This isn't as funny... sorry about that :( Hope you guys enjoy it anyway though :P Written for white noise and brine, who somehow comes up with all these hilarious ideas ;)
Naruto and its characters do not belong to me.
Close Knit Shinobi
Chapter 3: Yarn Techniques
"Neji."
Neji is about to head out to the training grounds this morning, but stops and turns at his uncle's voice. "What is it, Hiashi-sama?"
"I trust that you are aware of the... decorations that have been sighted on a few of the utility poles around the village yesterday," Hiashi explains, ever-formal, in his clan robes, cup of tea in hand.
"No, I am not aware of them." Neji frowns, and follows when Hiashi leads him over to the front gates of the Hyuuga compounds, wondering what these decorations have to do with him. All he's been doing is recovering from that bump on his head he's sustained at Tenten's apartment (he swears that he is not going to knit anything else for her again).
Hiashi throws the front doors open, and his teacup smashes to insignificant bits on the ground.
"What is this atrocity?" Hiashi sputters; Neji follows his gaze - right outside the compounds, snug on every utility pole, is a vividly-colored knitted sweater - oranges and neon pinks and blues. Hiashi looks accusingly at him.
Neji puffs his chest out indignantly. "That is not my work!"
"Then fix it," Hiashi commands.
"These aren't produced by someone with my mastery in the craft," Neji mutters. "You've seen that tablecloth."
"Yes, yes, that tablecloth is a masterpiece," Hiashi acknowledges. "If they should be dressed in anything at all, I want the decorations to be in black and white, to reflect our clan's colors. Include the yin-yang symbol if possible."
"I understand, Hiashi-sama," Neji acquiesces. He still has Hinata's shawl to complete, and he doesn't want any more distractions keeping him from refining his yarn-based techniques. "The costs will be born by the clan."
"Do whatever you need to," Hiashi says, and waves him off. Neji glowers. Tenten better be grateful that he's taking some time off knitting to train with her.
Neji is accosted by several yarn-bearing senbon the moment he reaches the training grounds. Without missing a beat, he drops his bag and spins into his kaiten, and the strands of yarn flying out from his sleeves mingle with his circling chakra.
"A spinning yarn ball? What the hell are you doing, Neji?" Tenten shouts at him from somewhere above.
He slows to a stop, pieces of colorful yarn floating to the ground around him, and glares in her general direction. "Don't insult my new technique."
Tenten drops lightly to the ground a few yards away, and stalks towards him, more yarn-edged senbon in hand. "Well, I wouldn't if you didn't just knock my Rainbow Needle attack off like that," she huffs.
"Is that your new technique?" he asks archly, raising a brow. She stares sullenly at him.
"Well, forgive me for even trying," Tenten snaps. "At least I didn't faint while looking at-"
"That's enough, Tenten," Neji cuts in, a dark flush creeping up his neck. "You pulled that on me."
"Oh?" she challenges, stepping closer to him, her hands on her hips. "Surely you'd be more resistant to fainting if you've had more experience with the opposite sex!"
"Are you demeaning my sexual experience?" he asks her quietly, his tone dangerous.
"Why, yes I am!" Tenten returns, her eyes flashing. "Even I wouldn't faint if I saw you naked-"
"Would you like to test that claim?" Neji challenges. (He isn't sure that this is the right place for them to be having this argument.)
"Are you offering to strip, Hyuuga Neji?" Tenten grins suddenly, her eyes lighting up.
Neji is saved from having to answer by a flurry of green making its entrance onto their training grounds. "Lee!" he calls out, before their teammate comes fully to a stop, "Were you the one who put all that knitting on the utility poles-"
-And he finds himself needing to avert his gaze when Lee skids to a standstill.
"Good morning, Neji! Tenten!" Lee exclaims, with all the energy that comes from having knitted two hundred utility pole sweaters, "How are you this morning?"
"What the hell do you think you're wearing, Lee?" Tenten screeches, as she tries not to look at the holey, green suit that Lee is wearing today. It appears that he has swapped the spandex for a knitted outfit, that looks like strings of green yarn cross-hatched all over his body - some kind of too-revealing netting.
"Well, I was following this pattern called a 'fish net outfit' - don't you think it looks youthful?" Lee beams, and turns to look behind him. "Gai-sensei is wearing one too, he'll be here any minute!"
Tenten looks as if she's going to faint - a violent shudder ripples through her body, and her face turns pale. "Oh gods, no," she whispers, and looks around desperately for somewhere to hide. Neji cringes - he doesn't want to see any more of Lee or Gai than he's already witnessed, so he grabs Tenten by the arm and leaves his yarn pieces on the ground, leaping into the trees.
Their escape is a close shave - Gai's booming voice resounds through the clearing seconds later.
"You've had plenty of experience with the opposite gender," Neji reminds Tenten when they're slumped against a large tree a few minutes later.
She glowers at him. "Why don't you wear one of those, and we'll talk."
"If I'm wearing a fishnet outfit, you'll need to be in one, too," Neji argues. "It won't be fair otherwise."
Tenten rolls her eyes. "You're just trying to catch a glimpse of me naked, Neji."
"I am not," he mutters, looking away. (Yes, he is.) "Anyway, if we aren't going to be training today, I need to return to the compounds. My uncle has another task for me."
Tenten watches in numb shock when Neji pulls a mess of unwound yarn out of his bag, and lays it on the ground. Before she gets a word past her lips, he picks up one end, holds it above his head, and begins to spin in his kaiten. The yarn ravels into a neat ball somehow, and Neji stops spinning when he's done, gracefully tucking the yarn ball back into his bag.
"What was that?" Tenten stutters, still gaping.
"I have been refining my techniques," Neji tells her smugly. He leaves her staring in the forest, and Tenten doesn't remember to close her mouth until long minutes later.
A/N: Lol Neji ;) I probably will not continue this... it'll just get less funny the more I post :P
