Chapter 3
The nature of our relationship was ambiguous at first. To be honest, she was a total and complete stranger to me. For a long time I didn't even know her name. We talked about everything, and nothing. The facts were always general, obtuse just for the sake of it. We weren't intentionally lying, but, our topics of conversation never became personal. I was thankful for that, because I had absolutely no way of closing the unmitigated social gap between us.
I struggled with how to deal with my feelings for her.
They seemed to grow without much effort at all. Her levity was a light in my life. It came as a pleasant surprise, and it was one that I'd never known that I needed. Upon that discovery, I spent more than a little time plotting against possible dangers. Like a woman gone mad, I spent more time than I cared to admit reading the tabloids. I spent even longer listening to the radio and news coverage.
My fears, luckily, were unfounded at the time. Still, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't risk even the slightest public outcry.
Being graced with her easygoing sense of humor seemed crazy to me. I'd never met a commoner that enthralled me. She could be incredibly serious. Her words grew deep on occasion, but, those things came with their own gentle moments of insecurity. In a way, I thought I was dreaming. I felt sure that there was no possible way Yang could be invested in me.
I was becoming smitten with her, and the worst part was, I couldn't even explain why.
I was sure she had a better life than I could provide. A larger, and much more fulfilling one. As much as it pained my ego, I was alright with the idea that Yang didn't need me. In truth, I felt safe because of that fact. If something were to go wrong, my heart would be the one to endure the pain. Honestly, it was a comfort to me. It gave peace to my selfish doubts. It quieted my fears.
She even seemed to respect that distance I'd placed between us.
Yang never pressed on questions I couldn't answer. She never told me anything that would force me to become invested. It was pleasingly simple, no strings attached at all, not even in little ways. Dark implications always died out before accusations had a chance to start. Yang was happy to overlook them. I'd never known a person like that in my entire life, and so, I wasn't very eager to destroy what we had.
I couldn't even define it.
I didn't want to try. After a few meetings, it became clear that she didn't either.
I began to wonder what life was truly like for her. What significance our occasional meetings meant for her. How my shallow offerings of affection made her feel. I wondered, was it difficult to talk to a person so completely out of her league? Was it my status that kept her at arm's length? Was it my cool, aloof sense of pride? I had so many questions, and so few methods of finding out the truth.
I wondered about Yang endlessly.
Yet, like so many things regarding the two of us, the topic was never brought up.
On out next meeting, she invited me out to another walk.
We shared a kiss after exiting the bar. It was maddening to me how she could just turn on a dime. Cool and casual one moment, and incredibly impassioned the next. We pressed up against the brick wall, the shadows giving shelter from the wintry wind and prying eyes. I let out a soft moan as she gave me exactly what I wanted in that moment in time. All of her entire being became crystal clear to me.
She could have remained nameless to me for the rest of my life, and yet, I'd thought I knew her perfectly. Her taste was pure intoxication in and of itself. Her touch fierce, yet incredibly gentle. Those dirty little promises that she murmured into my ear only making me sigh as a rolled my eyes. She was tactlessly honest, too.
She was looking for my approval, of course. The way she hesitated to do more than kiss me proved that. Her voice held that knifes edge of uncertainty. She wanted this. To risk it all for something more. I found myself laughing into the nape of her neck. The tender notion was foolish, but that's what made it so exciting.
The affirmation that I wanted more from her slipped from my lips before I could stop it.
She let go of a breath that I don't think she realize she held for so long. The heave of air from her large bosom leaving nothing to the imagination. Then she barked out a harsh laugh, undignified to my ears.
Back then, it most certainly wasn't love that I felt, but I knew I was hers. To me, it was the god's honest truth.
