Chapter Three

Bella

It was a lot later that I woke, curled on a soft mattress and feeling way too warm. I knew I had been unconscious for a while as my muscles were stiff and sore. I tried to remember what had happened and it all came flooding back. Victoria had tried to kill me but had been thwarted by the wolves. They had killed her and by doing so had severed my last link to "him". The pain threatened to swallow me but I held it back as best I could. I never wanted to die by her hand but while she still existed I knew that my Vampire family had been real. I was afraid that now they would fade away just as he had promised. I knew I couldn't live without them. For a short time they had been my family and I had felt whole, as if I belonged. Obviously they hadn't felt the same way or they would not have been able to leave without so much as a goodbye. I couldn't bear to go on any longer with the pain that engulfed me every waking moment.

As the memory of a few hours ago returned I looked around and realized where I was, on the Reservation with the Quileutes. I had a pretty good idea who was holding me so close and tried to pull away.

"Bella? Are you awake?"

It was Jakes worried voice I recognized. I nodded my head and managed to extricate myself from his hold. I couldn't cope with the heat radiating from him, it felt so wrong. I was in his bedroom on his bed and it was wrong, so very wrong! I got up and made for the door.

"Where are you going?" he quizzed me.

"I have to go home."

I just needed to get away.

"You can't leave yet, you've had a hell of a shock. Sam wants to send for a doctor. You've been out cold for a while."

I turned to look at him, his dark eyes filled with concern for me but I couldn't help my reply

"Yeah well, nearly becoming a vampire's lunch will do that to you. Sam should have left me."

I saw immediately that I had hurt him but I couldn't take it back.

"Stay here where you are safe, at least until Charlie gets back. Please Bella".

I shook my head,

"What's left to be frightened of Jake? The only danger I was in was from Victoria and she's gone now thanks to the pack. I am grateful to all of you but I just want to go home, I'm very tired and I can't stay here Jake"

And I was, bone weary. He opened his mouth to plead with me but I guess he saw the resolution in my face because he shut it again without speaking. As I walked through the small cabin that the Blacks called home I almost ran into Sam and Billy talking at the door. I was the topic of conversation and I heard the tail end.

"She needs help Billy. We shouldn't let her go until we can contact Charlie. I'm worried she might do something stupid." The conversation came to a sudden halt as they saw me.

"I'm fine Sam. You don't need to worry and Charlie will be home tomorrow. I think I can manage on my own until then. I know you only want to help but I don't want it. There's nothing you can do to help me. Thank you for what you have done though. Finding me in the woods and saving me again today. I do appreciate it but I've got to stand on my own two feet. Please don't make things difficult for me, just let me go."

Sam shook his head but Billy took his arm.

"Bella must do what she feels is right Sam. Let me ask Jacob to drive her home and he can stay until Charlie gets back."

I shook my head in alarm.

"No Billy. I thought I'd ask Emily if she would take me back. I need some female company right now".

That was a lie but I couldn't face the journey home with Jake trying to make me feel better or worse yet trying to tell me how he felt and how he could look after me, how right we would be as a couple. He just wouldn't take no for an answer. Sam nodded and went to get Emily, he might have believed me, but Billy was frowning. He wheeled himself closer and took my hand.

"Bella. I know why you don't want Jake to take you home but just remember he cares and he could be very good for you. The Cullens have gone and they aren't coming back."

At this I flinched and clenched my fist as the hole in my chest burst into fire again.

"You need to move on Bella. Charlies really concerned, we all are. We could be good for you and your Dad would be happy knowing you are settled. At least think about it. I know you feel something for Jake and he loves you. Don't push him away Bella."

Having said his piece he let go of my hand and wheeled himself back into the house.

I waited outside for Emily to arrive. The sun was out again today and it was warm for a change. Perhaps that was a sign that Billy was right. They were gone and in the bright sunshine it was easy to believe it. I should try to move forward but I had no energy to do that. I just wanted to find some peace. Without "him" I was an empty carcass and I just wanted it over, like my life. When Emily drove up I jumped into the truck quickly and as she pulled away I saw Jake standing in the doorway looking at me with a sad expression on his face. I think he was finally beginning to realize that he had lost me. Not that he had ever really had me except in his dreams. Emily didn't try to make conversation until I was almost home.

"Bella I need to say something to you before I drop you off. Then I won't talk about it again. We all regard you as family and feel your pain but you have made your position very clear. Just know that we will always be there for you whatever happens. Remember that, and the fact that Charlie loves you and would be devastated if anything happened to you. You feel that the danger is over because the boys killed Victoria but she isn't the only danger to you. Edward was far more damaging. I have watched you over the past year and seen you slowly fading away. You've got to pull yourself together before it's too late. Forget the Cullens and make a life with the people who really care about you. That's all. You know where to find us so don't be a stranger."

At this she pulled up outside Charlies and sat with the engine running. I turned to look at her and tried to smile.

"Thanks Emily I know you mean well but it isn't as simple as that. I know you all care and I'm very thankful but I can't see a way through this. I don't see a future without him, without them"

As I jumped down from the cab I turned as I suddenly realized something.

"How long have the pack been guarding me?"

She smiled "They have been your constant companions since he left."

As I thought about this I realised just how much I had to thank them for.

"Tell them they can stop now but thank them for all they've done."

She nodded, looked at me thoughtfully then shut the door and drove slowly out of sight.

Once inside, with the door locked, I collapsed against the wall and the shock of what had happened finally hit me. I locked my arms around my chest in a futile attempt to hold the sobs in. They still came and I felt totally bereft, I wasn't bothered about Victoria attacking me, she would have done me a favor if she'd succeeded. It was the glimmer of hope I had felt when I thought one of the family had come back...maybe for me. It even flashed through my mind that it could be Alice or even Edward having changed his mind. Their absence in my time of danger just underlined that I was worthless. Not one of them cared enough to look out for my safety knowing that Victoria was still around and blamed me for James' death. How I hated myself for not being worthy of their love. I wanted it over and I believed that Charlie would be better off without me around. It was killing him not being able to help and there was nothing he could do to change matters. I needed to find a way out and quickly.