AN: Thanks for hanging in there with this story. Sometimes these two can't get their shit together.
EOEOEOEO
Olivia's quickly dropped her hands to the sash of her robe, tightening it to make sure she was covered as she saw Elliot's eyes drop down and then quickly return to meet hers. She really hadn't been expecting company, and his presence here astounded her.
"What the hell are you still doing here?" she asked. She took a few steps back, distancing herself from him as he swung his legs off the couch and sat up more fully. "I thought I told you to leave." She brought her other hand to her forehead, wincing as she felt her headache suddenly intensify.
"Well, actually, you never really told me to leave." Elliot said. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. He hadn't meant to sound so cocky, and he could see the look of annoyance on her face. This wasn't how he wanted to start this conversation…which he could see was going to escalate quickly into a confrontation.
Maybe he should have left.
But he couldn't shake this feeling that once he walked out that door, something they had would be irrevocably lost.
Olivia furrowed her brows, amazed by his hubris. She placed one hand on her hip, keeping the other firmly clasped at the opening of her robe. "I never asked you here in the first place! In fact, how dare you come into my apartment uninvited. That is NOT why I gave you a key. Why…" She stopped talking and shook her head slightly, wincing at the pain. She wanted to ask him why he was there in the first place, but she remembered his voicemail from the night before, threatening to show up here. "Never mind." She said.
"I was worried about you." Elliot repeated the phrase he had uttered earlier, ignoring her comment to never mind, and answering the why instead.
"Yeah, well, it's not your job to worry about me." She said, her annoyance ratcheting up a notch. She headed towards the kitchen. She needed something carbonated to drink and she definitely needed more pain meds.
She heard, rather than saw, Elliot get up from the couch and follow her into the kitchen. She opened the door of the refrigerator, ignoring him completely. She hoped to see a can of soda but knew it was highly unlikely for one to magically appear since she didn't drink the stuff on a regular basis. She pushed some jars aside in vain hope that she had something to drink, but slammed the door shut when she couldn't find anything. She turned back to the sink and filled an empty glass with more water, downing it all. She refilled it and took some more ibuprofen, setting the glass on the counter as she kept her back to him.
"You were drunk." Elliot asked. "You know as well as I do what can happen. People don't make good decisions and…"
Olivia turned around quickly…too quickly…and she grabbed at the counter for support. "I know damn well what can happen and I don't need you to tell me. I'm not the same as most people. I understand the risks and I was covered." She leaned back, resting her arms on the counter behind her. Then she realized her robe was probably gaping open and she corrected her stance, wrapping her arms loosely around her waist.
"You were covered?" he asked. "What does that mean?" He knew she had no idea how she got home last night and while he didn't want to start a fight, he intended to let her know just how wrong she was.
"Fin was there. When I realized I was starting to get drunk, we talked and he said he had my back." She had a vague memory of Fin telling her that maybe she should slow down…but it was fuzzy. "I made it home just fine without you."
"So you remember coming home?" he challenged, even though his brain was telling him to let it go. Just let it go and talk to her. Tell her what he wanted to say. But she was the one pushing the point, and he needed to let her know exactly why his actions were justified.
"Of course I remember coming home." She pushed herself off the counter and started to head out of the kitchen. "I wasn't that drunk." She tried to brush past him but he didn't move. She considered pushing his bulk out of the way, but instead she chose to glare at him, and he moved slightly to let her pass. She was walking into the living room as he stood rooted in place, but she wasn't more than two feet away when he spoke again.
"Is that why I found you passed out in Fin's bedroom?"
She froze. Goddamnit. She didn't remember that. The part of the evening after the round of shots was a blank. She wondered briefly if he was bluffing, but she knew he probably wasn't. Before she could think of a retort, he spoke again.
"Is that why I picked you up and carried you out of there and you never woke up once?"
Olivia didn't turn around, absorbing his words.
"Is that why I drove you home, carried you all the way to your apartment, and put you to bed and you were still passed out?"
Olivia had heard enough. She whirled around, her anger consuming her. "You son-of-a-bitch. So what if I was passed out at Fin's? I was passed out. I wasn't leaving. I wasn't walking home alone or doing anything reckless. I would have woken up in the morning, feeling just as shitty as I do right now, and I would have come home." She marched up to him, and it took all her willpower not to slap him. "How dare you walk into Fin's and carry me out of there." The thought of it…she felt so humiliated.
"You don't know what could have happened while you were passed out." Elliot said, still feeling righteous about his decision to get her out of there.
Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're so arrogant. Do you think you're the only one that had my best interest at heart? I trust Fin."
"I trust Fin too but…"
"But what?" Olivia challenged. She knew he didn't have anything left to argue. She'd been perfectly safe at Fin's and there was no logical reason for him to carry her out of there. "You just decided you knew what was best for me? Better than anyone else?"
"I know you better than anyone. So…yes." He shook his head. "I wanted you home, where there would be no chance anything could happen to you."
"You wanted…" She pressed her lips together. "I guess that says it all. You wanted…"
"Liv." Elliot said, trying to reason with her. "That's not what I meant. I meant…"
"No, I think you meant what you said. You know what's best for me."
"That is NOT what I said." She was twisting his words.
"I think it is. You're an asshole."
"What?" He scrubbed one hand over his head. "I care about your well-being. I wanted to make sure you get home safely. And I'm an asshole?"
Olivia pressed her palms against her temples. It was obvious that he wasn't going to relent. He thought he was right and he really didn't understand why she was upset. He had crossed so many lines that she didn't even know where to start. And she was too fucking hungover to deal with it today. "You're not listening to me." She just wanted to shut down but she couldn't seem to let go of her anger. "You just do and say whatever you want to. And I'm just supposed to take it."
"Are you talking about what happened last night? Or about our disagreement yesterday afternoon?"
Olivia was incredulous, focused on the last part of his question. "Disagreement?" She said in disbelief. "Disagreement?" The volume of her voice had risen again. "It wasn't a disagreement. It was you…telling me why I was wrong." She pressed her hands against her chest. "And why I was incapable of understanding. Like you've done so many times before." She was on a roll now. It was going to all come out. All the words she'd bitten back before. Every retort she held in to avoid an argument. "I don't have kids, so I can't possibly understand. I've never been married…" She held up her fingers as she rattled off all the things he had thrown at her. "I've never been in a long-term relationship…I've never…
Elliot took a few steps towards her, holding up his hands. "Stop." He froze when he saw her take a step back, away from him. "Please stop." He couldn't argue with anything she'd said, and it made him feel even worse. For him, they had been passing comments said in the heat of a disagreement…an argument over a case. When they'd gotten it out of their systems, he forgot about it and moved on. But if she had catalogued these things…that meant they'd really stuck with her. That he hurt her in some way. He put his hands down. "I shouldn't have said those things."
Olivia shook her head. "But you did." She pushed her hair back from her face and let out a small sound of exasperation. "I've put up with it for years, thinking maybe you were right, but now I'm tired of it. Because this time, you couldn't be more wrong."
Elliot furrowed his brow. "This time?" He didn't know what she was referring to. His actions last night? His opinion in their last argument? Something from this discussion? This conversation was spiraling out of control and he didn't know how to get back on solid ground…to turn the conversation to what he really wanted to say.
Olivia looked away, frustrated at the confused expression on his face. Was he honestly struggling to understand what she was saying? She ignored his question and took a step towards him, making sure his eyes connected with hers. "I'm sick of your bullshit. I'm sick of you deciding what's best for me. I'm tired of you acting like we're…" She didn't finish that thought. "I am not one of your daughters. I am not your wife. We work together. And when we leave work, we're just…" She dropped her eyes and turned away from him. She was emotionally and physically spent. She was even more angry that she'd allowed herself to get into this with him. She had intended to get him out of her apartment and to go back to bed…leave this discussion for another day. A day when her head wasn't pounding and she didn't feel like she could throw up at any second.
Elliot took a step towards her. "We're just…what?" He could tell she was exhausted…exasperated. He felt bad pushing her, but he thought maybe she had just given him an opening…a chance for them to have a real conversation.
"Nothing." She said quietly. The truth in that word hit her full force…because it was true. It was the cold, hard reality she had been dealing with last night.
"Nothing?" He furrowed his brows. "Do you really believe that?" He reached for her then, placing a hand on her shoulder. He was surprised when she turned around, and he dropped his hand, the feel of it against the silk of her robe feeling oddly intimate.
Olivia let out a heavy sigh. "It is what it is Elliot." She took a few steps and sat down on the couch, curling her legs beneath her and settling her robe over her bare legs. She looked down at her hands lying loosely in her lap. She wanted to scream at him…tell him that for years, she thought it was so much more.
Elliot started down at her, making sure he had eye contact. The tone of her voice sent chills through him. She sounded so…resigned. "I don't know what that means."
The argument yesterday had cut her to the core…it had just been the final straw. Years of hoping…wanting. The reality crashing into her that the special connection she thought they shared was non-existent. Or very one-sided.
The memories of the last seven years rolled through her mind. The time spent together…fighting for victims…chasing down perps…solving cases together. Lunches…dinners…late nights…catching a few hours of sleep in the cribs. The laughter…the fights. All of it rolled together. Their lives had been irrevocably intertwined. But she had mistaken their camaraderie for something more.
"I can't do this anymore." She said softly. She could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes and she clenched her teeth together.
Elliot felt panic grip him. "Liv…what are you saying?" What the hell did she mean?
Olivia pushed herself off the couch. Her stomach was roiling…the combination of too much alcohol, too little food, too many pain meds, and this discussion…it was all making her sick again and she clutched at her stomach. "Go home." She pushed past Elliot and into her bedroom, determined to keep it together in front of him.
"Olivia. I'm not leaving. We need to talk…" He watched her rush to her room, never looking back. She slammed her bedroom door behind her, making it clear that the discussion…or whatever it had been…was over.
Olivia barely made it into her bathroom before she was leaning over the toilet again. This time, she let the tears fall.
