Third thing – an alibi.
"No, I have not been anywhere near the WWN studios today," Barney said into his cell phone, sparing a nod of acknowledgement to Marshall, Lily and Ted as they entered MacLaren's the next evening. "Why would you even think that? Even if I had been, which I was not, petty vandalism is not my style. It wasn't me. End of story." He clicked off his phone and slipped it into his pocket, greeting his friends as they took their seats.
He still found it odd to see Lily, visibly pregnant, perched on a chair at the end of the table instead of her customary position in the booth. Marshall and Lily only joined the gang at the bar on special occasions since the birth of their first child last year. Poor kid was lucky Lily had allowed the doctor to cut the umbilical cord.
"I'll get the usual," Ted said before heading for the bar. The usual in this case meant virgin something. Barney didn't care what, as long as it was cold and wet. He'd downed a scotch already, before Lily arrived, so that didn't count. They'd all agreed, last year, to stick to nonalcoholic drinks for solidarity when Lily came to the bar in her current condition.
"Are you okay?" Lily asked. "You seemed upset about that phone call."
"That was Nora. Somebody keyed her car at work. She thinks I did it."
Marshall took his seat opposite Barney. "When did this happen?"
"She says there's security footage but it's fuzzy. Between noon and one-thirty," Barney answered. "I told her she's crazy to think it was me. I was in a conference call that entire time. I have GNB's mergers and acquisitions board, their counterparts in Reykjavik and three professional interpreters to back me up."
Lily wrinkled her nose. "Three interpreters?"
"English, Icelandic and American Sign Language." Barney ticked off each language on his fingers.
"Then there should be video footage." Marshall said with an emphatic nod. "That should clear you from any suspicion about Nora's car. Who else would want to do something like that?" He and Barney both slid questioning gazes in Lily's direction.
"Oh sure, I got a wild urge I couldn't suppress, found a reliable sitter willing to watch a one-year-old on the spur of the moment at lunchtime, changed buses twice to get all the way to the WNN studio, snuck my hugely pregnant, redheaded self past security and into the parking garage, where I searched all five levels until I found Nora's car, keyed it in a fit of violent rage, snuck back out, changed buses twice to get back home and dismiss the sitter, all before Marshall got home so we could get another sitter and meet you here." Lily finished with a smirk and a roll of her eyes.
Barney turned the empty glass in his hands. "That was a strangely specific denial. How do you know the WWN parking garage has five levels?"
Lily's gaze dropped. "Doesn't everybody know? It's common knowledge? Wasn't it a question on Jeopardy? Robin told me while we were painting each other's toenails? Oh look, Ted's back with our drinks." She finished on a brittle giggle.
Ted returned with the drinks, pinkish orange confections in tall, frosty glasses. Five of them.
As if on cue, Robin darted through the door, making a beeline for the booth, plopping herself in the empty seat next to Barney. She grabbed one of the drinks and tossed it back, grimacing. "What's in this?"
"Fruit juice and ginger ale over crushed ice," Ted answered. "We're all supporting Lily, remember? If Lily can't drink, nobody drinks when we're together. Where's your spirit of solidarity?"
Robin's eyes squeezed shut. "Yeah, I remember, but Lily, would you mind in this case? My spirit of solidarity called in sick. I need something stronger than fruit juice."
Lily covered Robin's hands with her own. "What happened? You're shaking."
"Come on, Sherbatsky," Barney said, forcing his voice to sound calm and casual when he felt anything but. It took everything he had not to put his arm around Robin to stop the full on trembling. He'd never seen her this pale. Her features pulled tight, eyes wide, her mouth turned down at the corners. "You're among friends. Safe space."
"Ikeyednorascar," Robin's confession came out as one word, two spots of blotchy red blooming in her cheeks. "I didn't plan to do anything like that but I had to go to one of the vans to get something. I saw Nora get out of her car with a man who wasn't Barney. I saw her kiss him. A real kiss, not some polite, friendly, thank you for a ride to work kind of kiss. It was Clive, one of the camera guys. He's English and they've been working together a lot and I'm so, so sorry, Barney." She broke off at that, realization dawning. "That's why you came over last night, isn't it? That's what you didn't want to talk about." She barely paused for Barney's nod. "After everything you did for her, everything you gave up for her, I couldn't let that go. I had the keys in my hand and I was so mad I couldn't think straight, and, well, I did it."
Barney let out a long breath and smiled at Ted's muttered curse. Now Robin knew. Now they all knew. "It's okay. I know about Clive." He took a long drink of slushy juice to mask the smile that would give his true feelings away. Way to go, Sherbatsky. She always had his back.
He excused himself to the men's room a moment later and took out his phone. Sorry, he texted to Nora. Was me. Send bill. Will pay.
