perfect solution.
The first contact that showed up – besides Ryan, from who he had just received a new text – was Troy. Not an option, after all he'd been the one to point out all the drama in his head. Gabriella would be busy with either studying or Troy, and Jaime would be no help either. Zeke was at Sharpay's – half of today's texts from Ryan had consisted of mocking the couple – and Jason's otherwise hilarious obliviousness would not come in well into forming a distraction for Chad.
That's how Chad ended up half an hour later at the mall with Taylor.
"Are you sure you don't mind shopping for books with me?" Taylor asked. She looked at him worriedly, and Chad had to admit any other day he wouldn't have so willingly agreed, but today wasn't any other day. Today he needed a distraction.
Not that he would admit that to Taylor. "I'm fine," he repeated for the fifteenth time that afternoon. "I was bored and needed something to do. Besides," he added, grinning. "I don't mind being your strength and muscle guy." He had to admit, between baseball, basketball and other arm work-outs, he was glad he could handle the heavy academic books. The two bags he was carrying weren't exactly light-travel-material.
"If you're sure… There's one or two more stores I'd like to go to, but I really need to refuel."
Chad smiled. "Then let's go get you some coffee."
They headed towards a Starbucks and settled on a bench not much further away in the mall. Chad waited for his drink to cook down after the first sip had burned his tongue, and he was checking his phone in the meantime. He smiled brightly as he saw Ryan had texted him again. As he was typing a response, Taylor started talking about which other books she was looking for and why she hoped one of the two next stores would have them.
They continued their shopping and that evening, after Chad had dropped Taylor of at her place and he was doing dishes after the family dinner, he realised that the entire afternoon, he'd been more excited each time a text had arrived from Ryan than any other moment.
Well, shit.
The weekend went by rather fast, even though Chad still did not figuring out what to do. So, as they were driving to school on Monday, he asked Jaime about it.
"So you really think it's worth to go after Ryan?"
Jaime, who had been busy on her phone, feet propped up against the dashboard, looked at him oddly. "Oh, so now you know what I was talking about?"
Chad sighed. "I just didn't realise I liked him, okay. But I guess I do. I just. Don't know how much. And if it would be worth it." He stubbornly kept his eyes on the road as he muttered the next words: "I just don't wanna lose him as a friend."
"You know Ryan's been working on some new cheerleading routines?" Chad nodded. "Well," Jaime continued. "I heard him talk with Martha. She was teasing him about you and he was blushing like crazy. I think he really likes you."
Chad nodded, eyes still on the road. "But that was weeks ago."
Jaime rolled her eyes. "You put him on the spot on Friday. He doesn't want to lose you as a friend, either, you fool. He likes you. Take a chance." She slumped further into her seat, focussing back on her phone. "Besides, it'd be nice to see a positive love story for once."
They pulled up to the parking lot of the school, but as Jaime was about to get out, Chad asked her to wait. He doubted for a moment, but decided to just screw all his insecurities and the what-ifs he's created in his mind. "Do you think he'll mind?"
"Mind what? He likes you." Jaime turned back, took one look at Chad's face, got back in the car and immediately closed the door. "Chad. He's not going to care. Why would he?"
Chad rolled his eyes. "Some people just know, and he probably was one of those."
"And I wasn't," Jaime said. "Neither was my Mom." Chad refused to meet her eyes. "Hey, Chad, look at me." Chad looked up, begrudgingly. Jaime's eyes were filled with sisterly love and worry, unlike the annoyance that had been there earlier. "He's not going to care. I promise you." Jaime waited until he nodded. "Okay then," she said, getting out of the car. "You'll wait for me until after practice tonight?"
"Sure," Chad said. He took a deep breath, and got out of the car as well, trying to focus on what the rest of the day would bring.
The day ended up going by rather fast. Chad paid attention in class – or at least in most of his classes – and just tried to ignore his mind and Troy's words of Friday that still kept creeping up to him at times.
But then classes were done, and Jaime still had cheerleading practice. Chad first went to the library and finished his homework, but he still had half an hour to kill before she'd be done. So Chad started wandering around the halls. He saw in one room Gabriella practising with Kelsi, and in another he could see Ryan working with Sharpay and some others on a choreography of some kind. He stopped for a moment, observing how Ryan explained certain movements. He always got excited about dance, more than anything else. His eyes sparkled the most when he could dance. When Ryan spotted him, he quickly waved at him before continuing the dance.
Chad smiled and waved back before he continued walking down the hallway. In the end, feeling extremely aimless, he decided to just go sit in his car, turn up some music. At least he'd get those voices out of his mind.
He put on some musical Ryan had suggested him. In The Heights had some cool rap in it, and it had a nice story as well. Nothing too dramatic. He was a few songs in when Jaime knocked on the window. She got into the car and they drove off in silence.
Right before they got home, Chad spoke up. "I think you're right," he said. Remember how he'd felt throughout the day when he'd spotted Ryan made him realise that it probably would be worth pursuing his feelings.
"Of course I am," Jaime replied easily. "But, I'm glad for you," she added.
He smiled. "thanks. I don't know when though, but I will talk to him."
Awesome.
"Dude, please come save me on Friday!" Chad whined again. It was Thursday and Chad had figured he could spend some time with Ryan on Friday, see how things went. He'd figured out a pretty decent excuse as well. "I don't wanna be stuck alone at home this Friday, and going to the movies with Troy and Gabi is so not what I want."
"So I am a lost resort? Way to make a guy feel wanted, Danforth," Ryan threw back at him.
"You are not and you know it." Chad elbowed him. "Come on, let's go to the batting cages, maybe catch a movie. I need to make you say yes on baseball try-outs next season. We need you on the team."
"Sure," Ryan replied, picking up his pace. "You don't wanna be stuck at home watching musicals with your moms and sister."
"The twins already decided tonight it's Enchanted and I cannot watch that movie again, but that is beside the point. The point is that I wanna spend time with you."
Ryan stopped at his locker and turned to Chad. "Okay, stop it, I'll go with you to the batting cages tomorrow."
"Awesome!" Chad bounced up. "Thanks man! See you tomorrow."
Chad ran off to his next class, internally cheering. Even if Ryan didn't know it yet, this would be a date. Or at least a trial-date, and Chad was excited to make it perfect.
The issue was that it was a bit over twenty-four hours away.
So he had over twenty-four hours to plan his outfit, how and where to pick Ryan up, where to go after the batting cages – because let's be real that really is just a cover so the ice can be broken. He should ask his Moms what are good places to go for dinner. Something fancy and payable. Maybe he could even bribe forty bucks out of his Mom, since she's totally rooting for him and she likes Ryan. Maybe.
The day soon was done, and after doing homework (in like, fifteen minutes because let's be real, he'll just copy everything else that's important off of Taylor the next day over lunch or something – besides, who even gives homework to be done by Friday, that's just rude), Chad was standing in front of his closet. All of a sudden, he hated every single clothing piece he owned, even his favourite sneakers, and the jacket Ryan had complimented.
Ugh.
An hour later, Chad was sitting on his bed, legs crossed, with several options laying around him. He definitely was going to wear the same jeans to school, the ones that aren't exactly skinny, not by a long shot by Ryan's standard, but that were less baggy than usual and didn't have any holes or stains. He was also for certain going to wear a different shirt and jacket than those he was going to wear to school. He just had to decide which.
Chad let himself fall backwards onto the bed, groaning. He laid there for a few minutes, thinking about how ridiculous he was being, when he heard a knock on the door. "Come in," he said as he sat up straight. His mom entered, and as she saw the scene, she smiled.
"So I guess Jaime wasn't exaggerating when she said you have got a big date with Ryan tomorrow night."
"Ugh," Chad said. "I barely properly realised I like him, less than a week ago. Can you two please stop gossiping?"
Lena just smiled and started picking up several clothing pieces of the bed, putting them in different piles. She left three shirts on the bed, the rest she put on the desk. "Make sure you fold these again. I will notice when you just throw them back into laundry." And without another word, she left the room.
Picking one of the three remaining shirts for the next day, Chad put on some music – another mix CD Ryan had given him – and started cleaning his room. He was done by the time dinner was ready, and afterwards he agreed to play a game with the twins.
When he went to bed that night, he couldn't say if he was excited, nervous, or just plain scared.
"You were right, Chad," Ryan repeated for the third time that evening. "It is a lot of fun."
They were on their date. Though Ryan might not realise this. Either way, they were at the batting cages, returning their gear. Ryan's eyes were sparkling as he put on his hat, his hair still a bit mused by the helmet, but obviously he didn't realise this. Chad liked the view too much to tell him. "You know what, maybe I will try out for the team."
Chad's eyes bulged out of his head. Nearly. "You will? That would be amazing! You're too good a player not to, really, and we could use a pitcher like you! You're great."
"Thanks", Ryan said. "I might." They walked back to Ryan's car, which turned out to be the easiest so Jaime could just go home. "So. Where to next?" he asked.
"Just let me drive?" Chad begged. "Please!?"
Ryan's car was a little piece of heaven, the same type convertible as Sharpay had, except it was a deep dark blue and it had no tacky initials.
Ryan smiled. "Just give me the address. You can drive when we head back, that'll be a longer drive."
"Score!" Chad cheered as he jumped into his seat. He set the GPS, refusing to tell Ryan where they were headed.
The restaurant where they parked wasn't the most expensive place, but it was decent enough. A place with, after a lot of begging to Stef and Lena and checking every backpack and every jeans pocket, a place where he was able to pay a main course, dessert and drinks for both of them. It was a place where Ryan seemed happy about when he realised where they'd ended up.
They were seated inside and while they were looking over the menu, Chad kept glancing at Ryan, hoping to see if he was showing any signs of happiness.
Chad didn't dare to say that this was a date. It was silly, but, yeah. Ryan didn't give any sign of being uncomfortable however, happily ordering of the menu and smiling at Chad. Chad asked him about the play, how it was all coming along, and if Troy hadn't been stalking Gabi all over rehearsals yet.
"I can't believe he's that jealous," Ryan said after swallowing a bite of his steak. He had ordered the same thing as Chad head, a steak and fries. "Like. Did he seriously think I was interested in Gabriella? I scream queer with every breath I take!"
Chad laughed, head ducked. "Yeah, but Troy's a bit naïve at times. And he's proven to be jealous." He took a sip of his Mountain Dew and added. "Besides. He's known my family for years, and the one thing they drill into everyone's head, is to not assume and not judge. So, you know..."
"So Troy assumed I could be straight?" Ryan's voice was filled with disbelieve, and only the tiniest hint of mockery.
Chad shrugged. "You could've been metrosexual for all we knew. You'd never said anything until I asked point blank after the baseball game, remember?"
And Chad knew Ryan remembered. He couldn't forget that day. After Troy had abandoned them, and Ryan had kicked ass on the field – even though the wildcats had won – they'd switched Jerseys (and hats, Ryan insisted) and had dinner all of them together. Chad had asked him point blank when the topic of significant others had come up. He still remembers Ryan's face and the way he nearly chocked on his drink as he asked 'So, Ryan, do you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?' The second phrase only added for full disclosure.
"Right," Ryan replied, stretching the word in mockery as he rolled his eyes. "Because everyone at this damn school know what that actually means, let alone that it actually exists." He took his last bite and shoved his empty plate away, leaning both arms on the table. "Seriously Chad, everyone knows."
"Now they do!" Chad said happily. He also put his fork down, trying to keep himself from fidgeting too much. "You didn't answer my question by the way. How are rehearsals coming along?"
"Fine, first week is always a bit dull, no one knows their lines properly yet."
"Oh," Chad didn't know what to reply to that. "But you're excited about the play, right?"
"Oh, definitely, I really like this one!" They were interrupted by the waitress, who asked if they wanted dessert. Chad replied yes before Ryan could change his mind. They placed their orders immediately, and the waitress was back quickly with one tea, one hot chocolate, and two different pieces of pie.
"Hey, you wanna split them in half?" Ryan nodded in response to Chad's question, carefully cutting his piece of pie in half. They traded pieces over their plates and Chad indicated for Ryan to continue as he took a large bite. "Like I said, I like this play, but you know, there's nothing like a good musical."
Chad swallowed the too dry piece of pie. Or it were his nerves, whatever. "How so? More dancing?"
"It's not just the dancing and the unannounced coordinated singing, you know," Ryan teased him, knowing the reasons for Chad's dislike in musicals. "It's how the dance, the lyrics, the music, all contribute to the story. Some things cannot be said by words alone, it needs more, and a musical allows much more mediums to portray the story. Music can tell so much more than words can, and if you tell a story through dance on such expressive music. It's just magical." Ryan toyed around with a piece of pie on his plate, blushing a bit, embarrassed.
Chad smiled. "I like your enthusiasm," he said lowly, looking into Ryan's eyes. They were sparkling again, and Chad adored how expressive Ryan's eyes were. Ryan ducked his head, blushing even more. "And you're cute when you blush," Chad added, a bit more confident, leaning back into his chair.
Ryan looked up. "Weirdo," he muttered under his breath, resulting in a soft kick against his leg from Chad. They smiled through the rest of their dessert.
"Wanna get out of here?" Ryan asked.
"And drive that sweet car of yours? Heck yes!" Chad signed for the bill and immediately paid before Ryan could even get a word in between.
"I could've paid my share, at least," Ryan complained as they were walking back to the car.
"It was my treat," Chad replied. "Next time can be on you. Now. Can I? Please?"
Ryan smiled and shook his head before digging the keys out of his back pocket and handing them to Chad. "Just be careful."
"I'm always careful," Chad basically skipped to the driver's seat.
You know," Ryan said as they took the turn to Chad's street. "I'm really glad we are friends."
"Yeah?" Chad hoped he didn't sound as nervous as he was feeling. He was so regretting having dessert. That chocolate pie was laying heavy on his stomach. That's what Chad kept telling himself, even though he knew it wasn't really the chocolate pie.
"Yes," Ryan replied. Chad slowed down for the last mile he had to drive, sneaking a glance at Ryan, who had his hat on his lap so he wouldn't lose it with the open roof. He had his eyes closed, and he looked content.
"Why?" Chad asked, scared to upset Ryan but needing to know the answer nevertheless.
"Because," he said slowly, as if it all was clear. "You are the first person who ever really cared enough to ask about me. At least the first who wasn't my sister." He shrugged, opening his eyes as Chad pulled the car to a hold and put on the safety break. "It's just nice."
"That's what friends are for," Chad replied, taking the car keys out of the engine.
He took a deep breath and got up, keys in hand. Ryan got out of the passenger seat and they met in front of the car hood.
"Hey," Chad said, grabbing Ryan's hand lightly. "I mean it. I'm here for you."
"I know," Ryan replied, looking slightly confused.
"So," Chad swallowed. Afraid of what he was going to say next. "About you having that crush on me."
Ryan looked down to his feet. "Does it really matter, Chad? I don't want things to get weird."
"Maybe," Chad replied silently as he tugged on Ryan's hand. "Maybe it doesn't have to get weird at all."
Chad took a deep breath, and closed his eyes as he leaned forwards. He softly pressed a kiss to the corner of Ryan's mouth. It was odd, without any movement of either of them, so he pulled back, letting his forehead rest against Ryan's, eyes still closed. He tightly held Ryan's hand, and that seemed to be Ryan's cue to initiate a decent kiss. His lips pressed against Chad's, firmly yet carefully. Chad opened his lips slightly and kissed back. After a few seconds, that felt like eternity but still were too short, too little, Chad pulled back, finally opening his eyes, still holding onto Ryan's hand as well as the car keys. He saw that Ryan had his eyes closed as well, taking those deep breaths that Chad had dubbed the yoga breathing.
"Hey," Chad whispered, pinching Ryan's hand again. The blond boy opened his eyes, and Chad did not know for which emotions to look first. He was happiness and fear, mostly, but he was looking so conflicted and confused and Chad couldn't help but feel quilt guilty for that. So Chad smiled, gave Ryan another quick kiss, this time on his cheek, and handed him the car keys. "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked, and as Ryan just nodded, unable to utter words due to shock, Chad muttered sweet, gave him hand one last squeeze, before walking to the front door and letting himself in.
Chad closed the door behind him, unable to look backwards out of pure nervousness. His heart was still beating in his throat. He kicked of his shoes and slid down the door to the ground, unable to move. He really hoped he did the right thing. He didn't want to lose Ryan as a friend but if everyone was right, and he had been reading the signs correctly, he did the right thing. Ryan liked him.
It was only a minute or so later that he could hear Ryan's car kick into rear and drive off. At least he wasn't the only one that was stunned. Still seated on the ground, not much later Jaime came down the stairs. She walked up to Chad and gracefully sat down in front of him.
"So. How did it go?"
"Good. I think."
"You think?"
Chad stuck out his tongue. "The date went well."
"But," Jaime asked. "Did he know it was a date."
"I think, in the end, he did." Chad thought at least he'd been pretty clear on that.
Jaime was smiling brilliantly right now. "You kissed him." It wasn't a question.
Chad nodded. "I did," he agreed. "I asked if I could see him tomorrow. He said yes. Well," Chad corrected himself. "He nodded. But he wanted to. After I kissed him. So. There's that."
Jaime lunged forwards and hugged her brother. "I'm so happy for you Chad. You deserve some happiness, after the summer you've had."
Chad nodded. He hoped this would end in happiness, at least. He'd have to wait till tomorrow for that to be certain.
"So," Jaime said. "Moms entertained the twins and put them to bed now. Up for some grown up family time?"
That sounded exactly what Chad needed right now. So they went to the living room and played Clue with Jaime, Lena and Stef. They asked how his evening went, but didn't press on when he just replied "good".
Yet, he couldn't get Ryan out of his head the entire game (which he lost enormously) and when he went to bed that night, Ryan's expressions over that night kept spooking through his head. Grabbing his phone – which he hadn't checked since he'd gotten home – he saw he had one new text. From Ryan.
I'll see you tomorrow. Text me before you leave to come pick me up. Sweet dreams.
Nothing too special but at least he was seeing Ryan tomorrow. Smiling widely, he sent off a 'sweet dreams' reply, set an alarm and went to bed, the thoughts of Ryan seeping through his dreams.
