Silent Howls
By darks00
Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved...
Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it.
I WOULD LOVE TO SAY SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT.
This story is NOT making fun of abusers. I'm writing this story to make a point - the pain self abusers go through. People who make fun of self abusers just don't understand deeper stuff. This story is also not encouraging self abusers. This story is meant explain self abusers and to show the effects of what self abuse gets you. PLEASE keep this in mind.
Thanks for all the great reviews!
- darks
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 3: Fighting With Myself
Fighting is necessary in life. I always did believe that.
Sometimes, you need to fight to stand up for yourself. Sometimes, fighting is the only way to make your point. This is how I saw my fighting with Kiba. He believed I was wrong getting mad at Sakura for always flirting with me and yelling at her that I got so frustrated. But, he never did see my side. He never saw how I'm too afraid to love, too afraid to get close to anyone. Sometimes yelling is the only way someone will listen to you. I felt I had to voice myself to get Sakura to listen to me, and I was right. I feared that if Sakura`s flirting continued, I would freak out on her and do something I regretted. There`s always at least two sides to a story. There`s always different prespectivesfor everyone. As long as there`s humans, there will always be fighting to voice opinions - that`s why we all fight, verbally and or physically.
Fighting can help us reach an understand with peole...Or make it worse. Fighting made Kiba and me enemies. We resort to fighting when the other doesn't listen. Is it worth it? I'm not sure. But I do know one thing. Fighting makes us alive. It gives us a rush, something to live for to make a point.
But my question is, am I supposed to fight with myself?
Friday, March 13th, 8:03 AM
It was like I was hypnotized by the blade in my hand. It was like instinct to slit my wrists. Digging in deeper and deeper, the more better I felt. You know when you know you're about to feel pain and you tense up? And when the pain is over, then you get this relief feeling that feels so good you can't explain it. This is how the blade felt towards me.
My blood started to drip down to my hands, then down to the floor. I let out a gasp of relief. I continued to cut until I felt it no more. Blood dripped from my blade and from my finger tips - my blood.
Then it hit me when I stopped - what if someone found out about my secret? My new secret to relief stress? They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was a freak. I remembered I had a black hoody in my closet in my room that I never wore in ages. I decided I would wear that for awhile to hide my wounds - physically and mentally. I fell to the floor and started to cry, starring at my pool of blood, seeing my reflection in it. I cried for my pain. Cried for all I wanted but never had. Streaks of water ran down my face. I put my face in my hands, letting myself cry till I felt numb. When I stopped, I cleaned the blood off the floor, sighing at the mess I made. What made an Uchia so weak? Itachi was never weak, so why was I? I then noticed the giant gash on my arm where I just slashed up. I remembered that Sakura taught me how to do stitches one time, after Naruto hit me with a kunai by accident by clumsy aiming. I stitched up my wounds, put polysporn on it then put a giant bandage on it.
When I looked at my arm, it gave me a sick feeling. I couldn`t believe what I have just done. What would Itachi think of me if he knew? He'd call me weak, make fun of me. No. He wouldn't find out. This will be my secret.
Deciding I was hungry, I went to my fridge. I noticed t was pretty much empty. Darn. I guess I have to grow to the grocery store now. Maybe even go to that ramen shop that Naruto always goes to, I forget what it's called. Before I went out, I knew I had to wear my hoody - just incase. I couldn't let others see my wounds.
Walking out the door while putting my hoody on, I then locked my door behind me then put my key in my shorts pocket. The day was beautiful - the sun shining dully on everything, giving everything a shady, mysterious look. I knew it wasn't going to last long, though, for I saw dark clouds dancing in the sky. I knew I had to hurry.
Walking down a bikepath shaded by trees, I noticed there was Kiba and Akamaru out for a walk. Great. Last thing I wanted. But I'm a Uchia. I'm not afraid of anything and do not run away from anything. My ego getting the best of me, I walked calmly by Kiba. Unfortunately, Kiba noticed me.
"Hey, Uchia, why don't you get murdered yourself like your clan?" Taunted Kiba.
I flinched at the mention of my clan. I stopped for a second, contemlating what to do. I decided it was then best to ignore him and continue on my journey. I started to walk slowly again towards my destination.
"Hey, don't ignore me!" Kiba cried out, Akarmuru barking in agreement.
I was going to continue to walk when Kiba quickly grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. Tooken by surprise, Kiba took this chance to punch me in the face.
I flinged backwards, falling to the ground. Anger filled my veins, as I pushed myself off the ground. I growled as I punched Kiba in the chest. He gasped for breath, kicking me in the shin. Ignore the pain, I continued to fight. Even Akarmaru was bitting my leg.
The rain started to pour on Kiba and me at that second, soaking Kiba, Akarmaru and me. We were using all our strength to fight each other, getting outselves cut up and bruised. The rain wet our hair, pasting it to our faces. I then slipped from the rain onto the ground. My eyes widened as I was defenceless to Kiba's fist. I was waiting for the impact, but it never did come. I then saw why. Someone was holding his wrist from hitting me. It was Kakashi. Kiba gasped in surprise. "Sensei..."
"You know, this is child's play," he muttered beneath his mask.
He then pressed hard on Kiba's wrist, making him scream. He then let go of Kiba.
"Now go home," Kakashi ordered.
Kiba obeyed, taking Akamaru with him. Kakashi lifted out his hand to help me up.
Instead of thanking him, I said rudely, "what are you doing here?"
"Well, truth be told," he began, "I was going to your house to see how you were doing."
That hit my by surprise. Kakashi cared for me? No. That's not right. No one ever cared for me. Even the ones who cared about me hurt me.
"I'll walk you home," he concluded.
I felt like a child for the second time that day. In the past hour, Kakashi walked me home twice. Who does he think I am, some weakling who needs to be looked after? Sighing, I knew it was pointless to argue with Kakashi. When we got to my house, Kakashi walked to my washroom and grabbed towels for himself and me. He then told me to go get changed. He left me in my bedroom to get changed.
When I was done, Kakashi came back in. "You know, I think you should go back to bed. You're obviously not feeling one hundred percent today."
I said nothing, but I agreed. I went into my bed, letting the softness warm me. I was about to pull the blankets up towards me, but Kakashi beated me to it. He pulled the blankets to my chest.
"Do you need anything else?" He asked me.
I shook my head no, in shock that Kakashi tucked me in. I don't remember the last time I was tucked it. It was...Different.
"Remember, my offer to lend an ear is always open," he said.
I nodded, closing my eyes.
"I'll come back soon to check on you. Take care, Sasuke."
He left, shutting the door behind him.
I couldn't tell or show anyone my problems. I then let darkness took over me and fell asleep.
TO BE CONTINUED...
xxdarkness' kidxx
