FUNERAL
December 2000
Olivia sat alone on her couch. Her mother's funeral had been that day, and she felt fortunate Cragen had let her come back and work after. All she wanted to do was keep her mind off what happened. She had accepted long ago that her mother was an alcoholic and that this day may come, but she still hadn't been prepared for it. All she wanted to do was solve the rape case they were in the middle of and maybe, just maybe, she'd let herself feel something.
She flipped channels on the television until she heard a knock at the door. She hadn't been expecting anyone, although she had ignored several calls from both Elliot and Alex that evening.
If she were a gambler, she would have put money on Elliot being at her door. He never quite knew when to leave things alone. She got up and went to the door, peeked through the door hole, and was surprised to see Alex. She opened the door.
"Alex, I wasn't expecting you," Olivia said. "Did we have plans that I forgot?"
Since they decided to become friends they generally made plans to see each other one or two times a week, depending on how busy they were. They had become good friends in the meantime, even though both of them still wanted more.
"No, I just wanted to check on you," Alex said. "I was surprised to see you back at the precinct after the funeral today."
Olivia moved out of the way to let Alex inside. "I just needed to focus on work. It helps."
"I understand," Alex said. "I thought you could use dinner, and I brought your favorite wine."
She held up a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine.
Olivia laughed an ironic kind of laugh.
"What's so funny?" Alex said. "Did I do something wrong?"
Olivia shook her head. "No, you didn't. It's just...the wine. It's kind of ironic tonight of all nights."
"I don't follow."
"My mother was an alcoholic," Olivia said. It wasn't something she freely admitted to most people, but she trusted Alex, even if they hadn't had the conversation before. "She was drunk when she fell before dying."
"Oh, Olivia, I'm so sorry," Alex said. "I had no idea. I feel like such an idiot."
"Please don't," Olivia said. "You had no way of knowing. It's okay. Like I said, just ironic. Let me get us some plates and glasses and we'll eat dinner and toast my mother. It's what she would have wanted, anyway."
Alex gave her a half-smile. She felt awful about her blunder, but she was also worried that Olivia wasn't dealing with what was happening. However, even though they were friends, she didn't feel it was her place to push her too much on it. She decided to sit down for dinner, talk, and listen if Olivia chose to talk. If not, she would keep her mind off things.
After they had finished dinner, they moved back to the couch and continued the conversation. Alex finally got up the nerve to ask if Olivia wanted to talk.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex said.
"There's nothing really to talk about," Olivia said. "I've spent most of my life preparing for this day."
"But you have to feel something," Alex said.
"That's the thing, I don't know how I feel yet," Olivia said. "I mean, our relationship was difficult, but..."
"She was still your mother," Alex said, finishing Olivia's sentence when she paused.
Olivia nodded. She felt her eyes filling with tears, so she looked away and took another sip of her wine.
"You know, she liked you," Olivia said.
"Really?" Alex said. "I only met her the one time."
"You made an impression," Olivia said.
Olivia and Alex had dinner plans one night when Serena, Olivia's mother, called to see if Olivia wanted to have dinner. Olivia planned to reschedule with her mother, but Alex had insisted Olivia either cancel their plans or invite Serena along. Neither option had been appealing to Olivia, but since she had wanted to spend time with Alex, she agreed to invite her mother to dinner with them.
Alex smiled thinking about the fact that Olivia's mother had liked her.
"I think she knew," Olivia said.
"Knew what?" Alex said.
"How I felt about you," Olivia said. "She indirectly hinted at it about a week after our dinner with her."
Alex gave her a sad smile. She had feeling for Olivia, too, and they had grown since they became friends and colleagues. She knew Olivia had feelings for her, and vice verse, but they never talked about it. Things still seemed too soon with Alex being in her position just under three months, never mind the ramifications and risk of it getting out.
Alex was lost in thought, debating whether to tell come right out and tell Olivia how she felt, when she heard Olivia talking again.
"Anyway, I appreciate the dinner and wine," Olivia said. "It was thoughtful. And I'll be okay, I just have to deal with this in my own way."
"Okay, well, if you need anything at all, or just want someone to talk to, you know I'm here," Alex said. "You shouldn't have to do this alone.
"Thanks, Alex," Olivia said. "Can we just maybe watch a movie tonight or something?"
"Anything you want," Alex said.
Olivia turned on a movie, and they settled back on the couch. It had a been a long week, a long day even, and as much as Olivia would have hated to admit it, she was exhausted. Within an hour into the movie, she had fallen asleep and fell over onto Alex's shoulder.
Alex smiled but sat there unsure what to do. She didn't want to wake Olivia since she obviously needed the sleep, but she also thought Olivia should go to bed. However, Alex enjoyed the closeness of Olivia on her shoulder, so she sat still and silent, letting Olivia continue to sleep. She'd wake her when the movie was over.
When the movie was finally over, she gently ran her fingers through Olivia's hair to rouse her.
"Liv," Alex whispered.
Olivia stirred and opened her eyes, a little out of it until she realized she had fallen asleep on Alex. "I'm sorry for...falling asleep."
"It's okay," Alex said. "I didn't want to wake you. You looked like you needed the rest."
Olivia leaned her head back on the couch and smiled at Alex, gazing intently into her eyes. "Thanks, Alex. For everything tonight. This was nice."
"Anytime," Alex said, staring back. They were sitting close on the couch, facing each other. Alex lifted her hand to move a stray hair out of Olivia's face that had gotten out of sorts while she was sleeping. She brushed it out of her face and everything she had been feeling the past three months came rushing back.
She took a deep breath, lightly wet her lips and moved forward to kiss Olivia.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Fuck," Olivia said, closing her eyes. Alex dropped her head to Olivia's shoulder and let out a sigh. "I'm going to kill Elliot," Olivia said before flipping open her phone to answer.
"What?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
"No, I don't need anything."
"Alex brought dinner. She's here now."
"Yes, I said Alex."
"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
She closed her phone. Alex had moved back to her spot on the couch by this point.
"I'm so sorry, Alex," Olivia said. "Elliot obviously has the worst timing."
"Well, at least he didn't call while you were sleeping and wake you up," Alex said, trying to see the positive.
"Alex..." Olivia said, reaching out for Alex's hand. She didn't want her to go. She wanted to finish the kiss they had almost started...for the second time.
"Olivia, I need to apologize," Alex said. "I shouldn't have done that."
"What?" Olivia said, obviously hurt.
"No, I don't mean I didn't want to," Alex said. "I really did. But right now, you're vulnerable, and I just don't want to take advantage."
"Alex, I'm fine," Olivia said.
"And I believe you," Alex said. "But maybe Elliot is the universe's way of telling us to wait for an even better moment. I mean, make no mistake, I want this. But I just want it to be right for both of us."
Olivia sighed but nodded. "You're right. I do want this, too. And like you, I want it to be right. So we wait until it's right. Until we know if the risk is worth it."
"Well, on that note, I should say goodnight," Alex said, standing up from the couch.
"Goodnight, Alex," Olivia said.
A/N: Once again, thanks for the great reviews. If you don't know, this is the prequel to "The Noah Series" of course it'll have a happy ending.
Also, I won't keep you waiting too much longer for that first kiss. But I did need to torture you (and them) just a little longer. :-)
