Chapter Three

Secrets


The longer James watched Severus, the more he found his heart racing. He wanted to make sure that he was ok; that he was in no danger. When he heard what happened to him, he felt a deep and hate filled anger rise in his chest. He somehow knew it was Lucius Malfoy. He just knew. He heard that the Slytherin boy that found Severus saw deep burns along his back that spelled the words Slytherin Slag. White stuff (more than likely cum) leaked out from between his ass cheeks onto the tiles. Clothes were lying beside him, but none were on him. It caused quite a commotion in the hallways when he was taken from the bathroom into the hospital wing.

James didn't know if all of what the school was saying was true, but he was sure as hell going to find out. He listened closely in the hallways between classes, looking for anyone that told a different story than the boy. It ranged between someone catching him sucking dick and then attacking him or that he was simply found like that. Neither provided comfort for James.

People didn't care which. He was unpopular to begin with, but now everyone would laugh blatantly at him and call out, "Slytherin Slag!" He seemed to take everything in stride, but James would watch closely at his clenched fist and how his jaw ticked. Why wasn't he fighting them back? It seemed like he was just rolling on his back and taking everything that was thrown at him. But why? He would have normally snapped back at them with a snide remark or insult. It was like he was afraid to strike back.

Sometimes while he would talk to Sirius, he wanted so badly to tell him what was happening. He wanted to tell him about the storm that was raging inside him every time he saw Lucius or Severus. It felt as if Sirius could somehow sense this about him. He one day gently pulled James aside and whispered, "James... What's happening with you? You havent been the same since Christmas..."

James opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it. How could he begin to tell his best friend something so appalling? That he was slowly falling for a Slytherin and that it was a boy of all things. Not to mention that it was the person that Sirius and himself bullied for a number of years until the last few months. He couldn't begin to explain everything.

Sirius growled in annoyance and pushed his shoulder, "Come on, James. I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to be here for you, so could you just trust me and tell me what's happening?" James stared at him warily and then nodded.

Sirius glanced around themselves and grabbed James' arm. It was late in the evening, but there were still a large number of students in the hall listening and conversing with others. He dragged James behind a statue that opened at a few words and took out his wand. He whispered to it and it lit brightly in the dark passage. He sat on one of the steps that led downward and watched as James sat near him with his back to the wall. He waited for James to say something, but soon grew impatient as the minutes ticked by.

"James," He said firmly, "Cough it up, mate."

James looked up into Sirius' eyes, a sad and defeated smile crossing his lips, "This doesn't leave this tunnel, understand?" Sirius nodded and James continued, "I'm worried about Severus..."

Sirius looked confused and waited for James to erupt in laughter from the hidden joke. He paused and chuckled, "What? Snivellus? You're joking..." He peered at James and frowned when James didn't answer him. He sat there in silence and then sighed, "Ok... So you're worried about Snape. Go on."

James looked up into his best friends eyes once more and said quietly, "I think it was Lucius that did it to him."

Sirius nodded, not at all surprised at the accusation, "More than likely. He's normally the only one that associates with him. We are talking about the 'Slag' incident, right? It sounded pretty harsh. Do you think its true what they're saying?"

James growled and gripped his knee, "Of course I think they're true or else I wouldn't be worrying about him!" The words were harsh and cold, and it made Sirius bristle in defense.

"Hold on a minute! Don't go biting my throat, mate! I'm only asking. Just like I'm going to ask why you suddenly care about his well being. Just last year you strung him up and exposed him, so why care about what people say about him or even what people do to him?" Sirius watched as James gripped his knee tighter and it suddenly dawned on him. His mouth fell open and he pressed his shoulder against the wall for support. He held his face in his hands as thoughts sped across his mind. The signs were all there. He couldn't deny that he had been noticing James' attention shift from Lily to the pale and dark haired boy. He had been seeing the looks James gave him. The more he thought on those expressions, the more he realized James' feelings.

"James... You can't.. I-I mean- if its just... someone else. Someone other than him, James." Sirius' voice was quiet and urgent, pulling his face away from his hands so he could look for James' reaction.

James snorted bitterly and glared up at Sirius, "Is it because it's not normal, Sirius? Feeling shocked that your best friend is bi? Well, you can get the fuck over it!"

"James, wait! Let me explain-"

"Explain what? Explain that you think I should date girls and be normal? Explain that if I was to fall for a guy then let it be anyone than a Slytherin! Let it be anyone but Snivellus Snape! Haven't you realized that I tell myself this every fucking day? That I wake up in the morning and tell myself that I'm not going to care about him; that I'm not going to give him any of my attention..." He had been standing on his feet by the time that his voice trailed off. He was looking at Sirius' shocked face with a withered and defeated look.

"I look at him in class, Sirius, and all I feel is a strong sense of... Protection. But, it just goes deeper than that. I look at him like a man should look at a woman. I look at him and see someone that is just scared and angry at the world. I can see it in his eyes everyday, like he's going to burn the world and cry over it. I look at him and just want to hold him so close to myself and just melt away with him."

His eyes burned and he swallowed down a lump in his throat. He realized just how absurd what he said was. Holding him till they melt? He was frightened of what Sirius would say. He had finally told someone about his feelings and he felt that it was going to crash around him.

Sirius grinned to himself and looked down at his glowing wand, "You know, James... Its been quite a while since I felt that way. You remember that cute blond I dated for a while before she dumped me? I kind of felt that way too."

James gave a shaky laugh and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, "You did not.."

Sirius laughed after James and shook his head, "Well, not exactly, but it was rather close!" His smile slowly died and he sighed, "Look, James... What I was going to say was that I wish you would find someone other than him. No, its not because hes a boy or the fact that hes a pathetic little... No, its the fact that we all know that he's becoming one of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named followers. You see him in Defense Against the Dark Arts; how excited he gets when they mention and describe an unforgivable curse. He's heading down a path that you don't need to associate with.

James, take my words seriously. I mean it. Think about what will happen when Lucius catches wind if you two get involved. I'm not saying I'm afraid of him or that you are; I'm saying that you can only imagine what he would do to Severus. I believe it was him who did that to him and who knows why. Be careful, James." Sirius stood and left the passage, leaving James to think alone in the dark.

Maybe he was right. Perhaps James should just keep ignoring his feelings and leave Severus alone. He should just go back to tailing and impressing Lily, the red headed beauty. But, even her beauty was somehow outshined in his mind by the way that Severus' dark hair framed his pale and smooth face or how the few smiles he graced in the years together with him made his heart race when he thought of them.

He stood up finally and exited the statue, his eyes searching for the dark haired boy. He hadn't realized just what time it was and how long he had stayed in that passage. He had to hurry to his dorm and grab his cloak. He made sure that no other teacher or student was around to spot him as he whispered the password to the fat lady in the painting. A few people were still waiting in the common room, but he knew that within an hour, they would be gone. He went to their bedrooms and waited for everyone to sleep before carefully taking his cloak out and wrapping himself in it.

He exited the castle quietly and without detection. He knew exactly where Severus was going to be; on that small cliff that showed just how grand and beautiful Hogwarts was. He traced the trees that looked familiar to him and emerged into the small clearing around the cliff. He saw a shadow against the tree and felt his heart racing. He was going to do this; he was going through with his desires once again. He was going to tell Severus his feelings whether they were returned or not.

The closer he got to the tree, the more it became apparent that there were two shadows. He could hear the second shadow speaking and he suddenly stopped when he recognized Lucius' voice. He was there with Severus, his back highlighted by the moon.

"Did you learn your lesson, Severus?" James watched Severus nod and Lucius chuckled darkly, "Good boy... down on your knees." Severus obeyed and didn't have to have further instruction. His hands pushed Lucius' robe up and disappeared under it. James heard a buckle clink and soon heard a moan escape Lucius' mouth as he leaned a hand against the tree for support. He could see Severus' head under the robes bob slowly and deliberately.

James' heart seemed to break and deflate. A bitter feeling was settling in his stomach and made him feel nauseous. It was as if Severus didn't even try to object to Lucius. Were they that close and James just hadn't realized? He thought that perhaps the sexual contact had been forced and unwanted. Had they always been in a close and presumably abusive relationship? He thought that maybe they had merely been fuck buddies, but from watching how enthusiastically Severus took Lucius into his mouth and watched as his hand went to his own robes to stroke himself, he suddenly knew. Severus had an unhealthy affection toward the blonde. How could he when he was clearly abused by him?

Lucius suddenly growled loudly and popped Severus' head with his palm which gave out a cry, "Dammit! You need to open your damn mouth more! I can feel your disgusting teeth!"

Severus panted and let the robes fall away from his head, showing wide eyes, "I'm sorry, Luc-"

James saw Lucius' fist clench and punch Severus across the face, "Who told you to speak?!" Severus cried out once more and held his head down toward the ground. His nose was bleeding and it felt to him broken and bruised.

James' fists clenched and fought himself to not emerge from the cloak and stun Lucius. He knew that he would punish Severus for James protecting him. He pleaded silently for Severus to get up and defend himself. But, he watched Lucius kick Severus' face and walk back toward the castle. James threw off his cloak without caution and went to Severus.

He knelt on the ground beside Severus and gently turned him so he was facing James. He cursed as he looked at his closed eyes and . Lucius had knocked him out. He retrieved his wand and wracked his brain to remember a spell that would help Severus. He wanted so badly to help. He finally remembered a spell to fix his nose and bruises.. He sat under the tree and pulled Severus' head into his lap, using his own robe to dab and wipe away the blood that had dripped and poured from his nose. His hands shook as he tried to clean him. He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to help him and he just stood there and watched. He was so angry at Lucius, but even more at himself.

Severus began to stir. James placed his head down carefully and shifted into a stag for the first time in that whole month. It hadn't been time to visit Remus in the Whomping Willow. He went to his cloak and picked it up in his teeth and laid it against Severus' body that was trembling.

Severus' eyes opened and saw a stag trotting away from him. He sat up and watched as it disappeared. He looked down and was startled when he saw half of his legs and torso was gone. He groped out and felt the soft cloth that was against him. He grabbed it and held it up curiously. When had it appeared? And a better question was when had he passed out?