(Disclaimer: see chapter 1)


Chapter 3: Number 4, Privet Drive

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

- Proverb, exact origins unknown


Snape stepped forward. "Tell me, Weasley: What can you actually accuse Harry of?"

Ron looked at him angrily. "What I accuse this snake in the grass of? I will tell you, Snape! He is a traitor! This blow-headed poser has feigned friendship for years, only to tell us in the end that he actually hates us. He said unforgivable things about his teachers - and I do not believe that it was madness talking, he was entirely serious about what he said! That bloke is dangerous! And it's your fault, Snape!"

"No, it is your fault, Ron. Along with everyone else who betrayed, used and patronized me all my life." Harry's voice was quietly menacing. Ron stared at him, complete incomprehension blatantly apparent on his face.

Harry looked somewhat disappointed. "You know, for a while, I really thought I had made friends for the first time in my life. I am sorry that I was wrong."

Harry turned back towards his aunt and his voice and eyes once more lost all expression. Ron was lost and he had given up on him. "Well, you now know one of the reasons why I want you to take on Mr. Weasley for a spell." Petunia looked at Vernon, trembling, obviously asking herself what would happen next.

"The second reason, dearest aunt, concerns you directly." The thin woman retreated back to the wall and defensively raised her hands. Harry followed her and pushed the hands down gently, yet firmly.

"I know my summer holidays were always the only true holidays you got, as well. You are a full-time housewife. Year-round. When I was little, you could push a large part of your tasks towards me and had a lot of free time; later, not so much. Only because of my presence during the summers, toiling like a slave, you had some time to yourself at least once a year.

"To be honest, I pity you. Your existence must be incredibly boring. You should go out sometimes, play Bridge or whatever! Maybe then you won't need to walk about all day with such a sour expression!

"- Long story short, I think it will do you some good to have a drudge again. And you won't be the target any more when Vernon or Dudley have some petty annoyance they need to let out. Rest assured that no-one will hold you accountable for whatever you choose to do to his wizard; you will have as free a hand there as you had with me. Nobody knows he is here, and I will make sure that's how it will remain."

Petunia looked at Harry dumbfounded. She liked what he said: a gratuitous slave and whipping boy? She knitted her thin brows. There had to be a catch. What reason could he have to give her a present?

Harry smirked. He knew exactly what was going through his aunt's head. "I see you are not opposed to the idea?"

"Petunia!" That was uncle Vernon.

"Shut up!" she hissed at him. Harry blinked in surprise. That tone was usually reserved for him. Apparently, he had hit the bull's eye: his relatives' marriage truly seemed to have suffered since they no longer could vent their every sorrow and wrath on him.

"Well, aunt, I am perfectly aware that you do not believe I would do this out of the goodness of my heart. But as I said, my intended targets are not you" - Vernon huffed disbelievingly - "but those who called themselves my friends at school. The sole purpose of my offer is to educate this young wizard about how I really grew up, since he still seems to suffer from some tragic misconceptions on that point.

"I rather suspect he will not like his stay with you; but I have made sure that he can only leave the house in your company. Probably best not to let him leave the house at all - just like me, when I was younger. It hasn't been decided yet what happens to him later on. I will probably come for him in a month or two, unless you absolutely want to keep him." He looked at his aunt with a steady, business-like gaze.

"Potter, what is this nonsense?" Ron finally spoke up.

Harry looked down on him with a cold grin. "Haven't you always envied me, Ron? Wanting everything I had? You may rejoice: now you get to experience an important part of my life first-hand! You are a pureblood wizard, so my relatives will love you as much as they loved me.

"Of course, you have the handicap of already being grown up, so you will not get to feel the true depth of the inferiority complex - in fact, the entire emotional imprinting - that I have suffered through the lack of love and constant bullying by my cousin and his parents. Thus the experience will not be wholly authentic. Still, I am curious as to how the life of Harry Potter will agree with you..."

Ron stared at him. His thoughts were displayed clearly on his face: Merlin, Mum was right! Harry Potter really has gone mad!

At that moment, a phone rang. Petunia and Vernon looked at each other disoriented; theirs had a different ringtone. But already the unasked question was being answered: Harry reached into the pocket of his black baggy pants and pulled out a fancy new mobile. "Yes?"

Snape frowned. He had not quite gotten used yet to Harry's frequent use of Muggle appliances. Though he did understand it. Harry had explained to him that not only did he want to make up for all the amenities he had missed out on, growing up with the Dursleys; but also, Muggles really were ahead of wizards in many things.

A mobile really was a hundred times more practical than an owl or the floo network if one simply wanted to exchange a few words. Also, the multitude of Muggle news agencies was superior to the wizarding world's offers. Any Muggle had a chance to form their own opinion by skimming several newspapers and did not have to rely on the forever jaundiced Daily Prophet - or the Quibbler, which was only sporadically finding a relevant grain of truth.

"Ah, it's you, Zoltan. Were you successful? ...That's good. ...Yes, we're about to wrap things up here and will return soon." Harry disconnected the call and turned to face Draco and Snape. "They got Granger."

Ron gasped in horror. Then rage overtook him and he jumped up to attack Harry. "HARRY POTTER! What are you planning to do to Hermione? You hideous snake...!"

Silencio!"

Petrificus Totalus!"

Incarcerus!"

Ron was thrown up against the wall, his lips still moving soundlessly, where he then hung immobile while ropes grew from the wall and wrapped themselves around his arms and legs.

"We should get out of the habit of doing everything thrice. It's uneconomical," Harry grinned.

"True," Draco answered, "but the effect is rather nice." He considered the motionless, bound, silenced Weasley with appreciation.

Harry stepped up to Ron. "So, a snake in the grass, am I?" He put his arms around Severus's neck, standing beside him. "A sssnake?"

In front of a horror-stricken Ron's and the two Muggles' eyes, Harry vanished; in his place, a massive black cobra was winding around the potions master's shoulders. It opened its maw widely, displaying a splendid set of wicked fangs. Its tongue extended from the mouth, fluttering nervously. Slowly, the snake wound down along Severus's arm and slid over to Ron's shoulders.

The redhead's heart nearly stopped. Had he been able, he would have run screaming. But the curses were still in effect and so he moved not an inch when he heard the cobra hissing next to his cheek and thought he could feel its tongue. His eyes slowly rolled back until only the whites were showing. The cobra twisted around Ron's neck, lightly choking him, before gliding down to the floor and - turning back into Harry Potter.

Harry leant down to Ron who was panting for breath. "Now listen up. Your parents 'know' that I have murdered you - and for a moment there, I was sorely tempted to do just that -, so you are officially dead and no-one will come looking for you. Your wand has been broken. I do not think you are strong enough to use wandless magic; but just in case, Draco got this bracelet for you in Nocturn Alley. It blocks your magic and effectively renders you a squib, until a wizard takes it off you."

Following word with action, he put the bracelet on Ron and stepped back. "There is a ward around the house that prevents you from leaving the property unchaperoned. It also keeps wizards from being noticed on the estate. If anyone walks by while you are mowing the lawn, they will simply not pay you any mind. So you better believe me that no-one will come to 'rescue' you - just as I have never been spared the Dursleys.

"Admittedly, you had a fun adventure coming to rescue me before our second year. But you realize where I went the next summer? Right back to the place you 'rescued' me from! And don't you believe for one minute that things had actually gotten better around here.

"Uncle, aunt" - he abruptly turned on his heels - "I hereby transfer into your care Ronald Weasley, a pureblood wizard and fervent warrior for for justice." Sarcasm was dripping from his every word. "I assume he is too tall for the wardrobe, but there ought to be enough room in the cellar. I am sure he will get along splendidly with the spiders. He will probably be a little heartsick since his girlfriend might never visit him again; so be nice to the poor dear." An evil smirk played around the corners of his mouth during those last words.

Harry, Severus and Draco gave curt nods, released their curses and turned towards the door. The Dursleys' gazes followed them out the door. Behind them, Ron slipped down the wall unnoticed and collapsed on the floor.

Hermione...!


A/N: Another short chapter... I'd still love to know what you think. - Dime *points to the pretty review box below*