I write these when I'm bored. Like now. Still don't own Naruto. Own the telemarketer(s). Different telemarketer every time.
Ring.
"My most devoted pupils, I shall now go and answer the phone, for it calls with its most spirituous youthfulness."
Ring.
"Okay," came the mutter of agreement from Neji and Tenten. Lee practically shouted it.
Ring.
"Hello, most youthful one, how may I help you?"
"Is Maito Gai speaking?" A bored male voice asked.
"This is he!" Gai replied brightly.
"Oh good. Not that I really care." The telemarketer sighed. "I'm from the Konohagakure Homeless Shelter, and I was wondering if you were interested in donating some money to our cause."
"Oh, the Konohagakure Shelter! What a youthful organization! I would be glad to help your most noble cause! Unfortunately, I have leant my credit card to a friend, but never fear, I'll have it back in a couple of minutes."
"Sure," the telemarketer said. "What else do I have to do with my life? It's all a black hole of misery and despair anyway."
"Oh, one so full of life and youth must not use such disparaging remarks in regards to oneself! One must always look for the greatest good in people and in themselves!"
"Life is just preparation for death."
"It is so beautiful in the spring time!"
"Do you know when that credit card will be back? I can't seem to slit my wrists with the greeting card my sister sent me, and I have a feeling my boss will kill me if I break the mandatory paperweight. Then again…"
"Oh most spirituous youth, my credit card has returned!" Gai put his hand over the receiver and took the credit card Neji held in his outstretched palm. "Thank you Neji, for bringing back my most valuable torch of prosperity!" He uncovered the phone and went back to speaking with the telemarketer. "What did you say the name bestowed upon you was?"
"My name is Spider. I like death, pain, and leather," the telemarketer droned.
"If that is what makes you most spirituous, then so be it, I wish you good luck!" Gai boomed.
"Can you just read your credit card number off please?" Spider almost pleaded.
"Of course. The first number is four, like a strong river. Then it is two, like a pair of the most beautiful love birds in all of the world. Next is seven, graceful and swift, like a deer. Then comes one…"
This continued endlessly.
"And lastly is eight, a number my most beloved student, Neji holds dear in his--"
"Okay, we get it," Spider said. "How much are you donating?"
"Five hundred yen."
"I put up with that for five hundred yen?!" Spider screamed.
Gai looked taken aback. "Do you not feel it is gracious enough?"
"Never mind. Never mind. Thank you for your donation, I'm going to go cut myself with a paperclip."
Maito Gai: NEVER EVER EVER CALL!!! (xPainx and xDeathx)
