Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Books. Thanks for crushing my dreams Disclaimer.
A/N: I have a Doctor Who reference in here. Let's see who can spot it.
Chapter Three: Why Wasn't Lockhart A Git
Draco's failure in Operation Diary was the low point in his summer. Lucius was thrilled to have gotten rid of a highly incriminating object. Harry was thrilled to be out of the Dursley's. Narcissa was thrilled to have a happy husband. Draco was considerably less thrilled because he knew that those attacks would happen. He had a slight problem with that. He remembered every attack, last time around, he thought it great, but was upset because nobody died. He also had a slight problem, seeing that he had no idea that who the Heir of Slytherin was. Alright, all Draco had to do was tell Hermione to nick the Diary from the She-Weasel when she was sorted into Gryffindor. Draco remembered the She-Weasel during the final battle. She definitely belonged in Gryffindor. If Hermione nicked the Diary, then no attacks would happen.
Naturally, Draco was desperate to go back to Hogwarts, so he'd be able to put said plan into action, and move onto phase 3 of Operation Get Rat. All he needed to do was get possession of the Rat. He would use Dumbledore to do this. Dumbledore would confiscate all unauthorized pets thanks to Draco's plan, and then, Dumbledore would give Draco the rat, which Draco would keep until it was time to give him to Amelia Bones. All Draco needed was an unbreakable, jar that grew and shrank in accordance to its occupant's size.
He also kept writing to Sirius Black, informing him that Peter Pettigrew would soon be in his possession, and begged him not to break out of Azkaban until the next year. Draco also continued his correspondence with Charlie Weasley, and continued his blackmail of Rita Skeeter. He sent her on former Minister of Magic, Bagnold. With Rita Skeeter under his control, he had the perfect spy under his control. Spies were necessary when he didn't know everything. By the time Voldemort rose again, Draco would need to know everything, so he'd be able to make the best possible plans.
Draco was thankful that he'd given Dobby an extra large list of chores to do, thus Dobby would have little time to stop Harry from going to Hogwarts, as Draco suspected that Dobby would try to do, despite their little talk. After all, Draco seemed to remember something about Potter and the Weasel crashing a flying car into the Whomping Willow. Draco had absolutely no intention of repeating that feat.
So, there they were on the Hogwarts Express with Hermione.
"We have a problem."
"What is it this time Draco?"
"We don't have the Diary. We need to get it from the Weasley Girl. We need to get it from her quickly."
"Do you have a plan?"
"Depends on what house she gets sorted in."
"Really, no sure plan that works no matter what House she is sorted into?"
"I won't bother you with the details, until she gets sorted. But keep your fingers crossed for Gryffindor, because otherwise, we are out of luck, for it will be out of our reach."
"Who do you think the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is?" Hermione asked.
"I know exactly who it is," Draco said.
"Who is it?" Harry asked.
"Lockhart." Draco said unenthusiastically. He might have been confused by Lockhart's modesty at Diagon Alley, but he knew that Lockhart was a tool. It was only a matter of time before Lockhart proved him right.
The trip to Hogwarts was dull and ininspiring. In fact nothing of any sort happened at all, thus none shall be transcribed.
Then it was the Sorting. Draco barely remembered the Sorting Hat's song, as he didn't really listen to this one. It was about describing the four houses, and begging House Unity. Draco drowned it out, as it was always the same old drivel year after year. Draco really didn't pay attention at all, until "Lovegood, Luna" was sorted into Gryffindor. That didn't happen last time. Draco really should pay attention now. And, oddly enough, until the She-Weasel, nobody was sorted into a different house, then:
"Weasley, Ginerva." McGonagall said. Draco paid attention and prayed for Gryffindor, sadly, the Sorting Hat had other ideas.
"Ravenclaw!"
Ravenclaw? Why Ravenclaw? The She-Weasel that Draco remembered wasn't particularly bright or studious. So why Ravenclaw. Then, Draco remembered the Weasel's Sorting. Could it be that in each time line, for every change in Sorting, there has to be an opposite change in Sorting for another person? That could explain why the Weasel was in Slytherin, and it could explain why Lovegood and She-Weasel swapped houses. The only thing it meant was that the Diary was out of reach.
Another thing, why wasn't the Weasel at the feast? There should be a large mass eating the entire table, yet he wasn't here. Then, Draco realized that something must have happened to make the Weasel think that the best option available to him was to fly a car to Hogwarts. Then, the car must have crashed into the Whomping Willow. However, he wouldn't know until the Howler tomorrow. Hopefully the Rat was dinged up pretty good. Thinking of which, Draco should probably get his hands on said rat, and luckily, the Ravenclaw with the tarantula was now a Gryffindor. Then, Lovegood turned towards Draco.
"Don't worry. Sometimes even the greatest of plans falls through."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"The nightmares you must see at night, with all that you have seen. How do you stand it?"
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"Yes you do. You just don't want the others to know about it."
There could be a million explanations for what she said. Possibly, she was a seer, more probably, she was completely nutters. Hermione was watching Draco and Luna speak with a look of amusement and slight suspicion. The prefects informed everybody of the new password, which was wattlebird, and then lead the first years to the dormitories. Moments later, Draco and Harry were in the boy's dormitory, and Hermione was in the girl's. Draco now had a problem, attacks were going to happen, and there was nothing he could do about it. Because of this, Draco didn't exactly go to sleep, as he couldn't. His mind was too busy trying to find some way to get into the Ravenclaw common room, to steal the Diary, but it was for naught.
Then, appearing out of nowhere was Draco's least favorite and least helpful person, Nico di Angelo.
"Why is the She-Weasel in Ravenclaw?" asked Draco.
"Because I told the Sorting Hat to place Luna Lovegood in Gryffindor," said Nico
"But I can't get my hands on the Diary now."
"If those attacks don't happen, then Voldemort will live forever."
"But I have no foreknowledge of what Potter did in Second Year. Somehow, I don't know how, he found the Chamber of Secrets. He killed the Monster of Slytherin, don't know what the monster was, nor do I know how Potter killed it. I don't know how Potter investigated the attacks, nor do I know how he figured it out. After all, if Granger figured it out, then why didn't they tell a teacher, or kill it before it attacked Granger. I have absolutely no idea where the Chamber of Secrets is. I know next to nothing about this year."
"So focus on what you do know."
"I know nothing about Second Year, except that the Dark Wanker was furious when he found out that my father allowed the Diary to return to Hogwarts. I know that the Diary was how the Chamber opened. I know that the Diary is in the possession of the She-Weasel. I know that Ravenclaw Tower requires the answering of a riddle to enter the common room, and that I'd need a Ravenclaw female to get the Diary from the She-Weasel. If it were any other house, I might be able to come up with a plan of attack, and get the Diary, but Rowena Ravenclaw was entirely too concerned with security, and it is impossible to get the Diary from Ravenclaw tower."
"What else do you know?"
"I know that nobody died, and they cured the paralysis using a Mandrake Potion. I know that the instructions that they are following are obsolete, as Granger improved the potion back in sixth year. It took six months to brew the Mandrake Potion last time. I know how to brew it in five. It could save lives, and even help me find out what the monster is faster, so we can kill it faster. It would also ensure that my reputation is clean after it is revealed that my father is behind the attacks, thus I would still have influence among the old families."
"Is there anything else you can do this year?"
"I can capture the rat."
"I recommend that you don't do anything beyond capturing the rat. Trap him, but do not give him to the ministry yet."
"Why not? After all, it would shorten Sirius's sentence by one year."
"Yes, but, Fudge must remain Minister."
"But he was incompetent."
"Yes, but look at his replacements, Scrimgeour and Voldemort."
"But we could get Bones in as the Minister."
"But if Bones becomes Minister, the next head of the DMLE is Scrimgeour, seeing as he is currently the Head of the Aurors. Bones and Scrimgeour are most effective where they are. Bones, Fudge, and Scrimgeour could be a powerful triumvirate, effectively blocking Voldemort's war."
"But I remember what Fudge did last time."
"This time will be different, seeing as you know what you must do by that time. Now any questions?"
"You said you asked the Sorting Hat to place Lovegood into Gryffindor. Why?"
"Multiple reasons. First, Luna is gifted. She will make a powerful and most useful ally. Second, because Luna is the one we believe is best suited to be Harry's future wife, and as you know, people tend to marry those in your Hogwarts house."
"So, you were matchmaking?"
"Yes, I was. Is there anything else you want to know?"
"Yes. You said that Luna is gifted. Gifted how?"
"Luna Lovegood sees the truth in all things. Similar to a seer, except more precise and powerful. She sees past, present, future. She sees the truth, and nothing can hide from her sight. Unfortunately, seeing the truth means that she will be rather unpopular with her classmates, as the truth hurts, both her classmates and herself."
"Oh, and why wasn't the Weasel at the feast tonight?"
"You'll see tomorrow."
With that, Nico di Angelo left. For once, a visit from Nico di Angelo didn't leave Draco more confused. In fact, Draco now had a clear sight of what he needed to do. With a clear mind, he took a dreamless potion, and went to sleep. When he woke up, he went to breakfast with Harry. Midway through breakfast, the mail came in. One of the owls went to the Weasel. Then, moments later, he heard a loud screeching noise.
It sounded something like, "STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE-"
It was Potion Queen Molly, making an excellent case for the Worst Mother of the Year Award.
"LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU COULD HAVE DIED. I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED- YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME."
Looks like Draco's hunch was right. Something was important about that car. Something that required somebody to crash it into the Whomping Willow. What it was, Draco had no clue, but Draco was willing to bet that it was instrumental in Potter figuring out where the Chamber of Secrets was. What it was, Draco had no clue.
"What mother uses a Howler? It's just telling other Purebloods that you cannot control your household. Especially in a Matriarchal family like the Weasley's. It's telling us that Mrs. Weasley has no better and more private ways of dealing with disgrace. Plus, Weasley has enough problems without the Howler making things worse for him."
"I thought that the Howler was a good move. After all, Weasley could have broken his neck. He could have been killed, or worse for him, expelled. So why was the Howler not necessary?" asked Hermione.
"He's in Slytherin, and stealing the car is a pure Gryffindor move. It's going to be even more impossible to keep his already low standing in Slytherin, especially as the dueling begins tomorrow. He'll be shunned, and ignored. He's going to sink in terms of rank. He'll get the worst House Chores, get the worst bed, and eventually have to prove himself a Slytherin, which he won't do, because he's been raised his entire life that the best way to approach a problem is to hit it as hard as he possibly can, until the problem disappears. Weasley's remaining time at Hogwarts will be miserable and extremely lonely. That Howler only made his situation worse, as now he's the laughing stock of Slytherin. It's a shame he will never lose. I actually feel sorry for him."
"Wait, did you say dueling?" Harry asked.
"Yes, you see, on the second day of the term, you duel to find your place in the Slytherin hierarchy. You duel until you lose, and if you don't lose, you become King of Slytherin. Currently the King of Slytherin is Daphne Greengrass. It is essential that she remain the King of Slytherin."
With that Draco ate his breakfast and walked to Herbology with Harry and Hermione. They just so happened to have a run in with Lockhart. Unfortunately, this run in happened to leave Draco even more confused than the previous time line had. Lockhart and Professor Sprout were both currently doctoring the Whomping Willow.
"Marvelous plant, the Whomping Willow. Thank you for teaching me how to doctor it," Lockhart said.
"Thank you for asking."
"I have a motto, never waste an opportunity to learn something new. One day, it could mean the difference between life and death."
Then, Lockhart turned and saw the second year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs.
"Oh, students! I won't hold your Herbology Professor for long. She was teaching me how to doctor a Whomping Willow. I've never seen one, but I might one day, and I might need to know how to properly doctor it. Remember students, never waste an opportunity to learn something. Never. The second you stop learning is the second your brain starts to die."
On that happy note, Lockhart walked away, leaving Draco even more confused than ever.
"Greenhouse three youngsters," said Sprout. Draco could tell that Harry and Hermione were excited to finally be leaving Greenhouse One. Draco couldn't wait until Greenhouse Seven reserved for NEWT students and Professors. However, if his memory served correctly, today they would be working with the Mandrakes.
Professor Sprout had them stand next to Mandrakes.
"Today we'll be repotting Mandrakes. Now, who can tell me the properties of a Mandrake?" Professor Sprout asked.
To absolutely nobody's surprise, Hermione's hand went into the air a couple milliseconds before Draco's did. Again to absolutely nobody's surprise, as soon as Draco realized that Hermione beat him to the hand raising, Draco lowered his hand.
"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative," Hermione said. She often sounded like she swallowed the textbook. However, she was correct as usual. "It can be used to restore people who have been cursed or transfigured to their natural state."
And it would be most useful this year with those damn attacks that Draco could do nothing to prevent.
"Ten points to Gryffindor. The Mandrake is used in most antidotes. It is also, however dangerous. Who can tell me why?"
Once again, Hermione beat Draco by milliseconds. Once again, Draco lowered his hand, and allowed Hermione the answer.
"The cry of a Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it." she said again.
"Precisely, another ten points to Gryffindor," Sprout said again. "Now the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She had them line up at the Mandrakes. "Everybody take a pair of earmuffs."
Everybody scrambled for a pair of earmuffs.
"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered. Earmuffs on."
They put the earmuffs on, and everything was silent, as Sprout removed the Mandrake, and put the Mandrake in a new pot, and then covered it with dirt. Soon, she gave them a thumbs up. She took off her own earmuffs along with them.
"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet, but they will knock you out for several hours and I'm sure nobody wants to miss your first day back. Make sure your earmuffs are securely in place. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up. Now, four to a tray. There is a large supply of pots there. Compost in the sacks over there. Be careful of the Venomous Tentacula, it's teething."
Draco immediately placed his earmuffs back on. Harry, Draco, and Hermione were joined at their tray by Justin Finch-Fletchley, a Muggleborn who'd been attacked in the previous attacks. Draco remembered every attack. He remembered every name. Miss Norris, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Colin Somebody, Nearly Headless Nick, Penelope Clearwater, and Granger. He must not allow this to happen again.
They repotted all the Mandrakes, and Draco was amused to see that he was the first one to repot them all, as the Mandrakes didn't want to come out of the ground. The Mandrakes really didn't want to go back into it either. They kicked, and flailed, and gnashed their teeth, and cried a river. Draco chuckled when Harry spent ten minutes trying to squash a fat one into a pot.'
At the end of the lesson, everybody was sweaty, aching, and covered in dirt. Draco, less so, but only because he finished his work first. As soon as they left class, they began to hurry to Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws. Professor McGonagall's classes were always fun, as Draco already knew how to do all this stuff. He always waited until after Hermione completed the assignment before completing it himself. Harry seemed to be unable to turn the beetle into a button, and instead seemed intent to give the beetle a lot of exercise.
Then, it was lunch, where Harry was in a foul mood, as it seemed to Harry that everything he learned last year just leaked out of his brain during the summer. This, it did not amuse Harry one bit when Draco and Hermione both had a large collection of perfect coat buttons.
"What do we have next?" Harry asked.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts." Hermione said immediately. Draco noticed that Hermione had all of Lockhart's classes outlined in hearts. It was a little fact that annoyed him slightly, especially considering that he knew that Lockhart was a twat. Oh well, Hermione would be in for a rude awakening later on.
They finished their lunch, and went outside to the overcast courtyard, where Hermione began reading Battling the Darkness again. Harry and Draco started to talk about Quidditch, when Draco noticed that Colin Somebody was watching Harry intently.
"Can Harry help you with something?" Draco asked Colin.
"I'm Colin Creevy. I'm in Gryffindor too. I heard about how you survived when the You-Know-Who tried to kill you, and he disappeared and everything."
"Like how he is famous because his parents are dead and he is not."
"Sorry. It's amazing here though, isn't it. I never knew that all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My father is a milkman, so he didn't believe it at first, until he saw McGonagall turn into a cat. He still barely believes it, so I'm taking loads of pictures and showing them to him."
"Unfortunately, you can't."
"Why not?"
"The Statute of Secrecy. We can't take pictures of magic and show them to muggles. Those muggles might be tempted to show them to other muggles. A single picture of genuine magic could lead to muggles discovering our existence. Believe me, after the last time that muggles discovered our existence, it is better to exist in secret."
With that, Draco managed to avoid a rather more annoying Nott encounter. After all, this time, there would be no signed pictures with Potter, and no Nott impersonating Draco in being an asshole. Then Draco, Harry, and Hermione went to Defense Against the Dark Arts, and once again, Draco was asking himself what the hell was going on.
Why was he asking himself that? Because this class was nothing like the joke that he remembered. For one, it had Gryffindors and Slytherins together, a feat that usually, only Professor Snape attempted to do, thanks to bitter house rivalries between the two houses. Second, because of Lockhart.
"Many people in this class are asking themselves what they are going to learn with me as their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Many others ask themselves whether I will be talking about my own voyages. The answer is no. We are not here to discuss me. We are here to talk about Dark and Dangerous forces, that can be fought against. Now tell me, what was Voldemort's signature spell?"
That was the first indication that Lockhart was very different than he was in the original time line. After all, only those who were brave enough, and skilled enough dared call the Dark Wanker by his name.
Then, Draco raised his hand.
"Ah, yes. Mr. Malfoy. What is it?"
"Avada Kedavra, unless you were his follower, in which case it was Crucio."
"Correct Mr. Malfoy. The Avada Kedavra. The killing curse. If you are hit, you are dead. It will destroy shields. It will kill anything. All you have to do is want it enough. That is what is so terrifying about it. I hope none of you shall ever face this terrible curse, but should you have to, I want to make sure you are prepared for it. Now who can tell me the best way to combat the Avada Kedavra?"
Once again, Draco was the only person to raise his hand.
"The only way to combat the Avada Kedavra that I know of is to not be there in the first place."
"Correctamundo, a word I have never used before and will never use again. Come on! Is Mr. Malfoy going to be the only person to answer any questions at all in my class? If he is, then this is going to be a very boring class to teach. Now, I have a quick quiz for you to answer. Don't worry, you more than anybody else already know all the answers. Do answer them as honestly as possible, for otherwise, this quiz will be useless. Because of this, I shall give you thirty minutes."
Draco expected the questions to be all about Lockhart. Draco couldn't be more wrong.
"Your thirty minutes begins now." Lockhart said.
Draco turned his head to his paper, and thought, what the fuck? This is what he read.
1. What is your favorite color?
2. What is your ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is your greatest achievement to date?
4. What do you hope to learn in Defense Against the Dark Arts this year.
It went on like that, until...
54. What is your birthday, and what would your ideal gift be?
Half an hour later, Lockhart picked up all the papers.
"Thank you for answering those. They'll be a big help in my aims to know my students. I believe that you cannot truly teach someone, unless you know them personally. Now, to business."
Then, Lockhart bend down behind his desk, and lifted a large covered cage onto it.
"I think this is a bit too easy for someone of your skill level, but the ministry insists that you learn how to deal with them, and I have to follow the Ministry regulations. Hopefully, we can keep this as fun and educational as possible."
Then, Lockhart removed the cover.
"Cornish Pixies. Devilishly tricky little blighters. Clever, but at the same time, their magic isn't powerful, and they are easily distracted."
Then, Seamus laughed.
"They aren't very dangerous are they?" Seamus asked laughing.
"Of course not. But it is not my job to put you before dangerous creatures. That's for next year. This year, I will be teaching you practical uses for the theory you should have been taught last year by a Professor Quirrell. Now, who can tell me what the strengths of a Cornish Pixie are?"
This time, Hermione raised her hand.
"Finally, Miss Granger. What are the strengths of a Cornish Pixie?"
"They can fly. They are extremely clever, and tricky. Cornish Pixies are harmless in small groups, but in large groups, they mean trouble to whichever poor wizard encounters them."
"Now what are the weaknesses of a Cornish Pixie?"
"They don't like heat, and they are easily immobilized."
"Top notch Miss Granger. 10 Points for Gryffindor. Yes, Mr. Finnigan?"
"Why didn't you award Draco points for his answers?"
"Because I heard about Draco's little speech at the end of last year. I know that he has no wish to earn House Points, and I have no problem with not awarding them. However, I also have no problem taking them away from Draco, so it seems to balance out doesn't it? Now back to the Cornish Pixies. I find that you can't really learn magic by reading a book. You have to perform it. It is time for a little hands on experience. So, let's see what you make of them."
Then, Lockhart released the Cornish Pixies, and it was pandemonium. Two managed to hang Neville to a chandelier, a few managed to break the window, and shower the back row with glass, and the third row with glass. The rest managed to destroy the classroom more effectively than an angry hippogriff. They graffitied the classroom with ink. They tore pictures off the wall, they otherwise made a fool of them. Lockhart was grinning at them. Then he pulled out his wand, and bellowed, "Immobulus." All the pixies froze, and fell to the ground.
"That did not go as I expected. Not one person thought of the way to stop the pixies? Miss Granger told you how to stop the Cornish Pixies. Now, to handle Mr. Longbottom."
Then, Lockhart walked onto a desk, pointed his wand at it, and said, "Wingardium Leviosa."
The desk flew into the air, with Lockhart on it. He pulled Neville off the chandelier, and gently lowered the desk to the ground.
"Now, homework. I want a three page essay on how to capture and properly dispose of Cornish Pixies. Now leave."
They started to leave, when Lockhart's voice rose again.
"Not you Mr. Malfoy. I want to have a word with you."
Draco stayed behind, when Lockhart looked at him.
"You are a curious person."
"What's so curious about me?"
"The fact that you know how to deal with Cornish Pixies, but you did nothing to stop them."
"What makes you say that?"
"Gut instinct. During the War with Voldemort, I learned to trust my gut. Hasn't let me down yet, and I very much doubt it will. From what I've witnessed this in this class period, you and Miss Granger appear to be years ahead of your classmates. Tell me if I start to bore you. I might give you written permission to access to the restricted section."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"If you really did all the things in your books, you'd never let a Malfoy into the restricted section."
"I'm not. I'm giving a young man with a lot of potential access to the restricted section, should he ever ask for it, as long as he doesn't abuse said access. Now, get out of here, I have tests to read."
