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Part III
Kelly had been hospitalized for three days after her post-weigh-in fall, and she was finally back at work.
"Dunder Mifflin, this is Ryan. Hold, please."
His eyes flicked toward the door when it opened slowly. Kelly didn't meet his gaze as she walked in, quietly shutting it behind her. She wore a pale pink wrap-around dress and ballet flats, which he noticed immediately only because she loved her high heels and sometimes said that if you were going to wear flats to work, why even show up at all?
He never quite understood how that made sense, but that was Kelly.
And this Kelly, who barely glanced at him as she walked to her desk in the back, was still a far cry from the real Kelly, but she looked much better. He had stayed at the hospital until her parents arrived and then ducked out and went home. He hadn't gone back, but he knew that the nurses were very concerned about her rapid weight loss in addition to her malnourished and dehydrated state, and they had hooked her up immediately to IV bags meant to replenish her system with salts and nutrients. It had done her good, and she looked stronger than she had the week before.
Dwight had stopped her in the middle of her trudging walk to the annex and was proposing a walker or some sort of rope and pulley system, but Holly assured him that she would be extra vigilant when it came to her desk mate and got them both out of there.
That new HR rep, she was learning.
To the camera:
Ryan: Yeah, I'm glad Kelly's back. And that she's better now. They kept her for three days, I heard, so that means that they probably corrected everything she did to herself by not eating. So that's good.
(looks away, looks back at camera; cringes sheepishly and lifts up a lunchbox)
And I found this in the fridge when I was getting some string cheese. It's got cut up vegetables and chicken broth and a bottle of water in it, so I figure that's a start. What?
(arches brow, listens to cameraman)
How do I know it's hers?
…Who else has a pink lunch box with pink polka dots on it?
Kelly was eating at her desk. Ryan new this because she wasn't in the break room, she wasn't in the kitchen, her car was still in the lot, and it smelled vaguely like chicken soup in the annex.
"People don't normally eat at their desks here, right?" Holly uncapped her vitamin water and took a small sip. "I mean, company policy encourages employees to get up from their work area and go somewhere else, just to have some sort of break-"
"Hardly anyone eats at their desk. Except Michael." He took a bite out of his string cheese, not dignifying the strange look she gave him. People always looked at him that way when he took a bite out of the mozzarella instead of peeling it into strings. He liked the slight bitterness that came with just biting it off instead of fussing with it.
"Except Michael?"
Ryan nodded. It was probably a good thing, too. The last time Michael had eaten in the kitchen with everyone else was when Jim threw that party and he was trying to get an invite.
"Yeah. The rest of us always eat here or in the break room."
Holly nodded slowly. "…Kelly's eating at her desk today. Well, for the last few weeks, actually, but at least she's eating today."
He took another bite of the cheese, curled his tongue into the bitterness of it. "Yeah."
There wasn't really much to say. He knew Kelly a hell of a lot better than he knew Holly, and he didn't really care to talk about his ex with her. Holly was fine as she went, but they didn't know each other at all and she seemed pretty close with Michael, and that was reason enough to be cautious.
Ryan almost took a step back when Holly leaned toward him, but stopped himself. Her eyes darted around to make sure that no one else was in earshot, and her voice dropped so that only he could hear.
"I'm worried about her," she admitted. "I don't know her that well, but she seems like a very nice person. And it's obvious that she's going through something, and I just want to be able to help her."
He didn't really know what to make of that; no one could really care that much about almost-strangers, right? "…It's your job," he allowed.
Holly shook her head. "It's not about that. As her HR rep, I'm just supposed to address her on-the-job concerns. But as her co-worker – maybe her friend…"
Ryan fought the urge to roll his eyes. Great, another friend-hungry office mate just like Michael. As if they needed two of them.
"…I just feel like there's more I should be doing, that if I just stick within the confines of my job, I'll be ignoring her or dismissing her." She leaned just a little closer. "…I've been trying to work with corporate to create better outreach programs for employees with depression, single mothers, grief counseling…and employees with anorexia or bulimia."
It was a tremendous admission and Holly instantly rose in his esteem for just saying that, but Ryan still balked. "Kelly's not anorexic or bulimic. She just-"
"She's just starving herself to get thinner," Holly finished dryly. "You're right, huge difference. What was I thinking?"
He pursed his lips in irritation. "She doesn't need psychiatric help, if that's what you're thinking."
"Maybe not," she allowed. "I sure hope not. She's back now, she's eating, she seems to be doing better. Maybe she can pull out of this on her own. But maybe – just maybe – she needs someone's help to do it."
She arched a brow at him and, seeing Michael try to flag her over from the main office, stepped around him and left the break room.
To the camera:
Kelly: (eating soup) My sister Tiffany just started medical school, and she drove up over the weekend when I was in the hospital.
(pauses to blow on soup; takes a sip, making a slurping sound)
She said that the stuff in the bag that they had me hooked up to was basically just sugar and salt, and I was like, oh, no, sugar and salt! I've been cutting both out of my diet. Sugar goes right to my hips and salt makes me retain water and get all bloated.
(lifts another spoonful; stares at it for a moment before sipping it)
But then she was like, no, it's not that kind of sugar or salt, it's the kind they keep in the hospital to pump back into you if you don't have enough, and it doesn't make you gain weight like that. Then she told me that you actually get thinner if you eat a lot of small meals during the day, so that your body's always got food to digest and calories to burn.
(holds bowl in one hand, lifts up sandwich baggie of granola, one of almonds, and one of cut up celery)
So that's what I'm doing. Small meals throughout the day. I went to the store and got a whole bunch of celery, because it has negative calories, and will make me lose negative weight.
…Instead of positive weight. Like my ass, which people say they like. I don't know if you guys knew that.
"My roommate in college used to throw up sometimes after dinner, but it totally wasn't a big deal," he heard Kelly saying to Holly, who was leaning over the cubicle wall, as Ryan walked into the annex. It was almost five o'clock and normally he couldn't stand to be in the office a minute after the work day was over, but he wanted to be able to talk to Kelly when no one else was around, so sacrifices had to be made.
"And she went down two dress sizes in time for the spring formal, so that was pretty awesome. But I've never done that. I mean, I throw up when I'm sick, not after I eat. I have thrown up before, though."
Holly was nodding. "Well, that's good, that you never did what she did. Throwing up after you eat can be dangerous."
"Oh, I know, I heard you can, like, start to lose teeth or something." He saw her grimace and shake her head. "Disgusting."
"Totally," Holly replied. "Hey, listen, I was wondering…I usually eat lunch around the same time you do, and I don't have anyone to eat with. You wanna have lunch together tomorrow?"
"I would, but I eat here." She gestured to the empty desk she was leaning against, the desk he used to sit in. "But you can have your lunch here if you want. No one sits here anymore."
Holly tilted her head to the side. "Why do you always eat at your desk? And not with everyone else?"
"Everyone else is awesome, but I can't eat with them." She tucked her dark hair behind her ear. "Jim always has his ham and cheese sandwich, and he's started drinking soda again, which I definitely cannot have. Stanley always has a sub from Cugino's, and Phyllis brings leftovers from dinner with her husband, like pot roast and stuff, and Kevin eats a lot of pizza. The only one who ever used to have gross lunches was Pam – she'd eat, like, yogurt and salads and stuff. And she's not here anymore, so now I'm the one with the grossest lunches."
She shrugged, not looking terribly concerned about it. "So I eat at my desk because I know that if I go into the break room or the kitchen I'll just want to eat what everyone else has. And sometimes Michael orders pizza for everyone, or cupcakes or those little éclairs that the bakery down the street makes, and I can't have those."
"Well, you could if you wanted to," Holly reasoned. "Having a treat now and then, there's nothing wrong with that."
"It goes straight to my hips," Kelly informed her. "And my stomach. It'd be awesome if it went to my boobs, but it never does. That kind of sucks."
Ryan shuffled his feet on the carpet, drawing their attention. Holly immediately got down off the chair she was kneeling on and straightened her skirt, shooting him a quizzical look.
"Uh, hi." He looked back and forth between them and played with the bag of vending machine pretzels he had. "Kelly, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Realization dawned on Holly at his serious tone and she sent him a small, secret smile. She picked her coat up from her chair and grabbed her purse, and Ryan moved aside.
"Don't mind me," she said, looking back at Kelly. "I have to be going anyway. Quittin' time."
"Okay. Bye, Holly!"
He had no idea why Kelly always said goodbye to people like it was the most exciting thing in the world, but she used to do that to Toby all the time when they separated to get back to their desks, even though they only worked about ten feet away from each other.
Kelly sat back on her desk as he approached, and Ryan leaned against the desk that used to be his. "Hey, Ryan. What's up?"
This new casual, almost indifferent tone was something he was definitely not used to. Kelly used to get so excited whenever she saw him, whenever he came over to talk to her while he still worked across from Creed. She was a little more distant now, a little more aloof, and it took a little getting used to.
What was most troubling was that at one time, this was what he wanted. And now to realize that he didn't like it…well, it was disconcerting.
"Just wanted to…talk."
She arched a brow skeptically. "You never want to talk."
Well, that was certainly true enough. She had him there.
"Just, uh…" He shrugged helplessly. "Needed a little help."
This intrigued her; the Ryan she knew never asked for help, and certainly didn't ask her for help.
"With what?"
"Uh…" Shit, now he had to come up with something plausible that he could still tie in with her current condition. "Well…"
She was starting to lose interest. Kelly always had the attention span of a mud puddle.
"You know this part of Scranton better than I do," he said, though it wasn't exactly true. "And I was wondering – do you know where the closest gym is? Like, a fitness center or something? At corporate, we had our own in-house gym, but…"
Kelly's eyes narrowed. "You want to work out?"
"Totally," Ryan said, almost choking on the word. God, he hated that word. He only used it when he was making fun of her, or now, when he was just trying to put her a little more at ease so she wouldn't look at him like she barely trusted him.
"Why? You never worked out before."
"Got used to it at corporate," he lied. "And, you know, I'm trying to…bulk up. And lose some weight."
Wait – was it possible to bulk up and lose weight?
Whatever. Kelly would know what he meant.
"There's a Curves on Moosic street."
Ryan rolled his eyes. "Kel, that's for women."
"Oh. Right." She wrung her fingers together, thinking. "Um…Tiffany used to go Downtown Fitness on Wyoming sometimes, before she left for school."
He vaguely remembered her younger sister, the one closest to her in age. "Oh, she's in college now? What's she doing?"
"She's going to medical school," Kelly said, smiling proudly. "The same one Baba went to. It's, like, crazy hard but she likes it."
"Good, good." He looked around, still nodding slowly. "Right. So, uh…Wyoming, right?"
Kelly nodded. "Yeah, it's probably closest. I've been thinking about working out, too, so I've been checking out some of the gyms close to the office so I can do it before going home, otherwise I'll just get lazy."
Ryan frowned at that. "Why do you want to start working out?"
This time, it was her turn to roll her eyes. "To lose weight, duh. Come on, Ryan."
"Kel, you've never worked out for as long as I've known you. You never had to!"
"Well, I do now," she said, and it was clear that she was being stubborn. "I think I'll start next week. That'll give me time to get really hot workout pants, and a couple of those tank tops with the straps in the back and the kind of low-cut top with the built in bra that gives support but also shows a little something…but not everything. I swear, Ryan, not everything."
It was best just to nod. "I know, Kel."
"Ooh! And those capris that kind of stretch to fit you just right, in black. Totally in black. I look really good in capris."
"Kelly…" He shook his head. "You don't need all that."
She looked at him in perfect shock. "I totally do! I don't have any workout clothes, Ryan. Would you want me to go work out in jeans? You probably would want that."
Somehow, he kept his frustration out of his voice. "I mean, you don't need to work out. You're fine just the way you are – why don't you trust any of us when we tell you that?"
She didn't say anything and just looked at him, and Ryan hesitantly took a step closer to her. She didn't shy away, didn't lean back, so he moved closer and gently took her hand, half expecting her to yank it away and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing.
It would have been a valid question, but one he would not have had an answer for.
"Kel." His blue eyes probed her brown ones seriously. "You can't do this to yourself. There's nothing wrong with actually eating what you want to eat. There's nothing wrong with the way you're built. And there's nothing wrong with the way you look. Kelly…you're beautiful."
She was just watching him, not reacting to his words at all, and it was starting to scare him. Maybe she wasn't affected. Maybe she was, but she just didn't want to show him. Maybe she just didn't believe him at all.
Just when he thought that this was insane, that he had no business standing here and saying these things, she spoke.
"You never said that before."
He could only stare at her. "…I didn't? I did. Didn't I?"
She shook her head. "When we were in the dumpster that one Christmas and I was looking for your CD that I threw out, you said I was perfect, but you never said…that. And I didn't really believe you when you said I was perfect."
The corner of his mouth quirked up before he could help it. "The first time or the second time?"
Kelly rolled her eyes at his cocky response but didn't answer to it. He was still holding her hand, and it was small and warm in his larger and colder one.
"Kel, all I'm saying is that I think you're beautiful, and I think you're more beautiful when you're not doing all this crazy-"
She looked at a point just over his shoulder and suddenly smiled wide and bright. "Darryl!"
"Hey." Always self-assured and unhurried, Darryl made his way over to the annex. Kelly pulled her hand from Ryan's without a second thought and took Darryl's instead.
Darryl noticed the look on his face before Ryan could snap himself out of it and glanced down at Kelly. "Am I interruptin' something?"
He pushed himself away from the cubicle wall and answered before Kelly could. "No. You're not."
Ryan didn't spare them a second glance as he left the annex, trying to get over how strange it felt not to be the only one that made demands on Kelly's attention.
To the camera:
Ryan: No, it's good that Kelly has someone in her life. Someone that she can talk to. She used to drive me crazy when she talked to me all the time, so…
(he folds his arms over his chest and glances away)
No, it's good.
