Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter and thanks to the guest reviewers who I couldn't reply to (and to Naz- sorry I made you cry!) Glad you're all enjoying it so far and hope you like this chapter :)
Joey comes after me and grabs hold of my arm.
"Don't say that, Lauren. Please. I haven't lost you, have I?" He frowns and I realise the reason why I love his smile so much is because it is so rare. 75% of the time his facial expression is a frown.
"Listen, where you going?" He asks me.
"Home." I say, barely above a whisper.
"Right well, I'll take you." He starts to walk next to me, still not letting go of my arm.
"Nah, you're alright." I shrug him off.
"I'm walking you home, I told Abi I was gonna bring you home, didn't I?" He doesn't try and touch me again but just walks alongside me.
"Can't we even be mates?" He asks me.
"We're still cousins, ain't we?" I half smile and his face lights up.
"I haven't seen you smile in such a long time." He tells me. When we get to my house, Mum opens the door, all panicky and worried. I run straight past her and go upstairs but I wait at the top where they can't see me so I can hear if Joey and Mum will talk about me.
"Thanks for bringing her home, Joey." Mum tells him.
"You don't need to thank me, Tanya. I owe it to her." Joey shrugs and he sounds so sad.
"She loves you. Losing you has made her worse." Mum tells him, truthfully.
"I'm here ain't I?" He frowns.
"How long for? You broke her heart before when you just left her and now you've done the same thing again. She's not just here for you, when you feel like it. Anyone can be with someone through the good times in their life but when they're there for you when times get tough, that's when you know they really care." Mum shakes her head at him.
"I do care, Tanya. I really do care about her." He mutters.
"Yeah? Funny way of showing it, darling." Mum is giving Joey a right good grilling.
"That's not why I ended it, because I stopped caring or loving her. It's because, I don't know how to help her; I don't know what to do. I can't see her like this, it's too hard. But obviously, I still love her." Joey's words make me catch my breath in my throat and I stop breathing.
"If this is the way you show someone you love them, God knows how you'd treat someone you hate." Mum sounds angry.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting her. But nothing you can say to me can make me feel worse than I already do. I feel like total shit. I'm the shittest person ever, I know that. But I care. Believe me, I care. Look, I wanna help you. Whatever you think is best, to try and help her. I want her to be okay again." Joey says.
"I don't know, darling. I don't think you being around will do her any good." Mum says softly.
"So, I can't come and see how she is tomorrow?" Joey asks.
"I can't stop you. It's up to Lauren if she wants to see you." Mum shrugs. "Look, Tan, I know I was wrong. I know now that I shouldn't have done what I did." Joey tells Mum.
"What are you saying? That you regret breaking up with her?" Mum questions him.
"Yes. Exactly. You're right; I do have a funny way of showing I care. I don't know, I'm a bloke aren't I? I wanted her to stop drinking and she weren't listening to me, so I did what I do best and left. I can't stick things out, Tan, I just run when things are shit." I can't believe Joey is saying all this stuff to my Mum. If he regrets dumping me, why didn't he tell me that earlier?
"Well, then clearly you aren't mature enough for a proper adult relationship. There will never be a time that Lauren will need you more than she needs you now. It's your job to be there when she needs you. You know she would be there for you when you need her."
I nod to myself at Mum's words. 'I would, Joe.' I mouth, knowing he can't hear me.
"I do need her, Tan. I get up every morning and I think what is the point of anything if I ain't got Lauren? What's the point of sticking round Walford? Alice don't need me; I could just clear off back and everyone would be better off." Joey shakes his head.
"So you're leaving?" Mum sounds worried. "I don't know, maybe. Maybe I should? I ain't got nothing to stay here for have I? She was fine before I come along and she'll be even better when I'm gone." Joey looks down, unable to meet Mum's gaze.
"Joey, you need to man up! You're her only hope. If she gets through this, it'll be cos of you." Mum smiles, sadly.
"That's just it, Tan. I never wanted to let myself get that close to someone that they depend on me. I never wanted to care so much. I'm not cut out for it." Joey sighs.
"Well, darling, you don't get to stop that from happening. It has happened; Lauren depends on you and you care about her too much to just go off now when she needs you." Mum pats his shoulder.
"Maybe I'm just like him. Derek. My Dad. Maybe all I'm good for is hurting people and letting them down." Joey says, so quietly that I barely hear him.
"Joey darling, you're not like him. And even if you were, maybe it's not such a bad thing. He loved Alice and he loved you. He pulled you and Lauren out of that building, didn't he? When it mattered, he was there." Mum reminds him.
"So I'm worse than him, aren't I? Cos Lauren needs me now and I weren't there for her." He spits out through gritted teeth. "You're here, aren't you?" Mum smiles at him and pats his back.
"Thanks, Tan." Joey half-smiles.
"You better go eh, I'm gonna make sure she's okay." Mum tells him and he nods, and turns to leave. I run into Mum's room and watch Joey leave from the window. I knock on the window and he stops in his tracks. But before he turns around I duck down so he doesn't see me. Watching him walk away is a little bit less painful this time, because he's done it before. I'm used to it.
