A/N: Boo! Haha scared you didn't I? Anyways, sorry if this chapter disappoints anyone expectations, I tied my hardest to get it write and I have wrote it over at least 3 times. I haven't tried to commit suicide, nor do i suggest any of you try to! i have no idea would what be going on in your head so bear with me!

WARNING: THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING! So please be careful!

Disclaimer: I DONT OWN TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! Haha but if I did...

Rapheal looked up into the clear night sky, speckled lightly with bright stars. He pulled his arms closer around his knees, trying to stop the uncontrollable shivers that raced down his spine. Even though summer was just around the corner and Mother Nature was doing everything in her power to warm the planet up, the breeze was still nippy and he had sitting out here for a far while, just thinking.

A single, diamond shaped tear rolled down his flushed check and hit the pavement below with a barely audible splash. He quickly wiped it away and sniffed loudly, trying hard not to let another tear escape blood shot amber. His bandana was a dark red and stuck to his face, wet with his tears.

"Why does this world hate me so much? Or better still, what did I do wrong?" He muttered, barely catching it himself over the loud noises of cars below. A single beep of a horn was his only reply. A gust of wind gentle caressed him, comforting him in his time of need.

His brother knew. The very thought sent fear spiralling thoughout his body and made his heart pound with nerves. His palms grew sweaty and his mouth dried. His big mouthed, suck up of a brother knew! Knew the very thing he had tried so hard to protect and keep a close guarded secret from everyone. It's not really one of those things that society has or ever will accept. They don't understand that we cut to live, not die. It how we cope and without it, we all would be so much worse. The pain distracts us and the blood reminds us how alive we are. Each and every scar tells a story of survival and hope, courage and bravery. How the adrenaline rush we get from it is the very thing keeping us alive and that without it, the world would lose so many bright talented people! It's the bittersweet thrill his life; killing him but saving him.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. He took in all the city he grew up in had to offer. The smell of a good old American hotdog and the sounds of the over populated roads and walkways. Car horns beeping, phones ringing, people talking & boots hitting the concrete. The sounds were like a lullaby to him, more familiar then his brothers hushed whispers.

His life was here now, not below him in the dirty sewers. He spent his nights patrolling the city's dark alleys, occasionally saving a pretty girl or preventing another thug running rampage on his city. The only thanks he ever got was a glass shattering scream but it was enough for him. At least his presence was being acknowledged, not totally ignored. He was the Nightwatcher, defender of the city. His city. Every alley and back road he knew like the back of his hand. Every trouble spot was permantly emprinted into his brain, ready to spring forth at a moment notice.

He glanced over the side of the building, just looking at the distance from the ground. How high he was and that with one careful step, all of these could end. His legs swung over the building, his body dangerously close to the edge. He didn't care if anyone saw him, it would just persude him to jump even more. All the pressure of being the brother of all so perfect Leo, who could just master anything in seconds, was finally crushing him. All his fathers attention were drained on his brother, teaching him new skills or just watching him. Sure Don and Mikey got his attention too, but just not as much as Leo. Sensi claimed he didn't have a favourite and he loved them all the same, but Raph saw right through that. It was clear to anyone that Raph was the least loved, being totally ignored whilst Master Splinter pushed his other brother to their limits. He had walked out countless times and no one noticed a thing. He understood why though, why would waste their time trying to understand and love him? He had given up ages ago.

Sometimes he wondered if he really disappeared, would anyone miss him? Leo wouldn't, his to absorbed in his perfect leader training to notice anything missing, let alone a brother gone. Don might but he'd get over it soon enough, it's not like he even paid attention to him anyway. Mikey...

Raphael stopped, eyes suddenly flooded with tears. Mikey was the only one who would truly miss him. Even though he didn't ask him to play video games anymore or help him cook, he still said good morning and good night everyday. He didn't prank him but he still flashed that cheeky grin whenever he walked by. And most of all, he didn't act like he wasn't there. He acknowledged him when other barely knew he was alive.

Despite that fact, his decision was made. He knew what he was doing and when it was going down. He knew it would break plenty of innocent hearts but they would only care because he was dead. If they really cared, they would be chasing him right now. His brother would have blabbed about his cuts and they all would be sprinting after him. He didn't hear any voices through, just proving his point didn't care and they only would when he was dead.

Memories flashed through his mind, coming and going in rapid succession. The time when they went topside for the first time or when Mikey's cooking almost gave them all food poisoning. When Raph explored the sewers for the first time and when Don snuck out the the Junkyard. When Mikey went to skatepark late at night and when Leo caught every one of them. When they got their first real weapons, the first training sessions and when Leo was elected leader. The first fights, injures and sicknesses. The endless nightmares and cuddling up to his brothers on a freezing cold winters night. Disobeying his fathers wishes and venturing topside way before his brothers even dared.

Raph found himself standing and pacing the length of the building, dangerously close to the edge. Every few steps his foot would hover over the edge, his brain just begging him to take that final step. But he never could and he always pulled his foot back at the last second. He stopped pacing and stood silently, watching his city below him, possibly for the last time. He watched the bright lights dance of the reflective surfaces of cars and listened to the beautiful melody of the hushed voices of residents going about their business innocently. He felt something click in his head and his mind became a peaceful place, free of worry and pain. His mind finally registered the fact that this would all end and he would be free.

With one last at his beautiful city, he took the plunge and made that final step.

A/N: Hey... *hides* please don't kill me! I did warn you that it would be getting dark and all that!

Please review, even if you hate me right now! Sorry...

NutNutty

P.S- If any of you guys ever fell like killing yourself, please don't! You are beautiful and so talented, why let that go? If you ever want just to talk or vent or anything, feel free to vent to me! I promise not to judge you!