So my plan is to get at least one more review each chapter. So, this chapter I want three reviews, if that isn't too much to ask. If I accomplish that goal in reasonable time, I'll update quickly. I plan on updating quicker but that would just speed up the process. Also, I would have updated this quicker BUT today was a traveling day so I didn't get too much time but here I am with another update! Writing is great to do in cars!
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don't own Twilight. Never will.
That night, I didn't sleep.
I knew that if I slept, I would see him. I would see his smile, I would hear his laugh. I would begin to cry even more due to the fact that my arms would forever be empty. I couldn't face the other side of the bed, as it was still perfectly made from before the wedding. Everything seemed the same, yet so different. His pictures were still on my dresser, his clothes still in my closet. A large part of me wanted it to stay like that forever, though I knew it wouldn't.
I knew tomorrow would also be terrible, as I was coming face to face with his child that I'd never been told about. Had he known about her? Had he secretly been contacting her? Thinking about this made me realize how little Jacob and I truly knew about one another. And I was sure this child was grieving over the loss of her mother. Two grieving people were never made to match.
"Bella..?" I suddenly heard, causing me to shoot upright. "Bella are you awake?"
Warily, I walked over to my bedroom door and flipped on the light before opening it. When I did, I came face to face with Alice.
"Alice, it's three in the morning, why are you here?" I asked.
"I couldn't sleep," she said quietly. "I was worried about you. Emmett, Edward and Jasper were going to join me but I told them not to."
Alice and Jasper had recently begun seeing each other and already, I could see nothing but great things for the couple. They were made for each other, though they'd kept a safe distance during the week at the hospital.
"I'm fine," I lied, walking towards my bed. I was far from fine. I would never be fine. I'd been clutching his old tee shirt all night. "You didn't need to come over here."
"Bella," she sighed, joining me on the bed. "Your husband died about six hours ago. You are not fine. Don't even try to lie to me."
I sighed and threw my head down on the pillow, facing opposite Jacob's side. I wanted to object when Alice took a seat, but I couldn't bring myself to speak up. So she and I sat in silence.
"Jacob has a daughter," I finally said, breaking the silence.
"What?" she gasped, scooting closer. "Is that what the cops were talking to you about?"
"Yeah," I nodded stiffly. "They want me to take her in as a guardian so she doesn't have to be turned over to the state. I don't know if I can do it, Alice. How can I keep somebody that is a mini version of Jacob? Having to look into her eyes everyday and seeing my dead husband and her dead father doesn't seem very fun."
"Wow," she sighed loudly. "Nobody expects anything out of you, Bells. You just lost your true love. Tell them that you can't handle that responsibility right now. "
"How is that fair to her?" I spat through the oncoming tears. I turned around to face Alice who was staring at me intently. Alice didn't normally find herself in the position of being asked advice for anything but fashion or design. "I have to at least go down there."
"Then go down there," she sighed. "Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Were in charge of the funeral from here on out. Don't even try to argue."
I sighed inwardly and closed my eyes. I knew that arguing with Alice was pointless so the only thing I really could do was sit back and watch from the sidelines, even though I should have had the responsibility of planning my husband's funeral.
"Alice," I said, my eyes still closed. "Can we talk about something else?"
"Sure," she said.
And for hours, we laid in bed, talking about times when things didn't seem so terrible and the times when we didn't need to know more than how to parallel park. We reminisced about everything we possibly could, just trying to figure out what had happened just hours ago.
"I should probably go home," she said once dawn began to break. "Are you gonna be okay?"
"I don't know," I said honestly. "When I told Billy…I've never heard him react like that to anything. He was just so… sad. I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee the image of him sobbing the way he was."
"Yeah," she muttered. "Call me if you need anything."
"Thanks, Alice."
After she left, I decided to drag myself out of bed and take a nice, deserving shower—since I hadn't done so since Jacob had been admitted. While the hot water felt nice upon my skin, I missed Jacob's arms around my waist. Once the shower was finished, I prepared breakfast and made a call down to the station.
"So is 9 alright?" I asked in regards to meeting the little girl.
"That would be great," they answered lifelessly. Without another word, the line went dead.
With time to kill, I did my best to keep myself busy. I cleaned the spotless house and made sure I had some food available to the child. Jacob and I were notorious for eating out, so to keep decent food in the house was rare. I would need to go to the store and stock up.
"Yeah, I'm headed down there right now," I told Emmett over the phone as I left my house two and a half hours later. He'd called me in a frenzy over the news of Jacob's child—Alice had probably broken it to him.
"Wow, Bells," he said. "You gotta bring her over to the house so we can meet her."
"I will, Emmett," I muttered. "I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."
I hung up the phone and tossed it into my passenger's seat as I pulled from the driveway. As I neared the station, my thoughts began to scramble.
How would I handle a child? The only experience I had with children was babysitting in high school and I'd only done that once or twice. Jacob and I had decided on having children later on in life, but had he said that knowing he already had a daughter?
Would she look like him? Would she have his admirable eyes? Or his strong jaw structure? Though I loved Jacob with my whole heart, he did have his negative qualities. What if she inherited his stubbornness? What if she was cursed with his nasty temper? Even through all of the negative, I would accept her as she was. There was even the possibility of loving her. I knew eventually it would come to that.
Was that terrible to say that eventually I would love the child? That had to be normal coming from a woman who just lost her husband and was now raising his child that he may or may not have known about. As any normal woman of my age with a child, I would treat her as she deserved to be treated. I would provide for her and comfort her when she needed it. I would dance when she wanted me to dance and even pretend when she decided she wanted to play house.
All these thoughts and more ran rampant through my head as I pulled into the police station and slowly made my way inside.
"Mrs. Black," the same officer from the hospital nodded at me as I walked towards him. I forced a smile and returned the nod. "Were glad you could make it. Follow me."
I followed him farther into the station where we were greeted by a woman who looked no older than I did. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun and thin glasses balanced on the bridge of her nose. She smiled cordially.
"Hello, Bella," she said in her soprano voice, holding out a hand. "I'm Lauren Mallory, Bethany's social worker."
Bethany. In my days of doll playing and dressing up, every toy of mine would be named Bethany or something close to it. Who could have known that I would end up raising a child with that very name.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," she said, her voice suddenly lower. " I know that this must be a very difficult time for you but we do have a very important matter to discuss and that is the welfare of this child. If you follow me, you can meet her."
She and I walked a little further until we came to a small room where a young girl played with her back to the window. Her head immediately snapped in our direction when she heard the door open.
"Bethany," Lauren said in a motherly tone. "This is Bella."
Tears welled in my eyes as Bethany stood and walked over to where we stood.
She was Jacob—in female form of course. She had inherited his Raven hair and doe eyes. They were as dark as her hair with small flecks of green. Her features were much softer, though I could still see Jacob. Her skin was lighter and coated with light freckles that spilled over the bridge of her nose and onto her cheeks.
She was beautiful.
"Hi," she said in a small voice, clutching Lauren's legs.
"Hi," I said as tears began to pour from my eyes. I squatted down to her level and stroked her cheek softly. "You're very pretty."
"So are you," she smiled slightly.
Those three words tugged at my heartstrings, causing the view of my entire world to change. There was no question as to whether or not I would raise her. I would protect her from any dangers she had yet to face yet spoil her with what I could. I would love her unconditionally and that would never change.
How had three words changed my view so completely?
"I'll let you two get acquainted," Lauren said, slipping from the room.
"What are you playing?" I asked Bethany, eyeing the Barbie dolls scattered along the room. She stared at me curiously as I picked up one of the dolls and examined it with interest. "I used to love Barbie dolls."
"You did?" her face seemed to light up at this statement.
"I did," I grinned. This grin wasn't forced. "I had lots of them when I was your age."
She opened her mouth to speak but we were interrupted by the loud vibration of my cell phone.
We have a surprise for you at the house. You can thank Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and I later. My parents chipped in too. We all love you so much and can't wait to meet that little girl.
Alice.
"Let's go talk to Ms. Mallory," I said once I'd put the phone away. Bethany nodded and followed me out to where Lauren was talking to a man I'd never seen before. I assumed he was just another police officer, since he was in his uniform.
"Bethany, you're gonna go with Bella," Lauren smiled. "You won't have to stay here anymore."
I stared down at Bethany, wondering how she would react to leaving this place. I hadn't even bothered to ask anybody what had happened to this little girl's mother or where the rest of her family seemed to be.
"Am I gonna see you again?" she asked Lauren sadly, her dark eyes twinkling.
"Of course," Lauren answered enthusiastically. "But you have to go with Miss Bella now, okay?"
She looked to me as if she needed assurance and then nodded.
"I'll come for a visit in a few weeks," Lauren said, looking at Lauren, though I knew that comment was directed at me.
"I don't even have a carseat," I began to panic. How had I forgotten something so important? Would they let me take her without one? "Can I still take her?"
"I've got one in the car," Lauren said, relieving me immensely. Bethany, Lauren and I walked out to the lot where I was handed the car seat and our goodbyes were said. Bethany seemed a bit reluctant to be leaving with a complete stranger but she willingly climbed into the backseat which I took as a good scene.
"Are we gonna go to your house?" she asked from the backseat. I nodded and smiled through the mirror.
"But we have to go to the store first. Is that alright?"
"Yeah," she muttered.
I smiled at the little girl and for a split second, I'd forgotten about my grief and sadness. But I knew it wasn't a lasting effect and that another breakdown was clearly in my future. I would just have to hide it for the sake of Bethany.
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