I don't even know what to say other than I'm so unbelievably sorry for how long I've been absent.
I promise I'm still here! And there is no way in hell I am giving up on my stories.
So much has happened since I moved back to my home town. And I know most of you don't really need to know what's been going on, but I'm pretty open with my struggles as of late, and maybe it will make some of you feel less alone in your own struggles.
If some of you may remember, I have mentioned in the past about depression kicking my ass. I always knew I had depression, but I never realized how bad it really was.
Soon after we moved back I went on antidepressants I thought they were working but I wasn't sure because I had never been on them before. Now, during this time and 2 out of the 3 years I lived in Virginia (when I first started writing fanfiction) I was struggling terribly with self harm.
That should have been my first sign that my antidepressants were in fact not working. Actually, I got worse. The moment I started getting suicidal thoughts I stopped taking them altogether. I made a promise with myself that if I kept self harming that I would go and seek mental help. I couldn't be the mother my boys needed me to be if I was constantly hurting myself (they never witnessed me doing it or the aftermath. I always kept my marks covered because I could never let my babies see that)
But I kept doing it. I would be able to resist the urge for weeks, but when I brokeā¦it was bad.
So I checked myself in to a mental health clinic. I was there for a week. And I am SO glad that I did. You guys..it helped me so much. I was shown coping mechanisms and I was understood without anyone looking at me in pity, or that I was a total nut job. I was finally officially diagnosed, as well as being put on medications specific to my exact diagnosis.
Severe depression disorder, severe anxiety, and PTSD.
This was back in January, and I have only self harmed once since then.
Then it was just adjusting to it all. Fine tuning my dosages and going to therapy once a week.
I am finally getting back to myself now, I started making jewelry and being creative again. I am finally feeling happiness and I never realized that I had rarely felt that way all my life.
So I've been binge reading and trying to catch up on everything I have missed.
And today I had the first true urge to write in almost a year! So I decided to write an absurdly long note to you all, explaining way more than I needed to.
If you read to this point, thank you! And I will be slowly getting back into writing things! I'll hopefully be updating my stories soon, but I may or may not try writing a simple story before jumping right back into my other more complicated stories. Kinda like testing the waters, ya know?
Anyway I'll stop my rambling now.
Oh wait one last thing! I have seen every review that has been posted in my absence and I want to thank every one of you who read my stories, even when they hadn't been updated in such a long time.
Ok, now I'm really done.
Love, Lovely.
