Dean sat in the waiting room looking at the clock yet again. Only five minutes had passed. He couldn't cope with this...he wasn't used to sitting around and waiting. The thought that they were cutting his brother up just feet away from where he was sitting was too much.
He heard a door swing open and he looked up. He almost cried in relief. He stood up.
Bobby walked toward him and caught him in a bear hug that seemed to engulf him.
Dean could smell the familiar scent of gun oil and leather, it was like having Dad back and he was comforted
"How is he?" Bobby asked. "What happened?"
Dean collapsed back into the chair he'd been sitting in and his head went into his hands. Bobby placed a hand on his back and rubbed it absent-mindedly as he took a seat next to him.
"Oh God, I don't know Bobby, one minute he was there...the next, he was gone." He looked at the man with a tear streaked face. Bobby was frowning. "Sam broke his back."
"What?!"
Dean's head went back to his hands and he rubbed at his face. "They're trying to fix him up but...they don't know if he'll walk again." It was the first time he'd said the words out loud and his heart plummeted. He felt bile in his throat. "Oh God!"
Bobby took Dean's arm and turned him toward him, pulling him into a hug. "C'mon Dean, let it out son...God alone knows, you can't do this in front of Sam."
Dean's fisted hands clung to the older man and he was unashamed to find his body was wracked by sobs.
Bobby held him for what seemed like an eternity. Like he was a kid once more, Dean eventually fell into an exhausted sleep. Bobby looked down at him sleeping. He should have been at peace but even resting, Dean looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
There was always some drama with the Winchesters, something new to come and kick them in the ass, the older man thought to himself as he looked at Dean's torn up hands. They did a job where people died and got hurt, but this was just unfair. He thought of Sam, always wanting to help everyone, always seeing the good in people. He didn't deserve this. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
May as well get some sleep too, while I can.
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"Mr Winchester?"
Bobby was the first to waken, he saw a Doctor stood next to them and slapped Dean's arm. Dean shot upright like he'd suddenly remembered where he was. He blinked his eyes hard but was already on his feet to face the female surgeon. Her badge said her name was Doctor Kendall.
She was younger than he'd expected and attractive in a plain way. He searched her face looking for any indication of what she was going to tell them.
"Is my brother ok?" he asked a little harshly.
She removed the cap from her head and smiled a little, "He's fine, we put the screws in his back and fused the damaged vertebrae together. There were no complications. He's in recovery but he'll be out of it for the next couple of hours."
Dean glanced at Bobby, who took the hint. Bobby addressed the Doctor, "Is Sam going to walk again? Be straight with us."
She sighed and looked Dean in the eye "The odds are about 95 percent against him. "
Dean frowned. "So there is a chance?" He was willing to grasp at any small amount of hope at this moment in time.
"To be honest, we won't know more until he wakes up. He's young, he's strong but I have to tell you, it would be pretty unlikely."
She looked surprised when Dean smiled faintly."Yeah, well I deal with the unlikely every day...So what happens now?"
She looked more comfortable now that they were talking in facts. "Well, he'll be awake in two to three hours, then you can go see him. He's wearing a brace at the moment and he'll have to wear that for a month, then we'll transfer him."
"Huh?"
"To somewhere where he can learn to adapt."
Dean shook his head and blinked. No freakin' way! He wasn't even going to go down that road.
Bobby put a hand to his shoulder and spoke again. "If you don't mind Doc, we'd like to speak to Sam when he wakes up...can you make sure no one else tells him anything?"
She smiled, "Of course." Then looking at Dean again. "Do you want someone to look at your hands? They must be painful. The paramedics on the helicopter told us what you did..."
Dean's face remained impassive. "I'm ok. Really."
She raised her eyebrows. "Ok, your brother's in recovery on the 3rd floor. You can go see him, but you may want to get cleaned up first." She looked slightly embarrassed. "I'll be around later if you have any questions. I really am sorry." She turned to leave with the two of them watching her retreat.
Bobby looked at Dean. He looked like hell. He was covered in dirt, blood and dust.
"C'mon, the lady's right, we need to get you cleaned up, get some things for Sam. I towed the Impala to a motel, it's not too far away."
Dean nodded absent-mindedly and followed Bobby out of the hospital.
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Dean had showered, changed and collected some of his and Sam's things together and made his way back to the hospital. It had been a balm to see the Impala again after what felt like forever. It was the one thing in his life that had always been a constant and just being in its presence had a soothing effect.
Bobby wasn't with him. They'd had a talk at the motel about what should happen next. Bobby said that he would stay and find some way to swindle the Insurance as their real names had been given. At least it was one less thing for Dean to worry about. Dean had no idea what to say to Sam when he awoke. Bobby, as ever was full of wisdom. "No point beating around the bush, you gotta tell him straight. Don't give him any false hope, it won't help him none."
"Bobby, there's no freakin' way I'm just gonna let this happen." Dean had exploded.
"I know that and I'm sure Sam does...if there's a way to help Sam we'll find it but if there isn't...you can't do that to him."
Dean knew he was right, but he hated to admit it. What if he couldn't find some way to help Sam? He couldn't think like that, but he also knew that he would have to let Sam know it was ok if this was his life now.
He groaned inwardly as he parked the car, grabbed his duffle and made his way inside.
On the third floor he stopped at the reception desk. The woman behind it was a huge black woman with the biggest boobs Dean thought he could ever remember seeing. The name badge said Althea.
"I'm here to see Sam Winchester."
"Family?" She said with no smile.
His eyes widened at her lack of bedside manner. "Yeah, I'm it."
"Follow me." She waddled off down the corridor and Dean followed with the duffle bag over his shoulder.
They got to room 312 and she opened the door. There was a younger nurse just leaving, a petite blonde. For once Dean's eyes didn't follow the girl, they were focused on Sam.
Dean slowly walked in and dropped the bag to the floor with a thud.
Althea seemed unperturbed and went over to the bed talking over her shoulder. "He's still under sedation, he'll be out another hour or so. He'll be groggy when he wakes up, you may not get much out of him. "
Dean approached the bed. It was huge. Sam actually looked small lying in it. He was sleeping and had a tube going down his throat. There was a monitor showing his heartbeat and blood pressure. Sam's chest was bare but there was a cast covering it up to the top of his ribs. Dean took a deep breath...it'd always been him in hospital before, he'd never been on this side of things and he hated it worse than being the one who was sick!
The nurse left and closed the door. Dean took the chair from against the wall and pulled it closer to the bed. He couldn't bear to see Sam like this and he was glad he would have some time to get his thoughts together. He tried to remember Sam more animated, fidgeting and acting up. Would he be like that again? Would he ever see the moronic waddle, or wrestle with his brother again? The thoughts depressed him so he put them to one side. Whatever happened Sam was still Sam and that's what he had to focus on. He remembered the vow he'd made all those years ago and made the same again. He wouldn't leave Sam's side, he would be there for him every step of the way. He smirked to himself at his choice of phrase and settled down to wait.
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It seemed to take forever but eventually Dean could see Sam's eyelids flutter slightly. Dean had been holding on to one of his hands and he felt the large fingers twitch. He stood up and leaned over his brother. He wanted his face to be the first thing Sam saw, he knew he would be freaked when he woke up.
Eventually, his eyes flipped open suddenly. His pupils were huge and he stared at Dean but didn't see him. He started to gag and his hand went to his throat.
"Nurse!" Dean shouted. He shouted louder a second time as he tried to hold Sam's arms down. Christ, he shouldn't be but Sam was still strong as hell, must be the drugs he thought as he heard the door fly open. The two nurses came rushing in and pushed him to one side.
The big black woman who had been so terse to Dean earlier was now a different person. She held Sam's shoulders down and looked into his eyes.
"Sam. My name's Althea, do you know where you are?" Sam nodded briefly, but the blood pressure monitor shot up, it's beep creating a frantic staccato that mirrored Dean's heartbeat.
"You've had an operation Sam, we had to put a tube in your throat but I'm going to take it out now. First you have to calm down for me ok?"
Sam was struggling to get up...fighting the panic that was obviously clawing at him.
Althea turned to the small blonde. "We'll have to sedate him. He's going to hurt himself." She barked.
The younger nurse reached to adjust the IV.
"Wait!" Dean shouted. He'd been still long enough. "I can calm him down...you don't have to drug him." He went over to his brother. Althea was still pushing at his shoulders so he gently moved her hands away. He put a calloused hand to Sam's cheek and made his gaze meet Dean's "Sammy!" He said in the voice he used when Sam was being an ass. "I'm here, you're ok...but you have to calm down for me" Sam's eyes were glazed. "Listen to my voice Sam. " He was more gentle now and soothing. "You can do this, just listen to me...I'm here, I'm not leaving. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you ok?" His fingers were combing through Sam's hair like their mother used to do to Dean when he had a bad dream. "Just you and me ok little brother? Don't be scared." Dean could hear the frantic beeping slow gradually and he knew it was working. "That's it Sammy, just focus on me...don't think about anything else. I gotcha Ok?" He stayed that way just shushing Sam and stroking his hair for a couple of minutes.
He could hear Althea on the other side of the bed. "BP's back to normal...heart rate steady." She exhaled heavily. "Boy, you got the magic touch!"
Dean wasn't paying any attention, he was just willing all his strength into Sam, trying to keep his face as cool as possible. In actual fact, he felt like he was going to have a coronary himself. Jesus!
"Sam, this lady's gonna take that tube out now, ok? But I'm staying right here, I'm not going anywhere."
Sam nodded and Dean smiled at him, taking his hand away but keeping it on Sam's forearm.
"Right," The nurse said. "When I tell you to Sam, I want you to take a deep breath and then exhale really hard. It's gonna be a bit sore but it's not going to hurt."
Sam nodded and she gave him the go. As he exhaled the tube came out and he coughed.
"Go page Dr Kendall and tell her Sam's awake." Althea told the other nurse. She looked back at Sam and smiled the sweetest smile, freaking Dean out even more...she obviously reserved all her good humour for her patients. "We're just gonna get the Doctor to come look at you, Sam, make sure everything's ok."
Sam looked at her,"Water?" he croaked.
"No water, I can get some ice though...gimme a sec." She shot Dean a glance that almost made him flinch and left them alone.
Dean looked at his little brother and tried to look reassuring. "Hey, you did good."
Sam's throat was raw and he could barely speak. "Wha...did they do to me?"
Dean's stomach spasmed...he felt an actual physical pain. Oh god this was it. None of this showed on his face however. "They put some screws or something in your back, to fix the bones."
Sam looked at him with eyes filling up with tears. Dean was trying his best but he could feel that he could lose it at any second. "Didn't work did it Dean?"
Dean choked slightly and he couldn't be strong any more. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.
"No man, it didn't."
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Dr Kendall had been in to check that Sam was stable, but Sam hadn't wanted to talk any more. As soon as she was gone, he went mercifully to sleep. Bobby had been and gone. He'd told Dean that he'd managed to sort out the insurance and had been to see the hospital administrator. He asked Dean if he wanted anything but he couldn't think of anything.
It was getting late and Dean was exhausted...he wanted to sleep but he was incapable of switching off his mind. He had a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that refused to go. He didn't think he would ever eat again. How do you get over something like this? he thought to himself. He'd basically told Sam his life was over and now Dean had to find a way to rebuild it from scratch. He didn't know if he could...he felt such a failure already.
The door opened and he turned to see who it was. Oh god.
"Can I have a word?" Althea said.
Dean reluctantly got up and followed her outside. He felt like he was being called to the Principles office.
"I realise that's your brother but I can't let you stay here all night. There are visiting times."
Dean smirked. "I don't need a time to visit my brother."
"In my hospital, you do. We have other patients and staff to think about. This isn't a motel."
God she was harsh! "Believe me, I know what a motel looks like, but I ain't going anywhere!"
She squared up to him. "You have my sympathy, really, but if you force me to, I will call security."
Dean smiled."You do that. No problem, and once I'm done kicking their asses I'll be back in about five minutes!" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Lady, seriously, I'm not here to create a problem or to disrupt anyone's lives...but that guy in there, " he gestured with a thumb at the door "...he's the only home I got right now and he needs me. So, I'll say it again...I'm not going anywhere! As long as he's stuck in that bed, you're stuck with me. So why don't we just make a little effort and try to get along?"
Althea knew when she was beaten. With an evil glare and a big sigh she turned on her heel and stomped off.
Laughing to himself, Dean opened the door. Who was she kidding? She loved him already!
